Constantine's Corner

Accepting Responsibility -- The First Step to Change

This is not exactly a fun subject for me, but I feel this blog should be written because it can help give insight to many people with relationship difficulties. The sad thing is that most people who are guilty of the behaviors I'm going to describe here will think that it's not intended for them. It has to do with individuals who are having relationship issues and either don't realize, or don't want to realize that they see the real problem every time they look in the mirror. No, I'm not talking about not being attractive, I'm talking about the person, or more specifically, the personality.

The vast majority of my callers are normal, well-adjusted people who simply have questions, or an issue, or problems. They're looking for insight, and how to use this insight to change the situation and bring about positive results. Many callers tend to blame themselves for their negative circumstances, when in fact they may be victims of circumstances, or the actions of others, or just the luck of the draw. And they're already on the path to positive change by admitting they could be at fault, taking responsibility for their actions. Generally they're a delight to work with because I know I can help them bring about that change and take control of their lives. But occasionally, every advisor gets callers who absolutely refuse to see, or to accept, that they are responsible for the problem and the authors of their own unhappy circumstances.

The other night I had such a caller. Now, it's against my personal policy to divulge anything I am told in a consultation -- to me the relationship between an advisor and a client is as confidential as a priest hearing a confession. So some of it will be vague, and I can only reveal what anyone reading this blog would already know. Yes, it was a call about a relationship issue.

The instant I started to tell her what the gentleman in question was feeling, she interrupted me, literally screaming over the phone, "No! No! No! You're way off!" When I insisted that that was what the man was feeling, she told me she'd contacted two other psychics and they all told her that and we were all wrong. Why? Because if he felt like this, then he would do that. As if she were quantifying human behavior by some sort of logic equation. When I tried to explain that human behavior is not according to formula, and rarely makes sense, she again screamed, and I do mean screamed, "I've called three psychics now and you're all on his side!" "Well, excuse me, but you've told me twice now I'm the third psychic you've called tonight, and we all told you the same thing. What does that tell you?" Click! "This call lasted three minutes..."

After she hung up, my first reaction was, "Can you imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with, or married to, someone like this?" And the truth is that, as harsh as it sounds, there are a lot of people out there who don't seem to grasp that they have had relationship failure and can't have a good relationship because, very simply, they're unpleasant.

In fact, there is one area of human behavior that can be quantified logically with a syllogism:

MAJOR PREMISE: People who don't treat people very well get dumped.

MINOR PREMISE: You don't treat people very well.

CONCLUSION: You got dumped.

Unfortunately, these individuals are the ones most in need of help, but least likely to be helped because they refuse to accept responsibility. If they're going to scream and rage at an anonymous stranger they are paying for advice, imagine what it would be like to live with and interact with them on a daily basis, let alone try to build a future with them.

As far as I know, there is no MPA (Mean People's Anonymous), and no 12-step program for unpleasantness. I wish there were a phone number I could give people that they could pick up, dial and say, "My name is Such and Such and I'm an a*****e." But the only way individuals like this can have a chance at being happy with another person is to stop blaming others for their circumstances and realize that their anger is leading them down a self-destructive path. Anger is a poison. And unless an individual is willing to change, it can lead to a life of isolation and loneliness. You can change. But you have to want to change. And the only way to do that is to look at how you treat others, and ask yourself if you would want to be treated that way.

by Jon Constantine | 1 Comments

"I'm calling to see when I'm going to meet my soulmate."

The calls are frequent. "When am I going to meet my soulmate?" "When am I going to meet 'the one?'" "When is my special someone coming?" And while every call is appreciated, generally the answer is not, "January 9, 2010 at 3:30 PM." It's actually a very, very complex question and cannot be answered in three minutes. And much of it is the result of mistaken beliefs rooted in new age feelgoodism based on romantic notions and misinterpretations of Greek mythology or Cayce.

Yes, there are actually individuals who believe that a special companion has been earmarked for them and only them, and it is their destiny to meet that person and live happily ever after. Their lives are going to be transformed and the two shall forever be as one. Would that it were that easy.

This question is not the best question to ask a psychic. First, as I stated, it's not that easy. Believing that suddenly one day you're going to drop your purse on the street and a guy is going to pick it up for you, you're going to look in each others' eyes and music will swell up in the background -- that's like believing you can do a money manifestation and suddenly a lawyer is going to call and inform you they've just discovered you're Howard Hugh's long-lost niece. The vast majority of people are not karmically bound to one person.

First, most people don't really understand what a soulmate is. A soulmate can be a romantic partner, a spouse, a child, a coworker, a close friend of the same gender. In the most generic sense of the term it's simply someone with whom we have a karmic background, whom we've known before, and who plays a significant role in our lives due to an agreement prior to this incarnation.

In a romantic context, a soulmate may be the last person in the world you'd want to meet. Why? Because frequently soulmate situations lead to dysfunctional relationships due to the fact that there is a karmic debt to be paid. For example, maybe you weren't the best partner in the world last time around, and now it's your turn. Maybe the person's mission is to help you grow through challenge. But more often than not, there is some kind of karmic interaction that is less than pleasant.

Sometimes this question can be dangerous. In more than two decades of practice, I have had to repair much damage done by so-called psychics who told someone a person was their soulmate or that a soulmate was coming. "Well, yes, he maxed out my credit cards, cheated on his first two wives, sold my cat to the university for research and every time my daughter has a friend over he wants to know if she's over 18, but I'm stuck with him because he's my soulmate." And I've had plently of clients literally pass up numerous opportunites with potential mates who would have been good for them because they'd been told that they would meet their soulmate two years down the road or the people they were meeting didn't fit a description they'd been given.

And then there is the question as to why it is so important? So what if this is the first incarnation in which you've met this particular soul? Is that necessarily bad if they fall in love with you and you fall in love with them? You initially had to have met your soulmates for the first time in one life or another, didn't you? And you formed a bond that went beyond one lifetime. It can happen again.

Here's the bottom line. If you're calling a psychic to ask when you're going to meet your soulmate, the real issue is that you have not had a fulfilling romantic relationship, have a pattern of relationship failure, or for some reason you've been making bad choices. Isn't it far better to find out what the problem is than to have an expectation that may or may never be fulfilled, or, if it is fulfilled, could be disastrous? Isn't it far better to diagnose the issue and talk about solutions than to potentially waste years of your life hoping beyond reason for a fairy tale ending?

So again, while all calls and questions are welcome, for most individuals a question like, "When am I going to meet my soulmate?" is actually a question that brings a satisfactory answer. On the other hand, a question like, "Do you see any relationship opportunities coming my way?" is a lot more productive. And questions like, "Why have I never had a lasting relationship?" or "Why do I keep repeating the same pattern?" can literally change your life.

by Jon Constantine | 4 Comments

How to tell the difference between a boy and a man

A boy looks good with his shirt off.
A man looks good because of the way he is looking at you when he thinks you don't see.

A boy will enjoy life with you during the good times.
A man will be there for you during the bad.

A boy is concerned with how you make him feel.
A man is concerned with how he makes you feel.

A boy goes to work because he has to.
A man works because he likes to.

A boy will point you out to his friends and say, "That's her!" with a boastful expression.
A man will point you out to his friends and say, "That's her!" with a proud expression.

A boy will unload on you about his lousy day.
A man will ask you about yours, and listen.

A boy will tell you he feels good when he is with you.
A man will tell you how he feels when he can't be with you.

If a boy crosses a line and hurts you or make you angry and you're not ready to talk, he will push and push and push.
If a man crosses a line and hurts you or makes you angry, he will give you space and wait until you're ready to talk about it.

A boy will tell you what you want to hear.
A man will tell you what needs to be said.

A boy needs you.
A man does not need you, and he will never need you. But he wants you, and if it is meant to be, he will always want you.

by Jon Constantine | 0 Comments

Reuniting Lovers

One of my specialties is clarification readings. When callers contact me for a clarification reading, often they have been told different things by different readers that seem to be in conflict and want to clear up confusion. Of course, there could be many reasons for this. Obviously, one could be right and the other wrong. But usually a clarification reading is not about taking sides, or impeaching one and validating the other. It's usually based on the assumption that both are legitimate and both have a track-record of accuracy, but in one particular area they are in conflict.

"What?" you ask. "If both are legitimate, how can they be in conflict?" Quite easily. Professional psychics are not all-seeing and all-knowing. They have to interpret the information given. Suppose one sees a breakup as when the decision is made to break up. Suppose another interprets the breakup as occurring when one party tells the other  he/she is history. Suppose yet another sees it as the moment they both establish separate addresses. They're all right, but the time frames are different.

The greatest number of clarification readings occurs in the area of reuniting lovers. Now, when I say "reuniting lovers" this in itself needs clarifying. Many advisers state that they reunite lovers. And this term in itself is rather broad in that it can mean many things. When I use the term, and I use it rarely, I make it clear that I cannot, and will not, impinge on the free will of another human being. When I talk about reuniting lovers, what I mean is that as an empath, I can link to the other person, tell you how they feel, what they are thinking and, if a reunion is possible, give you advice on what to do to try to bring it about.

When doing clarification readings in the area of love and relationships, it is extremely emotionally charged. There is a lot of pain and anxiety involved. Many individuals therapeutically call multiple readers until they find one who tells them what they want to hear, and immediately invalidate the others in a desperate attempt to create a reality that gives them hope and comfort. It's very difficult to tell a person, "You shopped around until you heard what you wanted to hear, found someone who handed you a basket of roses." Often these people become very reactive and angry. But they are paying to hear the truth, so that's what they hear.

Often I am confronted with the accusation that a reader's predictions did not come to pass. Perhaps the most difficult situation is when dealing with a small number of clients who are not realistic about the limitations of a psychic reading. They believe that if a psychic is legitimate he/she should be able to answer any "What color of tie was Todd wearing yesterday?" question unerringly, and have an unerring picture of the future, and free will is just a cop out used to cover one's tracks. Okay, now welcome to the real world. If I tell you you're going to lose your job because you keep coming in late, so you accept that or do you start arriving on time? And once you act on this, you don't lose your job so the prediction doesn't come to pass. Does this mean I was wrong, or does this mean our intervention changed the flow of events and the reading saved your job? 

By and large, the most common reason for conflict is because free will events have occurred between readings that changed the flow of events. Often people who are desperate don't let the flow of events occur, but attempt to force something to happen and disturb the flow of events themselves or speed things up. For example, they are advised to wait and let the dust settle or certain pivotal events need to occur in the life of the other person before he/she can come back around, and they simply can't wait so they intervene and push the other person even further away or extend the time frame. Then, "This psychic said this was going to happen and it didn't. He/she must be a fake." "No, that psychic made a prediction based on the current flow of events, which you altered."

Finally, on the subject of reuniting lovers, sometimes it's not always a good thing. Often people in the throes of blind love can only see it to the point of "getting" that person, not what comes next. Frequently, the very reason you're having an issue with someone is because that person is toxic, and it would be much better to move on than spend the rest of your life with someone who has been treating you like dirt.

It's never easy, but that's what life is all about. We're here to learn and grow, and we can't do that without challenges.

by Jon Constantine | 1 Comments

50 Things Women Should Know About Men

1. "You busy?" or "Are you doing something?" -- two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone. Rhetorical questions, not to be taken literally.

2. We may be flirting around all day but before we go to sleep and when we wake up in the morning, we always think about the one woman we truly care about.

3. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say -- we even rehearse our lines out loud sometimes -- so there aren't awkward pauses. Unfortunately, once we get on the phone we forget it all and make it up as we go.

4. Guys don’t like loose women even though they do sleep with them. They’ll play along just to get results, but holding yourself out as easily sexually attainable does not mean you're popular. And yes, they are talking behind your back.

5. We go crazy over a woman's smile when we're attracted to her.

6. Guyspeak: "I don't date women I work with" = "I don't date women I work with unless one I'm attracted to shows interest."

7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex- love interest. So if a guy wants you to talk about past relationships, he's really trying to find out what the other guy did wrong so he doesn't make the same mistake.

8. Guyspeak: "I don't date anyone under the age of (fill in the blank)" = "I don't date anyone under the age of (fill in the blank) unless one I'm attracted to shows interest."

9. We're paranoid. If you call a guy and he's too busy to take the call, you're supposed to understand that he just couldn’t answer. If he calls you and you don't answer, it's taken as rejection -- you saw it was him calling and CHOSE not to answer.

10. Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend. Contrary to what women think, there is such a thing as male intuition. Trust me, your boyfriend knows EXACTLY which of your male friends want to nail you and which ones (if any) don't.

11. We check your Facebook several times a day.

12. It is never okay to go to the bathroom with the door open. And when the guy is using it with the door closed (which is as it should be), nothing short of a four-alarm fire justifies shouting to him through that closed door. You ladies don't have to worry about getting startled and sprinkling the wall.

13. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." is one of the WORST things you can do. An absolute no-no.

14. Guys are good flatterers when courting with an agenda but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

15. Guys will spend lavish amounts to impress you in the beginning of the relationship, so when they start to set boundaries on the spending, it's a sign of commitment.

16. It's okay to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't overdo it. We pretty much know when we're being tested and play along, but it gets old.

17. There is a very real risk that your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you, may end up being admired by your boyfriend. And don't think for a second she's just trying to help. She's testing the waters.

18. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him and make suggestions. If he doesn't follow your advice to the letter, it's not rejection or disrespect. He just weighed everything and made his own decision.

19. A guy can talk about his ex once in a while, but if it’s an all-too-frequent topic, he’s still not over her. Still not over her can mean many things. It could mean he hasn’t let go yet, or he’s still seething over the way he was treated.

20. We use words like "hot" or "fine" to describe attractive women. We rarely use "beautiful." If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot.

21. We think WAY too much. One small thing you do, even if you didn't mean anything by it, can make us obsess for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

22. We seek advice from women, not other guys. Because most guys think alike, we already know what he's going to say. We want a woman's viewpoint.

23. Try to be as straightforward as possible. We hate guessing games.

24. If a guy is always leering at other women, that’s one thing. But if an attractive woman catches his eye momentarily it’s nothing. We’re hardwired by nature to look.

25. If the guy does something stupid in front of the woman, he will obsess over it for days.

26. Guys learn from experience, not from the dumb romance books that women read, most of which are written by frustrated and lonely old ladies.

27. Guys worry about the thin line between being cooperative and being "whipped."

28. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing out inside.

29. When a guy says he is crazy over a woman, he really is. We rarely say that.

30. If a guy tells you he doesn’t want to talk about something right now, it really means, “I need a cooling off period before we discuss this because I don’t want us to fight.” Best to respect that wish.

31. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

32. If your best guy friend is always talking junk about your boyfriend, it means ONLY one of two things. Your boyfriend really is a schmuck (rarely), or (more often than not) your buddy is attracted to you, insanely jealous, and trying to sabotage the relationship.

33. If your best guy friend is pushing you to dump your boyfriend and go with another guy (not himself), it's because he is attracted to you and sees the other guy as less of a threat or easier competition, or he is so jealous of your boyfriend he just wants to sabotage everything, even if it means losing you to another guy.

34. We like femininity but not weakness or feebleness.

35. Sometimes we really like women who can punch harder than we can.

36. We don't get all bent out of shape when your girlfriends talk us down because we believe women have this sort of "equal power" rule where they don't like their friends to be better off than they are. So if your girlfriends talk us down, it's a compliment because it means they think you're better off for having us, and trying to sabotage the relationship to reestablish equality.

37. On the other hand, if they compliment us or steer you toward us, it's REALLY BAD because it means they think you're down points for being with us and they're glad.

38. There's a difference between playing hard to get and TOO hard to get. At a certain point, if a guy decides you're just not that into him, he WILL start looking.

39. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.

40. The male ego is desperately driven by fear of rejection. If a man isn't showing affection, it's quite possible you did something to make him think that a romantic overture will possibly lead to rejection.

41. The "first time" we're probably A LOT more nervous than you are.

42. To a guy, busy is a valid excuse. Sometimes he's got to do stupid little things like protect or advance his career or buy food and pay the mortgage and buy gasoline and things like that. A woman is expected to understand.

43. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.

44. Not all guys are jerks. Just because ONE is a jackass doesn’t mean he represents ALL of us.

45. We hate it when women just leap out of the car and start walking off ahead of us. It's taken as total disrespect.

 
46. Believe it or not shy guys are the easiest to talk to...it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and tell them about yours.

47. Even if they deny it all guys are ticklish.

48. Guys hate it when you engage your friend in a lenghty cell phone calls when you're out together. "I'm with Bill; I'll call you later" is OK. Continuing to talk is WAY not OK. Engaging in text conversations is ten times worse. We figure someone invented voicemail for a reason.

49. Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times.

50. The words "I love you" are considered sacred by a guy, and not to be taken lightly. That's why guys use the phrase sparingly -- because it's considered powerful. Guys who are always chanting "I love you, I love you, I love you.." either a) Don't really, that's why it's so easy to say it or b) Lapdog wussies. Guys who use the "power phrase" sparingly really mean it.

by Jon Constantine | 2 Comments

Beyond the Laws of Attraction -- The Power of Negative Thinking

Ever since The Secret became a sensation a couple of years ago, the laws of attraction, or LOA, have become a popular topic of discussion. However, and I have blogged on this before, The Secret was essentially a primer, based on other works throughout the last century, for individuals who were not familiar with the principles of manifesting.

As a result, I am frequently hearing from clients stories about temporary results. How they had a specific goal, manifested it, and everything seemed to be on track. They did everything right. Followed the principles and there was some change. Money came in. The guy changed his attitude and became more loving and attentive. The new job came.

Then suddenly, POOF! Something happened and the money was gone. The guy reverted to his old habits. He/she messed up on the new job and was having the same problems he/she had on the old job. This is called the snap-back reality. You manifest change, it seems to be happening, and suddenly you're back at square one.

This is because many don't understand that consumerized teachings of something as potent as the LOA only teach basics. There is a common misconception, in our society, that learning the basics means you've mastered the whole thing. For example, in martial arts, a black belt is considered mastery. The truth is that it's all basics until black belt. Once you have earned a first degree black belt, you're ready to learn the system.

Many people don't get why they aren't able to manifest, and if they do, why they can't hang onto it. This is because they've got the basics down, but haven't gone beyond them. For example, many are not familiar with the principle of release. Now by this, I don't mean the new agey feel goody "release your negative thoughts."

I don't believe in releasing negative thoughts. "What?" you say? "Don't release negative thoughts?" That's right. Because you can't. You need your pain and angst built on experience; they're part of what you are. You can't get rid of something that's part of you, you can only repress it. And what happens when you repress? It's like bending a tree banch out of it's normal state. You can hold it there for a while, but eventually when you run out of energy it will snap back and snap back hard. And if you're in the way, you'll get hurt.

You've just met Steve and he's a great guy. But you can't really be yourself and you're constantly worried because your ex, Joe, dumped you suddenly for a another woman when you were confident in the relationship. It is the repression of this thought that leads to this anxiety. And once the LOA kick in, this repressed thought that is ever present in your subconscious you'll manifest it and experience a repeat performance with Steve.

The same thing can happen on the new job. You're programmed to worry because that petty and insecure boss was always riding you. So you try very hard not to think that way, and something happens where you mess up, and now your new boss is riding you. This is because the repressed thought in the subconscious was powerful and manifested.

The reason these repressed (never truly released) negative thoughts manifest is because they're still there. You can't will them to go away. The truth is that you got conditioned by an event or events and regardless of what you think you're responding to that condition. So when you manifest change and it occurs, it doesn't feel right. We're more comfortable with what we're used to, even if it's bad. Even a good change can make us feel uncomfortable; we're not use to things working out, so it doesn't feel right. So POOF, right back to where we started.

So what should you do with your negative thoughts? OWN THEM! Bring them to the surface. You earned your scars so wear them proudly. By doing this, you create an awareness that removes the power from the negativity. They're still there but the don't have any clout.

It is far better to be open about it and embrace the fact that you got burned once, and realize that if you're feeling anxiety that Steve is not the source of the anxiety, it's Joe. Rather than, "Joe did not exist, I'm not going to think about it," think about it. Be aware of the red flags you saw with Joe, in case you see them again, to avoid being hurt again. If you do see them, move on before you get in any deeper, until you find someone who doesn't exhibit them. Instead of, "I dissolve and release Joe," it should be more like, "Been there, done that, not goin' there again." Think about the mistakes you made with Joe so you don't repeat them. Were you too aggressive or intense? Too remote? And when you finally meet someone who doesn't wave the red flags, be grateful to Joe because his role in your life was, truth be told, to make you ready for the right guy.

On the new job, be aware of your previous boss' problems with you and the source of them. For example, the previous boss was a micromanager. She was always riding you after something happened and using words like "Why didn't I know about this until now?" So learn from that. If your new boss shows the symptoms of micromanagement (which is a very dysfunctional form of management) be aware of this flaw in him and learn from your previous experience. "I learned the secret to dealing with a micromanager is to tell them everything," so tell him everything. And make your fear your friend. Not, "It can't happen again," but "It could happen again, so how can I prepare in advance to thwart the consequences?"

And finally, there is a benefit to negative thinking. Haven't you ever seen very positive thinkers who didn't want to be negative, or hang around with negative people, and were eternally optimistic, and they had nothing? And, conversely, haven't you seen people who were the most cynical and pessimsitic people you could ever meet, and they were very successful?

This is because to the positive thinker failure is not an option. They don't embrace the possibilty of failure. Yet life is a roll of the dice and many things affect your goals -- timing, the actions of others, etc. "I just don't want to think like that." So the positive thinker is unprepared if things don't work out. On the other hand the negative thinker, "I just know something is going to go wrong" believes it could happen. If he's just paranoid and nothing goes wrong, he's okay, but if it does, he's prepared with a back-up plan.

In over 25 years in this business I've observed that the most successful and happiest people, with the most rewarding lives, all had one thing in common -- they were very good at Plan B.

This has been a pretty long blog, and I've only scratched the surface. In future blogs I'll take the concept of not just manifesting your goals, but keeping what you've manifested, several steps further.

In the meantime, have a good week and remember -- THINK NEGATIVE!

by Jon Constantine | 1 Comments

Buyer beware: Who are the real scammers?

Recently, there seems to be a profusion of websites purported to evaluate psychics. They generally purport to give "movie critic" critiques of various psychics or online psychic reading sites. They then proceed to try to win your confidence by telling you about their own negative experiences ("I'm just like you") and criticizing just about everyone out there, then highly recommending (because they've been led there by experience) a few "reliable" sites.

What all but the sharpest minded consumer might not realize is that the majority of these sites are using two marketing techniques to discredit others and lure you to a specific site.

The first marketing technique was refined to its purest form in the car business. I did sell cars for about four years in my youth, and my uncle owned two dealerships. The technique is to warn you about traps and tricks used by car dealerships. This is designed to win your confidence and trust. You're supposed to figure that the person warning you must be honest because, after all, he's telling you about the tricks. So you're vulnerable and trusting when he then proceeds to pull the same tricks on you.

The second technique is the "herbal viagra" technique. If you search the words "herbal viagra," you will find the internet is loaded with sites purporting to be consumer-oriented evaluations of "men's speciality products" which generally contain educated-sounding reviews of the products that are out there, and highly recommend one product, with another product a slight second to make it look realistic. They all claim to be unbiased and objective, and they invariably steer you toward a specific product.

The psychic evaluation sites operate the same way. First, when you see them, they're very professional looking with multiple pages. They generally look like those turnkey sites promising that their product will help you drop 20 pounds a month or make a fortune online where some man or woman is a figurehead, and they all have the same page formatting and layouts. You know, the stuff you find on the right hand column of Facebook.

These sites are very professionally written, giving the details in a progression designed to lead you to a conclusion. The links and page backgrounds are first class and the information is detailed. Does this sound like something a simple random individual who is now "on your side" because she/he got sick and tired of being "ripped off" can afford to create and maintain simply to be a good Samaritan?


A large, professional "evaluation" or "rating" website exists to make a profit for the owner. The money is made through either sponsorship or paid advertising. They can include links to sites that pay for every click through. In other words, it's all about money.

The truth is that an on-line psychic reading site can be likened to a medical group. Individuals doctors join the group and your relationship with your doctor is a professional one-on-one relationship. You find the doctor you like, just as you find a psychic you like, through the group and the quality of the others in the group does not reflect on the quality of the individual physician or psychic. Naturally you will like some better than others and not everyone will connect to your individual situation.

So the next time you see something online coming from the negative, like "Don't be fooled!" do just that -- don't be.

by Jon Constantine | 0 Comments

Dangerous Media Misconceptions and Domestic Violence

I had an interesting experience a while back. I was invited by a close friend I've worked with over the years to address a group of women, all of whom had been abuse victims. Very flattered by the invitation, I looked forward to actually being able to help people and to do some good.

My friend introduced me and highlighted mainly my martial arts background, and so I began by telling them, "The ultimate martial arts technique is target denial. To simply not be there, or avoid the situation entirely. Most men and women, when they are victimized by an abuser allow it to happen only once--"

"Wait a minute, Jon," cut in my friend. "Since when have men been abuse victims?" "Very frequently," I replied. "Most men are subconsciously programmed by our nature not to strike women and simply are not capable of hitting back. There are cases where the woman may be a lot younger and in good physical shape and stronger and faster, or she may attack with a blunt instrument..." "Okay, I get your point, but you're addressing abused WOMEN, so let's stick to that."

"All right," I continued, "if you're here that means it's happened more than once, and therefore, you have a pattern of allowing yourself to be abused either by the same person, or of seeking out abusive males. Generally, when a woman does this, it means she was exposed to or witnessed abuse as a child, therefore, she equates abuse with love."

"Jon, hold, hold, HOLD! Can the therapy. These ladies came here to learn. I brought you here to give them some techniques, to teach them how to fight back!"

Well, to cut to the chase I informed them that the best I could do in one session was to teach them to hurt or break the nose of someone who was probably much bigger and stronger and already enraged, which was not a good idea. When I insisted what they really needed to do was identify the root cause of why they subjected themselves to abuse, and I could not turn them into the false superwoman depicted in the media, there was grumbling. I was really surprised when many of them expressed disappointment because they came there to learn how to kick butt and take names.

Now, since my television watching is limited, it took another woman to explain why a lot of this "fight back" mentality is so present today. Apparently on just about every television show, the female is depicted as much smarter and sharper than her male counterparts -- generally characterized as inept and ego-driven bumblers --  and she has these incredible physical skills and is all too ready and willing to kick the tail off of any man foolish enough to get in her way.  Prophetically that evening I caught part of an HBO movie depicting a home invasion robbery, and the wife grabbed a pistol out of one of the invaders' hands and turned it around on him, only to be subdued when his cohorts grabbed her helpless husband and threatened to shoot him.

In the real world it doesn't work that way. Even Mike Tyson never fought out of his weight class. And, as I mentioned, it takes years of diligent training and discipline to develop the skills to overcome a larger and stronger opponent. To top it off, it combat situations it's very easy for the good guy to become the bad guy. If you are able to render a person incapable of continuing to administer harm, and you continue to "punish" him, you're the one subject to arrest for excessive force. You can only use enough force to neutralize an attacker. If, for example, he flees and you follow, you're now the aggressor. I'm not saying you don't defend yourself if you have the ability; I'm saying that you have to know how far you can take it, and the current depiction of today's woman as superwoman in the media has created some dangerous stereotypes.

While I think it is admirable that women are embracing a more physical side of themselves, it seems that there is still an unrealistic attitude of what is possible and what is not. And the truth is, even if you can bench press the whole gym and curl your husband's bodyweight, even if you can do a flying side kick to a jerk's face, most abusers are cowards and wouldn't fight fair anyway.

An abuse victim has issues that are far more deep seated than missing her black belt test. They aren't solved by revenge; they're solved by identifying what caused her to allow herself to become a punching bag, or a target of psychological abuse to begin with, and why the cycle repeats itself. They're solved by getting out of the pattern, by not giving someone who has shown himself to be abusive a second chance or buying into the old, "I've changed" routine.

Domestic violence is a serious problem. I have clients who have tolerated physical, verbal and psychological use for years, and the only way I'm able to help them is to look at them emphatically and identify the root cause, then work with them to remove it or overcome it, and do all I can to encourage them to get out of the situation. As I stated to the group I addressed, the ultimate martial arts technique is target denial.

by Jon Constantine | 1 Comments

"I'm just calling to know when I'm going to meet my soulmate"

Truthfully, this is the question I really dread. Yet it happens quite frequently. Generally these are shorter calls and the basis of this question is so in-depth it takes a lot of time to explain. And generally, the callers have been led to believe, evidently by some form of new-age feel-goodism, that there's someone for everyone, and one day, out of the blue this person is fated to just drop into their lives and this all-conquering, everlasting love will completely transform them.

In the real world it's not that simple. First, meeting a so-called "soul mate" is not always a good thing. It means you have a karmic debt with this person that has to be repaid. Second, we are creatures with free will, and simply by waiting around to meet "the one" we're actually thwarting the possibility of meeting someone who could be very good for us.

The sad truth is that almost everyone who calls and asks the question, "When am I going to meet my soulmate?" is asking the wrong question. The real question they should be asking is, "Can you identify the pattern in my life that has prevented me from having a fulfilling relationship?" That way the adviser can identify that pattern, explain how it developed, and give good advice and work with the client to encourage new behaviors that will break the pattern.

Another tragic side effect of this question is quite often I get callers who have wasted valuable years of their lives because someone told them, "You're going to meet 'the one' in two years." So two years go by and they blow off opportunities to socialize, meet people, and possibly develop a good relationship.

The truth is we meet people when we're ready to meet them. And the best way to make this happen is to do the work, discover the obstacles in our lives and remove the obstacles. It may not be what many want to hear, but the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. And in the field of love and relationships, the straightest line is self-transformation.

by Jon Constantine | 3 Comments

Why are Guys Such Jerks?

As any male adviser can tell you, one of the nicest perks of this job is being able to speak with literally hundreds of women and give away the secrets of "Guyland." And one of the most frequently asked questions from the ladies is, "Why are guys such jerks?"

The answer isn't genetic, it isn't hormonal and it isn't cultural. It's simple. By the time a guy hits 30, 35, 40 he is a product of what he has observed. He's seen the beautiful girl everyone wanted with the creep who treated her like dirt. And her excuse is, "I can't help it; I like BAD BOYS!" Then he saw the bad boy and he was the biggest wimp he'd ever set eyes on. Yes, ladies, avoiding the barbershop, growing itchy stubble, and having a potty mouth doesn't make him a bad boy. It makes him a poser. But the point is, enough women buy into the pose. And guys notice this.

Or he's had a crush on a woman who was in an abusive relationship and he was there for her when she needed a good cry, he nurtured her, and built up her self-worth level. And one night, she stops by and tells him, "You're right, I deserve better, and I got rid of the creep." And just when he's expecting her to throw his arms around her and declare her feelings, she says, "And I met the most wonderful guy. Well, he's married, but the only reason he stays with her is for the kids. He sleeps on the sofa..."

Then there's the guy who's with a female friend. She's filled with anxiety. "Why do you think he hasn't called?" "I don't know, Sally, there could be a million reasons -- oh look! There's a train derailment!" "That's terrible -- but why do you think he hasn't called?" "Look, it's Haley's comet!" "Huh. Why do you think he hasn't called?" "Did you know you just ate your nose?" "Oh. Why do you think he hasn't called?"

What you ladies may or may not have noticed is that we men are very analytical by nature. It goes back to childhood. We lose a football game and we meet and discuss what we did wrong, and what to do in the future to prevent it from happening again. We see a martial art and think, "What could that do to me and how can I prevent it?" and work out defenses against it.

So we start to notice a pattern. All dates fall into one of three categories: a) Not that into her, but would like to see that movie or eat at that restaurant with someone; b) Operation booty call; or c) Evaluating her as a potential girlfriend or wife. Most of you think that category B is overwhelmingly in first place. Wrooooong! It's category C.

So, that means he has to sell himself as a potential boyfriend or husband -- and that means he starts out by trying too hard. He takes her out to a nice expensive restaurant, holds out her chair for her, tells her how beautiful she is and calls her as soon as he gets home and thanks her. And promptly finds himself in the "She's just not that into him" zone, or worse yet, he hears the "F" word -- the most insidious and hurtful word that can pass from the lips of someone you're romantically attracted to: "friend."

Then the same guy notices when he has a date from category A, the opposite happens. It's a so-so night, and it didn't go anywhere. He spent $75 to watch her talk on the cell phone and to get a limp fish hug. So he just doesn't call her again. And then one day he gets an e-mail from her, "How are you doing? Haven't heard from you for a while." He sends back, "Fine & you?" She finds some excuse to call him, or after a few days he gives in and gives her a call.

On the next date, she's dressed to kill and she leaves her phone at home. He takes her for a walk in the village and a hot dog. And since he lives nearby she says she'd like to see his apartment. But since he's a guy, his underwear is on the floor, his dishes are stacked up and he hasn't cleaned up the popcorn he spilled on the floor. So he tells her he has to be at work early and sees how disappointed she looks.  Then two days later she calls him and he ends up at her place and they knock a hole through the wall with her headboard.

He goes home and analyzes the situation, and when something works for you, you stick with it. It takes him to or three days to return her calls and they become more frequent. He takes her on a wonderful dream date which she thinks will lead to the next step, then doesn't call her for a week. And she's telling her friend what a jerk he is and then sees his number on the caller ID and answers on the first ring.

So whether you believe it to be true or not ladies, here is the view from Guyland:

1. You hate wussies, and often buy into the superficial appearance or behavior of being a "bad boy," even if it's just an act.

2. If we start out by taking you to a nice place you interpret it that we want you so badly we're willing to spend a lot of money to get you, and once you know someone wants something the price goes up -- Econ 101.

3. If we call too often you know you can have us whenever you want to, so you're in no hurry.

4. People want what they can't have. The more difficult we make it for you, the more aggressively you pursue us.

So the next time you're ready to utter the phrase, "What a jerk," you've got to ask yourself one question. "Do I feel lucky?" Well do you, p-- wait. Sorry. Wrong script. The question is: Is he a jerk because he WANTS to be, or is he a jerk because he HAS to be?

by Jon Constantine | 7 Comments

If Free Will Can Thwart a Prediction, Why Bother Consulting a Psychic?

One of the banes of a psychic life is questions like, "I'm just calling to find out when I'm going to meet my soulmate." Of course, a responsible advisor will tell a person it's really not that simple and it doesn't work that way, and the caller is generally disappointed or angry because he/she feels you're not giving him/her a straight answer. On the other hand, calls like this are few and far between. Fortunately, most callers of this nature want more bang for their buck, so they ask specific questions like, "Why haven't I been able to have a lasting relationship?" or "What's causing me to make bad choices?" and so on.

The reason I say fortunately is because any prediction can be modified by free will or random events that have not yet occurred. When is the last time you heard of a psychic winning the lottery? The reason we can't is because lottery numbers are drawn at random, thus making them impossible to predict. And while some believe the whole free will thing is a cop out, and a sneaky way to cover one's tracks, others "get it" and frequently consult a psychic to find out if something bad is currently fated to occur, then, being forewarned, take action to thwart it.

For example, if I tell you I see you being fired for showing up late, do you simply sit back and say, "Jon predicted I'll be fired so there's nothing I can do about it?" or do you use this knowledge and start showing up on time, even a bit early, and save your job?

Even Nostradamus and Edgar Cayce talked about the impact of free will. Many of their predictions were warnings. "I foresee this happening if something isn't done to change it."  So what about psychics who claim 100% accuracy? Well, that's their business and this is not a criticism, but I couldn't do it because I am not 100% accurate. What I can claim is a track record spanning back nearly 30 years of being accurate vastly in excess of the laws of probability or coincidence, and the times I have not been accurate invariably something in the equation changed. For example, many psychics saw clients getting jobs or safe in their jobs. then the economy tanked, many free-will decisions were made by politicans, bankers, etc. and it didn't happen.

The analogy is like this. A prediction is an extrapolation based on what's happening today. It's as if you're in a forest so all you can see is individual trees, while the psychic is on a hill looking down and can see all that is happening. So the psychic sees Bob walking in your direction and; therefore, predicts you will meet up with Bob in ten minutes. This means that there is a 90% chance you'll meet with Bob in ABOUT ten minutes. But there are variables. Bob could trip and fall and have to get up again, or stop to take a cell phone call, affecting the timing. Bob could suddenly change his mind and start walking in another direction.

So if a prediction is not 100% guaranteed accurate, why bother consulting with a psychic at all? Well, first, the aforementioned example of the job. If it's bad, you don't want it to be written in stone, you want it to be able to change it. Next, since there is a high degree of probabilty of accuracy, it gives you an advantage. You know what is likely to happen, but should exercise a little prudence. You shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket. If your advisor tells you that you're coming into money, does an intelligent person run out and buy a new Lexus, or wait until the money is in the bank?

Additionally, you have the advantage of an overview. If, for example, as in the analogy, Bob doesn't arrive, you can find out what detained him and when he will arrive. If he turned in another direction, you can find out what was over there that caused him to go in that direction.

So really, the reason for caling a psychic is to get an overview of the situation, which you then use to stack the deck in your favor. State simply: knowledge is power.

by Jon Constantine | 4 Comments

From Zero to Hero

Lately I've been receiving a lot of calls from clients who are either in a state of ambivalence, or have been the victims of the very devastating situation of having gone from idealization to devaluation. To help people who are either going through this process or have born the brunt of it, I'm going to provide a more detailed explanation of just how it works.

Before we begin I'd like to say that I'm using the gender references as the female who experiences the trauma and begins idealizing and devaluing and the male who is the focus of this because it is statistically more common. However, this is in no way to imply that women are not idealized and devalued by men. So please feel free to substitute gender references wherever appropriate.

Love is an extremely complex emotion. There are individuals who have been seriously damaged by love. It could have been an abusive parent, abandonment, the abrupt and unexpected loss of a loved one, or a horrendously hurtful event in a relationship. I’m not talking about a broken heart or disappointment. I’m talking about a serious trauma that would literally mess anybody up.

 

This generally occurs very early in life – sometimes in childhood, or, in the case of a relationship issue, at the beginning of the person’s romantic life. Whatever the specific incident, this person gave another person power over her and that power was abused. Therefore, to prevent this from happening in the future, she needs a defense mechanism to become impervious to the whims, needs and decisions of others. This is the defense mechanism called idealization.

 

Idealization

 

The core of the fantasy is that the hurt of the trauma will be erased by meeting the perfect romantic partner. This will bring an undying, all conquering love, a perpetual courtship phase, and transform the person’s life into heaven on earth. Because of the desperation to fill the void, usually the first member of the opposite sex to show interest when the person is “available” or “between partners” will be selected.

 

Once selected, this person will be viewed as perfect. If he looks like Quasimodo and she sees him as devastatingly handsome, anyone who disagrees will be deemed as crazy, or, more likely, jealous. In the case of a high-functioning idealizer you’ll simply be deemed as having bad taste. If he’s a total bore she sees him as witty and charming, if he’s a jerk she sees him as kind and considerate, etc. In other words, she is in total denial of his negative qualities, and all humans have negative qualities.

 

These individuals are very dangerous because people fall in love with them very quickly. They lavish attention and feelings on a person, and being the recipient of such a loving and all-consuming attitude is not just comforting and flattering, it can be overwhelming. And usually, the unsuspecting recipient does not realize that he was selected at random to play a character in a fairy tale, and has been assigned qualities he may or may not have.

 

Unfortunately, the fall is inevitable. Sooner or later, he will disappoint (as all humans must from time to time) or an incident will occur that will disillusion her. He may criticize her or stand up to her narcissistic demands and try to set boundaries. He may get sick or have work obligations. It doesn’t matter. The slightest criticism is taken as an all-out assault on the foundation of her existence and circumstances beyond his control are evidence of imperfection. At this point, the phase called ambivalence is triggered.

 

Ambivalence

 

Ambivalence is a very painful state for a person engaging in idealization because the feeling of “it’s not supposed to be like this” sets in. It is the realization that everything is not perfect; so the fairy tale is not going according to script. Therefore, she starts to question her feelings.

 

If she is not in love with him, he can be discarded very quickly. If she did fall in love with him, it creates a dilemma. In ambivalence she’s not sure if she loves him, but equally unsure if she doesn’t. She is incredibly confused because love is a reality-based experience and idealization is a fantasy. She can’t understand why she misses and is still drawn to this imperfect creature. Because she can’t integrate her feelings, it’s a very painful situation and she needs to end the pain.

 

The only way to do that is to find a replacement object to idealize. Therefore, virtually the first person to show interest in this stage is pulled in and tossed up on the pedestal as the new object of idealization. And, for the former occupant of the pedestal, things are about to get rough.

 

Devaluation

 

The former “love object” is now faced with the opposite extreme of devaluation. She needs to justify her decision and actions and, therefore, must view the previous object as all bad. Whom she once found attractive she now sees as ugly and even disgusting. Whom she once found charming she now sees as conniving and untrustworthy. She is in complete denial of his good qualities and may even go into complete denial that she ever had any feelings.

 

An irrational hatred sets in, and any attempt to mend fences is futile. Contact will be viewed as an annoyance. “Why are you bothering me? Don’t you realize you’ve been replaced?” He must realize he is completely flawed and worthless, as must others.

 

Warning Signals

 

A person capable of going from idealization to devaluation is characterized by the following warning signals.

 

1. A history of having found “the one” and never having been more sure of anything in her life.
2. Overly sensitive to real or imagined slights.
3. Talks in extremes. (i.e., “I look gorgeous.” “I look disgusting.”)
4. Extremely good social skills (i.e., magnetic personality, very likeable and disarming, etc.)
5. Talks and actions are opposite extremes. (For example talks about efficiency and time management but lies in bed for hours. Talks like a leader but is very easily led.)
6. Dramatic mood swings.
7. The center of the universe. (i.e., everything others do is for her benefit, to get her attention, to have an impact on her, etc.)

 

Final Words

 

It’s important to remember that this is not about love. Love is not a fantasy that becomes a reality or another person filling your needs. Real love is unconditional, and it’s all about caring about a person in spite of her or his imperfections, facing challenges together, and working together to turn around the things that disappoint.

 

Being devalued is not being rejected. It’s simply being on the receiving end of a wounded person’s desperate attempt to erase the pain caused by confused feelings. It's hard to accept that you were only an actor in another person's play, but it's important to realize there is nothing wrong with you, you were not taken advantage of, you were not rejected or dumped for someone else, and you didn't do anything wrong.

by Jon Constantine | 1 Comments

7 Tools for a Great Reading

There are several differences between getting a reading in person or over the phone and connecting with an on-line psychic. The major difference is, in person, you’ve paid for a block of time, it doesn’t matter if you go a little over, and that’s how much time you get.

In the context of an on-line reading, you’re being billed by the minute. This  you want to get to the heart of the matter instantly and dispense with casual formalities. In many cases, an on-line reader may be better at this because an experienced on-line reader has developed the talent for tuning in and getting to the point in milliseconds.

The following is a list of seven tools you can use to get a great on-line reading, and the information you want:

1. BEGIN WITH A BRIEF SUMMARY. There are some readers who prefer to work from just a name. I can do this, but I find that with no information, a lot of very general things come through and it eats up a lot of time. By summarizing I don’t mean give everything away; I mean give the reader the background of the situation and allow her/him to tune in quickly.

2. ASK SPECIFIC QUESTIONS.  This also helps us cut to the chase. For example, if you just say, “Tell me about Steve,” you get a general overview of Steve. On the other hand, if you say, “About six months ago I met this guy named Steve. We started dating and it was going really well, then he started sending me mixed signals, running hot and cold, and now he seems reluctant to move forward. What’s up with that?” you find out what you want to know.

3. DON’T BE UPSET IF THE ADVISOR ASKS QUESTIONS. Some people think a true psychic is all-seeing and all-knowing. Often we will ask you questions to confirm that we are picking up correctly and connecting. When you tell a doctor your complaint, a good doctor already has a lot of information, but he/she will still ask some diagnostic questions to zero in on the problem. You’ll be able to tell the difference between a genuine psychic’s diagnostic questions and someone fishing for information.

4. DON’T PLAY “TEST THE PSYCHIC.” Unless you like to test psychics as a hobby, this is a waste of money. Just as a professional athlete can run faster or jump higher, but not fly, a good psychic is gifted but not all-seeing and all-knowing. If you give a bloodhound the wrong shoe, the bloodhound will lead you to the wrong person. That doesn’t mean it’s not a good tracker.

5. BE AWARE THAT YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR. There are psychics who will tell you what you want to hear. Some fear making you angry, others simply hand callers a basket of roses as a general practice. But most of the time, a professional advisor feels he/she has an obligation to tell you what he/she is seeing and feeling, whether it’s good news or not. It is not good to take away someone’s hope, but it is even worse to raise false hopes.

6. TAKE NOTES. Often, during the course of a reading, you may find yourself in a relaxed state of consciousness, and have difficulty recalling what was said later on. Always have pen and paper at hand to jot down key points.

7. DON’T BE UPSET IF WHAT YOU HEAR IS CONTRARY TO YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF THE “FACTS.” The advisor may be seeing things that are unknown to you at the time. You would be surprised how many readings end with, “That’s just not possible,” and how many follow-up readings begin with, “I never would have believed it.”

I would like close by saying that these are my own suggestions based on my personal experiences. Another advisor may disagree or prefer to work differently. But I find that, by using these tools, a client can save a great deal of time and, therefore, money.

by Jon Constantine | 0 Comments

How to Get Anything You Want Without Really Trying

Ever since The Secret hit the stands and video stores, the laws of attraction have received public attention as if this were something new. People in the metaphysical world know that it’s just a nice repackaging of concepts that have been around forever.

At the same time, a lot of people think that it offers an easy way. That the real title should be, “How to Get Anything You Want Without Really Trying.”  Uh-uh. It’s not quite the magic lamp, folks.

The underlying concept is that your reality is a product of your belief. So if you believe you are a giraffe, you’ll be a giraffe (just kidding). But while the idea that we create our own reality may be true, it does not take into account that we did not create ourselves. We are the products of many factors: our genetics, our parents, where we grew up, childhood and early adulthood experiences, etc. These factors gave us our personalities, hopes and fears, and we can’t just will them to change or go away.

We’ve all heard the fact that many lottery winners somehow are conned out of their winnings or squander them and return to their original circumstances within two years. Sadly, we are aware that many people who grew up witnessing abuse end up in abusive relationships. The reason is that we, as humans, are more comfortable with what we’re used to, even if what we’re used to is not what we want. Just as the lottery winner is in a comfort zone of poverty, due to familiarity, the person who witnessed abuse as a child may equate abuse with love.

These manifestations are not conscious manifestations or desires. They are the result of programmed, reflexive response. It isn’t realistic to think you can wake up one morning and say, “Okay, it’s going to be different now,” and all that programming is just going to go away.

So the question is: How do you use the Laws of Attraction or create a manifestation if a lifetime of programming is working against you? The answer is to manifest your desires in realistic steps, which you, as the person you are today, can accept.

Say we have a woman who has a problem holding down a job. So one day she’s sitting in Starbucks reading her copy of The Secret. Ah, now she knows! She creates her own reality, and her thoughts and belief control that reality. So since she needs a job, she’ll just manifest one. “So,” she thinks, “since I can be anything I want...let's see...president of the United States, noooo...CEO of a multinational corporation, nah...I know! Queen of the Universe!"

So five minutes later do the aliens arrive and proclaim her, and is she stressing out choosing coronation robes? I wouldn't bet on it. Because it was an unrealistic jump from point A, which she's used to, to a vastly different point B.

What she can do is set realistic goals. First, she can analyze her work history and see the pattern, and where it began. Say she was fired from her first job at 16 unexpectedly, that created a fear of getting fired, so she manifested that fear throughout her work history.

Understanding this pattern, she can make an effort to create new behaviors that will create new results. Then she has to set realistic goals and steps that are within reach. From point A to a realistic point B, then to a point C that may not be attainable (in her conditioned belief system) from point A, but would be from point B.  In other words, possibly she sees a recruiting notice at Starbucks, starts working as a cashier, then works to manifest a promotion to manager, and then district manager, and so on.

The other thing that is frequently not factored in is how our goals and desires impact on others. We have to respect the free will and boundaries of other people. There is a rebound effect for harming another. For example, say Jim wants a job like George’s. So he tries to manifest George’s job. George gets fired. There will be consequences. On the other hand, Jim manifests something similar, with harm to none, he’s doing fine.

Say Sally wants Bill, but Bill is with Sandy. If Sally tries to manifest Bill leave Sandy for her, she’s not only attacking Sandy, but she’s violating Bill’s free will. On the other hand, Sally can try to manifest to make herself the perfect woman for Bill, and allow Bill to choose according to his free will. Or, better yet, she can manifest the perfect life partner for herself, according to free will, without naming names or focusing on anyone specific.

In other words, like everything else in the world, it is not enough simply to read about the Laws of Attraction and easily put them into action. It requires a thorough understanding of the dynamics of how this reality functions, an assessment of your own limitations, and moving forward in realistic steps.

by Jon Constantine | 4 Comments

Psychic Readings and Inconsistencies

I have written on this subject before, but I have received many requests to expound on the subject, so here goes:

One of the banes of a professional psychic advisor’s job is listening to responses like, “Well, I spoke with so-and-so and she said just the opposite,” or “That’s not what you told me six months ago.” Generally, when people are seeking answers, they have a tendency to repeat questions or to seek out second and third (or fourth or fifth) opinions. This is normal and reasonable. But it is not always reasonable to expect the information to be consistent.

There are many reasons for inconsistencies. Obviously, the surface reason is someone can just be wrong. But it is possible that more than one could be right. And it is possible that even the same psychic may contradict him/herself.

The biggest problem, as always is human nature. If you’re calling to ask about another person, it’s important to realize that people, and their feelings, are not fixed in stone. Human beings are not consistent, and they are also subject to other forces in their lives, such as work or family problems, which can take their focus in another direction. So it’s quite possible to contact one psychic who will tell you, “Bill is thinking about you all the time,” and a week later it’s possible to hear, “Sorry, but Bill is totally preoccupied with his work now.”

In that people are not consistent with their feelings, it is also possible to feel differently about a person on different days. Haven’t you ever been attracted to more than one person, and, depending on your mood or what happened during your last contact, the front runner changed from time to time?

The other problem, and I’ve mentioned this in previous blogs, is that a psychic does not hear a big booming voice that speaks with clarity, “This is going to happen on this day at this hour.” We receive input through impression, and often it is up to us to interpret the information. So the initial psychic impression, or image may be the same, but two different consultants may be interpreting it differently.

There is also the matter of how a person, as an individual, sees things. For example, Psychic A may see Dick breaking up with Jane as when Dick makes the decision. Psychic B might see it as when he tells her, while Psychic C may see it as when Jane moves out. All three are correct, but because each one interprets “break up” a little differently, you can get drastically different time frames.

The final area, and this gets touchy, is there is also the possibility of free will or random event intervention. Three psychics, for example, may see you and Bill taking a nice vacation together. They have no way of seeing the purely random event of the neighbor kid leaving his skateboard in front of Bill’s door, and Bill ending up in physical therapy for three months.

If you’re confused by inconsistent information, it’s a good idea to be direct about it with your advisor. A professional will not be threatened by other advisors or become angry or jealous. In fact many (including myself) encourage second opinions. Ask the advisor for a clarification or, if you’re really confused, get a clarification reading to put everything in perspective. Very often the information may be more consistent than it first seems.

NOTE: Jon Constantine is generally available for consultations Sunday through Thursday from 10 AM to 6 PM Pacific Time. Please use the ARRANGE A CALL feature.

by Jon Constantine | 3 Comments