Constantine's Corner

50 Things Women Should Know About Men

1. "You busy?" or "Are you doing something?" -- two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone. Rhetorical questions, not to be taken literally.

2. We may be flirting around all day but before we go to sleep and when we wake up in the morning, we always think about the one woman we truly care about.

3. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say -- we even rehearse our lines out loud sometimes -- so there aren't awkward pauses. Unfortunately, once we get on the phone we forget it all and make it up as we go.

4. Guys don’t like loose women even though they do sleep with them. They’ll play along just to get results, but holding yourself out as easily sexually attainable does not mean you're popular. And yes, they are talking behind your back.

5. We go crazy over a woman's smile when we're attracted to her.

6. Guyspeak: "I don't date women I work with" = "I don't date women I work with unless one I'm attracted to shows interest."

7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex- love interest. So if a guy wants you to talk about past relationships, he's really trying to find out what the other guy did wrong so he doesn't make the same mistake.

8. Guyspeak: "I don't date anyone under the age of (fill in the blank)" = "I don't date anyone under the age of (fill in the blank) unless one I'm attracted to shows interest."

9. We're paranoid. If you call a guy and he's too busy to take the call, you're supposed to understand that he just couldn’t answer. If he calls you and you don't answer, it's taken as rejection -- you saw it was him calling and CHOSE not to answer.

10. Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend. Contrary to what women think, there is such a thing as male intuition. Trust me, your boyfriend knows EXACTLY which of your male friends want to nail you and which ones (if any) don't.

11. We check your Facebook several times a day.

12. It is never okay to go to the bathroom with the door open. And when the guy is using it with the door closed (which is as it should be), nothing short of a four-alarm fire justifies shouting to him through that closed door. You ladies don't have to worry about getting startled and sprinkling the wall.

13. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." is one of the WORST things you can do. An absolute no-no.

14. Guys are good flatterers when courting with an agenda but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

15. Guys will spend lavish amounts to impress you in the beginning of the relationship, so when they start to set boundaries on the spending, it's a sign of commitment.

16. It's okay to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't overdo it. We pretty much know when we're being tested and play along, but it gets old.

17. There is a very real risk that your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you, may end up being admired by your boyfriend. And don't think for a second she's just trying to help. She's testing the waters.

18. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him and make suggestions. If he doesn't follow your advice to the letter, it's not rejection or disrespect. He just weighed everything and made his own decision.

19. A guy can talk about his ex once in a while, but if it’s an all-too-frequent topic, he’s still not over her. Still not over her can mean many things. It could mean he hasn’t let go yet, or he’s still seething over the way he was treated.

20. We use words like "hot" or "fine" to describe attractive women. We rarely use "beautiful." If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot.

21. We think WAY too much. One small thing you do, even if you didn't mean anything by it, can make us obsess for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

22. We seek advice from women, not other guys. Because most guys think alike, we already know what he's going to say. We want a woman's viewpoint.

23. Try to be as straightforward as possible. We hate guessing games.

24. If a guy is always leering at other women, that’s one thing. But if an attractive woman catches his eye momentarily it’s nothing. We’re hardwired by nature to look.

25. If the guy does something stupid in front of the woman, he will obsess over it for days.

26. Guys learn from experience, not from the dumb romance books that women read, most of which are written by frustrated and lonely old ladies.

27. Guys worry about the thin line between being cooperative and being "whipped."

28. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing out inside.

29. When a guy says he is crazy over a woman, he really is. We rarely say that.

30. If a guy tells you he doesn’t want to talk about something right now, it really means, “I need a cooling off period before we discuss this because I don’t want us to fight.” Best to respect that wish.

31. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

32. If your best guy friend is always talking junk about your boyfriend, it means ONLY one of two things. Your boyfriend really is a schmuck (rarely), or (more often than not) your buddy is attracted to you, insanely jealous, and trying to sabotage the relationship.

33. If your best guy friend is pushing you to dump your boyfriend and go with another guy (not himself), it's because he is attracted to you and sees the other guy as less of a threat or easier competition, or he is so jealous of your boyfriend he just wants to sabotage everything, even if it means losing you to another guy.

34. We like femininity but not weakness or feebleness.

35. Sometimes we really like women who can punch harder than we can.

36. We don't get all bent out of shape when your girlfriends talk us down because we believe women have this sort of "equal power" rule where they don't like their friends to be better off than they are. So if your girlfriends talk us down, it's a compliment because it means they think you're better off for having us, and trying to sabotage the relationship to reestablish equality.

37. On the other hand, if they compliment us or steer you toward us, it's REALLY BAD because it means they think you're down points for being with us and they're glad.

38. There's a difference between playing hard to get and TOO hard to get. At a certain point, if a guy decides you're just not that into him, he WILL start looking.

39. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.

40. The male ego is desperately driven by fear of rejection. If a man isn't showing affection, it's quite possible you did something to make him think that a romantic overture will possibly lead to rejection.

41. The "first time" we're probably A LOT more nervous than you are.

42. To a guy, busy is a valid excuse. Sometimes he's got to do stupid little things like protect or advance his career or buy food and pay the mortgage and buy gasoline and things like that. A woman is expected to understand.

43. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.

44. Not all guys are jerks. Just because ONE is a jackass doesn’t mean he represents ALL of us.

45. We hate it when women just leap out of the car and start walking off ahead of us. It's taken as total disrespect.

 
46. Believe it or not shy guys are the easiest to talk to...it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and tell them about yours.

47. Even if they deny it all guys are ticklish.

48. Guys hate it when you engage your friend in a lenghty cell phone calls when you're out together. "I'm with Bill; I'll call you later" is OK. Continuing to talk is WAY not OK. Engaging in text conversations is ten times worse. We figure someone invented voicemail for a reason.

49. Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times.

50. The words "I love you" are considered sacred by a guy, and not to be taken lightly. That's why guys use the phrase sparingly -- because it's considered powerful. Guys who are always chanting "I love you, I love you, I love you.." either a) Don't really, that's why it's so easy to say it or b) Lapdog wussies. Guys who use the "power phrase" sparingly really mean it.

by Jon Constantine | 2 Comments

Beyond the Laws of Attraction -- The Power of Negative Thinking

Ever since The Secret became a sensation a couple of years ago, the laws of attraction, or LOA, have become a popular topic of discussion. However, and I have blogged on this before, The Secret was essentially a primer, based on other works throughout the last century, for individuals who were not familiar with the principles of manifesting.

As a result, I am frequently hearing from clients stories about temporary results. How they had a specific goal, manifested it, and everything seemed to be on track. They did everything right. Followed the principles and there was some change. Money came in. The guy changed his attitude and became more loving and attentive. The new job came.

Then suddenly, POOF! Something happened and the money was gone. The guy reverted to his old habits. He/she messed up on the new job and was having the same problems he/she had on the old job. This is called the snap-back reality. You manifest change, it seems to be happening, and suddenly you're back at square one.

This is because many don't understand that consumerized teachings of something as potent as the LOA only teach basics. There is a common misconception, in our society, that learning the basics means you've mastered the whole thing. For example, in martial arts, a black belt is considered mastery. The truth is that it's all basics until black belt. Once you have earned a first degree black belt, you're ready to learn the system.

Many people don't get why they aren't able to manifest, and if they do, why they can't hang onto it. This is because they've got the basics down, but haven't gone beyond them. For example, many are not familiar with the principle of release. Now by this, I don't mean the new agey feel goody "release your negative thoughts."

I don't believe in releasing negative thoughts. "What?" you say? "Don't release negative thoughts?" That's right. Because you can't. You need your pain and angst built on experience; they're part of what you are. You can't get rid of something that's part of you, you can only repress it. And what happens when you repress? It's like bending a tree banch out of it's normal state. You can hold it there for a while, but eventually when you run out of energy it will snap back and snap back hard. And if you're in the way, you'll get hurt.

You've just met Steve and he's a great guy. But you can't really be yourself and you're constantly worried because your ex, Joe, dumped you suddenly for a another woman when you were confident in the relationship. It is the repression of this thought that leads to this anxiety. And once the LOA kick in, this repressed thought that is ever present in your subconscious you'll manifest it and experience a repeat performance with Steve.

The same thing can happen on the new job. You're programmed to worry because that petty and insecure boss was always riding you. So you try very hard not to think that way, and something happens where you mess up, and now your new boss is riding you. This is because the repressed thought in the subconscious was powerful and manifested.

The reason these repressed (never truly released) negative thoughts manifest is because they're still there. You can't will them to go away. The truth is that you got conditioned by an event or events and regardless of what you think you're responding to that condition. So when you manifest change and it occurs, it doesn't feel right. We're more comfortable with what we're used to, even if it's bad. Even a good change can make us feel uncomfortable; we're not use to things working out, so it doesn't feel right. So POOF, right back to where we started.

So what should you do with your negative thoughts? OWN THEM! Bring them to the surface. You earned your scars so wear them proudly. By doing this, you create an awareness that removes the power from the negativity. They're still there but the don't have any clout.

It is far better to be open about it and embrace the fact that you got burned once, and realize that if you're feeling anxiety that Steve is not the source of the anxiety, it's Joe. Rather than, "Joe did not exist, I'm not going to think about it," think about it. Be aware of the red flags you saw with Joe, in case you see them again, to avoid being hurt again. If you do see them, move on before you get in any deeper, until you find someone who doesn't exhibit them. Instead of, "I dissolve and release Joe," it should be more like, "Been there, done that, not goin' there again." Think about the mistakes you made with Joe so you don't repeat them. Were you too aggressive or intense? Too remote? And when you finally meet someone who doesn't wave the red flags, be grateful to Joe because his role in your life was, truth be told, to make you ready for the right guy.

On the new job, be aware of your previous boss' problems with you and the source of them. For example, the previous boss was a micromanager. She was always riding you after something happened and using words like "Why didn't I know about this until now?" So learn from that. If your new boss shows the symptoms of micromanagement (which is a very dysfunctional form of management) be aware of this flaw in him and learn from your previous experience. "I learned the secret to dealing with a micromanager is to tell them everything," so tell him everything. And make your fear your friend. Not, "It can't happen again," but "It could happen again, so how can I prepare in advance to thwart the consequences?"

And finally, there is a benefit to negative thinking. Haven't you ever seen very positive thinkers who didn't want to be negative, or hang around with negative people, and were eternally optimistic, and they had nothing? And, conversely, haven't you seen people who were the most cynical and pessimsitic people you could ever meet, and they were very successful?

This is because to the positive thinker failure is not an option. They don't embrace the possibilty of failure. Yet life is a roll of the dice and many things affect your goals -- timing, the actions of others, etc. "I just don't want to think like that." So the positive thinker is unprepared if things don't work out. On the other hand the negative thinker, "I just know something is going to go wrong" believes it could happen. If he's just paranoid and nothing goes wrong, he's okay, but if it does, he's prepared with a back-up plan.

In over 25 years in this business I've observed that the most successful and happiest people, with the most rewarding lives, all had one thing in common -- they were very good at Plan B.

This has been a pretty long blog, and I've only scratched the surface. In future blogs I'll take the concept of not just manifesting your goals, but keeping what you've manifested, several steps further.

In the meantime, have a good week and remember -- THINK NEGATIVE!

by Jon Constantine | 1 Comments

Buyer beware: Who are the real scammers?

Recently, there seems to be a profusion of websites purported to evaluate psychics. They generally purport to give "movie critic" critiques of various psychics or online psychic reading sites. They then proceed to try to win your confidence by telling you about their own negative experiences ("I'm just like you") and criticizing just about everyone out there, then highly recommending (because they've been led there by experience) a few "reliable" sites.

What all but the sharpest minded consumer might not realize is that the majority of these sites are using two marketing techniques to discredit others and lure you to a specific site.

The first marketing technique was refined to its purest form in the car business. I did sell cars for about four years in my youth, and my uncle owned two dealerships. The technique is to warn you about traps and tricks used by car dealerships. This is designed to win your confidence and trust. You're supposed to figure that the person warning you must be honest because, after all, he's telling you about the tricks. So you're vulnerable and trusting when he then proceeds to pull the same tricks on you.

The second technique is the "herbal viagra" technique. If you search the words "herbal viagra," you will find the internet is loaded with sites purporting to be consumer-oriented evaluations of "men's speciality products" which generally contain educated-sounding reviews of the products that are out there, and highly recommend one product, with another product a slight second to make it look realistic. They all claim to be unbiased and objective, and they invariably steer you toward a specific product.

The psychic evaluation sites operate the same way. First, when you see them, they're very professional looking with multiple pages. They generally look like those turnkey sites promising that their product will help you drop 20 pounds a month or make a fortune online where some man or woman is a figurehead, and they all have the same page formatting and layouts. You know, the stuff you find on the right hand column of Facebook.

These sites are very professionally written, giving the details in a progression designed to lead you to a conclusion. The links and page backgrounds are first class and the information is detailed. Does this sound like something a simple random individual who is now "on your side" because she/he got sick and tired of being "ripped off" can afford to create and maintain simply to be a good Samaritan?


A large, professional "evaluation" or "rating" website exists to make a profit for the owner. The money is made through either sponsorship or paid advertising. They can include links to sites that pay for every click through. In other words, it's all about money.

The truth is that an on-line psychic reading site can be likened to a medical group. Individuals doctors join the group and your relationship with your doctor is a professional one-on-one relationship. You find the doctor you like, just as you find a psychic you like, through the group and the quality of the others in the group does not reflect on the quality of the individual physician or psychic. Naturally you will like some better than others and not everyone will connect to your individual situation.

So the next time you see something online coming from the negative, like "Don't be fooled!" do just that -- don't be.

by Jon Constantine | 0 Comments

Dangerous Media Misconceptions and Domestic Violence

I had an interesting experience a while back. I was invited by a close friend I've worked with over the years to address a group of women, all of whom had been abuse victims. Very flattered by the invitation, I looked forward to actually being able to help people and to do some good.

My friend introduced me and highlighted mainly my martial arts background, and so I began by telling them, "The ultimate martial arts technique is target denial. To simply not be there, or avoid the situation entirely. Most men and women, when they are victimized by an abuser allow it to happen only once--"

"Wait a minute, Jon," cut in my friend. "Since when have men been abuse victims?" "Very frequently," I replied. "Most men are subconsciously programmed by our nature not to strike women and simply are not capable of hitting back. There are cases where the woman may be a lot younger and in good physical shape and stronger and faster, or she may attack with a blunt instrument..." "Okay, I get your point, but you're addressing abused WOMEN, so let's stick to that."

"All right," I continued, "if you're here that means it's happened more than once, and therefore, you have a pattern of allowing yourself to be abused either by the same person, or of seeking out abusive males. Generally, when a woman does this, it means she was exposed to or witnessed abuse as a child, therefore, she equates abuse with love."

"Jon, hold, hold, HOLD! Can the therapy. These ladies came here to learn. I brought you here to give them some techniques, to teach them how to fight back!"

Well, to cut to the chase I informed them that the best I could do in one session was to teach them to hurt or break the nose of someone who was probably much bigger and stronger and already enraged, which was not a good idea. When I insisted what they really needed to do was identify the root cause of why they subjected themselves to abuse, and I could not turn them into the false superwoman depicted in the media, there was grumbling. I was really surprised when many of them expressed disappointment because they came there to learn how to kick butt and take names.

Now, since my television watching is limited, it took another woman to explain why a lot of this "fight back" mentality is so present today. Apparently on just about every television show, the female is depicted as much smarter and sharper than her male counterparts -- generally characterized as inept and ego-driven bumblers --  and she has these incredible physical skills and is all too ready and willing to kick the tail off of any man foolish enough to get in her way.  Prophetically that evening I caught part of an HBO movie depicting a home invasion robbery, and the wife grabbed a pistol out of one of the invaders' hands and turned it around on him, only to be subdued when his cohorts grabbed her helpless husband and threatened to shoot him.

In the real world it doesn't work that way. Even Mike Tyson never fought out of his weight class. And, as I mentioned, it takes years of diligent training and discipline to develop the skills to overcome a larger and stronger opponent. To top it off, it combat situations it's very easy for the good guy to become the bad guy. If you are able to render a person incapable of continuing to administer harm, and you continue to "punish" him, you're the one subject to arrest for excessive force. You can only use enough force to neutralize an attacker. If, for example, he flees and you follow, you're now the aggressor. I'm not saying you don't defend yourself if you have the ability; I'm saying that you have to know how far you can take it, and the current depiction of today's woman as superwoman in the media has created some dangerous stereotypes.

While I think it is admirable that women are embracing a more physical side of themselves, it seems that there is still an unrealistic attitude of what is possible and what is not. And the truth is, even if you can bench press the whole gym and curl your husband's bodyweight, even if you can do a flying side kick to a jerk's face, most abusers are cowards and wouldn't fight fair anyway.

An abuse victim has issues that are far more deep seated than missing her black belt test. They aren't solved by revenge; they're solved by identifying what caused her to allow herself to become a punching bag, or a target of psychological abuse to begin with, and why the cycle repeats itself. They're solved by getting out of the pattern, by not giving someone who has shown himself to be abusive a second chance or buying into the old, "I've changed" routine.

Domestic violence is a serious problem. I have clients who have tolerated physical, verbal and psychological use for years, and the only way I'm able to help them is to look at them emphatically and identify the root cause, then work with them to remove it or overcome it, and do all I can to encourage them to get out of the situation. As I stated to the group I addressed, the ultimate martial arts technique is target denial.

by Jon Constantine | 1 Comments

"I'm just calling to know when I'm going to meet my soulmate"

Truthfully, this is the question I really dread. Yet it happens quite frequently. Generally these are shorter calls and the basis of this question is so in-depth it takes a lot of time to explain. And generally, the callers have been led to believe, evidently by some form of new-age feel-goodism, that there's someone for everyone, and one day, out of the blue this person is fated to just drop into their lives and this all-conquering, everlasting love will completely transform them.

In the real world it's not that simple. First, meeting a so-called "soul mate" is not always a good thing. It means you have a karmic debt with this person that has to be repaid. Second, we are creatures with free will, and simply by waiting around to meet "the one" we're actually thwarting the possibility of meeting someone who could be very good for us.

The sad truth is that almost everyone who calls and asks the question, "When am I going to meet my soulmate?" is asking the wrong question. The real question they should be asking is, "Can you identify the pattern in my life that has prevented me from having a fulfilling relationship?" That way the adviser can identify that pattern, explain how it developed, and give good advice and work with the client to encourage new behaviors that will break the pattern.

Another tragic side effect of this question is quite often I get callers who have wasted valuable years of their lives because someone told them, "You're going to meet 'the one' in two years." So two years go by and they blow off opportunities to socialize, meet people, and possibly develop a good relationship.

The truth is we meet people when we're ready to meet them. And the best way to make this happen is to do the work, discover the obstacles in our lives and remove the obstacles. It may not be what many want to hear, but the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. And in the field of love and relationships, the straightest line is self-transformation.

by Jon Constantine | 3 Comments

Why are Guys Such Jerks?

As any male adviser can tell you, one of the nicest perks of this job is being able to speak with literally hundreds of women and give away the secrets of "Guyland." And one of the most frequently asked questions from the ladies is, "Why are guys such jerks?"

The answer isn't genetic, it isn't hormonal and it isn't cultural. It's simple. By the time a guy hits 30, 35, 40 he is a product of what he has observed. He's seen the beautiful girl everyone wanted with the creep who treated her like dirt. And her excuse is, "I can't help it; I like BAD BOYS!" Then he saw the bad boy and he was the biggest wimp he'd ever set eyes on. Yes, ladies, avoiding the barbershop, growing itchy stubble, and having a potty mouth doesn't make him a bad boy. It makes him a poser. But the point is, enough women buy into the pose. And guys notice this.

Or he's had a crush on a woman who was in an abusive relationship and he was there for her when she needed a good cry, he nurtured her, and built up her self-worth level. And one night, she stops by and tells him, "You're right, I deserve better, and I got rid of the creep." And just when he's expecting her to throw his arms around her and declare her feelings, she says, "And I met the most wonderful guy. Well, he's married, but the only reason he stays with her is for the kids. He sleeps on the sofa..."

Then there's the guy who's with a female friend. She's filled with anxiety. "Why do you think he hasn't called?" "I don't know, Sally, there could be a million reasons -- oh look! There's a train derailment!" "That's terrible -- but why do you think he hasn't called?" "Look, it's Haley's comet!" "Huh. Why do you think he hasn't called?" "Did you know you just ate your nose?" "Oh. Why do you think he hasn't called?"

What you ladies may or may not have noticed is that we men are very analytical by nature. It goes back to childhood. We lose a football game and we meet and discuss what we did wrong, and what to do in the future to prevent it from happening again. We see a martial art and think, "What could that do to me and how can I prevent it?" and work out defenses against it.

So we start to notice a pattern. All dates fall into one of three categories: a) Not that into her, but would like to see that movie or eat at that restaurant with someone; b) Operation booty call; or c) Evaluating her as a potential girlfriend or wife. Most of you think that category B is overwhelmingly in first place. Wrooooong! It's category C.

So, that means he has to sell himself as a potential boyfriend or husband -- and that means he starts out by trying too hard. He takes her out to a nice expensive restaurant, holds out her chair for her, tells her how beautiful she is and calls her as soon as he gets home and thanks her. And promptly finds himself in the "She's just not that into him" zone, or worse yet, he hears the "F" word -- the most insidious and hurtful word that can pass from the lips of someone you're romantically attracted to: "friend."

Then the same guy notices when he has a date from category A, the opposite happens. It's a so-so night, and it didn't go anywhere. He spent $75 to watch her talk on the cell phone and to get a limp fish hug. So he just doesn't call her again. And then one day he gets an e-mail from her, "How are you doing? Haven't heard from you for a while." He sends back, "Fine & you?" She finds some excuse to call him, or after a few days he gives in and gives her a call.

On the next date, she's dressed to kill and she leaves her phone at home. He takes her for a walk in the village and a hot dog. And since he lives nearby she says she'd like to see his apartment. But since he's a guy, his underwear is on the floor, his dishes are stacked up and he hasn't cleaned up the popcorn he spilled on the floor. So he tells her he has to be at work early and sees how disappointed she looks.  Then two days later she calls him and he ends up at her place and they knock a hole through the wall with her headboard.

He goes home and analyzes the situation, and when something works for you, you stick with it. It takes him to or three days to return her calls and they become more frequent. He takes her on a wonderful dream date which she thinks will lead to the next step, then doesn't call her for a week. And she's telling her friend what a jerk he is and then sees his number on the caller ID and answers on the first ring.

So whether you believe it to be true or not ladies, here is the view from Guyland:

1. You hate wussies, and often buy into the superficial appearance or behavior of being a "bad boy," even if it's just an act.

2. If we start out by taking you to a nice place you interpret it that we want you so badly we're willing to spend a lot of money to get you, and once you know someone wants something the price goes up -- Econ 101.

3. If we call too often you know you can have us whenever you want to, so you're in no hurry.

4. People want what they can't have. The more difficult we make it for you, the more aggressively you pursue us.

So the next time you're ready to utter the phrase, "What a jerk," you've got to ask yourself one question. "Do I feel lucky?" Well do you, p-- wait. Sorry. Wrong script. The question is: Is he a jerk because he WANTS to be, or is he a jerk because he HAS to be?

by Jon Constantine | 7 Comments

If Free Will Can Thwart a Prediction, Why Bother Consulting a Psychic?

One of the banes of a psychic life is questions like, "I'm just calling to find out when I'm going to meet my soulmate." Of course, a responsible advisor will tell a person it's really not that simple and it doesn't work that way, and the caller is generally disappointed or angry because he/she feels you're not giving him/her a straight answer. On the other hand, calls like this are few and far between. Fortunately, most callers of this nature want more bang for their buck, so they ask specific questions like, "Why haven't I been able to have a lasting relationship?" or "What's causing me to make bad choices?" and so on.

The reason I say fortunately is because any prediction can be modified by free will or random events that have not yet occurred. When is the last time you heard of a psychic winning the lottery? The reason we can't is because lottery numbers are drawn at random, thus making them impossible to predict. And while some believe the whole free will thing is a cop out, and a sneaky way to cover one's tracks, others "get it" and frequently consult a psychic to find out if something bad is currently fated to occur, then, being forewarned, take action to thwart it.

For example, if I tell you I see you being fired for showing up late, do you simply sit back and say, "Jon predicted I'll be fired so there's nothing I can do about it?" or do you use this knowledge and start showing up on time, even a bit early, and save your job?

Even Nostradamus and Edgar Cayce talked about the impact of free will. Many of their predictions were warnings. "I foresee this happening if something isn't done to change it."  So what about psychics who claim 100% accuracy? Well, that's their business and this is not a criticism, but I couldn't do it because I am not 100% accurate. What I can claim is a track record spanning back nearly 30 years of being accurate vastly in excess of the laws of probability or coincidence, and the times I have not been accurate invariably something in the equation changed. For example, many psychics saw clients getting jobs or safe in their jobs. then the economy tanked, many free-will decisions were made by politicans, bankers, etc. and it didn't happen.

The analogy is like this. A prediction is an extrapolation based on what's happening today. It's as if you're in a forest so all you can see is individual trees, while the psychic is on a hill looking down and can see all that is happening. So the psychic sees Bob walking in your direction and; therefore, predicts you will meet up with Bob in ten minutes. This means that there is a 90% chance you'll meet with Bob in ABOUT ten minutes. But there are variables. Bob could trip and fall and have to get up again, or stop to take a cell phone call, affecting the timing. Bob could suddenly change his mind and start walking in another direction.

So if a prediction is not 100% guaranteed accurate, why bother consulting with a psychic at all? Well, first, the aforementioned example of the job. If it's bad, you don't want it to be written in stone, you want it to be able to change it. Next, since there is a high degree of probabilty of accuracy, it gives you an advantage. You know what is likely to happen, but should exercise a little prudence. You shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket. If your advisor tells you that you're coming into money, does an intelligent person run out and buy a new Lexus, or wait until the money is in the bank?

Additionally, you have the advantage of an overview. If, for example, as in the analogy, Bob doesn't arrive, you can find out what detained him and when he will arrive. If he turned in another direction, you can find out what was over there that caused him to go in that direction.

So really, the reason for caling a psychic is to get an overview of the situation, which you then use to stack the deck in your favor. State simply: knowledge is power.

by Jon Constantine | 4 Comments

From Zero to Hero

Lately I've been receiving a lot of calls from clients who are either in a state of ambivalence, or have been the victims of the very devastating situation of having gone from idealization to devaluation. To help people who are either going through this process or have born the brunt of it, I'm going to provide a more detailed explanation of just how it works.

Before we begin I'd like to say that I'm using the gender references as the female who experiences the trauma and begins idealizing and devaluing and the male who is the focus of this because it is statistically more common. However, this is in no way to imply that women are not idealized and devalued by men. So please feel free to substitute gender references wherever appropriate.

Love is an extremely complex emotion. There are individuals who have been seriously damaged by love. It could have been an abusive parent, abandonment, the abrupt and unexpected loss of a loved one, or a horrendously hurtful event in a relationship. I’m not talking about a broken heart or disappointment. I’m talking about a serious trauma that would literally mess anybody up.

 

This generally occurs very early in life – sometimes in childhood, or, in the case of a relationship issue, at the beginning of the person’s romantic life. Whatever the specific incident, this person gave another person power over her and that power was abused. Therefore, to prevent this from happening in the future, she needs a defense mechanism to become impervious to the whims, needs and decisions of others. This is the defense mechanism called idealization.

 

Idealization

 

The core of the fantasy is that the hurt of the trauma will be erased by meeting the perfect romantic partner. This will bring an undying, all conquering love, a perpetual courtship phase, and transform the person’s life into heaven on earth. Because of the desperation to fill the void, usually the first member of the opposite sex to show interest when the person is “available” or “between partners” will be selected.

 

Once selected, this person will be viewed as perfect. If he looks like Quasimodo and she sees him as devastatingly handsome, anyone who disagrees will be deemed as crazy, or, more likely, jealous. In the case of a high-functioning idealizer you’ll simply be deemed as having bad taste. If he’s a total bore she sees him as witty and charming, if he’s a jerk she sees him as kind and considerate, etc. In other words, she is in total denial of his negative qualities, and all humans have negative qualities.

 

These individuals are very dangerous because people fall in love with them very quickly. They lavish attention and feelings on a person, and being the recipient of such a loving and all-consuming attitude is not just comforting and flattering, it can be overwhelming. And usually, the unsuspecting recipient does not realize that he was selected at random to play a character in a fairy tale, and has been assigned qualities he may or may not have.

 

Unfortunately, the fall is inevitable. Sooner or later, he will disappoint (as all humans must from time to time) or an incident will occur that will disillusion her. He may criticize her or stand up to her narcissistic demands and try to set boundaries. He may get sick or have work obligations. It doesn’t matter. The slightest criticism is taken as an all-out assault on the foundation of her existence and circumstances beyond his control are evidence of imperfection. At this point, the phase called ambivalence is triggered.

 

Ambivalence

 

Ambivalence is a very painful state for a person engaging in idealization because the feeling of “it’s not supposed to be like this” sets in. It is the realization that everything is not perfect; so the fairy tale is not going according to script. Therefore, she starts to question her feelings.

 

If she is not in love with him, he can be discarded very quickly. If she did fall in love with him, it creates a dilemma. In ambivalence she’s not sure if she loves him, but equally unsure if she doesn’t. She is incredibly confused because love is a reality-based experience and idealization is a fantasy. She can’t understand why she misses and is still drawn to this imperfect creature. Because she can’t integrate her feelings, it’s a very painful situation and she needs to end the pain.

 

The only way to do that is to find a replacement object to idealize. Therefore, virtually the first person to show interest in this stage is pulled in and tossed up on the pedestal as the new object of idealization. And, for the former occupant of the pedestal, things are about to get rough.

 

Devaluation

 

The former “love object” is now faced with the opposite extreme of devaluation. She needs to justify her decision and actions and, therefore, must view the previous object as all bad. Whom she once found attractive she now sees as ugly and even disgusting. Whom she once found charming she now sees as conniving and untrustworthy. She is in complete denial of his good qualities and may even go into complete denial that she ever had any feelings.

 

An irrational hatred sets in, and any attempt to mend fences is futile. Contact will be viewed as an annoyance. “Why are you bothering me? Don’t you realize you’ve been replaced?” He must realize he is completely flawed and worthless, as must others.

 

Warning Signals

 

A person capable of going from idealization to devaluation is characterized by the following warning signals.

 

1. A history of having found “the one” and never having been more sure of anything in her life.
2. Overly sensitive to real or imagined slights.
3. Talks in extremes. (i.e., “I look gorgeous.” “I look disgusting.”)
4. Extremely good social skills (i.e., magnetic personality, very likeable and disarming, etc.)
5. Talks and actions are opposite extremes. (For example talks about efficiency and time management but lies in bed for hours. Talks like a leader but is very easily led.)
6. Dramatic mood swings.
7. The center of the universe. (i.e., everything others do is for her benefit, to get her attention, to have an impact on her, etc.)

 

Final Words

 

It’s important to remember that this is not about love. Love is not a fantasy that becomes a reality or another person filling your needs. Real love is unconditional, and it’s all about caring about a person in spite of her or his imperfections, facing challenges together, and working together to turn around the things that disappoint.

 

Being devalued is not being rejected. It’s simply being on the receiving end of a wounded person’s desperate attempt to erase the pain caused by confused feelings. It's hard to accept that you were only an actor in another person's play, but it's important to realize there is nothing wrong with you, you were not taken advantage of, you were not rejected or dumped for someone else, and you didn't do anything wrong.

by Jon Constantine | 1 Comments

7 Tools for a Great Reading

There are several differences between getting a reading in person or over the phone and connecting with an on-line psychic. The major difference is, in person, you’ve paid for a block of time, it doesn’t matter if you go a little over, and that’s how much time you get.

In the context of an on-line reading, you’re being billed by the minute. This  you want to get to the heart of the matter instantly and dispense with casual formalities. In many cases, an on-line reader may be better at this because an experienced on-line reader has developed the talent for tuning in and getting to the point in milliseconds.

The following is a list of seven tools you can use to get a great on-line reading, and the information you want:

1. BEGIN WITH A BRIEF SUMMARY. There are some readers who prefer to work from just a name. I can do this, but I find that with no information, a lot of very general things come through and it eats up a lot of time. By summarizing I don’t mean give everything away; I mean give the reader the background of the situation and allow her/him to tune in quickly.

2. ASK SPECIFIC QUESTIONS.  This also helps us cut to the chase. For example, if you just say, “Tell me about Steve,” you get a general overview of Steve. On the other hand, if you say, “About six months ago I met this guy named Steve. We started dating and it was going really well, then he started sending me mixed signals, running hot and cold, and now he seems reluctant to move forward. What’s up with that?” you find out what you want to know.

3. DON’T BE UPSET IF THE ADVISOR ASKS QUESTIONS. Some people think a true psychic is all-seeing and all-knowing. Often we will ask you questions to confirm that we are picking up correctly and connecting. When you tell a doctor your complaint, a good doctor already has a lot of information, but he/she will still ask some diagnostic questions to zero in on the problem. You’ll be able to tell the difference between a genuine psychic’s diagnostic questions and someone fishing for information.

4. DON’T PLAY “TEST THE PSYCHIC.” Unless you like to test psychics as a hobby, this is a waste of money. Just as a professional athlete can run faster or jump higher, but not fly, a good psychic is gifted but not all-seeing and all-knowing. If you give a bloodhound the wrong shoe, the bloodhound will lead you to the wrong person. That doesn’t mean it’s not a good tracker.

5. BE AWARE THAT YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR. There are psychics who will tell you what you want to hear. Some fear making you angry, others simply hand callers a basket of roses as a general practice. But most of the time, a professional advisor feels he/she has an obligation to tell you what he/she is seeing and feeling, whether it’s good news or not. It is not good to take away someone’s hope, but it is even worse to raise false hopes.

6. TAKE NOTES. Often, during the course of a reading, you may find yourself in a relaxed state of consciousness, and have difficulty recalling what was said later on. Always have pen and paper at hand to jot down key points.

7. DON’T BE UPSET IF WHAT YOU HEAR IS CONTRARY TO YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF THE “FACTS.” The advisor may be seeing things that are unknown to you at the time. You would be surprised how many readings end with, “That’s just not possible,” and how many follow-up readings begin with, “I never would have believed it.”

I would like close by saying that these are my own suggestions based on my personal experiences. Another advisor may disagree or prefer to work differently. But I find that, by using these tools, a client can save a great deal of time and, therefore, money.

by Jon Constantine | 0 Comments

How to Get Anything You Want Without Really Trying

Ever since The Secret hit the stands and video stores, the laws of attraction have received public attention as if this were something new. People in the metaphysical world know that it’s just a nice repackaging of concepts that have been around forever.

At the same time, a lot of people think that it offers an easy way. That the real title should be, “How to Get Anything You Want Without Really Trying.”  Uh-uh. It’s not quite the magic lamp, folks.

The underlying concept is that your reality is a product of your belief. So if you believe you are a giraffe, you’ll be a giraffe (just kidding). But while the idea that we create our own reality may be true, it does not take into account that we did not create ourselves. We are the products of many factors: our genetics, our parents, where we grew up, childhood and early adulthood experiences, etc. These factors gave us our personalities, hopes and fears, and we can’t just will them to change or go away.

We’ve all heard the fact that many lottery winners somehow are conned out of their winnings or squander them and return to their original circumstances within two years. Sadly, we are aware that many people who grew up witnessing abuse end up in abusive relationships. The reason is that we, as humans, are more comfortable with what we’re used to, even if what we’re used to is not what we want. Just as the lottery winner is in a comfort zone of poverty, due to familiarity, the person who witnessed abuse as a child may equate abuse with love.

These manifestations are not conscious manifestations or desires. They are the result of programmed, reflexive response. It isn’t realistic to think you can wake up one morning and say, “Okay, it’s going to be different now,” and all that programming is just going to go away.

So the question is: How do you use the Laws of Attraction or create a manifestation if a lifetime of programming is working against you? The answer is to manifest your desires in realistic steps, which you, as the person you are today, can accept.

Say we have a woman who has a problem holding down a job. So one day she’s sitting in Starbucks reading her copy of The Secret. Ah, now she knows! She creates her own reality, and her thoughts and belief control that reality. So since she needs a job, she’ll just manifest one. “So,” she thinks, “since I can be anything I want...let's see...president of the United States, noooo...CEO of a multinational corporation, nah...I know! Queen of the Universe!"

So five minutes later do the aliens arrive and proclaim her, and is she stressing out choosing coronation robes? I wouldn't bet on it. Because it was an unrealistic jump from point A, which she's used to, to a vastly different point B.

What she can do is set realistic goals. First, she can analyze her work history and see the pattern, and where it began. Say she was fired from her first job at 16 unexpectedly, that created a fear of getting fired, so she manifested that fear throughout her work history.

Understanding this pattern, she can make an effort to create new behaviors that will create new results. Then she has to set realistic goals and steps that are within reach. From point A to a realistic point B, then to a point C that may not be attainable (in her conditioned belief system) from point A, but would be from point B.  In other words, possibly she sees a recruiting notice at Starbucks, starts working as a cashier, then works to manifest a promotion to manager, and then district manager, and so on.

The other thing that is frequently not factored in is how our goals and desires impact on others. We have to respect the free will and boundaries of other people. There is a rebound effect for harming another. For example, say Jim wants a job like George’s. So he tries to manifest George’s job. George gets fired. There will be consequences. On the other hand, Jim manifests something similar, with harm to none, he’s doing fine.

Say Sally wants Bill, but Bill is with Sandy. If Sally tries to manifest Bill leave Sandy for her, she’s not only attacking Sandy, but she’s violating Bill’s free will. On the other hand, Sally can try to manifest to make herself the perfect woman for Bill, and allow Bill to choose according to his free will. Or, better yet, she can manifest the perfect life partner for herself, according to free will, without naming names or focusing on anyone specific.

In other words, like everything else in the world, it is not enough simply to read about the Laws of Attraction and easily put them into action. It requires a thorough understanding of the dynamics of how this reality functions, an assessment of your own limitations, and moving forward in realistic steps.

by Jon Constantine | 4 Comments

Psychic Readings and Inconsistencies

I have written on this subject before, but I have received many requests to expound on the subject, so here goes:

One of the banes of a professional psychic advisor’s job is listening to responses like, “Well, I spoke with so-and-so and she said just the opposite,” or “That’s not what you told me six months ago.” Generally, when people are seeking answers, they have a tendency to repeat questions or to seek out second and third (or fourth or fifth) opinions. This is normal and reasonable. But it is not always reasonable to expect the information to be consistent.

There are many reasons for inconsistencies. Obviously, the surface reason is someone can just be wrong. But it is possible that more than one could be right. And it is possible that even the same psychic may contradict him/herself.

The biggest problem, as always is human nature. If you’re calling to ask about another person, it’s important to realize that people, and their feelings, are not fixed in stone. Human beings are not consistent, and they are also subject to other forces in their lives, such as work or family problems, which can take their focus in another direction. So it’s quite possible to contact one psychic who will tell you, “Bill is thinking about you all the time,” and a week later it’s possible to hear, “Sorry, but Bill is totally preoccupied with his work now.”

In that people are not consistent with their feelings, it is also possible to feel differently about a person on different days. Haven’t you ever been attracted to more than one person, and, depending on your mood or what happened during your last contact, the front runner changed from time to time?

The other problem, and I’ve mentioned this in previous blogs, is that a psychic does not hear a big booming voice that speaks with clarity, “This is going to happen on this day at this hour.” We receive input through impression, and often it is up to us to interpret the information. So the initial psychic impression, or image may be the same, but two different consultants may be interpreting it differently.

There is also the matter of how a person, as an individual, sees things. For example, Psychic A may see Dick breaking up with Jane as when Dick makes the decision. Psychic B might see it as when he tells her, while Psychic C may see it as when Jane moves out. All three are correct, but because each one interprets “break up” a little differently, you can get drastically different time frames.

The final area, and this gets touchy, is there is also the possibility of free will or random event intervention. Three psychics, for example, may see you and Bill taking a nice vacation together. They have no way of seeing the purely random event of the neighbor kid leaving his skateboard in front of Bill’s door, and Bill ending up in physical therapy for three months.

If you’re confused by inconsistent information, it’s a good idea to be direct about it with your advisor. A professional will not be threatened by other advisors or become angry or jealous. In fact many (including myself) encourage second opinions. Ask the advisor for a clarification or, if you’re really confused, get a clarification reading to put everything in perspective. Very often the information may be more consistent than it first seems.

NOTE: Jon Constantine is generally available for consultations Sunday through Thursday from 10 AM to 6 PM Pacific Time. Please use the ARRANGE A CALL feature.

by Jon Constantine | 3 Comments

LOVE SPELLS -- And Other Great Ways to Completely Mess Up Your Life

Recently I haven’t had much of a chance to do on-line readings due to my travel schedule. Fortunately, from now until the end of the year, I should be in one place and more available. Unfortunately, during my brief returns, I noticed three common threads occurring, and they seem to be growing.

In all three of these threads I have found a common denominator: some form of love spell or ritual was performed, or an attempt was made to manifest or manipulate the feelings of another person in violation of free will. In some cases, the individual employed the services of another to “force” the affection of the intended. In other cases, the individual utilized basic tools like image candles or visualization or manifestation techniques. In every case, the individual ends up dreadfully unhappy, and creating chaos in his/her life, and the life of the victim.

Yes, I did say “victim.” The other person is indeed a victim as the reality is that spellwork or manifestation techniques for the purpose of interfering with another person’s feelings or life is a form of cursing. And the person who engages in these activities is subject to the same karmic effects and law of return as if they had intentionally placed a curse on another person.

The first thread is I get frequent calls from individuals whose interpersonal relationships are completely going awry. Significant others sending mixed signals, bad luck all the way around and financial problems, which lead to relationship problems. While there could be many reasons for this, let’s say for the purposes of this blog we examine the situation and find external, meddling energy involved.

What this means is a man or woman is going about his or her life. Another party enters and there is an attraction, perhaps even a relationship. It doesn’t work out, or if it is working, it’s not working to the satisfaction of the other party. So he/she decides to help it along. First, we’re beginning with an attempt to bend the free will of another, but it doesn’t stop there. It also affects the lives of rivals (and as much as people hate rivals, it doesn’t give us the right to attack them) and it affects the natural progression of things. Since everything is interconnected, the victim’s life soon deteriorates into a chaotic mess.

The second thread is where a caller doesn’t understand negative feelings. There is an individual that he/she knows, maybe even liked; there could have even been an attraction at one time, or maybe a relationship. Now the individual can’t stand that person; in fact, he/she may even feel a deep revulsion for the individual.

Again, upon examination, we find the other party did some work to manifest feelings in the other person. There are many self-help books out there, many words of encouragement, and many “ready made kits” and such, but for some reason none of them tell the complete truth: You cannot interfere with another’s free will without serious consequences. I cannot tell you that many of these things are sucker bait or they don’t work because some of them do. But they only produce temporary results, and there is a karmic rebound effect. That effect is that generally the person wants to head for the hills and have nothing to do with you.

The third thread is that a normally adjusted person will be obsessed over a relationship issue. I’m not talking about obsessive personalities, or someone who is just crazy about another person and fixated. I’m talking about an unhealthy obsession where the individual can’t think about anything else, like an addiction, and often is risking (or has already lost) finances, job, family, etc. Yet when I scan the person, the person does not normally have these tendencies.

Again, this is the threefold law of return in action. What you put out comes back to you three times over (some say seven while others make it – gulp! – ten!). So when you violate another person’s rights and free will in attempt to force feelings on them, when it comes back to you, you’re going to have three times the feelings for that person. In short, the stuff of obsession and self-damaging behavior.

Think of it like this. People are like trees. It takes no energy to maintain them in their normal state. It takes a lot of force to bend the tree out of its normal state, and more force to hold it there. Eventually, you either break the tree, or you cannot hold it there and you let go. When you let go, it snaps back fast and hard. And if you’re standing in the way, you can get hurt. Interfering with free will is identical.

So this leads to a couple of questions. First, if you have innocently bought into the love spell or manifestation situation, how do you make it right? The first and most important step is to neutralize what you’ve done. If you’ve used spellwork or earth magic, often a simple gray candle burned with the intent to neutralize can do the trick. If you’ve used manifestation techniques, a frequent affirmation like, “I withdraw all energies I may have, intentionally or unintentionally inflicted upon X, and I dissolve and release them with harm to none.” It may require several daily manifestations of this to put the energy right, but you will also see immediate change in your own life.

The next question is, of course, isn’t there anything you can do if the object of your affection isn’t responding? Well, sadly, sometimes not. Sometimes it’s best to move on and other times the timing just isn’t right. But there are certain things you can do. For example, you cannot cast a spell to force Joe to love you, but you can do something on yourself to make yourself more the type of person to whom Joe would be attracted.

My words here should not scare anybody off, or make anyone feel dreadful consequences. Manifestation of desires is positive as long as it does not harm others.  This is why I always recommend closing with, “According to free will, for the good of all, with harm to none, and so it must be.”

As long as you attain what you want without harming another person (and impinging on free will is harm), you don’t have to worry about any rebound effect.

NOTE: Jon Constantine is generally available for consultations Sunday through Thursday from 10 AM to 6 PM Pacific Time. Please use the ARRANGE A CALL feature.

by Jon Constantine | 44 Comments

Love, Relationships and Psychic Readings

There is no touchier area for an advisor (except possibly when dealing with a person with a serious illness) than the area of love and relationships. Of course, this is logical since it's the one area where a person lacks control; his or her happiness depends on the response of another person.

 

This is also the area where it is very risky for an advisor. The reason is that most people (believe it or not there are some exceptions) don't call to say, "I just thought I'd spend five bucks a minute to tell you how wonderful my relationship is going." They call because they have relationship issues. Relationships issues translate to anxiety. And people going through anxiety are A) Wanting to hear the truth and B) Want to hear what they want to hear.

 

Obviously, this can set up a real conflict if the truth is not what you want to hear. But many individuals are calling to relieve the anxieties they're feeling. So, while they do want the truth, often the truth may increase these anxieties.

 

Now, let's add another ingredient to the mix. In addition to the anxiety factor, there is also the notorious free-will issue.  Things that are on course can be modified at any time not just by random events, not just by one person's free will, but by two sets of free will.

 

As I pointed out in my previous blog, "The Free Will Cop Out" (click here to read), there are individuals who become very angry over the idea that a prediction can change because someone might make a decision. But it's a fact of life. Even the most accurate psychic can only give you a projected outcome based on the assumption that things will stay on the current course.

 

So much of the reliability of the prediction does not rest so much on the accuracy of the psychic, but on the consistency of the people involved. If, for example, you're involved with someone who pretty much stays on target, it's going to be an easy call. If, on the other hand, the person is fickle, flighty or changeable, it's tougher.

 

The other part of the equation is the question as to why the person had relationship issues. The normal, well adjusted person doesn't wake up one morning, see the sun shining and say, "What a great day to start a dysfunctional relationship!" The normal, well-adjusted person can (and often does) get into a karmic situation, or get emotionally involved before he/she knows how difficult it's going to be. Other times, a person's behavior is suspicious and it's time to call Jon Ventura, Significant Other Detective.

 

But there are also people who have relationship issues for more difficult reasons. Some people have self-worth issues, so they're into downward bonding. Others are addicted to drama. Some, who grew up watching patterns of abuse, equate abuse with love.

 

Then we have the saddest category -- the person who has relationship issues or problems because he/she happens to be a very unpleasant person. Most of the individuals we refer to as "bashers" (people who call multiple psychics and leave untrue and malicious feedback) are calling about relationship issues. Then you read the vicious things they say and your first reaction is, "And the guy headed for the hills? Go figure."

 

So, if it's difficult to get accurate predictions, if it could cause anxiety, or if you've come to the sudden epiphany, "Hey, I wonder if my being mean and angry has something to do with why they never call?" then that leaves the question: Why consult with a psychic over a relationship at all?"

 

There are several reasons. The first, obviously, is therapy. It feels good to talk it out with someone who is objective and noninvolved. It feels good to get insights from someone who has counseled literally hundreds of people in similar situations.

 

The second reason is that it may set your mind at rest. Now, granted, if you want peace of mind, you might end up with a "tell 'em what they want to hear" psychic when you really want the truth. But if you find someone who is reliable and does not sugarcoat, at least you're going to find out one way or the other.

 

But the main reason is to get the advantage in the situation. Knowledge is power, and the more you know, the more control over your situation you have. A good empathy can give you a detailed description of what makes another person tick, what to do, and what not to do to turn the tide in your favor. A talented clairvoyant can give you a situational overview, so you know exactly where you stand and where it's headed.

 

And, who knows? A lot of the time problems are fixable. A good advisor can be the one to help you know when it's time to lay low, when it's time to move on, or when it's time to move forward.

 

Good luck!

NOTE: Jon Constantine is generally available for consultations Sunday through Thursday from 10 AM to 6 PM Pacific Time. Please use the ARRANGE A CALL feature.

by Jon Constantine | 3 Comments

The Free-Will Copout

One of the most basic laws of both religion and metaphysics (and the overlap) is that all creatures are blessed with free will. That is, we are not controlled like robots or puppets, nor are we like pieces on a chess board. We make our own decisions.

This is why it is very frustrating when I read comments from people seeking psychic advice that free will is some sort of copout or "escape clause" used by psychics to get out of being bound by predictions.

To the vast majority of callers, this statement probably comes as a surprise, as the vast majority of callers contact advisors because they know the future is subject to free will decisions. The idea is to find out if something bad is headed your way, then to use your free will to thwart it. Or, conversely, find out if something good is headed your way, and to use your free will to help it along.

For example, you call me. I say, "I'm sorry, but I see you losing your job." "Why?" you ask. "Well, I see a supervisor is very upset with you because you keep showing up late, and arriving at meetings unprepared." You think about it and agree. So do you simply take a stance of, "Well, Jon said I'm losing my job, no way around it" and continue as you've been doing? Or do you start showing up on time and coming to meetings more prepared, and save your employment?

By the same token, once you realize that the future is mutable due to free will, it's not difficult to reason that, while bad things can be thwarted, good things can be thwarted as well. For example, say you want to know when Bill will call. I see him calling before Friday. Between now and Friday, his ex makes a free will decision to show up unexpectedly and puts him in a bad frame of mind. So he puts off calling you.

Most callers who consult with psychic advisors regularly acknowledge that this can happen. But, believe it or not, there are those who don't seem to be willing to accept this. Some feel that, while bad predictions can be thwarted, good predictions must be written in stone or the psychic is a fraud. Others feel that predictions must be unerring regardless of circumstances.

Advisors are constantly hearing comments like, "Don't give me that free will BS; I want to know EXACTLY what's going to happen and when."  We see feedback like, "This didn't happen -- free will? Yeah, right!" Or, in some cases, we see entire diatribes about the whole free will thing being an "easy way of covering tracks."

What intrigues me is that many of the individuals who take this stance are frequently the instruments of thwarting a prediction. Many, upon hearing the prediction modify their behavior, thus modifying the circumstances. "Oh, okay. I'm going to get the job. I don't have to bother sending out resumes." "Well, he saw us together. So I don't have to bother calling."

There are others who frequently accuse the advisor of changing the reading or the forecasts. Yet, if they analyze the situation, they might realize that the energy of the individuals or actions of the individuals have altered the outcome. People are not consistent, and a person who thinks one way one day is liable to think differently another day.

I have always believed that the best way to get the most out of a psychic consultation is to get a thorough understanding of the here and the now, then use that knowledge to modify the future, to the extent you're able, to bring about the desired results. To deny the existence of free will is to deny your own power to shape your future.

NOTE: Jon Constantine is generally available for consultations Sunday through Thursday from 10 AM to 6 PM Pacific Time. Please use the ARRANGE A CALL feature.

 

by Jon Constantine | 11 Comments

Back from the Philippines

Just returned from the Philippines. I just wanted to post a quick blog to thank everyone who inquired as to my well-being, and to let everyone know I'm back. I'll be available for consultations beginning Monday, June 11.

And, of course, when I get my feet back on the ground, I'll start blogging again. My usual, opinionated self is finally back home on Keen.

by Jon Constantine | 1 Comments