Sipping Coffee and Reflections of a Psychic

Love After Love

The day will come when with elation you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror, and each will smile at the others reflection saying sit here, eat, you will love again the stranger who was yourself. Give wine, give bread, give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignore for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, desperate notes. Peel your own image from the mirror, sit, feast, feast on your life.

- Derrick Wolcott

You’re already using visualization every second of every day, so why not take conscious control over it and start creating the life you want? Visualization is essential if you want to get what you want and make your dreams come true. Most people dwell on the negative and constantly stress, worry, fear and hate. This only creates more of the same and makes you feel bad. You are the master of your life and only you can decide how it will play out. You are the only one that can take responsibility. When I started reading about visualization, I thought I couldn’t do it, because I didn’t see anything when I closed my eyes. I had read about people being able to see vivid images and colors. I have since then discovered that this is a very common problem. The truth is that you don’t have to have your own high-tech LCD monitor in your brain. When I visualize I mostly see black, red and other colors, but I FEEL what I see. We’re all different, so let whatever you “see” be okay. The most important thing is to feel the visualization and invoke the feelings of having what you desire.

<p>With all that said, let’s look at how you can make this happen. This is deceptively simple, so read on… Clarity Before you start, you have to get clear on what you want, and I mean what you truly want. Visualization is effective, but if you’re visualizing money, cars and things you don’t really need, it’s not going to work as well, at least that has been my experience. So what should to visualize? I’ve found that visualizing who I want to be and how I want to help people works amazingly well. I believe we all have something to share. We all have to ability to help someone. Get clear on what you want. What would you do if money wasn’t an issue? The more you follow your passion, the happier you’ll be. There is no need to make money just for money’s sake, not in today’s world. Relaxation Once you’ve gotten clear on what you want, you can lie down or sit, whichever you prefer. Start to relax and go through your whole body beginning with your toes and working your way up to your head, slowly. Usually when I’m done with this exercise I take it a step further and count from 10 to 1, telling my body that with each number, my relaxation doubles. You can do this as many times as you want and use whatever commands you desire.

<p>Visualization

Now that you’re completely relaxed, start visualizing and see yourself already having what you want. If you want a new job, see yourself in that job. Include every little detail you can imagine. What does it smell like? Who do you work with? Do you have to commute? Add anything that is important to you. Imagine it as vividly as you can. Try to feel, smell, see and hear everything. If you aren’t getting a strong enough feeling, it’s time to supersize. Make everything bigger, brighter and louder. Use the operative system of your brain. What I do is I ask my brain questions while I am visualizing, such as: * What would this feeling feel like two times stronger? * How would this feel like with the picture ten times bigger? * How would it feel to have everything I desire? Your brain automatically answers questions, so make sure you ask the right ones.

<p>For example, avoid negative questions, such as “what should I avoid.” Letting Go I’ve identified a pattern in my life. I have no trouble attracting smaller items, but when I go for the big stuff, it gets harder. The bigger it is, the more emotional charge it has. We’re often very attached to the outcome if we want to attract something significant, like a house or a relationship. This is why it is so important to let go once you’re done visualizing. This can be done through many different ways. I personally like to use EFT, which helps neutralize resistance and bad feelings by balancing the energy in your body. Conclusion Visualization is not rocket science. You were born with an exceptional imagination. Use it.

<p>You can visualize as often as you want for as long as you want. There are no rules. Experiment and figure out what works for you. It may take some practice until you get comfortable, so give it time. Visualization is a powerful tool that allows you to get what you want faster, at least that has been my experience. your mileage may vary

You will not meet the love of your life if you stay home. You may happen upon them if you hang around with your friends sometimes and “do stuff.” You have an excellent chance of meeting the LOYL if you work it. How does one work it? Follow these strategic planning guidelines and you’ll be amazed at how many new people come into your life.

1. Commit to take action.

You’re going to do this like it’s your job. If you do it right, you’ll get a very high Return on Investment, and can retire from dating.

2. Map out a strategy. It’s time for new adventures. Think carefully about your interests, and which ones offer the best demographics for interacting with the opposite sex.

3. Take bold risks. May eye contact, smile and start conversations. Tell her you think she’s cute. Write your phone number on a napkin and hand it over. Ask for his phone and add your name and number to his contacts.

4. Network. Meeting people is a numbers game. Tell everyone you know that you are open to meeting someone. At least some of the time, venture out alone. You won’t meet anyone new if you’re showing up with an entourage.

5. Embrace rejection. If you’re never getting rejected, you’re not risking enough. Sex is chemistry, so you should want to be rejected by anyone who doesn’t respond to your pheromones. It saves time. Without further delay, here are the best places to meet someone new and potentially worthy, organized by interest:

I. Exercise

1. Yoga classes, especially “hot” yoga, are popular with both men and women.

2. Become a runner, and train with a group. My local running store has groups that depart in the morning, after work, and on weekends. They offer different levels of challenge. If you’re a guy, start out slow to meet more women. If you’re female, work hard to get into an intermediate level group, at least. Often groups will enter races together, train for marathons, etc.

3. Cyclists often have clubs and ride together. If you can find one for singles, even better.

4. If you’re an outdoorsy type, think about a hiking group. I know a woman who met her husband after she ran a personal ad in the Appalachian Mountain Club newsletter.

5. Go skiing or snowboarding. Ski clubs for singles are everywhere. I know two married couples who met this way. Calling “Single!” in a lift line is a great way to meet people.

6. Join a coed sports league. They are common for Frisbee, softball, volleyball and soccer. The coed teams are often more relaxed, with good opportunities for socializing.

7. Go for a walk. This may sound ridiculous, but I frequently walk the same route, and every time I share hellos with both strangers and other “regular” walkers.

8. Play doubles tennis in a league.

II. Arts

9. Join a book club, or start one. Ask three single friends to join you, inviting each one to bring a platonic friend of the opposite sex. Four women, four men is a good size to start.

10. Photographers often have groups, and go out together to photograph a specific place. I saw one such group of people in their 20s all shooting in Harvard Square, and they planned to share their work the following weekend.

11. Go to Openings. Films, galleries, museum shows. Approach the attractive person contemplating the landscape painting with a plastic cup of white wine in hand! In Boston, the Museum of Fine Arts has singles nights, and they are very popular with the 20-somethings. Don’t worry about being knowledgeable. Most people there won’t be experts, they’re more interested in the interaction, same as you.

12. Take an acting class. I did a lot of this, and watched with amusement as major dramas unfolded among the students. This is also a really good way to get over shyness.

13. Participate in a community theater production. Make sure the organization is made up of people who are the right age. Putting up a show is very time consuming, which means lots of time spent in each other’s company, which leads to bonking.

14. Sing. If you have a good voice, sing in a chorus, a choir, or at open mic night.

15. Go to a poetry slam.

16. Go to small local concerts. Battles of the Bands are good. You want small, intimate spaces, not pregaming in the parking lot before a Dave Matthews show.

III. Work

17. Attend as many conferences and professional development seminars as you can, and don’t hang with your coworkers the whole time. I once linked to an essay by a woman who marched up to an attractive French guy at a conference and chatted him up. They exchanged email addresses and stayed in touch. She liked him so much she faked a business trip to Paris and arranged to grab a bite with him. She grabbed a lot more than that, married him and moved there.

18. If it is at all relevant to your work, get some training in IT, web design or social media. There are lots of smart guys in these fields.

19. If you work somewhere that is mostly single sex, consider a part-time gig in the public eye. Bartending, retail, even teaching an adult ed class are all good ways to interact with other single people.

20. Network at work. Chat up everyone you can at work in an open and friendly manner. Yes, you might meet someone special, but don’t discount the middle-aged female executive whose hot daughter came in for lunch one day. Or the middle manager who might ask you to take over the intern hiring process. Form relationships and build trust. You will find that doors open when you do so.

IV. Food and Wine

21. Take a cooking class, especially one that the opposite sex might choose. Obviously, if you’re a woman you’ll look desperate if you take Cooking for Bachelors. But you could take a one-day Superbowl Party cooking class, or a class in quick dinners. If you’re a guy, think about taking a class focusing on delicious, low-calorie meals, for example.

22. Go to a wine tasting. You can learn a lot, it’s good stuff to know, and they tend to be quite social.

23. A word about bars: Bars definitely deserve a place in the rotation. I know several happy couples who met in a bar. However, they are also high risk. Most men aren’t in them to select a baby mama. If you want to meet a guy, your odds are best by far in a sports bar. It helps if you understand the sport being viewed, and can express genuine interest.

24. Go to popular restaurants where the other sex likes to eat. Steakhouses. Sushi bars. A guy could do worse than to eat at The Cheesecake Factory if he wants to meet someone new.

25. Plan a Potluck Plus One. Invite a bunch of friends to bring a dish and a platonic friend.

26. Become a regular. Casual places work best for this. A pub, diner, or cafe with wifi are all good choices. When everybody knows your name, they’ll start introducing you and networking on your behalf. Or you may encounter an attractive fellow regular.

V. Pets

27. Dog parks are one of the best ways to make new friends of either sex. And your dog will love you for it. This one is so good that if I were single I’d probably get a dog just for this purpose.

28. Walking a dog at a regular time each day is also good. No matter where you live, there is probably someone single and attractive within easy walking distance who also takes their dog out after work. If you can get your dog to poop when theirs does, you have your opening.

29. Some breeds have special events that draw a lot of singles. Whether it’s obedience trials, or crazy Jack Russell racing, everyone shows up to these events in a good mood.

VI. Non-Profits

30. Volunteer at an animal shelter. You may meet a fellow volunteer, a cute vet, or a good person looking to rescue an animal.

31. If you’re female, do a Habitat for Humanity build.

32. Attend charity galas. They’re often packed with singles.

33. Volunteer for an environmental organization, and be smart about the tasks you undertake. Instead of agreeing to write letters to petition a lawmaker, go on a Saturday morning beach cleanup.

34. Volunteer for a political cause. Instead of agreeing to make phone calls from home or go house to house leaving flyers, sign up for activities done in groups. Phone-a-thons are good, as is stuffing envelopes. If you have the skills to be part of a planning committee, even better.

35. Check online for organizations that can match volunteers to opportunities.

VII. Public Celebrations

36. Attend block parties.

37. Go to a parade and stand near someone attractive (and single). If you can find a small town parade on a national holiday, there’s usually a very friendly and casual vibe. Towns near the beach are great on July 4th.

38. Go to see the fireworks. If you have to get there really early to save a spot, so much the better. Bring a picnic and a frisbee, and meet new people.

39. Go to your local Farmer’s Market. Every week. Become a regular.

40. Go to sports games. If you’re priced out of the major league seats like I am, go to a minor league game. I had a great time meeting people in Fort Meyers, FL this year. There were sooo many cute young people there!

VIII. Running Errands

41. Talk to strangers while waiting in line. This is good to do anywhere, but especially at movies, restaurants and clubs.

42. Go food shopping where fellow singles go. The last time I was at Trader Joe’s on a weekday afternoon I saw six hot guys. I wanted to call my girls and tell them to get over there! Whole Foods is also good, but the crowd is a bit older.

43. Get to the Apple store early for your Genius Bar appointment. I always see attractive young people there, all standing around and waiting for a turn.

44. Network by chatting everyone up. I know one married couple who met when a woman cashier at a market waited on a guy, and he thought she’d be perfect for a friend of his. He didn’t say anything, but brought the friend round to check her out. He liked her and his friend made the awkward introductions. It worked.

45. I love the library. I go there about once a week, and even in the middle of a weekday, there are always young people hanging around and working on their laptops. Position yourself strategically near an attractive person and get to work. Or play.

IX. Organized Dating

46. Online dating is not always worth your time, but it deserves a place in your strategy. Limit the time and money you’re willing to invest, but give it a shot.

47. People report that speed dating is great fun.

48. Apparently, a lot of dates are getting made at eye-gazing parties. It’s so intense that it’s an immediate shortcut to sexual tension.

X. Intellectual

49. Attend lectures on topics that interest you. Stick around for the Q&A.

50. Take an extension class – Harvard Extension is cheap and excellent in Boston, and their classes are chock full of interesting people. Most colleges and universities offer programs like this. I took a creative writing seminar there in the evening and there were lots of hot young professionals there.

51. Go to seminars that teach skills that interest young people. Investments and real estate are two popular topics.

52. Get involved with your alumnae networks. Attend functions and meet people from your alma mater who you didn’t know while there.

XI. Travel

53. There are innumerable trips for singles available. The best ones are active. Sharing a common interest and doing it is so much more effective as a way of meeting someone than lying around in a bathing suit at a resort or on a cruise ship. There are many options, including biking, hiking, river rafting, climbing, skiing, scuba diving, sailing and horseback riding.

54. Tag team relays are huge right now. Teams of 12 enter running relays that cover 200 miles. They share the experience and a van. It’s been called a “road trip for adults.”

55. Culinary walking tours are fun and inexpensive, often ending with a shared meal at a restaurant. They’re offered in most cities now.

56. Volunteer vacations are popular with singles. I had one friend who boarded a Russian ship to Antarctica to study penguins. Another tagged rock wallabies in Australia. Both had flings. Vacations can run the gamut from primitive and cheap to luxurious (Abercrombie & Kent offers philanthropic vacations in the $15,000 range, yikes).

57. Couch Surfing hooks up travelers with guests, and can be a great way to meet people.

Most singles rely too heavily on going to bars and online dating. You need to diversify your portfolio! I’ve given you 57 ideas off the top of my head. Choose four, and introduce one per week for the next month. Stick with your plan, observing the five strategic rules for success. Don’t leave your love life to chance. Take action, and get control. Action always feels better than inertia, so go ahead and shake things up!

Can positive energy change your work or home life? You better believe it! According to the Law of Attraction, we emit positive and negative energy constantly. Other people pick up on our positive energy and gravitate towards us, or sense our negative energy and are repelled by us.

How do you know if you're sharing positive energy? The best – and easiest – sign is the people in your life. Are they encouraging and uplifting, or are they draining away your energy? Who you surround yourself with affects the levels of happiness and satisfaction in your life. If you're not surrounded by positive people, then you may not be transmitting positive energy.

You're emitting positive energy when you:

Stay in touch with your dark side and weaknesses, and are willing to grow towards healing and strength.

Positive energy is about movement.

See the positive qualities in other people.

Positive energy values other positive qualities.

Feel compassion towards yourself and the world (we're all doing the best we can!)

Listen to – and try to understand – other perspectives, regardless of how different.

Positive energy is open minded.

Give the benefit of the doubt.

Positive people don't judge quickly.

Express your true self in thoughts and actions, gently and honestly (and free others to do the same!).

Positive energy is honest. Share your negative thoughts and emotions.

Positive energy admits the negative.

Celebrate the success and happiness of other people.

Positive energy appreciates success. Feel fear and defeat, and keep persevering anyway.

Positive energy doesn't deny negative emotions.

Follow your dreams and desires

You're not emitting positive energy when you:

Ignore your dark side and weaknesses (and then act them out). Negative energy isn't honest.

Focus on other people's mistakes and weaknesses. Negative energy is critical.

Obsess about being perfect; whether it's at work, at home, or with your appearance (or other people's!).

Negative energy strives for perfection.

Try to change other people's perspectives and opinions.

Negative energy wants everyone to be of one mind. Try to please people constantly and ignore your own needs.

Negative energy isn't balanced.

Let other people's moods and energy dictate your own.

Swallow your negative thoughts and emotions.

Resent the successes and joys of others.

Negative energy is jealous.

Allow fear and cynicism to harden your heart and color your perspective.

Negative energy revolves around fear and bitterness.

Ignore your goals, plans, and passions. Negative energy suffocates your dreams.

Maintaining Open Hearts and Open Minds

People with positive energy are determined to do their best, and to see the best in the world around them. People with positive energy don’t focus on "should have" or idealized, perfect expectations that are impossible to live up to. People with positive energy have an open heart and a sense of humor. People with positive energy don't care about being popular or keeping up with the Jones's – and they stay in touch with their hearts and souls. They know what they want to create and manifest in their lives.

Flowing With Failures and Disagreements People with positive energy make mistakes and own up to them. They keep lines of communication open, opting for discussion and connection – and people with positive energy are satisfied with "agreeing to disagree." Failures and disagreements don't faze people with positive energy, because they know they're part of living and working with humans!

One of my favorite comfort foods comes from the days when I was training. I grew up in South Florida and trained year round for a club soccer team. We travelled every weekend to play other soccer clubs throughout Florida and on long weekends we were at tournaments. When training, we loaded up on carbohydrates and where else would be better than Olive Garden. So, to me pasta was part of my life. It was comfort, it was celebration, it was delicious. But these days, I perfer to more traditional rustic Bolognese sauce. And when I think about making a rich Bolognese sauce, the images that come to mind are of large pots, hours of simmering and a big family dinner.

The following recipe is Bolognese sauce for two. I will say that this is not a "traditional" recipe, but rather a combination of the aspects of the meat sauce that I perfer.

Bolognese Sauce

Ingredients:

1t olive oil

1/2lb ground beef

1 carrot chopped

1 stalk of celery chopped

1/4c chopped onion

1 clove garlic crushed

1 28oz can of unsalted crushed tomatoes (or whole - depending on if you want to cut the tomatoes into smaller chucks)

1T tomato paste

2t basil

2t oregano

1t crushed red peppers

1t fennel seeds

2T sugar

1t salt

1t pepper

1/4c frozen peas

Instructions:

In a medium sauce pan, on medium-high heat add olive oil. Saute carrots, celery and onion for 3 minutes then add ground beef. Once the beef is browned, add garlic, basil, oregano, crushed red pepper and fennel seed. Allow the flavors to incorporate, then add the crushed tomatoes and bring to a rolling boil. The heat is a catalyst for infusing the flavors. Once the sauce reaches a rolling boil add the tomato paste, sugar, salt and pepper to taste, reduce heat to medium low and simmer for 15 minutes. Finally before plating, add peas to the sauce. Allow the peas to warm turning a bright vibrant green color and serve over pasta.

Notes: Depending on the amount of time you have to simmer the sauce, the tomato paste can be omitted. I typically do not have hours, therefore, I use tomato paste to thicken the sauce. Below is a recommendation for tomato paste. I prefer Amore to cans of tomato paste because the tube is flavorful but also I find it less wasteful, because an entire can is not used for this recipe, nor any of my other cooking needs. Also, sugar. Some may think this is a little different, but the sugar cuts the acidity of the tomato.

I love tofu, but I think tofu gets a bad rap because people don't know what to do with it. I like to think of tofu as the modern day chicken. It's rich in protein and nutrients without all the fat. Not to mention it's a sponge for flavor. You can take tofu and add it to any sauce and it absorbs the flavors of it's surroundings. Technically it has a taste of it's own, but is so subtle. Think soft, chewy styrofoam.

But don't let that scare you. Tofu is a versatile staple. Getting the right consistency of tofu makes a HUGE difference.

Silken: Silken tofu has the consistency of sour cream when you first stick your spoon into the container, before it's mixed up into a soft cream. Although silken tofu is LIKE sour cream in texture, it can not be mixed up into a soft cream. Silken tofu is typically used in broth type soups.

Medium: Medium tofu has the most varietal use. When using medium tofu, drain water from the packaging. If you plan on marinating the tofu it may require pressing. (see below for pressing techniques) Medium tofu can also be crumbled on top of salads or added to scrambles.

Firm: Firm tofu is typically used for stir-frys but can also be used for baking. When using firm tofu, pressing is required to allow the tofu to absorb the flavors.

Extra Firm: I use extra frim tofu for grilling or baking. When using extra firm tofu, pressing is required to allow the tofu to absorb the flavors. If you are grilling the tofu, basting the tofu with sauce is advisable. Typically grilled tofu is not marinated, as the moisture may cause the tofu to break apart.

Pressing Tofu: Pressing the tofu is a technique which is used to remove excess moisture. Removing the excess moisture will allow the tofu to absorb marinades and flavors while cooking. Open the tofu container and drain liquid. Remove the tofu and wrap in paper towels or tea towel. Using two plates, place the tofu on one plate and cover with the other plate on top. Using a weight, I recommend a can of tomatoes, allow the pressure to remove the excess moisture for 30-45 min. Voila - pressed tofu.

Whichever method you select for cooking should match the type of tofu used.

Orange-Ginger Marinated Tofu

Ingredients

1 firm tofu

1/3c orange juice

1/2c soy sauce

2 T vegetable oil (or sesame oil if available)

1 chopped green onion

2t minced ginger

1 minced clove of garlic or 1/2t garlic powder

1/2t crushed pepper flakes

zest of one orange (optional)

Instructions:

Press tofu as described above and slice into 1/2 inch slices. In a medium bowl, combine all remaining ingredients. Pour enough marinade into a shallow baking dish to coat the bottom. Place the tofu in the baking dish and cover with remaining marinade. Allow tofu to sit for 15 minutes then flip the tofu. Heat the oven to 350 degrees. When the oven is heated, place the baking dish into the oven and bake tofu for 45 minutes, turning the tofu half way through the baking process.

Notes: Marinated tofu can be served warm over a bed of spinach (with rice or steamed vegetables), cooled and served on top of a salad or for marinated tofu sandwiches.

Does it seem strange that some people COMPLAIN they don’t have enough TIME to be happy, yet they find enough time to be sad? Not really. You see, their deplorable plight has nothing to do with having sufficient or insufficient time. It has everything to do with complaining. After all, complaining is the negation of happiness. It’s impossible to complain and be happy at the same time.

So, beware of that insidious disease known as ‘negativitis’ (negative thinking). It is as pervasive as the common cold, but far more damaging. It mutilates, cripples, and corrodes the human spirit. Those infected by it are broken men and women aimlessly plodding along. The dark clouds brooding over them obscure their vision and cause them to become confrontational, apathetic, and cynical. Their lives are like flat champagne, without any sizzle. So, how do we inoculate ourselves against such a harmful disease? It was only after learning about the horrible effects of smoking that people began to give it up. It may be wise to do the same here. So, let’s review the effects of negativitis.

1. Complaining is worse than doing nothing, for it is digging the rut one is in deeper and deeper. Each time one complains, it becomes increasingly difficult to climb out of the ditch they’ve created. To loosen the grip of this vicious habit, we need to become aware of our complaining, stop it in its tracks, and immediately look for something positive to say. It’s just a matter of replacing a bad habit with a good one.

2. A negative attitude is self-defeating. We won’t find solutions to life’s problems by looking for someone or something to blame. Those who say, "Positive thinking doesn't work for me," have got it backwards. It’s not positive thinking that has to work; YOU have to work. For example, you have to work at appreciating what you have instead of moaning about what you lack.

3. Failure to do what you want to do (be happy) causes physical and mental stress. A rotten attitude, not only delays success, but also shortens life by damaging the immune system (to learn more on how your thoughts affect your immune system, investigate psychoneuroimmunology). So, besides the diseases directly caused by stress, such as heart disease and ulcers, we become susceptible to all manner of other diseases because of a weakened immune system.

4. Do you know anyone with a negative attitude? How many years have they been that way? Two years? Five years? Ten years? That’s how many years of happiness and success they have robbed themselves of. Blinded by their own negativity, they are prevented from seeing the good around them.

5. One characteristic of negative thinkers is their need to have the world behave according to their wishes. They have never grown up and still live with childish demands. Whenever people and the world fail to act according to their selfish wishes, they are unhappy. Such a poisonous attitude prevents them from growing and learning how to cope with life's challenges.

6. Everything negative we say about ourselves to ourselves (self-talk) and to others is a suggestion. We are unwittingly practicing self-hypnosis, programing ourselves for failure, and creating self-fulfilling prophecies.

7. The negative world of our imagination creates a negative world that is real and one that we are forced to live in. Take Ralph, for example. He’s always complaining about life. “Nowadays people are rude and surly. No matter where you go or what you do, you have to deal with ill-bred people.” As he said this, we made our way to a coffee shop. Once inside, we were greeted by a cheerful chap who asked us what we would like. Sighing (as if it took a great effect to speak), Ralph, almost inaudibly, ordered a medium sized regular coffee. When it arrived, he started complaining. Pointing to the cup, he said, “This is medium?” Without waiting for a response, he added, “You should have told me your cups are so small; I would have ordered a large one if I knew.” Despite the long line that Ralph was holding up, the man behind the counter tried to be patient. Without complaint, he took away the small coffee and replaced it with a large one. As soon as it arrived, Ralph looked at it aghast and bellowed, “You call this regular? There’s not enough cream!” The man behind the counter, who only moments ago was cheerful was now upset and sarcastically replied, “Yes, for MOST people, this is regular, but if you INSIST, I’ll put in more cream. Perhaps next time you may want to ask for DOUBLE cream!” I was next, so I got my coffee and joined Ralph at the table. “See,” he told me, “what did I say to you? People are rude.” Yes, in Ralph’s world, people ARE rude, but what he does not realize is he makes them so.

8. A particularly pernicious effect of ‘negativitis’ is that it sets one up for the mentality of a victim. Those with a woe-is-me attitude sit around in misery, waiting to be rescued. But they wait in vain because no one can rescue them from their own attitude. They are the only ones who can change it. And until they do so, they are condemned to continue suffering.

9. Another adverse effect of negativity is that it sets one up for the magic-bullet-syndrome. That is, the victim of ‘negativitis’ spends their time looking for a quick, easy fix, when none exists. By denying a fundamental law of life that states anything worthwhile requires effort to achieve, they achieve nothing. They won’t make progress until they realize that nothing in life is free. They’ve got to be willing to do what it takes to get what they want.

10. Also, beware of the fact that negative people attract other complainers. Because those who live in a world of doom and gloom alienate others, they have no choice but to look for other negative people to associate with. They then feed off one another and get locked in a clique of losers.

11. The constant stress that flows from a negative attitude also saps one’s energy, focus, and motivation. It is hardly a formula for success.

12. Also of great concern is the fact that those who refuse to work on improving their negative attitude may slide into depression, self-pity, and hopelessness.

13. Additionally, negative people not only harm themselves; they harm the world. They cease to make a contribution to it. Instead of helping, they spread gloom and misery everywhere. If they insist on infecting others, why not infect them with laughter? If they must carry something contagious, why not carry a smile?

Imagine being in a small boat drifting in a river. And imagine being unaware that your boat has a motor. As long as you fail to use that motor you will be a captive of the river. You will be a prisoner without any control over your destination. Yet, the boat that we’re in does have a motor. We can use it to change course. That motor is our power of choice. All we have to do is choose to look for the good, for when we do so, that is all we will find!

I often come across people who ask me how to get rid of anger. What I say is that you will only change when you recognize 1) What anger is costing you and 2) What the "Prize" is for hanging onto it.

What is it costing you? Nelson Mandela once said "Resentment is like taking poison and hoping your enemy will die". But even though we may know our collection of stored resentment may be killing us, we still hang onto our outrage. How can that be?

As my good friend Ross Quinn says, we don't do these things to ourselves because we are stupid. We do them because they make sense to us, at some level. As painful as stored anger can be, there is a reason you are hanging onto it. It may be a big part of your identity. It may bring you attention, it may allow you to control certain conversations (and if that makes anyone here mad and are tempted to say "but you can't understand my pain ..." ... then you are busted, my dear). In your heart somewhere you may have magical thinking happening ("If I stay mad, that will hurt the perpetrator"). You could be stuck on "Why". Caroline Myss says people don't really want to forgive, what they want is the perpetrator to grovel at their feet (preferably in public) begging for forgiveness while they sit back and say "I'll think about it" ... C'mon admit it, we've all wanted that from someone, and in our hearts all know how silly and impossible it is. Any one of these reasons may apply to you, and none may. But somewhere inside the prize is hiding, and you need to recognize and relinquish its hold on you if you don't want to be a victim of it for the rest of your life.

My personal experience ...I found it very hard to forgive the teachers and the bullies until I recognized that while they were long gone out of my life, clinging to my resentment was kind of like dragging them along with me everywhere I went! Energetically, that is exactly what we're doing - our solar plexus is plugged back into the past, and into our abusers. It's as though we make a decision to carry on their dirty work for them. We become our own abusers! If you want to stop it ... then let it go. Take your solar plexus back. It's as easy as making the decision. I will leave the justice part to God. Karma always takes care of itself in the long run.

Picture this: It’s 4:30. You’re just getting home from work. You still have to pick up your two older children from middle and high school, go to the grocery store, make dinner, help your kids with their homework, finish up some assignments from your own job, pay the bills, feed the cat and walk the dog. All the while trying to get into bed at a reasonable hour because you have to get up in the morning and go to work yourself. Who has time for dating?

These are exactly some of the issues specific to women over 40 are dealing with when it comes to the dating world, whether you are divorced widowed, or have never been married. Some of these things are unique situations that you thought you’d never be facing. Issues such as time for dating, finding dates, children and exes, social norms, and most important of all, trust.

TIP: eHarmony has many men and women over 40 looking for meaningful relatiionships.

Dating: Who Has the Time?

A lot of these situations stem from the fact that you have got it together, and therefore don’t have a lot of time to devote to a newly developing relationship. This is fortunate for you, but unfortunately it is probably the case that your social circles don’t have a lot of single people in them. Because of this you must be proactive, and actively seek out dates. This brings up the issue of time. How do you find time to do it? Singles groups, dances and dating services all take up a huge chunk of your valuable time and energy. One solution is the internet. You can do it at home in your pajamas. There are a plethora of dating websites out there you might see advertised. Try it, and have fun, but do be careful. Things aren’t always as they seem. People often exaggerate good characteristics and downplay the bad. Also, sometimes you may find someone who looks great on paper, but when you meet there is absolutely no chemistry between the two of you. This can be disappointing, so be prepared for it.

Be Conscious of Your Kids

One of the most obvious issues for women over 40 is the area of children. Of course not everyone has been married or has children, but for a large portion of older women, these are very real issues. Regardless of your childrens’ ages, you must do everything to make sure they are comfortable. Do they like the person, and are they comfortable around them? Has enough time passed since you and your spouse were last together? When do you bring this person home to spend the night? How long do you wait to do so? With a little discretion, these issues can be dealt with successfully. One solution is to bring your date home when the children are not present (at your spouse’s perhaps for visitation?) or to only go to that person’s home, so that your children are not aware of what is “really” going on.

Throw Social “Norms” to the Wayside

Also many social “norms” (assumptions) may make you feel a lot of pressure that man you are with around your children has to be your husband. If this is the case, just relax. If everyone is comfortable and happy, who cares what anyone thinks? If there are a couple of raised eyebrows when your children call your date by his first name instead of “Daddy,” then so what? People are usually so wrapped up in their own lives, that they’re not paying attention to yours anyway. Keep this in mind, it can help take off some of the pressure.

Send Emotional Baggage Packing

Along with the issue of children comes the “ex,” a very touchy subject for most people. Whether you were married or in a long-term relationship or not, we all have emotional baggage. When a prospective date has an ex, you may wonder, “Why did they get divorced?” If they are, let’s say, fifty years old and have never been married, you may wonder why. And if the person is a widower, you may wonder if they are really over their deceased spouse. In order to deal with emotional baggage, you must be open-minded. Be ready to listen. There are two sides to every story, and what you learn may surprise you. Also, sharing information about yourself can help you feel closer to your date.

Trust is (almost) Everything

But also be careful to not share too much too soon. You may find that you have to hold yourself back a little, but this is normal, so don’t worry. Dating brings about many new emotions that you may not have felt in a long time, and ironically just as you did when you were a teenager, you may have to reign in your feelings. Which brings the issue of trust. Elaine Hernandez, a 46 year-old fifth-grade teacher describes a situation in which a man approached her at a singles dance. She later found out he was married. When she asked him, “How could you disrespect your wife so badly?” he replied that there were many men at the dance that evening who were still married. Keep in mind that trust is mutual, and has to be earned. Treat everyone as if they are suspect, until they prove themselves otherwise.

Although dating for over 40 women may seem intimidating, it’s really not. There are many advantages women over 40 have over others. For one thing, at forty most women are more secure with themselves and more in touch with their sensuality than younger women. So be confident, the competition may seem fierce but you have your own unique status that sets you apart and makes you attractive. Also the men you are dating are usually older and more comfortable with themselves as well, and probably are more mature. Keep an open mind, a sense of humor, and most of all, be yourself! After all, you want the person you fall in love with to love you, the real you, who is this wonderful person you have spent all this time cultivating. Keep these positive things in mind as you head into the exciting world of dating.

In the popular movie, 'Fiddler on the Roof', the protagonist asks his wife of 25 years, "Do you love me? Do you love me?". Her answer rambles on about the length and breadth of her responsibilities as his wife. How the fact that she cooks, cleans and looks after his household should speak for itself. And that her fidelity, among other things, should convey volumes about her love for him. But he still asks her, "Do you love me". And he is finally content only when she admits in so many words, "Yes, I love you."

So, short of following in his footsteps and asking her straight out, what are the more subtle signs that men can watch out for?

1. She tells you so

This is the most obvious and easiest one. Women are known as the more expressive of the species. Amid juggling work, home and maybe kids, if she squeezes in a 'Love you' or if she's really in the mood, 'Lurrrrve ya', you know she's out to make you feel special.

2. Her parents treat you good

You can often tell how a woman feels about you, from the vibes her parents give out. If they're barely civil, either they have something against you personally or you can start packing your bags. If they're courteous but distant, your relationship may still be on a tentative footing. If they're warm to you, it's an indication of the heat between you and your woman. And if they're effusive and treat you like a king, be sure their daughter has been saying nothing but nice things about you, an indication that she adores you.

3. You can see it in her eyes Quite often, women's emotions are clearly reflected on their faces. If her face lights up when you walk into the room or she's waiting up for you if you're late or standing at the door to say goodbye till your car's tail lights disappear, you have that magical effect on her.

4. Calls you up "just like that" In the middle of a hectic day, she still calls you just to hear your voice. Or you just met and she calls you to say she already misses you. Get the message, my man. She just can't get enough of you!

5. She caters to you It's often said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. And your woman may be no different. If she tries to cater to your palate and takes special care to cook your favorite meals, she's showing you in her own way that she loves you.

6. She tells you how content she is Sometimes we have to look deeper for signs of love. She may tell you how happy she is being around you or the sense of contentment just being your girlfriend/wife gives her.

7. Her friends tell you so Women often talk to their friends about their feelings. Her best friend may whisper to you that you're the best thing that's happened to her. Or her bosom buddies may tell you she's always talking of you and how good you make her feel. You can be sure she's head over heels!

8. She confides in you She feels lighter telling you about things that are troubling her or weighing her down. You make her burdens easier to bear. She loves telling you every little detail about her day, something good that happened to her or why she's feeling particularly low. You're an essential part of her life; of course she loves you!

9. She tries to make you happy She's a sucker for that smile on your face. She loves to do whatever it takes to see you satisfied and will go that extra mile. If she tries that little bit extra in whatever way, big or small, you can be sure she's madly in love with you.

10. She tries to compromise There's a give-and-take called for in every relationship. If she really tries to see your point of view and is willing to meet you halfway, it's a sign of her immense love for you.

11. She tries to look good for you She's so in love with you that she wants you to have eyes only for her. She makes an effort to keep fit and takes care of her grooming and appearance. You often find her asking for your opinion on what you like on her, and her unadulterated joy when you give her that gleam of approval. Your view counts!

12. She finds your quirks charming Habits that annoy your family or acquaintances don't have the same effect on her. In fact she thinks your little eccentricities are quite appealing. For instance, your siblings always taunted you by saying your habit of drooling in your sleep was disgusting but she thinks it's rather cute. It's a sign of true love!

13. She tries to spend time with you Even with all the multi-tasking she has to do, she tries really hard to put aside some quality time to be together. She basks in the pleasure of your company and says so. What more do you need? Her love couldn't be more telling than this.

14. She trusts you You've landed a plum assignment but it also involves working longer hours with your attractive and sexy colleague. Not only does she not have a problem with it, but also she never calls you to check on where you are or how much later you're going to be. Implicit trust in your significant other is a very strong indication of deep love.

15. She has eyes only for you It's only a normal human tendency to notice a good-looking member of the opposite sex. But if a gorgeous male specimen just entered the room and she's still engrossed in her conversation with you, that's good news. And if her eyes haven't strayed when that guy with the perfect butt just walked past, you've got it made, my friend!

Marriage is a wonderful thing if you know how to cultivate it. If you take the time to make sure your wife is aware of the way you feel, then you often will find that they very much feel the same way. A woman is not driven as much by physical things as they are by emotional things. The right words are like magic when it comes to a woman’s heart. Still, your actions play a big part as well and can deliver that same emotional high that a well placed comment provides. Here are ten ways to say “I Love You” to your wife:

1. Get of your hind end and do the dishes, vacuum, do the laundry, etc…. Whatever tasks your wife normally does around the house, you should sneak up and do them for her at least once a week. The key here is to do them when she is not expecting it, and when she really needs it.

2. Take her to your special place for no good reason. Every couple has a place that means something to them. Sometimes that might be a diner, or a park just outside the city. Regardless of where your special place is, keep it special by taking her when nothing special is going on.

3. Draw her a bath after a long day. Nothing is more relaxing and says I Love You like a nice warm bath that you did not have to work for. Your relationship will love you back and your wife will too.

4. Take the time to talk for the sake of learning about her. Too many men pass over the wonders of what makes a woman special. Learn why she feels a certain way, thinks a certain way, and lives a certain way. You will love her more and she will feel that love through your interest.

5. Close your mouth when she is speaking. If you are talking over your wife, you are telling her that she does not matter. Just because we are men that naturally want to dominate the conversation does not mean that we should talk over our wives. Listen to her and you just might learn something. You will also be showing her that you love and respect what she has to say.

6. Spend some time going over the old pics and make a memory book. While this may seem kind of hokey, it is a ton of fun. Nothing is more fun than to go back over all the good times you have shared, and the book will thrill your wife like nothing else.

7. Hold her hand when you go places. This simple gesture of love is often overlooked after years of marriage and I assure you it bothers your wife if you do not do it. More importantly, it says I Love You when you do.

8. Ask her opinion on important issues that you normally handle. While we fall into routines in our marriages, it is important to still let your wife know that her opinion matters in those things that you are handling. Day to day decisions can become very bland if you do not mix things up a bit.

9. Renew your wedding vows every single day. This is a simple gesture that takes about five minutes. It does not mean that you should recite your wedding vows each day. It means to let your wife know why you love her every single day in some way. Something your wife does triggers love in you every day, and you should make sure she knows what that is.

10. Give her a weekend getaway….without you. This one is a bit complicated, but the bottom line is we are all individuals. Let her know that you trust her and care for her well being by setting up a getaway with her girlfriends on the sly, or setting up a day of pampering for her and a friend. Absence does make the heart grow fonder after all.

Women are very much paying attention to what we do guys. If you do not take the time to say I love you in as many ways as possible, the relationship will suffer. Spend some time thinking about how you can show your wife what she means to you for no good reason. You will be amazed at the marriage it creates.

In the world of dating, relationships and marriage, one common question seems to come up with women…”Does he love me?” There are a number of different ways to recognize if a man is in love with you, but none of them are foolproof. What is true for one man may not be true for another. So how do you know for sure? You do not ever know for sure, but you can feel secure if you can say yes to the following ten signs:

1. Does he skip guys night out with regularity to be with you? This is a sure fire sign that he loves you. Not many guys skip out on the chance to go out with their buddies. If your man would rather spend all his time with you, then that is a good sign that he loves you. Spending time with his friends is not a sign that he does not, but wanting to be with you as much as he can is a great sign.

2. Does he ask about your dreams often? This is often overlooked in the world of love. When a man loves a woman, he wants to know what she wants for the future. Suddenly, her world will become more important than his own. The perfect relationship will merge the dreams of both people. Men have a tendency to go to one extreme or the other. If he seems more into your dreams, you may need to help him focus on his own as well. If he is only into his own dreams, then you just might need to move on.

3. Does he embrace commitment? When a man is in love, being with only one woman is no longer scary. The thought of being only with you will be a good thing to him, and he will be happy to show that. There is a difference between a fear of commitment and a fear of marriage, by the way. A fear of marriage is based in different place. A man can be in love yet wish to remain unmarried. This usually is not the case, but it does happen.

4. Has he introduced you to his family and friends? Men are very protective of their “inner circle” and do not often have women enter that until they are clearly serious with them. Introducing a girl to his family is a very big deal to him, and he reserves it for women that he is either in love with, or well on the way. Men reserve Mom for the best of the best.

5. Does he focus only on you when you are together? When your man is with you out in public, is his focus on you? If a man focuses his attentions on you in spite of other people are around, then it is likely that he loves you. Men are notorious for being distracted easily, and having the power to keep their attention is a great sign in love.

Trying to figure out if he loves you or not is really rather easy if you simply look at the nature of men. When a man begins to act the opposite of what they normally do, then you are on the right track. Men are not always able to say all the right things, but their actions are usually very clear. The next time you want to answer the question, “Does he love me,” answer these five questions.

Is the new Apple IPad a boom or bust. I say boom, but not yet. Folks the ipad has the potential to revolutionalize the way that we navigate the web, watch videos, listen to music, read books, play games, but it won't take off until the developers make the software that will make this product a hit. The possibilities are endless. Having said that I am optimistically waiting for the next gen iPhone that is rumored to have 4G capability. Anyway, I got long some AAPL calls and I hope the market sells off so that I can buy more. Like I posted a week ago the market is in a rather fragile state and it doesn't appear that the market is done selling off. The 1080 level was breached on the S and P and we will see if the bulls can push this oversold market up. Again, I urge my blog readers to call me or write me an email to schedule a time that is mutually beneficial to the both of us. I apologize for my missed calls. I've been really busy lately and I apologize. That's it for now. Kc.

Let us suggest a few adventures that will kick-start your relationship and lead to romance Photographs by: Reggie Casagrande Hershey's syrup, whipped cream, and a Catwoman mask. Yes, yes, we were thinking the same thing: Nothing beats a woman who purrs. But what if you're still trying to get to the next level of your relationship? Well, that's where the fun comes in.

"Ultimately, fun is the best aphrodisiac," says Paul Joannides, author of The Guide to Getting It On! "Quit looking for sexy and look for fun instead -- and you'll end up having more sex." We like the way this guy thinks. That's why we brainstormed these adventures (with some help from experts and our female friends).

1. Take her to a ball game

Doesn't matter if it's major-league, minor-league, or even high-school ball. "I often recommend that my couples go to a baseball game," says Howard Markman, Ph.D., coauthor of 12 Hours to a Great Marriage and a psychologist at the University of Denver. "You sit close together, you're out in the sun, and it gives you time to talk as friends." Of course, under no circumstances should you go out and buy Tigers tickets! So, in the interest of our Detroit-based readership, there are 24 more things on our list you're sure to enjoy together.

2. Climb a volcano

Add some hot to your relationship. Molten-volcano hot. There's something about remote, dangerous places that sets the scene for romance. And few places are as remote or dangerous as the mouth of a live volcano. One of the best is in Villarrica, in south-central Chile. Expect an arduous guided climb of 8 hours, but at the end, your passions will be inflamed by the sight of all that hot, gooey lava. Then ski back down. See chile-ravel.com/solnieve.htm for more information. And for a closer-to-home location, visit Mount Capulin, an inactive volcano in New Mexico, where you can actually climb inside the cone.

3. Go to Beverly Hills

And go big. A weekend spent glittering beside the glitterati at Raffles L'Ermitage in Beverly Hills doesn't come cheap -- it's an "if you have to ask, you can't afford it" deal -- but there's just no substitute. If you can separate yourself from your bed (with sheets spun by virgin Egyptian silk moths fed truffles, champagne, and manna), you can check out L'Ermitage's sumptuous amenities: The spa, salon, and pool are beyond compare, and the menu at Jaan, the hotel's humble restaurant, is highlighted by a $45 salad. Ouch. Yum!

4. Take her shopping . . .

but you pick the clothes "Men don't hate shopping because of the money. It's the sitting on the boyfriend couch at Ann Taylor that we don't like. But what guy wouldn't be enthused about a mall trip if he knew that every 2 minutes a beautiful woman would pop by to model a sexy outfit he'd selected? If you agree to buy, she'll agree to model.

5. Get naked!

Pour peppermint schnapps in her belly button. Sip it. Then kiss her breasts and blow on the spots you kissed. The peppermint schnapps and air will cause a cool sensation and heighten arousal, says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a Los Angeles sex therapist. And do some shopping at adult-toy online sites, and at the grocery store. There's a whole world of flavors and textures out there to play with. Once you get past the headlong plunge to sex, you'll ask yourself what the hurry was, anyway. Delayed pleasures remain the most gratifying ones, especially where her body is concerned.

6. Drive the Pacific Coast Highway in a convertible

This drive -- arguably the most spectacular in the country -- offers stunning scenery, plenty of things to explore, and stop-offs at major destinations like San Francisco, Los Angeles, Yosemite, and San Diego. The PCH is a combination of U.S. 101 and California Route 1. Start in San Diego and take 101 North, which dips along the Pacific Ocean to L.A. Then proceed through Rodeo Drive, Beverly Hills, and Mission Santa Barbara. Stop at Hearst Castle, one of the nation's largest historic-house museums, to check out the breathtaking overlooks (800-444-4445 for information). After the castle, continue heading up the rugged coast through Monterey and then east into the Sierra Nevada. Take some time to admire Yosemite's cliffs and alpine peaks, and finish your trip at the sea in San Francisco.

7. Take a home pregnancy test

Test positive. Freak out. Call your parents. Go shopping for baby clothes. Buy a baby-names book. Eliminate Britney and Ashton as options. Start looking at colleges . . .

8. Run a marathon

Training for a race together is a crafty way to get in shape, spend time as a couple, and stay motivated. You'll have someone to talk to during those tedious long runs, you'll push each other, and you'll have to answer to your partner if you skip a workout. Visit runnersworld.com for training schedules and a calendar of marathons. And if the mere act of running 26.2 miles isn't exciting enough, choose an exotic location -- like, say, China. The Great Wall Marathon is every May.

4 Gutsy Changes to Make in 2010

The New Year is the perfect time to take your game to the next level, and recent research has pinpointed some little tweaks that can leave you happier, healthier, sexier, and so in-demand, your cell phone may explode.

It's January, which means that everyone and their mother is thinking of ways to get a jump on the year ahead. Hitting the gym, getting organized, tossing all the clothes you never wear...they're all great goals (if a little, yawn, boring). But why not think bigger? Scientists across the country recently uncovered some truly incredible secrets about what causes our happiness and success levels to skyrocket.

The best thing about these breakthrough strategies is that, unlike hopping on the treadmill at 6 a.m. or weeding through your closet for hours, they're actually fun to put into action. From getting in touch with your inner bitch to wearing lingerie so risqué that Paris Hilton would gasp, these four changes will have a ripple effect on your life that'll be nothing short of awesome.

1. Be Bad More Often

We'll gladly take any advice that gives us the green light to naughty it up in the boudoir or let our bitchy side out of its cage. Luckily, researchers have discovered how good for you being bad is. "Breaking the rules is empowering," says John Portmann, PhD, author of Bad for Us. "It shows you that you have freedom to do what you want and are in charge of your life."

Remember how thrilling it felt in high school to sneak out or throw a party when your parents went out of town? Going against authority reinforces your independence, which leads to greater fulfillment. Don't get us wrong — we're not suggesting you rob a bank or get Marilyn Manson's face tattooed on your back. It's more about trying things that make you slightly uncomfortable. "You need to push out of your comfort zone in order to grow," Portmann says. "Thrusting yourself into new situations will teach you about yourself and what you're capable of."

Plus, you can feel an added rush just from getting a rise out of people. Misbehave as much or as little as you want, but make sure you don't go so far out of bounds that you lose control of the situation or hurt others.

To jump-start your inner badass, speak up about things you might normally keep to yourself. Approach a bigwig at work and share your brilliant idea, call out a rude salesperson, or voice your opinion in a meeting if you disagree with a coworker. "Not only will this increase your self-confidence, but you'll also gain respect from people," Portmann affirms.

Another tactic is to tell a white lie along the lines of flirting with a hottie if you have a BF or calling in sick when you feel like a million bucks. Physically scandalicious deeds qualify too: Dance on a bar, order your guy to spank you, wear an insanely short dress.

Being a rebel pays off big. "Those who risk the most win the most," Portmann says. "Once you conquer your fear of doing things that aren't 'allowed,' you'll think more expansively and see angles that others overlook." Since you'll have fewer boundaries, you'll be open to possibilities, from pursuing an unusual career path to seeing the potential in a guy who's not your type.

2. Add to Your Crew

You know your friends influence things like how you dress and your going-out habits. But a series of groundbreaking studies from James Fowler, PhD, and Nicholas Christakis, MD, PhD, coauthors of Connected, discovered that your social circle plays a key role in determining way more than that.

It turns out that factors like health and happiness are contagious. If a friend loses weight, you're likely to slim down as well. If she's in a good place in her life, her newfound cheerfulness will rub off on you. In fact, people within three degrees of us (that includes friends, friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends) have a major influence on how we feel and act. "We subconsciously pick up on cues from those around us about what normal, accepted behavior is," Fowler explains.

So how do you use this info to make your life amazing? First, beef up your network with positive people. "Our research shows that the more connections you have and the stronger those relationships are, the happier you'll be," Fowler says. Join a weekend sports league, go to a swanky cheese tasting, take Italian lessons, throw a party and ask every guest to bring a new person with them — anything that'll bring fun people into your life.

Then make one single tweak to boost your own health and satisfaction. It can be something small, like eating more veggies or dancing like a maniac for five minutes every morning to psych yourself up. "Even just a slight change in your behavior gets fed forward to everyone you know," Fowler says. "I lost 5 pounds and have made an effort to be in a good mood when I come home from work because I know that will impact the well-being of my family and friends."

When you become happier, your friends will become happier. And you're benefiting too, thanks to the bounce-back effect. Their high spirits may reflect back on you, improving your state of mind even more. According to Fowler, each additional cheerful friend you have increases your own satisfaction by 9 percent. It's karma, baby!

3. Unleash Your Alter Ego in the Sack

Recently, relationship experts have been telling us that in response to the stressful economy, people are more likely to keep their relationships mellow and steady — think low-key dates and predictable sex that's more comforting than carnal. But studies have found that routine is chemistry kryptonite; couples who keep it fresh have the highest rates of satisfaction.

In a State University of New York at Stony Brook study, participants who engaged in a novel activity for just seven minutes felt more in love and happier in their relationship than those in a control group did. "When you try something new with your partner, the same area of your brain lights up as when you first fell for the person," says Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD, author of The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking. "Experimenting lets you recapture that feeling of being new lovers — the giggles, the excitement, the thrill of getting to know each other."

It's time to shake things up, and we suggest starting between the sheets. During sex, act in a way that you normally never would. For example, if you've been having mostly soft, slow intercourse, go animal on your guy: Pounce on him, tease him, dominate him. On the other hand, if you're usually the initiator, be passive for a change, like by having him tie you up.

"You'll probably learn surprising things about your partner's sexual likes and dislikes," Fulbright says. "And even if you're not crazy about a certain technique, the challenge of tackling something different will still give you both a libido-boosting thrill." Either way, you'll end up with a smile on your face...and hopefully, an extrabig orgasm under your belt.

4. Take Time to Think About Zip, Zilch, Nada

When was the last time you set aside an hour to ponder, um, nothing? Daydreaming probably isn't too high on your to-do list, but it should be. According to Jerome L. Singer, PhD, author of Imagery in Psychotherapy, who studies daydreaming, this seemingly mundane activity prepares you for daunting future encounters, enhances creativity, and relaxes you. Very cool.

The most common daydreams have to do with upcoming work, social, or romantic situations, like a job review or a first date. "These serve as test runs for the real event, similar to rehearsing for a play," Singer says. "You can play out how you'd react in various scenarios. As a result, you'll feel more prepared and confident."

Your brain can practice the tactic you'll use to ask for a raise, what you'll say when you approach your crush, or how to finagle sex in a slippery bathtub. So when the actual moment happens, you won't be as flustered as you might otherwise be.

And it's a good way to let off steam too. "Say you're angry at a friend. Imagining yourself having it out with her will calm you down so you'll be able to talk things out in person in a more rational way," Singer says.

Letting your mind roam also gets you thinking outside the box. "Many of the most creative people — great writers, ingenious scientists — engage in a tremendous amount of fantasizing," Singer says. "Einstein came up with the theory of relativity while daydreaming."

Because it's all make-believe, you don't have to worry about screwing up, so you can totally let your mind go — it's like mental recess. And when your brain has free rein, your chances of stumbling upon a brilliant idea are way higher.

The List You Must Start Today

Keli Goff, Huffington Post blogger and author of Party Crashing, explains why you should write down your goals...and begin to accomplish them this second.

There are plenty of things I'll never do — like run a marathon, since I have a policy of running only when being chased. Or swim with sharks, since… well, have you seen Jaws? But there are many experiences I want to have during my time on earth. And they are all on my life list.

A life list reminds you of the things you want to do before you die. These goals can be small, like taking salsa-dancing lessons, or they can be huge, like climbing Mount Everest. The important thing is that you write them down. It's like drafting a contract with yourself, making you far more motivated to go out and make them happen.

As I approached my 30th birthday last year, I not only compiled my list but also decided to dive right in. Or, I should say, dive right out…of an airplane. When I told my friends, they were stunned—I'm not exactly Ms. Risk Taker. That's the point, though: Your list can be anything you want it to be.

As the airplane ascended, I wondered what I had gotten myself into. But once I jumped, I didn't stop smiling the entire way down. I felt like I could accomplish anything.

I still have so many other things on my list — and I know I'll add to it again and again — but beginning the journey has changed my life. So no matter what you want to accomplish, make 2010 the year that you compile your list. And then, as soon as you can, start checking off those amazing life experiences, one by one.