The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
Up until my early 20s, I carried around a lot of anger toward someone in my life.
I’d been hurt by a person I trusted, and for a long time in my adolescence I wanted to hurt them back.
I lived in painful stories and in visions of what could have been if I hadn’t been wronged.
I blamed someone else for the life I didn’t have, and felt vindicated in the soul-sucking resentment, I carried around from day to day.
I realize it makes less compelling writing to talk so generally, but these stories aren’t only mine to tell.
They involve someone I love and have since forgiven.
So perhaps the kindest thing I can do both for them and me is not retell the story, but instead create a new one:
A story about letting go.
It’s a hard thing to do—to completely let go of something painful and forgive the person who may or may not have realized what they did.
At my angriest point, I was convinced the person who hurt me did it with full intention and cruelty.
I felt not shred of compassion; just unadulterated pain and rage.
Then I realized: unless someone is a sociopath, they are rarely without feeling.
And if they’ve hurt another person, even if their ego prevents them from admitting it, odds are they feel remorse on some level.
No one is purely bad, and everyone carries their own pain which influences the decisions they make.
This doesn’t condone their thoughtless, insensitive, or selfish decisions, but it makes them easier to understand.
After all, we’ve all been thoughtless, insensitive, and selfish at times.
Usually, we have good intentions.
And for the most part, we all do the best we can from day to day—even when we hurt someone; even when we’re too stubborn, ashamed, or in denial to admit the hurt we’ve caused.
So how do you forgive someone when every fiber of your being resists?
How do you look at them lovingly when you still have the memory of their unloving action?
How do let go of the way you wish things had worked out if only they made a different choice?
Write a brutally honest, emotionally raw letter telling them how much they have hurt and angered you, then tear it up and burn it.
As you watch the smoke rise, think about the fact that you are not that hurt and that anger.
It is fleeting, just like everything else.
As the smoke carrying your hurt and disappointment disappears into the air, you can let it go.
For some wrongs, I just have to remember that they are responsible for their actions and then it is easier for me to let it go.
Just look to the future instead of focusing on what’s past…think of creating new good memories to wipe away old bad ones.
Understand this: whether you like it or not, over time, you will stop feeling the pain, so why hold on to something that’s going to away anyway? -
How did I forgive when it was hard?
I came to this realization: no one ever gets to the end of their life and thinks,
“I wish I stayed angry longer.”
They generally say one of three things:
“I’m sorry,” “I forgive you,” or “I love you.”
After taking space to heal myself, I decided to cut out the middle man of time.
I now set boundaries to take better care of me, but I’ll never regret that I’ve forgiven.
Peace & Light And Many Many Blessings !
Mayla Sabo