Recently I sent an email asking some of my clients what was their worst first date and what they learned from it since everything in life is a lesson. Here are some VERY funny replies. I changed names around to protect the GUILTY! Please feel free to add some of your worst first dates, but please KEEP IT CLEAN!
A Picture Sometimes Isn’t Worth 15 Minutes
I met the guy on a dating website and his profile said he was 35 (I was 30). Since he looked OK in his picture I agreed to meet him in a bar in Miami for a drink. I arrived and scanned the bar for my date. I had noticed this weird looking guy with a bad comb over (worse than “The Donald”) sitting by the door, but he was old so it couldn’t be him. Sure enough, after a minute I hear my name being called and I turn around and it is bad car wreck looking Trump guy. I was like, where is the back door and fast?!
Since my identity was blown, I went over to meet this guy - I created a fantasy in my head that he commissioned his father to tell me that he wasn’t coming. Shocked, I agreed to sit and have a drink, where I learned that the guy was 55!!! Responding to my direct question of why he had lied about his age he responded ‘Some people can’t handle the truth!’ Turns out the picture was of his nephew! Although I wanted to jet out of there, I listened for about 15 minutes. That was my mistake. He took that as a sign that I accepted his lie and proceeded to put his hand on mine. I cleared up that mistake very quickly by pouring the drink on his lap and took off. Lesson learned; next time I will just walk out. I won’t enable anyone’s lies! Anne – Sunny Isles, Florida
Killing Time isn’t Downing a Beer
I agreed to go out with a guy I meet at a local bar who was pretty drunk when we met but, honestly, most people you meet in bars are drunk right? After all, I was a bit tipsy myself. Anyway, when I arrived at the place for dinner I watched him walk over to his car. I assumed he forgot his wallet or whatever, so I walked up to the front door of the restaurant. When he met me back at the door I asked him if he forgotten something from his car? He said no, that he arrived a little early and thought it would be a good time for a beer. I thought at first that he just needed a little liquid courage so I jokingly asked if he drank everywhere he went? He said, ‘Of course, I keep a 6 pack on the floor in the back of my car and since I don’t mind warm beer, it works out just fine!’ I then went on to tell him he had a drinking problem jokingly because I thought we were joking. He then made the comment, ‘I don’t think I have a problem but I do start court mandated classes starting Monday since I’ve gotten 3 D.U.I.s this year.’ At that moment I said to him that I forgot my cell phone in my car and that I needed to get it to call the sitter and asked him for his car keys so I could help myself to a warm beer. Would you believe the dope gave me his keys! On the way out of the restaurant I tossed his keys in the trash can and I took off. Lesson learned; when a man is being honest believe him! Cindy - Dallas
Now I Know Why Women Cheat
My lovely Jewish mother’s favorite hairstylists’ receptionist has a son around my age that is single and employed. You gotta love those really. OK, I’ll bite I thought, ‘what the heck…it’s been a few years since I went out on a blind date anyway….how bad could it be?
After an hour and a half listening to Mr. B talk about what a tramp and terrible person his ex-wife was, he finally asked me “So what happened with your last relationship?” I replied it didn’t work out, and if it did I wouldn’t be here. When pressed for details, I replied I did not invite my ex tonight so I see no reason to discuss it. Mr. B still did not get the hint and then provided me graphic details of his ex-wife’s cheating escapades! Fun Fun Fun!! I heard about young men and learned what the term cougar meant. I heard about the gardener and his tools, I head about how he walked in on his second wife fooling around with her sons principal. I was so bored and tired about hearing how awful these women were that I actually caught myself secretly fantasying about cheating on him even though I’ve known him for 90 minutes! Lesson learned; if a man brings his ex to dinner....enjoy your meal, have a glass of wine and then do not go out with him again. He’s more focused on how angry he is with his ex than having a lovely evening with you. By the way, I did get a trip out of my mother…to Cancun! I deserved it! Jamie – Boston.
Good day!
Took a little time away for some R&R, but I will be able to take a few calls tonight (Thursday). I'll try to log on as soon as I can, but look for me around 3:00PM EST. I am back to a regular schedule starting Monday. CHEERS!!
I received this email the other day from a long time client that I wanted to share with everyone else. While I get so many emails each day, this one really made me feel special to her and it proves that when you have patience, love, self respect, and good communication skills, that the darkest dead end really and truly has a light in it. I hope it lifts your spirits as it did mine!
HI Mike,
I woke up this morning with you on my mind. I wanted to tell you that TODAY Brian and I are getting married! We are having a small ceremony with a Universalist Minister and a few friends, then we are leaving on a two week honeymoon which will be close to our families and we are going to spend some time with both sides of the family.
I wanted to thank you for your help over the years! I think I have been talking to you for 5 or 6 years now! I do know that this would not be possible if you had not translated Brian's crazy making behavior for me! Brian is excited and activng very happy in spite of all his prior resistances.
I appreciate you and all that you have done for me. Will give you more details when we return.
Best Wishes,.
Thanks Again,
Judi
Wishing everyone a WONDERFUL New Year! 2008 is going to be a great year for us all!! 
..and for everyone that already has their Xmas tree up (like I do) the Pilgrams did not come over on a sliegh ;)
Man Speak (what men say and what it really means)
A lot of folks say to me, “Mike, you’re a guy, what does this mean when my guy says…”
So I came up with some guy lines and my feelings of what they mean. Please understand that they don’t hold true for everyone, but if you feel like he is meaning something different than what he is saying, this may help. ☺
These are some meanings for the not -so - emotionally available men.
1. I have something going on tonight, but I can stop by later. - Definition: Booty call
2. I have an early morning meeting. – Definition: I don’t want you to spend the night
3. I don’t want to get hurt again. – Definition: I can handle just being NSA friends
4. I don’t know what I am looking for. – Definition: I don’t want a relationship
5. Come over for a drink. – Definition: Come over for sex
6. Doing anything exciting over the weekend? – Definition: I have plans this weekend.
7. Work is out of control lately, not sure when I can see you. – Definition: I am going into my cave and I’ll get back to you.
On the flip side, here are some examples of some eager guys with true intentions!
1. Want to spend the weekend with me? - Definition: I really like you and I am moving you to the front of the line and blowing off my friends, family, and even dog!
2. Want to come to my company picnic? -Definition: I want everyone to see what a knock out you are and how lucky I am.
3. Want to take a drive up to the mountains for Labor Day Weekend? (It’s July right now). – Definition: I am really into you and I am booking time way in advance.
4. I want you to meet my family and get to know everyone. – Definition: You could be the one.
5. You're beautiful. - Definition: You're beautiful.
With Father’s Day just around the corner, I have been thinking about my own father and the important things he taught me as I was growing up. When I recently read this story, it reminded me of some of those valuable lessons. I hope you like it as much as I did.
A son and his father were walking on the mountains.
Suddenly, his son falls, hurts himself and screams: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
Curious, he yells: "Who are you?"
He receives the answer: "Who are you?"
And then he screams to the mountain: "I admire you!"
The voice answers: "I admire you!"
Angered at the response, he screams: "Coward!"
He receives the answer: "Coward!"
He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?"
The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention."
Again the man screams: "You are a champion!"
The voice answers: "You are a champion!"
The boy is surprised, but does not understand.
Then the father explains: "People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE.
It gives you back everything you say or do.
Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.
If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart.
If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence.
This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life;
Life will give you back everything you have given to it."
YOUR LIFE IS NOT A COINCIDENCE. IT'S A REFLECTION OF YOU!"
-- Unknown Author
Wishing all the moms a very happy mother's day!
I don’t about you guys, but the older I get the more I ABSOLUTLY hate flying! (I know, I know… it’s not nice to hate). Tomorrow I have to go to NY for what I thought would be a nice catch up with friends and family for a few days is now going to turn out to be mostly a “dig out from the mud” party from the recent Nor’easter. Should be fun, right??
Anyway, I really do not consider myself having control issues, and I have a pretty keen sense what works for me and what doesn’t, and if it doesn’t - I usually will not set myself up for failure…well, except for buying Oreo cookies and convincing myself that having an entire row is OK so long as I do extra cardio at the gym! But seriously, when I was in my 20’s and 30’s I couldn’t wait to get on a plane and go away! In fact, I was one of those crazy fools that when the plane hit some turbulence I would bounce up and down in my seat for the added effect!
So why do I get the sweats when I have to get on an airplane NOW? Do we suddenly develop FEARS? I am not afraid to die, as I know life does exist after death. Someone told me that perhaps I need to get my affairs in order so I don’t feel like I leave anything undone should something happen. I tried that, but it didn’t really work. ANY other SUGGESTIONS??? What fears do you have that you want to let go of?
That's my note to self about getting another blog entry started! Thanks for the comments and I hope I was able to shed some new light on a very old subject. Stay tuned!!
Many people over the years have asked what kind of Priest am I. My usual response is that I am a non-denominational - interfaith Minster based on Christ’s teachings. What separates our belief system from other Christian-based religions is that we do not believe in fear or damnation. SO for my first blog entry I thought I share with you that I am a Priest In the Order of Melchizedek.
Who is Melchizedek? What is the Order of Melchizedek?
Melchizedek is The Holy Spirit and a part of the Trinity of God. The Holy Spirit descended to the earth in the form of Melchizedek 4000 years ago and ascended from the earth at the conclusion of that lifetime. Biblical quote: Hebrews 7:3 without father, without mother, without descent, having neither beginning of days, nor end of life, but made like unto the Son of God, abideth a priest continually.
The Holy Spirit is the Divine Feminine aspect of God the Trinity. The Holy Spirit incarnated in male form as Melchizedek, and is therefore traditionally referred to in a masculine way. We recognize and honor the Holy Spirit and Divine Feminine behind the name “Melchizedek.”
In the Bible, Melchizedek is called the “King of Righteousness” and “The King of Salem,” the ancient name for Jerusalem . In Genesis Melchizedek is referred to as “Priest of the most High God.” Dionysius calls Melchizedek “the hierarchy most beloved of God.” Tertullian says that Melchizedek is a “celestial virtue of great grace who does for heavenly angels and virtues what Christ does for man.” In certain esoteric groups Melchizedek is identified with the Holy Spirit. Some churchmen believed Melchizedek the Son of God in human form and some Jews saw Melchizedek as the Messiah. The name Melchizedek translates to “King of Rightness” in Hebrew.
While on earth Melchizedek spiritually awakened and initiated Abraham, an incarnation of Christ. The Order of Melchizedek Priesthood was formed on earth by The Holy Spirit and Christ and consecrated by God. 2000 years later Christ incarnated as Jesus. As Jesus, Christ renewed the Order of Melchizedek and became its High Priest. The Order of Melchizedek is a synergy between the Trinity of God: Mother/Father God, Christ and the Holy Spirit. Initiation and Ordination into the Order of Melchizedek triggers spiritual openings for the enlightenment of its Priests and provides a platform for Priests in the Order to service God and humankind.
The Order of Melchizedek has maintained a body of priests upon the Earth continuously for over 4000 years. It is the longest running priesthood on the Earth. For the first two thousand years almost all of the Priests in the Order of Melchizedek were Hebrew. With the advent of Christ’s incarnation as Jesus, when Jesus was established as the “High Priest forever” in the Order of Melchizedek, a tradition was established that virtually all Christian sects follow: All Catholic priests and most Christian ministers are ordained into the Order of Melchizedek.
There is a Biblical quote that helped to establish that: Hebrews 6: 19-20: “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the veil, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. He has become a High Priest forever, in the Order of Melchizedek.” This quote voices the role and significance of the Order of Melchizedek.
There has been a resurgence of interest in the Order of Melchizedek over the last few decades. Today, with the spiritual awakening of humankind more people than ever are being called to be Ordained into the Order of Melchizedek. Melchizedek has awakened many people to the divine service they agreed to do before incarnating in this lifetime.
My ordination was simple, but guided to what felt like Truth to me. The class sessions included written materials from all religious sects as well as personal feelings through guided meditations.
Since being ordained in The Order of Melchizedek I have officiated commitment ceremonies, weddings, and eulogized funerals. I’ve taken my oath very seriously and as a Priest in the Order of Melchizedek I have a sacred responsibility to uphold the integrity of the Order.