When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.
... Helen Keller
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When
one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the
closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
......Helen Keller
"Life
is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be
understood."
....Ralph Waldo Emerson
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."
- Maya Angelou
It's time to repair the broken wings and learn to fly, even better to soar.
To never stop dreaming, because sometimes dreams DO come true when those dreams are pure of heart as well as realistic.
To apply what has been learned and to live fully and gracefully only expecting of others what we expect of ourselves.
I say, let's FLY!
"Life is full and overflowing with the new. But it is necessary to empty out the old to make room for the new to enter" .. Eileen Caddy
Basically, in order to have a good relationship or even a relationship in the making, we need to empty out the "junk in the trunk" or rather the insecurities or fears we have acquired from the past. I tend to call it clearing our house (internal) in order to make room for a house guest. So many of us hold on to hurts or disappointments from the past and tend to
project them into the present. It could be something we experienced in
childhood always being criticized or not complimented or possibly even
a failed relationship. This just doesn't work and stops us from moving
forward in experiencing new and joyful moments that can last a
lifetime. Bottomline, it's called self love.
When entering a relationship, don't look for someone to complete you,
rather look for someone who compliments you. Understand that
oftentimes, we cannot change someone nor can anyone really change who
WE are. When two people meet, it is who they are at the moment that
creates the attraction. So many times we forget that first encounter
and what drew us together in the first place.
The mantra for each of us should be:
I am attractive.
I am intelligent.
I am loving.
I am not overly critical.
I love who I am.
Don't let something from the past cause you to distrust so much that
the other person just doesn't have a chance. YOU OWN THE POWER! The
key to speaking up for yourself and not accepting what you feel YOU
don't deserve is to start from a place of love. I know it sounds a
little hokey but it works. Here is an example:
"John, I really think that you're basically a nice guy, I really do, but
I'm not sure I feel very respected by you". Then be quiet and let
him talk. There's no reason to be too wordy or critical. Let them
talk after you 'nicely' set your boundary.
Sometimes it's good to put ourselves in the other person's shoes. No one likes to be yelled at or told what to do or what not to do. Listen, have compassion and do not accept anything less than what you
feel you deserve remembering that you are the sparkling diamond that
blinds the human eye LOLOL.
And... remember to clear away the obstacles that have been holding you
back from love. Take a risk if you must. What do you have to lose?
If you DO lose, it was never meant to be and there is something better
to come.
Under the current economic conditions I think it might be a good idea to count our blessings versus our woes. Ultimately, it's the little blessings that add up and help us realize that things aren't as bad as we thought they were! We have a roof over our head, food to put on our table and so many things that many do not have these days.
counting our blessings rather than our trials or woes not only helps us realize just how good we have it, but also affects our overall mindset towards others as well as ourselves. And.. when something happens that tests our strength, take a moment to ask, "What am I suppose to learn from this?" Over time, you will be amazed at the difference in your life as well as your mindset.
Guidelines for positive and productive journaling.
No need to be detailed on points you don't want to get into. Be free with your style and just let it flow.
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a present"
Day: Date:
1) Today's weather, news, events:
2) Today I feel:
3) I am grateful for:
4) Spiritually I:
5) People in my thoughts today:
6) Magical moments (comfort, peace, and love):
7) Donations of the Heart (acts of kindness, sharing, caring and forgiveness):
8) For a better tomorrow (goals, ideas, etc.):
9) Reflections/notes:
Have fun with this and make it work for YOU!
I've been procrastinating writing this but there seems to be a trend these days in getting relationships off the ground or even meeting someone. Everyone is counting their pennies, tightening the spending belt and just trying to survive financially.
This brings me to the innate difference between how a man thinks vs how a woman thinks. Women are basically driven by their emotions. We were designed to nurture, hence why we give birth to the next generation, guiding them, loving them and nurturing their overall emotional needs. We fix the "boo boo's" LOL On the other hand, men were designed to be the providers, the hunters, the gathers and to protect the family. Men are also "yes/no" folks because that's what they do everyday at the workplace. dThey are required to make snap decisions. Also, they are expected to go to war and shoot another human being as part of their "protection" nature. We are too emotional/nurturing to take on that task. Now, keeping these differences in mind, men measure their self-worth by what they have. In these trying times, they are worried about where their next paycheck is coming from or if they will lose their job. Can you imagine what that does to their self-worth? So, they meet a woman they are really interested in but wonder "how can I offer her the kingdom if I don't have a castle?". Most feel that they have to take a woman out on a 'date' to impress her, but are stressed out on trying to make a good impression and not putting a significant dent in their budget. It ends up being a vicious and confusing time for them. The last thing they need is pressure, even subtle. One way to get around this may be when you're having a pleasant conversation, and he hedges around the 'date' subject, maybe suggest a picnic in a park, or a ride to somewhere scenic and serene.. there are so many creative, wonderful things to do that don't really cost much if anything.
So until this economic pressure cooker subsides, try to understand where the men are coming from and how they think because our minds are very different. Now, I'm not saying 'enable' or be their mother, not at all because they DO have a sense of pride and we as women need to respect that.
Just remember.. a man measures his self-worth by what he has so although he may be a little slow moving.. there's a logical reason for it. He needs to have a castle to offer you, not just a kingdom! The operative word is KISS (Keep It Simple and Sweet).
Blessings...
"I believe there is an
important distinction to be made between religion and spirituality. Religion I
take to be concerned with belief in the claims to salvation of one faith
tradition or another--an aspect of which is acceptance of some form of
meta-physical or philosophical reality, including perhaps an idea of heaven or
hell. Connected with this are religious teachings or dogma, ritual, prayers and
so on. Spirituality I take to be concerned with those qualities of the human
spirit--such as love and compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness,
contentment, a sense of responsibility, a sense of harmony, which bring
happiness to both self and others."
-His Holiness the Dalai
Lama
What is your trademark? In other words, how do others perceive you, a characteristic that others recognize you by. Typically, when asked to describe ourselves, we see our inner self or personality differently than others do.
A 'trademark' is defined as a distinctive phrase, symbol, word, letter, number, sound, smell, shape or picture or any other distinguishing attribute by which an individual is readily identified, such as the well known characteristics of celebrities. How they are perceived by the public. For example, when you hear 'tatoo' one might say Angelina Jolie, or if someone asks you "who's a bad girl in LA?" and they quip "Lindsay Lohan". On a more local level, if someone asked that same question you may respond with your neighbor's daughter. It's all about 'perception', a distinguishing behavior or characteristic.
Ok, here's a little experiment you can do to see what YOUR trademark may be. Ask your friends and acquaintences (tell them to try and be honest) and ask them to describe YOU using either a smell, a short phrase or symbol. Don't say anything else and tell them that their response has to be short and in line with the definition above.
Then, take a deep look at yourself and decide what YOU would want YOUR 'trademark' to be. In order to do that, we need to self-evaluate our life, our behavior, our words and how we interact with others. It's not as easy as it may seem. It's a way of 'reinventing' ourself so that people see who we are inside and out. Our belief system also ties into all of this. For example, when you think of the Dalai Lama, you immediately think "wise" or "wisdom", therefore you have placed a 'trademark' on him. When you describe God, the word that comes to mind is "love"... and that is HIS 'trademark'. At my local starbucks, I posed this question to one of the barista's I'm familiar with. She told me what she felt her trademark was and then I responded telling her I felt it was "jack o lantern". She raised an eyebrow and asked why that symbol? I told her because she was an individual that was unique with an inner light (the candle) and distinquishing smile (with all her teeth, of course LOL). It made her think! And that is the purpose of this exercise. She said "I would have never thought about myself like that" and of course, smiled.
What do you want YOUR 'trademark' to be? Who are you? What do you stand for? What do we think of ourselves and how do we appear to others? What changes do I have to make to show others my 'trademark'? This is not an overnight process, by the way. It's a daily practice... a consciencious one. Do I want to be perceived as short-fused or understanding and approachable? If I want to be perceived as approachable, how do I get there? How to I maintain that consistently in order to establish that 'trademark'?
Have fun with this and find out who you really are! .... AND who you want to be!
"Another fresh new year is here ...
Another year to live!
To banish worry, doubt, and fear,
To love and laugh and give!
This bright New Year is given me
To live each day with zest ...
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best!
I have the opportunity
Once more to right some wrongs,
To pray for peace, to plant a tree
And sing more joyful songs!"
William Arthur Ward
This blog was prompted by a recent discussion with a friend.
So often I find that people get so involved in a relationship that they forget about their own identity and get 'swallowed' up in the other person... losing themselves and who they are.
It's important that we also stay true to ourselves, maintain our own 'footprint'. I'm not saying we can't compromise because life overall, is often about compromise, BUT - - within reason.
The best description or explanation of what a healthy marriage or committed relationship should be is an excerpt from Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet" :
"But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together"
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."
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the intellectual identification with
or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
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So very often
in our busy everyday life, we often forget about others and how perhaps we may
affect those around us. In essence, in
many of our interpersonal dealings we sometimes put ‘empathy’ on the shelf not
realizing that it can be such a valuable asset to us. Not only does it stimulate a different view, but can also be seen
as a tool for gaining knowledge, both of ourselves as well the other person,
whether at work, home, or other social interactions. It goes hand in hand with the art of ‘listening’. How many times have we been told, “You
should listen or think before you speak”.
There’s a lot of truth to this comment.
In trying to ‘put ourselves in the other person’s shoes”, it
lends a different perspective often leading to a different approach to a
situation. So many times, we as members
of this human race, put our own needs
and concerns before another without taking into consideration how those
thoughts, feelings or attitudes will affect another. Our natural instinct in some situations is to ‘defend’ our own
beliefs without trying to understand what the basis or cause of another’s may
be.
So many times, we women don’t understand why a man may
suddenly go into reclusion when he’s going thru a financial situation. Well, men measure their self worth by what
they have because they are not typically emotionally driven like women. Our DNA is designed to emotional nurture our
offspring whereas men are typically designed to put emotions aside in order to
protect and provide.
Understanding this simple difference between men and women
as well as applying just a tad of empathy, the situation is handled very
differently in most cases.
If someone is going thru a difficult time in his or her
life, a little empathy goes a long way.
It also goes along with kindness begets kindness and anger begets
anger. How often has someone criticized
you without understanding how sensitive you may be to a subject, perhaps
because of a bad relationship or troubled past. Words have a lot of power and should be chosen carefully as they
always have some sort of affect, sometimes good, sometimes bad. It isn’t always about winning.
Listening carefully and attentively often leads to
empathy. True empathy often leads to
respect.
"Try
not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value"
….. Albert Einstein
“Excellence is the
result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think
is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical, and expecting more than
others think is possible.”
... John Fitzgerald Kennedy
As this Retrograde is about to come to an end (June 19th), I've endured electronic "bumps" and "crashes", someone from the past returning (that I do NOT want) and overall trials of patience. Although my fuse during this time was very short, in retrospect, I truly believe that Merc Retrogrades occur to teach us lessons in strength, patience and sometimes fortitude. So all in all, they are not to be feared, but rather looked at as if we're taking our SAT's again and will pass with flying colors. We will be stronger, wiser and even more patient with mundane mishaps!
New motto for Mercury Retrogrades:
"This too shall pass like bad gas" .