Personality Dynamics of Rrelationships (Part 2)

Too much of what happens in relationships is based on power struggles and not genuine concern.  It becomes more about winning than about the underlying issue.  Someone usually allows the other person to win to simply end the conflict leaving unresolved resentments and anger which have to be dealt with later and usually in the wrong place and the wrong time over a minor issue that could have been resolved simply.  I find bullying behavior occurs bothe in men and women but more frequently in men yet when it occurs in the women it can be more pernicious and vile. 

When we stop assigning sterotypical labels to the people we are involved with we begin to see them as different people.  Not all behavior by women that is disagreeable to men is "bitchy" and not all men are "dicks".  First rule in a disagreement or fight there is absolutly no name calling.  You can think them but you can't say them.  Second rule if it didn't happen just now don't bring it up the past is the past leave it there.  This is again a result of not dealing with the issues that arise immiedately.

While these suggestions are for more long term relationship how do we deal with new ones that really haven't even started yet.  When we first meet someone or start dating we make this huge effort not to hurt their feelings or to offend them in anyway as this may be a potential long term relationsip.  It seems we are saving all that up for later when they can't leave us.  For any relationship to work whether short or long term there must be honesty even to the point of being brutal and blunt.  If we accept behavior that offends us in the beginning how can we complain later without looking like an idiot.  I would rather you would hurt my feelins now and give me a chance to fix it than make me believe that my behavior is ok and then suddenly use it against me in an argument.  Relationships should be fun and exciting, there should be a natural flow to the action and interaction between the two people.  To often we try to drive the square peg into the round hole hopeing no one will notice.  Stop believing that he or she is your only and last chance to be happy or be with someone.  Try not to direct the course of love for it it find you worthy it will direct your course.

Personality Dynamics

Personality Dynamics (Part 1)

The begininning of change in any relationship is to first understand the drives and motivations of the other person.  What are the main emotional factors that compel each of us to act in specific ways? What is the thought process that determines the action we will take?  How do we recognize these factors and our responses? Finally what is the process by which we imporve communication and make the relationship fun and romantic again?

Let's begin with the first question "What are the main emotional factors that compel eash of us to act in specific ways"?  Men and women use very different emotions to process each event that occurs in our lives.  Contrary to sterotypical thinking women tend to process information in a logical and straight line manner while men tend to use emotional non-logical approach to most situations. While this seems to the conterintutive let me explain.  There is always an emotional componet to any decision, in men it is always the deciding factor while in women it is a first response followed by a more logical assesment of the problem leading to a decision that includes all the factors.

Men have but one goal that is to be able to live in their caves with their creature comforts around them, if they have their toys, their comfort food, and sex at least twice a week they are happy and content.  They are not motivated to change until they feel fear of losing those comforts.  Men are motivated by fear as their first emotional response always.  Examples of this are at work men do not become motivated to improve their performance until they feel the threat of losing their job or their position in the company.  In relationship men do not respond until their comfort zone is threatned. Men feel they are the last to know when a relationship goes bad, yet they have ignored all the warning signs and even the obvious until they begin to feel the fear.  I will state this as clearly as possible MEN DO NOT GET SUBTLE,  hell most of the time we don't even get obvious.  Usually the first clue we have that something is wrong is when we regain consciousnes from being hit in the head with the 2 X 4.

Women you are not blameless here so while you are enjoying the comments above let me be the first to let you know we do not appreciate it when you tell us things simply to not hurt our feeling or to avoid confrontation. You treat us like small children then get angry when we actually act like them. Most of the time women over think the situation until they are so confused they just do nothing. The reason you get the "over emotional" rap is because by the time you do express yourself it is out of frustration and anger and comes across as hormanal babble.  If you share information when it occurs we may at first seem angry or disappointed or a myriad of other emotions but we will listen and we will make changes as soon as it looks like it is our own idea and not yours.  We need our illusions even if everyone knows it is an illusion.

Part 2 tomorrow