Tarot by Lavena: Into the Light

When I was a child, I spent a lot of time in the woods, bird watching, hunting for frogs in the swampy areas, finding salamanders under rocks, exploring the mysteries of nature.  One of my favorite places to explore was an old abandoned lot across from my home.  This lot was overgrown with long dried grass, ragweed, wildflowers, and prickly bushes.  One fall afternoon, I was exploring the lot, and as I pushed aside a tangled bush, a pheasant emerged from the brush. I froze; my heart racing.  He was magnificent, regal. He cocked his head to the side and his eye pierced my soul.  I noticed his vibrant neck colors, red and green, even a slight tinge of blue, and then the white ring before his golden brown feathers.  I remember feeling like I was in the presence of the divine, like the feeling I had in church. After a moment of “knowing” each other, the pheasant began moving about the lot, leaving me behind. I was so excited; I ran home to tell my mother I had seen a pheasant, as if I had discovered a chest of gold. When I returned with my siblings to show off my discovery, the pheasant was gone without a trace.

I don’t know too much about animal totems, but I often go back to this moment, and wonder if the pheasant is my animal totem.  I’ve done some research and I found out that the pheasant represents creativity, sexuality, influence, and magic.  The pheasant is a Chinese bird and the Chinese symbol of nobility. Although he can use his vibrant colors to attract a mate and stand out, he also knows when to retreat, when to hide.  The pheasant reminds us that we need to use our gifts, our passion, and our power to get what we want, but we also need to know when to retreat, when to stay silent, when to stay hidden.

I know for me, this has been a life-long lesson, learning when to shine, learning when to work behind the scenes and allow others to shine. Like the pheasant, I continue to learn how to navigate the brush, and emerge, my colors radiating at just the right moment.

Last week, I didn’t post a card reflection because I was so busy finishing grades for the classes I teach. Now that I’m finished, I find it ironic that I chose the Four of Swords to reflect upon today. 

The Four of Swords is about rest, retreat and solitude. It is a card that signifies a need for self-reflection or even prayer. It is the busy mom in the old commercial who says, “Calgon take me away.” It is a walk through a meditation garden, or a quiet moment sipping tea and reading a good book.

In some readings, it points to illness, a need to take care of the body. In rare cases it may symbolize incarceration or even death.

I like it best when it symbolizes retirement, and my clients are happily preparing for the next phase of their life.

The Four of Swords is my “time out” card, and I’m looking forward to my own time out away from teaching for a month. Time to refresh and reorganize!

I have decided to pull a card randomly from my deck on Mondays to reflect upon. I think this exercise would be good for me personally, but also for my clients. I have received a lot of questions lately about the cards, what they mean, etc. I believe it is important to reflect upon your cards during a reading. The reader will have an interpretation, a message for you, of course, but your own reflection is part of the process.

Today, I have pulled the Seven of Swords reversed. Not all readers use reversals, but I do. When the Seven of Swords reversed shows up in a reading, usually it is about a need to be honest at all costs. If you want to get away with anything dishonest and this card shows up, no doubt, you are going to get caught, like trying to sneak a cookie from the cookie jar. Mom is going to catch you.

In love and relationship readings, usually this means that a cheater will be found out. In some cases it is a warning to be more open with your feelings or to “come clean” with something you have kept from your partner.

I have also received this card when reading people who are trying to clean up after struggling with alcohol or drug addictions. It usually represents a need to follow a program and to make amends to those you have hurt.

Honesty is the huge theme with the Seven of Swords reversed. Where have you been dishonest in your life? What lies do you tell yourself? In what areas of your life do you perpetually live in denial? Do you present yourself to others authentically?

It is time to be open. It is time to connect to our personal truth. It is time to be open about who we really are and to live our life without secrets and without regret.

“The real things haven’t changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong.”

-Laura Ingalls Wilder

Stay open. Love. Value your friends and family and others who love you. Take risks. Go after your dreams.

Sound cliché?

I recently lost my brother. He was only 42. I’m not ready to write about that yet, but over the last month, his passing has forced me to reevaluate my own life direction. As my other brother said, “…take risks. Why not? If you don’t, you’re only going to die anyway.”

So, what are your dreams?

Do you wish for that life partner? Then spend time loving yourself, work on yourself. Put yourself out there. Meet people! Be open to whatever a relationship will teach you. Stop allowing abuse. Be strong enough to know your worth.

Do you want a better job? Well, go for it! Network! Get the skills you need. Make it so…

Do you dream of having your own business? Do your research. Make your move. Take a risk. Yes, you may fall, but you can get back up again!

Do you want to do creative work? Well, be creative! If you are a writer, Write! An artist? Create! A performer? Perform. What’s stopping you? Make time in your day to do what you love.

We all spend so much time dreaming and not enough time doing, manifesting, making it so…

You only have one life. Dare to make it fabulous.

I am shamefully and secretly obsessed with the new National Geographic television show: Doomsday Preppers.

First, let me begin by saying, I do NOT believe the world is going to end any time soon. I also believe the preppers on the show seem to live in perpetual fear; they never live in the present, always worried about preparing for the future, a dismal future, created in their minds by fear, fear based on the changes the world is experiencing as we evolve.

Then why do I watch this show…fascinated?

Despite my beliefs, I admit that in the last year, starting in March 2011, I have felt my own urge to “prepare.” I have done my share of couponing and created a “stock pile” of canned goods and other food supplies. I have learned terms like “bug out” and often wonder in my imagination how I would get my family out of our small city in an emergency.

The question is…what am I preparing for?

I experienced a new reality in August 2011 when New England was hit by Hurricane Irene, a mostly uneventful storm here in Massachusetts overall. We have certainly experienced winter storms more potent, but what hurricane Irene did do was knock down quite a few trees, which of course downed a lot of power lines. I live in the center of a small city of about 50,000 people. I always figured the city would be the first to get power after a storm. I was wrong. We were out of power for 4 days.

The first day we made sandwiches and played with our flashlights, fully expecting the power to be on soon. People walked around town, friendly, curious about the storm’s damage.

The second day, boredom set in, as we became “fully unplugged” from our electronic reality. I realized, hey, I can’t work. I can’t earn a living, as everything I do to earn money involved a computer and Internet access, even my teaching. The second evening, strange characters seem to emerge from the darkness. The parking garage was pitch black, and frightening, so we did not travel at night. There was unrest now, shouting from outside, just a feeling that people were on edge and up to no good.

The third day, my cell phone ran out of power. There was power in another town, and I went to their local McDonalds to plug in my phone, have a real cup of coffee, and check my email (free Wi Fi). However, I was competing with the masses for power. You had to get up around 5:30AM to be assured you had an outlet. Our flashlight batteries were low. Stores were empty. We ran out of hot water. My kids didn’t know what to do with themselves. We went to bed early, our windows open, the August heat stifling, listening to shouts and sirens outside.

The fourth day, we entertained ourselves with talk radio, our area ready to revolt against National Grid. Any food left in the freezer was lost now, milk sour; we were left with only canned food. Because there was power in neighboring towns, we blew our budget on a hot meal at a restaurant and then home to the safety of our condo before the sun completely set. Later that evening, the power came on, and we all shouted for the miracle. We plugged ourselves back into our computers and cable television, cranked up the central air, and planned our grocery trip. Many in our town did not have power for a week or more. We were lucky though, because those who did have power helped those who didn’t. We were still able to keep order, still able to feel compassion for our fellow man. But you could feel it. Within 24 hours, the unrest, the frustration. How long would it take if there was no power at all…anywhere…before people began to take what they needed by force? It was an eye opener for me.

We are a fragile, dependent society.

Maybe I’m fascinated with Doomsday Preppers because I admire their fortitude to live smaller and to live more independently, off the power grid.

I am prepared now with a few more batteries, some canned goods, and some extra toilet paper. I may not be preparing for the end of the world; I’m not packing my bug out bag, toting a gun, or canning meatloaf, but I am less naïve about human nature.

These last few years have introduced children to Eastern religious thought and culture through games, television, and films, including Yu-Gi-Oh, Avatar: The Last Airbender, the remake of The Karate Kid, and even going way back, the Star Wars series. Another of my favorite films is Kung Fu Panda.

I was not really interested in the original film, but my children twisted my arm and convinced me to go with them to see it. I giggled through most of the film and realized the film presented true spiritual lessons.

The newest film, Kung Fu Panda 2 is about Po’s journey to discover “who he is.” On his journey he “searches for his father,” a common theme in many stories, and he searches for “inner peace.” Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, he ends his journey in gratitude for home and the love that surrounded him all along, appreciative of true friendship.

I love many of the quotes from the film but my favorite is

“Your story may not have such a happy beginning but that doesn't make you who you are, it is the rest of your story, who you choose to be.”

~The Soothsayer        

Let us all remember this simple truth. The past is the past. It doesn’t matter what was. It doesn’t matter what will be. There is only now. I Am. Use the power of the present moment to choose love, compassion, and walk into your dreams.

And to think, I was reminded of this from a children’s story.

“Remember dragon warrior, anything is possible when you have inner peace.”

~Master Shifu

Many people consider me wise. I have certainly learned my share of spiritual lessons over the last 45 years of my life. However, I am amazed that I still can’t grasp fully the most basic laws of the universe. These last few weeks I have been bopped over the head with basic law of the universe #1: You need to give it to get it.

Some of you know this law from the Bible: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” [Matthew 7:12]. It’s the golden rule after all. Other expressions that come to mind are “Live by the sword, die by the sword” or “What goes around, comes around.”

The bottom line is that all the wise gurus of the ages understood that what you give out to the universe energetically you get back from the universe energetically.

A few nights a week, I teach English to disadvantaged young adults who are trying to get their high school diploma. These young adults are struggling with homelessness, neglect, abuse, unplanned pregnancies, mental illness and drug abuse. Many have been locked up and have been violent to others. Their language is vile. Their behavior often follows suit. The energy many send out to me is dark, scary even. I moved into protection mode and often felt the need to fight, defend, and protect myself.

I expressed my frustration with the teacher of my ministry class. She reminded me of the basics. If you are giving out that energy of anger and frustration, you will get it back from the students. If you walk into the room with a suit of armor ready for war, you will get that back from the students. “Beam that room with love,” she suggested. “No matter how hard in the moment, no matter how you feel, beam that room with love.”

Again, I stubbornly stewed. She didn’t understand who I was teaching every day. These students were criminals for goodness sake.

A few weeks later, my students graduated. Every one of them made it. As they walked past me in their caps and gowns, they smiled. I reached out my hand to one particular young man who gave me a very hard time all semester. He was gang involved in the past but was trying to better his life. He shook my hand and said, “I’m sorry.”

At that moment I saw him. I saw all of them. They were my teachers.

Oprah Winfrey reminded me again yesterday when she said during her last show, “Nobody but you is responsible for your life. You are responsible for your life. What is your life? What is all life? What is every flower, every rock, every tree? Energy. And you're responsible for the energy you create for yourself, and you're responsible for the energy that you bring to others."

Yes, I feel I’m finally learning the basics. We get back what we give.

A year ago, when the bottom fell out of the American economy, I know I was in denial. I had just gotten a new job. Things seemed to be going well. Then, crash. By spring, my husband had lost his job, and my salary had been cut. We were told to be "thankful" it wasn't worse. My denial ran deep, however. After all, in my lifetime, things always bounced back

...until this time.

One year later and I’m still waiting for the return of the “good times.” This time IS different. We are all in a place of restructuring, energetically, individually and as a nation. Good times will return, but the way we do business, the way we spend, the way we interact with one another WILL change. This isn’t a bad thing. But, it is a difficult transition for many of us.

The theme from my clients during this holiday period is about work and money. Will I get fired? Will I get a new job? Will I have enough money? Remember, that even in tough economic times, you can make lemonade out of lemons. You can choose to see the possibilities. Every moment is an opportunity for success! This time, we all need to look outside the box to create that new world. The old way, business as usual, will not work anymore.

For me and my family, we chose to put our eggs in more than one basket. My husband did get a new job. He was determined and wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. He also teaches tennis part-time and is looking ahead for more education and retraining. I teach full-time in a high school, but also work part-time as an adjunct professor and read cards for people when I can. With all our jobs and talents, when one job dries up, we have other jobs to fill in the cracks.

Are you in a financial transformation?

• Focus on all of your talents.
• Don’t put all your worth in one job or company.
• Connect with one another, network, job share, etc.
• Continue your education; keep learning, both formally and informally.
• Live simply.
• Know that with every moment, we have the possibility to rise, to achieve, and to create what we really want.

God bless!

Lavena*

What is coming through for me this morning are memories of my 6^th grade school year. It was 1977, and I was 11-years-old, just starting middle school. It was not a good transition for me or a good year in general. What I remember most was being bullied incessantly. 

 My parents didn’t have a lot of money, so I wore clothes from a thrift store. My hair was long and stringy, and I hadn’t really made the leap to perfumes, deodorants, make-up, and other hygienic and glamorous accessories. I don’t remember my mother really directing me much as to what to do.  The other girls in the 6^th grade, the “cool” kids, were wearing their Levi’s with the comb in the back pocket, which could be whipped out at any moment to smooth out their Dorothy Hamel haircuts. They were already thinking about boyfriends and “making out.” I was so not there yet and felt like a fish out of water.

 I remember

 …a boy named Matt who used to sit in the back of the bus. If I went too far back, he’d throw things at my head. He loved to call me “brain” because I was smart and “drama faggot” because I loved to perform on stage and wanted to join the drama club.

 …a boy who made fun of my breasts at Bobby’s Rollerway, calling me “pointy.”

 …a boy named Chris, Matt’s best friend, who dumped bath oil in my science project, a terrarium, and all my plants died.

 …a very large 8^th grade girl, who smoked cigarettes and spent all her time in the principal’s office, randomly pointing to me in the hallway saying, “I’m going to beat the crap out of you. Watch yourself after school.”

 …a girl named Susan, who had long, beautiful hair pulled back in pretty headbands. I smiled at her one day, and she rolled her eyes and said, “Loser.”

 …having a crush on a boy named Tony who just moved to the area from South Carolina. He was very nice to me because he didn’t realize I was a social outcast. One day, in order to redeem his own status in the school, he called me a “dog” and said nobody would ever go out with me.

 …sitting all day in a classroom, not doing much at all. My teacher, Mrs. French, who loved to wear sandals adorned with big, plastic, yellow flowers, never left her desk. For some reason, I was placed in a class of very unmotivated children because of “inclusion.” We learned times tables all year, something I had known since the 3^rd grade, so mostly, I just sat in terror, bored, not wanting to be there, hoping that nobody would speak to me.

 …being called a “snob,” but I was anything but a snob. I was just withdrawing, afraid to speak, because of all the hostility and negative energy I felt from everybody around me.

 Until one day in music class.

 I loved music class. It was always entertaining and informative. At the end of every class, Mr. Lefebvre would have us sing a song. Usually, he played the piano and sang, or played a record and wanted us to sing along, but nobody did. That was the unwritten school rule. You just sat and humored him.

 One day, the song he played was “You Light Up My Life,” the big hit by Debby Boone. I loved that song and knew all the words. I don’t know what possessed me that day, but I sang. I sang, most likely off key, but I sang. I just kept focusing on the teacher, who kept staring at me in disbelief that I was actually singing, and then I realized that I was the ONLY one singing. The entire class, bullies and all, just sat, silent, staring at me, mouths hung open, wondering, what in the world are you doing?

 I felt such strength at that moment, energy rising, and in defiance, I continued singing, horridly, but I sang, and I sang, and I sang…

 “You, light up my life, you give me hope, to carry on…”

 I found my voice.

Recently, I have been angry. No reason, really. Just all of a sudden. Anger. It rose up, bubbled even, until the pressure blew. I found myself standing up for myself, standing up against injustice, just speaking up, but it was also angry, like “Hey, I’m not going to take it anymore, so you can just kiss my &^#@#$.”

Whew.

After the initial eruption, there was a time of resting and reflection, and the image I kept seeing was the dragon, a huge beast rising from the abyss, my inner consciousness, awakened, and then the roar, as the dragon flew, blowing fire.

I have awoken the dragon within.

Dragons are interesting symbols. They represent “the defender,” as well as faith, courage, strength and power. Depending on the culture (European dragons, Chinese, etc.), dragons can also be symbols of blessings, good luck, and intelligence or wisdom. The dragon perseveres until success is achieved. For me, I feel the dragon is about self-empowerment.

It is time now to embrace who we are, to rise, empowered, to our rightful place in the universe.

I no longer want to slay my dragon. I want to let my dragon fly free.

Ever make a mistake so large that it changed everything? Your entire life path for good or ill? Do you look back, wonder, if only I said this, if only I did that, if only I could take “it” back?

I have. I have made big mistakes, life changing mistakes, said the wrong thing, and instantly, as soon as the words passed my lips, I wanted to take back those words or take back those actions. I wonder all the time what my life would be like if some key moments in my life that I coin “mistakes” could be “undone.”

But, there is no back, only now. And we have to finally forgive ourselves, come to acceptance that we did the best we could at the time and move forward, changed hopefully for the better because of our “epiphanies.”

Mistakes are never really “mistakes.” Just stumbling blocks of growth, opportunities to do better, opportunities to make better choices…

And for the record, to all those who have been victims of my “stumbling blocks of growth,”

I’m sorry.

My son Ben just lost one of his best friends, Becky.

Becky was 16, full of life, your typical American teenager.  Just last month, Becky was in my living room with her Dad, excited to be off to Europe on a school trip, and this Friday is the junior prom. Becky and her friend Brittany paired with my son and his best friend Ryan. There were no romances here, just four very good friends, looking forward to a splendid evening. Life was good.

My son for the last month would say, “Mom, I keep seeing 911. I look at the clock at 911 every day, just like that! It’s driving me crazy! What does it mean?”

Friday night, May 16^th, Becky left her father’s house with her friend Nate. He forgot his cell phone. He only lived a bit away. They jumped into the car, off to his house on a wet, drizzly evening. “We’ll be right back,” she told her father.

My husband drove Ben to his friend Sean’s on Friday, May 16^th, a wet and drizzly evening. Not knowing why, he said, “Ben, be careful. You never know. You never know what can happen.” He told me later, “I don’t know why I said that.”

Becky and Nate hydroplaned into a tree. Neither was wearing a seat belt. I don’t know all the details of the accident, but feel she may have been thrown from the car. She died instantly. Nate broke his back, has swelling of the brain, not sure if he’ll make it. The EMT’s found the cell phones. That’s how they notified Becky’s father, as he sat wondering, Where is she? I thought she said she’d be right back.

“Becky’s dead,” my son Ben told me the next morning. He told me later, “I understand 911 now.”

Becky died on the anniversary of her mother’s death.

Prayers to Becky.
Prayers to Nate.
Prayers to their families.
Prayers to all who loved them.

 The children here weep.

“I’m not creative.”

I hear that all the time from students and even from some of my clients when I read.

Being creative means having the power to create, having original thought, original expression, and imagination. Dare I say it, being creative is like being God. Maybe that is why some people have such a hard time with the word or even the action of creating.

The truth is that God is within us, and therefore, we are all God-like, mini-Gods in a way. If we are God-like then we are all creators. If we are all creators, we are by definition, “creative.”

We create each and every day with our thoughts, our feelings, and our intentions. We create what we don’t want as much as what we do want. Even my students who are professing, “I’m not creative,” are actually creating and defining who they are in that moment.

Creative people are just those who create with intention and relish in the moments of creation, loving it, passionate about the journey, the creative process, and open to the possibilities in life.

We are all creative.

No doubt, there are many blog entries on Keen this week, welcoming spring and wishing one and all a Happy Easter. Although the topic seems cliché and mundane after awhile, I still can’t help but proclaim happy spring and happy Easter myself.

 I live in Southern New England, a spot on Earth that suits me. I can travel 3 hours north and enjoy the mountains. I can travel 45 minutes South or East and enjoy the ocean. I can enjoy city life within an hour’s drive, either Providence or Boston. I can meander west and enjoy rolling farm lands, rivers, and woodlands. Quaint New England charms seem to be everywhere, weathered cape homes, white picturesque churches, picket fences, and aging colonials.

 I also love the four seasons in all their glory in this part of the country.

 March is an interesting and depressing month here. Winter still tries to hold on even though spring has arrived. We vacillate between snow flurries, rain, occasional ice, blustery wind, and that sunny day, temperature hovering in the 40’s, the sun straining to heat the earth. But I can’t help but feel happy and joyful at the sun’s attempt, knowing that changes are occurring, the land is blooming forth, and new beginnings are again possible.

Despite the occasional last few puffs of winter, I’m hearing birds singing in the morning and the sun greets me as I wake. The robins hop over the yard, nesting now, no doubt. I’m seeing the bulbs pop through the ground, tufts of green that sprinkle the brown and gray of the landscape. In two weeks, the recreational fields may open, if the rains hold, and my children will be playing soccer and baseball once again, and within my community, neighbors will begin hanging out on their porches after dinner, and I will be able to wear flip flops, wiggling my toes, while enjoying ice coffees among the tulips, daffodils, forsythia, blooming rhododendrons, and blossoming trees, including my favorite, the weeping cherry.  

Ah yes, I love how spring emerges, sprouts, blooms, explodes in living color, and I am reminded of how beautiful the world can be, even after the darkness.

We are moving, once again, into the Light…the possibilities!

I must have had lottery drawings on the brain last night.

It all started with a client yesterday who won a small amount of money in the lottery and asked if she would win more. I don’t do lottery readings or predictions, nor does Keen policy allow me to do that anyway, but the client was very understanding. I always wondered why I can feel what will happen in so many circumstances but I can’t pick the lottery numbers. What’s up with that spirit?

After the call, all I could think about was buying a lottery ticket. The Megamillions Jackpot was like $270,000,000. So, I convinced my husband to buy a couple tickets. As my family gathered to make dinner plans, we daydreamed of how we would spend the money. For our family, the dream involves a nice home of our own, cars that actually run, and a family vacation every year, a really good one. It involves paying all our bills, student loans and other debt, making sure our children are provided for as far as education and starting their own lives, and giving to the many organizations in our local community who have helped us and our children over the last 20 years. We ate our dinner with this daydream glowing over our heads.

Last night, I had the strangest dream right before waking…

I was barefoot. But, walked with my parents to the local convenience store down the road. Before I walked in, a man pumping gas told me to play the numbers 1-30 consecutively (Ok, that’s random. Did he know you only play 6 numbers?)

We walked into the store and to the counter to buy a ticket. The floor was sticky and disgusting from old slushies and other sticky drinks, which must have spilled. I, being barefoot, had to walk over the mess and felt very uncomfortable. Before I could even ask for a lottery ticket, I noticed the machine with a huge sign: “Megamillions is down. Sorry.”

You mean, I can’t buy I ticket? I don’t understand.

The man at the counter seemed very apologetic and offered me a free gift to make up for my disappointment. He was very open and generous and handed the gift to me and my parents:

2 hotdogs, wrapped in plastic.

You know, the kind of hotdogs you see in convenience stores, premade, ready to microwave, the meat discolored so you question if it is really meat.

I kept thinking, this is not what I want. I want to play. I want to win Megamillions.

And yet, this is what was offered. (Sigh)

So, my parents and I left the store with our hotdogs and disappointment.

When I woke up, the message of the dream hit me…Darn. I didn’t win. I need to accept what is offered.

I hope next time; spirit gives me shoes in the dream.