We hear it every day...
"Well, he called like crazy and was so incredibly persistent. We had a GREAT few days/weeks/months, then he just STOPPED calling. He wouldn't take my calls or open up to me. I thought it was over, but after a while, it started again. He'd call, and call, til I agreed to see him. We would have more incredible times, then NOTHING!!! I'm SO frustrated! This goes on over and over again! Help me understand what his TRUE intentions/feelings are!"
Yes, I hear it ALL THE TIME.
I decided to write a blog to show you what you're dealing with when this happens. I am working on a book which will share what I've discovered with everyone, so consider this a sneak peek into the insights there.
Look for a moment at the disease of bullemia. It is called an "eating disorder" in which the symptoms are that a person will eat very little for as long as possible, then when they have a "trigger" situation, will purchase large quantities of food, consume it quickly, then will purge that food from their body forcibly.
Bullemia is not about weight, it is about control. WOMEN tend to have this disorder more readily than men, or so it is thought. However, I personally believe men have a similar condition, but instead of food, it takes it's form in sex and "love".
Symptoms of an Emotional Bullemic are indeed similar to those of the standard form.
1- A serious feeling of lack of control over the life.
2- Can be triggered by a loss or a breakup, any situation where control is threatened.
3- "Binging" equals calling you all the time, being very VERY affectionate, sharing, even to the point where you are feeling overwhelmed by the sudden change in personality.
4- Once you give in, that binge is lots of happy times, lovely conversations, emotional opening up, and yes, GREAT sex!
5- Then, the "Purge" begins... Either he picks a fight, or just vanishes, won't take your calls and won't come see you. You begin to wonder what it is that YOU did wrong to drive him away!
6- The "dry spell" continues for a time, depending on his resolve to "starve" himself. Once it weakens, he's back to being ready for another episode, he'll call, be sweet as pie, and you'll think FINALLY he's ready! But... Uh oh! NOT AGAIN!
This is a situation I am very familiar with, and I can tell you it exists is MANY MANY men who have issues. Each case is different, but learning to recognize the signs can help YOU deal with the episodes and help him get help for it.
More information is available through phone calls with me, and I'll be happy to share my insights with you and help you get through it. I can also tell you if he's done this before and if so, how much he's able to get past it, and if you should let go or try harder.
I hope this has been helpful, and I look forward to speaking with you soon.