Top five regrets of the dying
A nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the
dying, and among the top ones is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. What
would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life?
There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps.
A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has
revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And
among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so
hard'.
Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years
working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of
their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called , which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
Ware
writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end
of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When
questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do
differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."
Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This
was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life
is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many
dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half
of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they
had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until
they no longer have it."
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This
came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their
children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of
this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the
female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed
deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a
work existence."
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many
people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As
a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who
they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating
to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often
they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until
their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down.
Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden
friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about
not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone
misses their friends when they are dying."
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This
is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that
happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits.
The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions,
as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to
others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within,
they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."