"Forgiveness has nothing whatsoever to do with how wrong someone else
was; no matter how evil, cruel, narcissistic or unrepentant they are,
when you forgive a person, you break the unhealthy bonds between you and
your abuser-victim relationship, and you redefine yourself as an
independent victor in your own life."
— Bryant McGill
Forgiving another may be the ultimate act of self-love by Bryant McGill
They caused the first wound, but you are causing the rest; this is what not forgiving does.
They got it started but you keep it going. Forgive and let it go, or it
will eat you alive. You think they made you feel this way, but when you
won't forgive, you are the one inflicting the pain on yourself.
Whatever you do — don't wait to forgive someone until they apologize,
ask for your forgiveness or even acknowledge they have harmed you. If
you are waiting for someone to acknowledge they hurt you, you could be
waiting forever and it puts them in the power position, where you need
something from them to move forward in your own life. Closure is an act
of sanity you bring to the table of your own healing, it is not a
handout your abuser holds over you that you need. You have the power
within yourself to find closure and healing, but not through bitterness,
wrath and smoldering resentment. Forgiveness originates with self-love.
Forgiveness is always and absolutely for you. Forgiveness has nothing
whatsoever to do with how wrong someone else was; no matter how evil,
cruel, narcissistic or unrepentant they are, when you forgive a person,
you break the ties with their ill deeds that keep you in anguish.
Forgiving breaks the unhealthy bonds between you and your abuser-victim
relationship, and redefines you as an independent victor in your own
life. Forgiving cuts the cord — freeing you — and leaves the abuser with
the full weight of their deeds and fate, and whether they accept their
responsibility or not, you are no longer dependent on their
participation for your healing.
It is easy to hold a grudge. It
is easy to blame. But these narratives are a perpetuation of the role of
a powerless victim. When you hold grudges the victimization continues.
It takes emotional bravery to forgive. It takes a huge determination
toward self-care to let go of painful past events and not let them
define your future. There is no self-love without forgiveness, and there
is no forgiveness without self-love. Forgiving another may be the
ultimate act of self-love. Through forgiveness you can quit suffering
from the sins committed against you. By holding-on to resentment you
allow them to continue having power over you. Forgiving takes your power
back. - Bryant Mc Gill