About Predictions... An interesting article.

I thought I would post this for all of you to read...

A client recently asked me the following question:

"My psychic predicted something about a job promotion and I ended up not getting it. 

"I still don't doubt her because I know she is not God and as human beings, we can all be wrong . . . but now I'm starting to get a little scared about her predictions about my boyfriend . . . can you give me some advice?  How does it work with psychics? How accurate are psychic predictions?"

I receive many such questions about psychic predictions, mostly asking:

"How accurate are psychic predictions?

Here is how I see it.

Here is what I believe about psychic predictions:

The “future” is not written in stone. We create it as we go along.
When psychic "tunes in" to your energy field, they are reading the energy created by your thoughts and feelings. They are not reading "The Future" as an absolute.

You create your future. Each of us creates our own future, moment to moment, through the power of our thoughts and feelings.

And this I know – our thoughts and feelings change, sometimes moment to moment. That energy field indicative of your potential future -- can and does change.

It seems, many people really to want to hear future predictions from psychics.

Why? I suppose this is for comfort, hope, something to look forward to; or, the permission to give up hope.

I try to discourage a client from pressuring their psychic to attempt to give precise future predictions when they get a psychic reading. When I see this happening, it often is a case of the client trying to get the psychic to say what he or she wants to hear.

A gifted psychic clairvoyant can and will pick up the potential future you are creating, with what feels to him or her like great certainty, on the path that your thoughts and feelings are creating, with regard to future outcomes, at the time of any given reading.

Nonetheless, the future is not written in stone.

There are a great number of variables that interfere with your intended outcomes.

The power of your thoughts and feelings at the time of the reading may be dimmed in the coming days, so the outcome seen is not produced.

That is not to take away from the gift of a psychic clairvoyant ;

It is just that the path of life, the universe, our intent, the God-force within us, whatever you want to call it, is not “written in stone.” It is a Creative Force, plastic to the energies of our thoughts and feelings.

It plays itself out; that’s life.

It requires constant vigilance and highly awakened consciousness to actualize one’s intent into reality on a day to day basis.

Most of us do not have that level of discipline.

How accurate are psychic predictions? No psychic is 100% accurate - any psychic who makes such a claim should be looked at with some skepticism.

The most excellent, spiritual psychics are about 80 -90% accurate with regard to future predictions. But they can be 95-100% accurate on what is needed next on your spiritual journey.

Remember, it is best not to pressure your psychic into making future predictions. We are not fortune-tellers. The best use of your psychic reading is to gain higher insight into the issues of your life where you need clarity and guidance. That, I promise, you will receive.

God bless and lots of love,

Do you believe in Spells/Magick?

Hi Everyone!

I realize this is a very touchy subject for some, and I really did hesitate before even posting this blog, but I wanted to share my own personal experiences with you all, and everyone can decide for themselves if the events described are coincidence, or real results. I can tell you this, I didn't believe in spellwork, or at least didn't think my own could do much, so I tended to leave them be, or ask others for help, but now my opinion has drastically changed, and I look forward to your comments regarding this.

So... This summer I made some new friends. One was an exciting young man who I spent the majority of my time with. He made me laugh, supported me emotionally, and was just divine to be around. I felt very close to him in a very short time, and was quite happy... for a while, at least.

There were other people in the group who had a problem with our friendship. They felt (by their own admission) left out and jealous, and displayed that on a regular basis. The negative tension in the group began to build and build, til it was awkward to even be around the said people. Within 2 months, the young man I had such a great time with began to pull away from me, and all I will say is it ended VERY VERY badly. Almost overnight he was gone from my life, and wouldn't even SPEAK to me when he saw me. He did say, however, the last time he talked to me before he left, that he felt like he just "had to get away from me," and didnt even know why, but he would have no peace in his life until he did. He said, "I'm sorry, I really am so sorry, but I feel like I HAVE to do this, I don't really want to, but I HAVE to." Needless to say, I was heartbroken, and very very confused.

Right after our friendship ended, I began to get very very sick physically. My stomach felt like it was on fire, and I couldn't even keep food down, it came right back up. I couldn't sleep, had constant nightmares of one of the most jealous people in that group taunting me, saying "He NEVER cared about you, He just USED you..." and other things of that sort. I would wake up in a cold sweat, crying, with the pain in my stomach getting stronger and stronger. I also flew into a fit of rage one day, completely out of nowhere, and destroyed one of my prized possessions (my guitar) for absolutely no reason. My best friend said that as she watched me do it that I appeared "possessed" by something, that even my face changed to someone she didn't recognize.

So all this is happening, and I am just feeling helpless. It was suggested by many of my friends that someone had, either intentionally or just from the emotion of pure hatred, sent some negative energy my way. I have always laughed in the face of such things, seeing it as a scam artist's trick to get people to give them money for spellwork, so I tried to ignore it. But then I decided to check with a reader here who had absolutely NO offers of work on her site, and just see what she felt.

She basically said she could see that I was under some type of psychic attack, and reminded me that this can simply happen if someone has a strong wish for harm to come to another, that they don't even have to do anything about it, so strong is the mind in certain instances. She suggested strongly that I take steps to protect myself and clear this negativity away, send it back whereever it came from. She also said, "Well, what's the worst that can happen? If it's not a spell or thoughtform, nothing will transpire, no matter how many candles you light."

Being VERY non religious, I was not sure what I wanted to do, but I did know I had to do something. But did I REALLY have power to do a spell? Every time in the past I had tried anything it had failed, so I had chalked it up to me just not having that power, or it not being real. So I decided I would do this one time, and if nothing happened, oh well. Perhaps the doctor in the ER could fix the fire in my stomach.

So I chose to try Hoodoo, (NO NOT VOODOO) which is the use of candles, roots, and herbs combined with strong energy of the mind. I did not use anything that would call on a deity, as I don't really believe in those, so I felt this type of magick would suit my beliefs best.

I got 2 candles, (One for me, One for the guy who left) appropriate oils and incense, dressed my candles with oil, and lit both the candles and incense. I had decided on 2 simple glass encased 7 day ones with reversable properites. I figured, "Well, if this is truly being sent around me and this other person, I will just send it back." That's exactly what I did. All I concentrated on was "Whatever you do, goes back to you." For the other candle, I simply focused on all the negative feelings about me dissipating and his heart melting with the candle. I also bought a piece of black tourmaline, a crystal known for its protective properties, wrapped it to wear as a necklace, and charged it on the altar with the candles for an hour.

Now, I'm telling ya, I did NOT expect any results at all. I was just like, Whatever happens, happens...

Here's the result...

"Day 1: I woke up the next morning and my stomach did NOT hurt. I realized I had gotten a full nights sleep too, no bad dreams!

Day 2: Feeling even better physically, and my roommate happened to find a guitar that someone had thrown away in the garbage outside our house! I now had one to replace the one destroyed.

Day 3: My bank account went from negative to positive, after having been messed with for weeks (Identity theft problems) with no resolution being offered, the bank suddenly got "proof" of what I had said all along.

Day 5: The guy (who was not even acknowleging my existence when he would see me while visiting a friend who lives here) WAVED at me before going upstairs to see his friend.

I decided to continue the candles for a full moon cycle, with some extra work done on the situation with the guy on halloween night.

I lit my figurines on Oct 31st...

The night Barack Obama was elected, we were celebrating together!

Each week I have lit candles and focused on simply keeping bad energy away from me, him, my friends, and our home. Things have been going better and better, and I am back to where I was before, but much much wiser... :)

PS... The dream person who was "taunting" me in the dreams, actually SAID the very words I heard in my dreams to me, thus showing me HIS true colors. I knew at that moment that those dreams were actually his astral self speaking what his conscious was hiding. Yep, he actually tipped his hand in the real world! LOL...

So, my conclusion is that magick can be a really powerful thing, and that I am actually a pretty awesome spellworker when I apply myself and have true belief in my own ability to alter things. I have also begun doing work for clients, with pretty decent results.

So, what do you think? Coincidence? Or Magick?

I KNOW what happened, and after all of this, I finally do see that there are forces we cannot see that can wreak havoc in our lives, and sometimes need to be dealt with. For me, there is no other possible answer.

REPOST: When is a 1 star rating deserved?

I wrote this blog months ago, but wanted to repost it for newcomers and those who may have missed it the first time.

Amongst the Readers here on Keen, there is much debate about this topic on our forums. We all feel very bad when someone is unhappy with our services, but the question is, what is deserving of a bad rating, and what isn't? Some people come to us, and expect us to tell them what they want to hear, be it the truth or not. Myself, as well as many others, just will not do that. I personally feel it would be completely wrong of a reader to give someone hope where none truly exists, and that doing so would not benefit the caller in any way. However, there are those who when they do not get what they want, take it out on the reader by leaving a 1 star, and nasty comment like "TOTAL FAKE"... "NOT PSYCHIC"... etc.

To me, this is ABUSE of the rating system, and it does indeed amount to something like going in front of a store that was out of what you wanted, when you did not even call to see if they had it, and picketing with a sign that says "THEY DON'T SELL WHAT THEY SAY THEY DO"...

1 Star posts hurt our reputation in a major way. Lots of us notice a serious decline in calls from even ONE of them. I am posting this so that we can discuss openly through comments what you, the clients, feel is a legitimate reason to leave bad feedback, and what you feel is just sour grapes.

Here is my list of 5 reasons why I might leave a negative comment about a reading...

1- Excessive noise in the background. Sorry, but if I am paying by the minute to speak to you, I need to be able to hear you, and know you are not distracted by what goes on outside this call. It is MY responsibility as a reader to make sure that I am in a quiet area where I can hear and be heard, and I do expect at least the same from someone I spend MY money on.

2- Person does not say much about what I am asking, or sounds like they are reading from a script. Yes folks, this DOES happen, in this business, unfortunately. This site does not check credentials, so one time or another a person like this does get through... However, they are usually caught quickly, when the clients call Keen to let them know. Thank Goodness.

3- I am told that I have a "curse" on me, or other negative stuff that they, the reader need to "meditate" on, WHILE I WAIT ON THE PHONE. Sorry folks, while I do believe in curses, NO ONE should keep you on the phone doing spellwork or meditating. These thing are done IN ADDITION to a call, and should be INCLUDED in the initial consultation call's price, if you are ethical. Charge more per minute if you must (for supplies and time) but don't try to extend a call with that tactic.

4- I can hear, quite distinctly, through slurred speech and other types of indicators, that the reader is intoxicated severely. Sadly, it has occured, and to me, if you need to be drunk or high to do this, you shouldn't be doing it. Alcohol and drugs IMPAIR psychic ability, they don't enhance it, and that's just something I feel very strongly should never happen.

5- Rude, Obnoxious, or Abusive person who hangs up on me for ANY reason. Yes, we do get difficult readings from time to time, but there is NEVER call to tell that person off or just hang up. You can politely say, "Sorry, I don't think I am able to help you further, and will be disconnecting the call now" without being rude or just hanging up.

Now, a list of 5 reasons I would NEVER leave a 1 star, even if I was not happy with my reading:

1- I am told the person in question is no longer interested in having a relationship. Yes, that may hurt, and I may even disagree, but the reader is telling me what they get from their sources, and are being honest. HONEST readings are what you want, right? What good does a lie do to help your life?

2- Predictions did not happen as the reader has said they would. Guys, we aren't here to tell you EXACTLY what MUST happen next. Readings are meant for GUIDANCE, not set in stone predictions. Situations will sometimes change, maybe someone who still had feelings for you at the time of this reading has since the reading met someone else. Why didn't we see it? We don't always know why information about the future is held back, but we do know it is always for a good reason. To penalize a reader because something did not turn out as you wanted it is not really right at all.

3- The reading is totally different from what other readers have said. Many readers use different methods, and therefore get different information. Also, be aware that there are a MULTITUDE of POTENTIAL outcomes in any situation in life, and some readers will zero in on one specific one, and others will see them all. This does not mean they are a "Bad" reader, they just are given the information that their sources feel you need to hear at that moment.

4- Reading is the OPPOSITE of what the reader said would previously happen. Again, situations do CHANGE. If a reader told you that you would get a job in say, NY, and you decided a month LATER, never having considered it at all before, to move to say, CA, the former prediction would no longer apply. YOUR choice of moving makes the prediction invalid, and since you had not even thought of moving at the time of the reading, a reader would not have seen this coming, since it is YOU who changed the situation.

5- Reader asked "too many" questions. I know that there are those who expect what you see on TV, a person who just "knows" things and tells you shocking truths. This does indeed happen, as my clients can attest to, but those of us who are clairvoyant and empathic will sometimes need to ask about what we are seeing or feeling in order to clarify what it is we are getting, since after all, it is YOUR life, not ours, so feeling anger strongly, or seeing a man with another woman, we might need to know if he is married, or angry with you, just to be sure we are properly connecting with your question.

Now, finally... One more thing. NO ONE can give you a GOOD reading in 3 minutes. So it is TRULY NOT FAIR to decide after this little amount of time, that you did not get an accurate reading. That would be like giving your doctor 3 minutes to run tests and tell you exactly what was wrong, without you providing him with your symptoms. Would that be something you would do? I certainly hope not, because you might end up really sick from the practice. :)

So folks, please feel free, readers and clients alike, to comment on this blog and give your own views on this.

I look forward to hearing from you all.

Why won't he TALK to me???

Ladies, this is a very often asked question in my readings... Guys who clam up, won't communicate, and you are left wondering WHY??? IS IT ME??? Well here's an article written by a man who says it's NOT you, it's just them... Check it out, I bet you will find something here that you can relate to. :)

Why Men Don't Talk Posted Mon, Dec 17, 2007, 9:32 am PST

A post about relationships.

First of all, I want to tell you that if you are feeling a special connection to someone, and you swear that it is unlike any other you have felt before, you are most likely RIGHT about that. These types of “Soul Connections” are rare, and although many times “reality” tries to convince us they are all in our heads, I assure you they are NOT. If you think your true love is sending you telepathic messages, if you think of him or her daily, and it feels like they can hear you, if you see them in your mind, doing whatever it is they do in their day, and you feel like you are connected, don’t doubt it. Having had the experience myself, only to be told later about activities that matched the visions, I can tell you it does happen, and it’s not a “Psychic Thing”, it’s a LOVERS thing! True soulmates do indeed have such bonds, and when you feel them, you can be certain that they are feeling it too, and that THIS time, it is REAL, TRUE Love!!!

But then you ask, “If this IS true love, WHY is this not a perfect relationship right now?” Well, the truth is, Such strong emotions can create many fears, doubts, especially in someone who is unsure they even can exist. We as a society are taught in the mainstream to ignore such things as “imagined”, so when we feel them, sometimes they scare us. You yourself must surely have been frightened at times of them. If you are female, it’s sometimes easier to accept, but in Men, it can be terrifying, as they are often conditioned to show less emotion, so when they feel ones so powerful, they run!

There is also the issue of your OWN doubts and fears. Perhaps you have been hurt before, over and over even, and are so sure that NO ONE can truly love you for whatever reasons, that you are actually sending these thoughts out, and being that your true love can and does read your thoughts, they are perceiving this as their own feelings. This happens more often than anyone knows. Your lack of confidence in yourself can create such discord that a person will actually leave you, and can’t even explain why! No, I am not saying it is your fault, by any means, but to know that this is a part of the problem can help to reverse it, and bring this love back to you in a happy, healthy relationship!

Now one more issue… Perhaps you are involved with someone who is otherwise attached, or Married. First thing I want to make sure you know is that you are NOT a “home wrecker” in any way. We are conditioned by society to believe that all marriages are sacred, and that a married person is off limits! Well, I am here to tell you that even the BEST marriages can fall apart, as people change and grow. There is no shame in this, though it can be a difficult experience, but if this person you are seeing is dealing with this situation, sometimes there is so much guilt over hurting someone, they can waffle, and deny their true feelings. Most times, a person who keeps going back and forth is AGONIZING over making a choice, one that comes from the heart, with regards to the second person, in other words, YOU.

Well, I hope this has been helpful to you. Please feel free to contact me for a reading anytime. I look forward to meeting you soon.

The "Game" of Love

Good Evening, Everyone!!!

I hope this day finds you well, and finds you at least getting the answers you seek, as you browse the listings and make your calls to us.

I wanted to speak a bit today about something I have finally put together, call this a first draft of a paper/book/dvd I plan to eventually release to the public. You, My loyal Keenies, shall be the first to read it, and I believe it will come in handy and you will find many things apply to you, and perhaps also, you might finally understand those things that drive you so insane when not with the one you are calling about. So here goes:

First, it is my viewpoint on life, that we do indeed choose to come into this world as humans, and we choose our soul, our parents, and every other thing we want to begin with. Call that your "itinerary"... :) As while on vacation, you may plan where you are going, and staying, and might plan a FEW things you are doing, most of our holidays are somewhat spontaneous. I feel it is the same when we are born. This is the beginning of a vacation, or perhaps a grand amusement park, or school. We come here to learn lessons, to teach others, and also to just enjoy corporeal existence.

The second thing I strongly believe, both from my own experience and those of my many clients, is that we also split our soul into 2 halves when we choose to be here corporeally. One male, One female, or in the case of a person who has decided to experience the alternate lifestyle of being gay, or lesbian, 2 of the same sex. But the bottom line is, this split of the soul is I believe, something I like to refer to as "The Game of Love". The way to win this game is to find that other half, and unite with them in the ultimate union of Marriage, or at the very least, a long lasting, monogamous, meaningful relationship that lasts until we choose to leave this life and return to the macroconsciousness of all souls, or to put it in a way those who are Christian might like, "Go home to God".

So, now you know you have a second half of yourself running around out there... Cool, right? Might be, but I am sure you are confused as can be with this thought as well. It's pretty easy to figure it out though, as I have, so I am going to share that with you today.

Married Ladies... A MUST read!

For those of you who read my last post, and said, "How can you say that about marriage not always being forever???"... I want to state for the record that some marriages CAN be saved, but that takes WORK! This article is one that my clients have found helpful in the past, when I offered the suggestions found within. It is from the "Good News" Christian Publication, and I wanted you all to see this:

Putting Romance Back Into Marriage

Basic misunderstandings can lead to a lack of romance later in marriage. Here are practical ways you can renew and revitalize your marriage!

by Jerold Aust

After 25 years of marriage, Bill and Ann finally discovered the secret to keeping the romance alive in their marriage: "I started dating another woman," he said proudly. "It was my wife's idea."

Ann took Bill by complete surprise with this advice: "Life is too short not to spend more intimate time with the one you love. I think the more time you spend with her, the closer you will become to her."

Bill followed her advice and began immediately and openly to date this other woman, to show her the attention, care and love he had felt toward his new bride some 25 years earlier.

Ann was right. It did draw them much closer together. Their romance blossomed.

The other woman was none other than Ann herself, Bill's wife of 25 years. Ann was not the same Ann she had been before. She began to look at life anew, recalling the times she had spent with Bill when they were younger and newlywed.

Bill and Ann put romance back into their marriage. You can too.

Myths and unrealistic expectations

When two people marry, ideally they experience a delightful sense of togetherness. They can't wait until the minister says those exciting words: "I now pronounce you husband and wife." Although the bride and groom know they have lived different lives, they minimize those differences in the light of this momentous event. Although they may realize they will experience conflict in their future, most assume that their love is strong enough to conquer any future problems.

Heartfelt intentions stated before hundreds of witnesses can, however, be all but forgotten in the routine of everyday life. It's then that unrealistic expectations and myths about marriage surface. One couple's experience

Robert and Dawn were deeply in love. Floating on clouds of imagined marital bliss, they planned their wedding.

Everything went well until, six months into their marriage, Dawn began to feel that Robert wasn't as loving as he had once been. Robert began to feel that Dawn was trying to change him, being too picky about minor things.

Soon they were retreating from each other, justifying their actions against a backdrop of real and imagined offenses.

After seeking counseling, Robert and Dawn began to recognize their unrealistic expectations. They resolved to become more tolerant, more understanding with each other. They also agreed to spend more time thinking about each other's needs. These course corrections put them back on track for a productive and fulfilling marriage.

Rude awakenings after marriage

The roots of marital disenchantment are usually exposed shortly after marriage, when reality intrudes on fantasy. This adjustment period reveals the other's imperfections. Shortcomings, once viewed as minor and glossed over in the full bloom of love, suddenly take on ominous dimensions. Cute eccentricities grow into aggravating annoyances. Rudeness replaces romance.

Each spouse defends his or her own territory, and the one union reverts to two identities, as the fantasy of romantic oneness begins to fade. Requests become demands. Marital disharmony takes over and negative actions, left unchecked, can spell disaster for two well-intentioned former lovers.

Sometimes marriage partners in difficulty realize they've invested much in their union and don't want to give up without asking for outside help. Marriage counseling, however, is never a guaranteed solution to problems. If, for example, the counselor simply urges the couple to communicate more, this advice may inadvertently compound their problems. Although communication is important in resolving differences, simply communicating more may lead to finding new ways to blame and complain.

A better answer to the dilemma is available. It consists in taking action. Acting, doing, impacts another person more than just communicating. Positive action, mixed with healthy and positive communication, can dramatically improve a failing marital relationship.

The secret power of self-direction

To enjoy a happier marriage, partners must become self-directed.

Drs. Melvyn Kinder and Connell Cowan, in their book Husbands and Wives, explain the concept of self-direction (Clarkson N. Potter, Inc., New York, 1989). Mates must become responsible for their own actions, they say. Each mate should identify and recognize his or her inaccurate, exaggerated expectations.

Recognition precedes change. By recognizing exaggerated expectations, each mate creates room for maneuvering and motivation for change. This, then, is self-direction: directing the attention to our own unrealistic expectations of the other. Each mate takes full responsibility for his or her thoughts and actions, whether they are realistic or selfishly imagined. Now change can begin to take place in a marriage.

"The implications of this new approach are enormous," write Drs. Kinder and Cowan. "It takes two people to have a marriage, but only one to change it. We end up feeling helpless and out of control in our marriages simply because we can't control our partners. The truth is that we need only learn to control ourselves. We ultimately come to feel alone in our marriages because we have replaced an accepting attitude toward our partner with unconscious expectations that are ultimately self-defeating" (ibid., p. 13, emphasis added).

Power to the partners

Being self-directed—taking personal responsibility for one's own actions—empowers both husband and wife. Rather than feeling victimized, each mate gains greater control over his or her life. A positive, constructive effect begins to transform the marriage. Counselors know that when one mate begins to change for the better, invariably the entire relationship improves.

Many couples are committed to marriage in spite of the self-centered, self-gratifying, self-oriented influences of the world around them. When a husband and wife, struggling to get their own way in marriage, begin to shift their frame of thinking from a demanding to a sustaining and supportive one, they can happily find themselves in a second honeymoon.

Specific steps must be taken to pave the way to a renewed and revitalized relationship. Marital happiness requires demythologizing marriage, fairly evaluating unrealistic expectations and replacing them with the healthy realities of a fulfilling relationship.

What positive steps can you take to rebuild your relationship, to put real romance and love in your marriage?

• Face the facts. The notion that if your mate really loves you he or she will automatically change for you is usually an illusion. Here is where self-direction can help. Rather than demanding that your mate change for you, why not ask your mate what he or she would like you to change?

This can bring immediate positive benefits. As one partner begins to change, renewed respect follows, and an example is set for the other to follow. It's never easy to admit to personal faults and shortcomings, but, when we ask for them to be pointed out and take concrete steps to change them, the situation improves for both partners.

Be honest, and face the facts, even if you're uncomfortable taking these steps. Realize that you need to grow. When you do your marital relationship will also grow.

• Understanding your mate's needs. Another myth is that if your mate really loved you, he or she would always understand you. The story goes that an older couple sought marriage counseling, and the counselor asked the husband if he had ever told his wife of 35 years that he loved her. He responded: "Well, I don't think I need to do that over and over. After all, I told her I loved her when we got married."

This man, along with, perhaps, you and me, didn't realize that we all need reassurance now and then to allay our normal doubts and insecurities. Understanding of your mate requires a certain sensitivity to his or her needs. The two sexes are, after all, quite different.

• Differences as strengths. Well-meaning couples sometimes see differences as negotiable. But negotiation is too often motivated by a selfish want rather than by love or selflessness. No two human beings are exactly alike. On the surface we may appear similar in many ways. But beneath the surface many differences lie hidden.

Those differences become more pronounced under pressure. Rather than negotiating differences to fit one's selfish desires, try to view your mate's differences positively, as strengths.

Look around you. The earth's biological systems work independently and interdependently. The ecological systems are interdependent. Birds, insects, flowers and fruit trees all function independently within their species. Yet there is an interdependence when the fertilization of flowers and trees often depends on both birds and insects in search of food.

In a similar way, a husband and wife can benefit from their differences, thus making two much stronger than one. Women are usually more intuitive, while men are more analytical. Rather than negotiate away such differences, try accepting your mate's strengths. When key decisions are made for both husband and wife, the wife's intuition and the husband's analytical makeup can combine for a better decision. Combining strengths, rather than letting them be a potential source of conflict, can be a powerful factor in building a successful marriage.

• Work is a useful four-letter word. Some mates assume that if they have to work on their marriage there must be something wrong with it. Perhaps this assumption comes from a naively romantic outlook toward marriage shaped by popular entertainment and culture. Most who plan to marry assume their marriage is different and therefore impervious to marital problems so common to the rest of us. What every married couple soon finds out is that, although marriage is wonderful, it is also sometimes quite difficult.

Difficult is not always bad. The human experience is fraught with difficulties and, thus, we can empathize with others in their hardships. As in life, so it is in marriage. Life in general and marriage specifically can be happy, but both can be filled with difficulties.

Good relationships don't just happen; they are cultivated. The good ones are sustained by good works. To bear the rich fruit of a happier marriage requires a personal investment of time, interest and diligence. One person put it this way: "The only relationship that doesn't require work is the one that's not worth having."

Some assume that having to work on marriage after saying "I do" is proof that the relationship wasn't good enough in the beginning. This notion demonstrates a lack of understanding. The truth is that all marriages, and especially those we consider the happiest, are marriages that both partners have worked on. It's no accident that "for better or for worse" is part of many marriage ceremonies?

Work correctly implies sacrifice; work or sacrifice in marriage helps make romantic lovers into inseparable friends.

• Friends and Lovers. In the most fruitful and productive marriages, mates share the relationship of friendship as well as romantic love. Many psychological and emotional differences come into play in these relationships, of course. Friendship brings a significantly different array of experiences and feelings to a marriage from those brought by romance.

In terms of its effect, the friendship relationship within marriage can be the most significant because of the amount of time marriage partners spend together, especially as the marriage matures and grows. Still, romance in marriage should be rekindled. It will be by those who are working at having happier marriages.

The basics of restoring romance

What are some of the steps you can take to stir up romance in your marriage? Let's notice a few common-sense, practical requirements any marriage must have to be romantic, happy and secure.

Telling your mate you love her or him—and doing this often—is essential toward rekindling romance in your marriage. Complimenting your mate infuses your marriage with romance, something you experienced early in your relationship.

Spending time talking with and listening to your mate is vital to restoring romance. Wives especially enjoy and need communication with their husbands. Marriages are more romantic when the husband understands this need and gives himself to fulfilling it. Husband and wife can experience a richer relationship in proportion to the time they spend sincerely communicating with one another.

Presenting yourself to your mate in a desirable way likewise helps put romance back into your marriage. Cleanliness and grooming are basic ways of showing respect and love for your partner. Affection is essential to a romantic marriage. Saying "I love you" is good, but showing "I love you" is better. Lovers will hug and kiss each other often. This, perhaps more than any other ingredient, is the greatest single factor in putting romance back into marriage. The more couples do these things, the more romantic and loving their marriages become.

Dining by candlelight can help create an atmosphere of romance. . The thoughtful husband will occasionally but regularly take his wife out on a date away from home. Laying careful plans for such romantic interludes, which might even include a weekend away from the home and its routines, will surely stir romance and love in a marriage. The effects of soft music, candlelight and intimate conversation can restore the deeper feelings both have had for one another and can be well worth the effort and expense.

The joy of love

The basic principles involved in building a loving, romantic relationship are found in Scripture. The Bible is an eminently practical book, especially in the area of human relationships.

Scripture tells us to look on the needs of others (Philippians 2:2-4), helping them to be happy. Unselfishly providing for another person brings one of the ultimate joys in life and in marriage the foundation for a more romantic and fulfilling relationship.

The basis of any successful human relationship is to give of oneself unselfishly to another (1 John 3:17; 4:20-21). The Bible describes this as being our brother's keeper (Genesis 4:7). This especially applies to the marriage union. God informs us that a good marriage is based on genuine outgoing concern for our spouse (Ephesians 5). This kind of love looks out for the benefit of your mate.

The author of marriage is God, who instituted it shortly after creation (Genesis 2:24). God, the maker of humanity, offers His creation—every current and future husband and wife—instructions on how to experience a happy and romantic marriage. Jesus Christ inspired the apostle Paul to give mankind some foundational instructions on marriage in Ephesians 5. The basis for a happy, romantic marriage is simple: "submitting to one another in the fear of God" (verse 21). Husbands and wives are to recognize who our true Master is and treat our mate accordingly.

Scripture shows both husband and the wife the importance Jesus Christ places on the marriage union. The wife is to submit to her husband (verses 22-23); the husband should love his wife as he loves himself (verse 28). When both husband and wife submit themselves to one another's needs, and yes, even sometimes to their wishes, such a union will blossom with romance, respect and abiding love. The ultimate joy in marriage is both living for and loving one another, totally submitting to one another.

Making your marriage blossom

You can put romance back into your marriage, if you aspire to it strongly enough. Doing so requires that you commit yourself to self-direction, evaluating whether you are laboring under two enemies of marriage: marital myths and unreasonable expectations.

Aspiring for a romantic marriage also necessitates submission to your mate, as Jesus Christ, through Paul's instruction, advises (Ephesians 5:21-32). This can be God's gift to you and your mate. It is yours for the asking. If you do step up to take advantage of it, you can expect to enjoy a renewed, revitalized relationship.

Remember Bill and Ann? They agreed to do something good for their marriage. Bill began dating a new Ann, his lovely wife of 25 years, and they successfully put romance back into their marriage. You can too.

You are in charge in restoring romance to your marriage. With God's help you can do it. May your marriage blossom as never before!