Yesterday seems so far away.....
As our kids grow, and we weather the storms of parenting, at times no matter how much we love them, we always think God I cant wait till you graduate.
Well yesterday My oldest one graduated. Would I turn back the hands of time on him, no, because I realize the best is yet to come. However is it safe to say my heart is broken in a hundred peaces. Oh yes. My son has been the highlight of my life forever.
He was a child given to me when I was 17, and I promised myself no one would ever say...well "he's like that cause he had one of those teenage mothers" You might say I was paranoid , in that way. Well you know Spirit just has a way of teaching you about assumptions. It turned out as my son grew, I learned he had add and that he was dyslexic. Later on in life I realized he was color blind.
It never occurred to me to give him meds. I was 17 what did I know about giving meds to baby's. I figured all kids were like this. When he was in sixth grade his teacher sat down and said to me, He wont go to college..he will be a hard worker but not ever have a degree. I went home and cried for three days. The next day, I went back faced that teacher, and told him point blank Don't ever say that to my son, or there will be hell to pay.
I moved school districts within a year, and we received an Iep. The new district said we think he has a learning disability is it ok that we test him. I said yes I have been fighting for seven years to get someone to. They said he is so polite we read the doctors reports on the add how did u get him to be so polite. I said he is my best friend, we are structured and in our house its quite simple...you do the right thing or Mom is angry. They said ooooh "the Tertullian method" I said "Call it whatever the hell you like it worked"
Now here we are four years later, he is a graduate, with an sat score of 1120, accepted into Penn State University. I am proud of him, He has grown to be a good Man. The best is yet to come, and the memories are mine to cherish.
The following was his Senior Speech , presented as an answer to the question, what is the driving factor in your life to be a pillar in your community?(for those of you who don't know my youngest sons name is Tim and he is severely autistic)
Tim
Most people I know are like rocks upon which the waves of life come crashing on. However, even rocks are worn away and broken with time. However, one person I have had the privilege of knowing has never given in to the obstacles in their path. Through all these past four years no one person has shown, inspired, and taught me more then my little brother, Tim.
I walk into my house after along day at school and work, my mom is up stairs franticly trying to calm her grief stricken client whose proceeding sob through their conversation. My sister is busy toiling away on the never ending homework and testing that seem to consume her life for about 36 weeks out of the year. As I make my way from the door through the hall from down a flight of stairs I hear some giggling and “ I just lit a rocket....... rockets explode!!!”.
I smile “Tim is watching Toy Story again”, I think to my self as I poke my head down the stair case. Rewind “ rockets EXOLDE!!”, More giggling. Yep Tims already into the movie. Tim has this habit of rewinding his VHS so he can watch a part he likes over and over and over again. More giggles and rockets as I slowly and silently advance down the stair case. Their Tim is standing in front of his TV. As I sit there on the blue wooden staircase watching Tim have a blast, Jumping up and down laughing like a fiend, I see plainly that Tim can have more fun with a small out-dated VCR then I will probably ever have.
At the age of three Tim was diagnosed with Autism, Cerebral palsy, Asthma, and severe allergies. Autism is a disorder you are born with which disables the normal ability to learn. Depending on the severity of the case it can render people incapable of walking, talking,and many of the other activities we are privileged to have and make common use of. My brother has what is referred to as mild Autism, this so far has impeded his ability to speak and as of age 13 Tim has a learning level equal to that of a third grader. Cerebral palsy is a neurological disorder that inhibits the use of fine motor skills. Cerebral palsy has cause most of my little brothers movements to be mildly jerky.
Through all this Tim still regularly accomplishes his favorite activities with relative ease. Tims hobbies include cooking as well as eating ramen noodles,and watching assorted VHS movies. Tim will commonly fill a pot with water select the packet of noodles he feels like consuming and will come and sign to me, or anyone else close to the stove to help him turn on the gas stove. This is a easy take for you and me right, Well, lets see you try this after you down 12 cans of red bull and are unable read. Even though Tim all these disabilities against him he still manages to laugh as the Land Before Time Dinosaurs run screaming from the dreaded Sharp tooth.
Since the day Tim was born it has appeared that it was him verses the world and well, he's still winning the fight. When Tim was born we were told that there was no chance he would live past infancy. Rest assured that my baby brother is still alive and kicking. After Tim miraculously survived his crash landing into this world we informed by the doctors that Tim would never be able to walk and talk. However as I Believe it not only can Tim walk 95% of the time I see him he is running. The talking part he is working on but he knows how to sign better then most people will ever know.
I watch my brother every day and I can only fathom how he can do so much and be so happy. At times I think my brother is the normal and I am the disabled one. To use my brother as a measuring stick for my life, I feel ashamed that its hard for my to sit down and type this essay. While I struggle to accomplish simple school work my brother struggles for even breath. Yet th only one complaining about life is me. Every morning I wake up and my brother comes up from his room and smiles at me and I know that even if he can't say it he loves me and is glad to see me each and every morning. There are times when I feel like life is not fair but the next thing in my mind is always well Tim can do it so shut up get up and get it done. More then once I have wished my brother was not restricted just for five minutes so I see him and tell him how much he has done for me and how much he has changed me ,and so I could ask him how he's does it.
My brother is by far the bravest,smartest most driven person I have ever seen, and I can only hope that one day I will be able tell him how truly amazing he really is. One day hopefully very long from now when my mom is old or moved on, Tim will be left with me. For me this seems less of me caring for him then him continuing his care for me. I love my brother with every fiber of my being and I will not let his lessons fall on death ears