A quick look at every day relationships - 10 years versus 10 minutes - A self-assessment

Lillee Allee — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 04:35:00 GMT

Synchronicity is an experience of two or more events that happen by chance.
Sometimes we will find synchronicity in our lives. Often our intuition is our way of reading the signs around us. Sometimes we can learn from our past experiences or we can learn from others. I want to share a story with you that actually happened in Salem.

One fine day in October, I was talking with a new friend. I had heard about this person and looked forward to a new friendship. Two things seemed to happen from the beginning. There was a lot of unrest all of a sudden in my life, and within a few days, this new friend suggested that a dear friend of mine was not my friend at all.

We are all human. We will be affected by what people say and we will wonder once a theory is offered. I have to admit, I was angry at this person and at the time I turned and said,"I will not take the words of a person I have known for ten minutes, allow to defame a person I have trusted for ten years." At that point, I stopped cultivating that friendship.

It was the first warning that things were not right, and this relationship was not healthy for me. However, what happens when the person who has been there for years is the one who becomes the problem?

1) Map out the relationship in the past few years. Who has been keeping the friendship together and who has benefited most from the association?
2) Review how the relationship has grown and see if it had started to stagnate.
3) Review this person's interactions with you:
did they judge you?
did they keep you from your friends?
have they told you what you want to hear or what you need to hear?
4) What will you miss most about this person if you decide to not move forward with this friendship?
5) Can you ever forgive their betrayal or mistake that they made?
Be honest. Many a person has tried to forgive and pretended to forgive only to realize that the relationship could not be repaired. At that point, there is more pain and conflict than there would have been if you had taken a few steps back.

The hardest thing I ever did in my life was to walk away from a very special relationship I had with a close friend who was like a mother to me. But after twenty years, she was making me choose between my friends and her. She even wanted me to break up with a man I was dating because she did not like him. My mother had never treated me like that. She taught me to be a free thinker and to make my own decisions. It was a very painful choice, and it was very hard for me to finally see that the person did not have my best interest at heart.

Remember, those who really care will not always agree with you, but will always be there when you need them. A true friend is one you can trust with your dog, your money, your car, and your boyfriend.

This is a lesson Lillee learned.

© 2009 LCA

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Lillee Allee - at work and at play

A quick look at every day relationships - 10 years versus 10 minutes - A self-assessment