Boundaries

Quote Du Jour

2009-11-12T11:47:00Z

"Were there none who were discontented with what they have, the world would never reach anything better."

Florence Nightingale
English Nursing Pioneer (1820-1910)

Joan

What do you look for when you are getting a reading?

2009-11-11T14:16:00Z

Availability? Do you stick with your favorites Or will you call another reader if your favorites are not available? My take on that is that too many cooks can spoil the broth, as if you are hearing too many different things from too many readers it can cause more heartache than the situation you called about to begin with.
Price? Some readers charge a lot and some have lower prices? Does price guarantee accuracy or honesty? Does a higher price guarantee a good read? Many people have to be more careful with their money these days and it adds up quickly for a short call if the price is high per minute.
Changing Price? Some readers raise and lower their prices a lot, some keep them at a steady price, it's an individual choice.
Feedback? There are many readers with great feedback but this is an individual interaction that is personal between the reader and caller, and we will not connect with everyone even if the feedback is outstanding.
Missing in action? You have called someone for weeks and they disapear off the face of the earth? Readers who are here one day, gone the next and then back out of the blue?
Blogs? Let's face it, there are many great writers among us, they teach us, they make us think....Blogs when done right are a great tool for callers to decide whom to call or NOT call.
Page? Some readers have greatly creative pages, information about themselves, how they read, what their philosophy is on readings etc and many a reader has gotten a call from the informational content on their page.
Honesty? I have often gotten concerned when I read for someone on a regular basis that I feel is not moving past a situation or person and I will address it to them maybe in an email after a call. And IF I have to give bad news, I will do so in a kind manner, that's better than holding on in the long run to false hope. I know how emotionally damaging that can be.
Joan

Makes sense to me....

2009-11-06T13:42:00Z

Someone sent this to me and I felt I had to share it, I did not write it, and I do not know who did. But I loved it and felt that others would also like it....

Don't let someone become a priority in your life,

when you are just an option in their life...

Never explain yourself to anyone.

Because the person who likes you doesn't need it

and the person who dislikes you won't believe it.

When someone hurts you, write it down in sand

where the winds of forgiveness can erase it away.

But when someone does something good for you,

engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it

They say it takes a minute to find a special person,

an hour to appreciate them,

a day to love them,

but an entire lifetime to forget them.

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;

someone who changes your life

just by being part of it.

Someone who makes you laugh

until you can't stop;

Someone who makes you believe

that there really is good in the world.

Someone who convinces you

that there really is an unlocked door

just waiting for you to open it.

Joan

Quote du Jour..

2009-11-04T12:15:00Z

"There is no such thing as a little Freedom. Either you are all free, or you are not Free."

Walter Cronkite

American News Anchor (1916-2009)

This quote talks to me more about relationships as in a relationship either someone is free to have one or is simply unavailable. Either physically (married) or emotionally unvailable. It's reminds me of two dates I had several years ago, I was suspicious as there were red flags, a long time between calls and he called me from and only gave me his cell phone number. And when I refused his third date he told me that he HAD informed me he was kinda seperated..... and I looked him square in the eye and say with seperated or pregnant there is NO kinda, you either ARE, or you are NOT, there is no in between.... But then he informed me he was back in the Big Bed.....to which I responded that I didn't think he had ever left it....

Now this was in the middle of a long dry spell.......but I was glad that I had listened to my gut and never allowed myself to trust this person, as I would never want to get into a triangle with a person who was stepping out on his wife....it's just not me....

Joan

Quote Du Jour

2009-11-03T11:54:00Z

"In any war, the first casualty is common sense, and the second is free and open discussion."

James Reston
American journalist (1909-1995)

That could just as easily apply to love, as the first casualty in love is ALWAYS common sense, and most often that is followed by the lack of free and open discussion. Most likely washed down by not being honest with the person and or yourself about what YOU want or need....

Joan

Quote Du Jour

2009-11-02T15:57:00Z

If I have done any deed worthy of remembrance, that deed will be my momument.

If not no monument can preserve my memory."

AgesilausII

King of Sparta (c.444-360 B.C.)

This quote make me wonder what would I be remembered for? Being a mother? A wife? A sister? A friend? A reader who tries hard to get it right when reading?

Joan

So.........

2009-11-01T15:19:00Z

you call for that reading thinking that this is your chance to be pro-active in your own life....
And the situation that may have taken days, weeks, months or even years to arrive at is laid bare before you.... You kinda knew most of this before you called, he/she may not leave their marriage for you, he/she may not call you, may not want you back. But why then do you think that I can take out my magic wand and fix it for you in a three, five or ten minute call? This is YOUR lesson, NOT mine, and it is imperative that YOU fix this yourself because if you do not get this lesson, in three, six or nine months time you may be making that same phone call about a different partner....... And that would suck wouldn't it?

If it didn't happen over night most likely we will not be able to fix it over night.
If it didn't happen for a reason, it most likely will not have happened at all.
If it didn't happen for you to LEARN something, then it's most likely going to be hard for you to get that lesson.

I always say that there are people we meet that are like the beer commercial in Europe ( cannot for the life of me remember what beer it was) But that commercial says, this beer touches parts of you that other beers cannot reach. And those are the ones who stretch us beyond our comfort zones, and those are the only ones we learn from. Most of the time we want what we think is harder to get, the ones who play hard to get, and we can convert them!! I just KNOW that IF I got more time with him/her they would SEE what I can do for them..... Most likely they SEE they do not want what you want, when or how you want it....May not be capable of giving you what you want now or ever.

So, write down, what you want, what you need, what you feel you lack in the relationship. Looking at it in black and white can take the emotion out of the equation. Because people call me and ask when he/she is going to change? And for the most part people do not change, if what they are doing is working for them. If they only call you once a week and you are always available, and they are satisfied with that, then they lack the motivation to give more. Just because you want more does not mean the other party wants that now and or sometimes never. He/she may want you but not be ready to really step up yet. So you need to figure out what you want? What your deal breakers are and if you want someone to respect what you want and or can give, you need to listen to and try to respect what the other person can or cannot give at that time. Sometimes all it needs is a compromise between the needs of both.

Joan

Quote Du Jour

2009-10-28T12:39:00Z

"Truth is not introduced into the individual from without, but was within him all the time"

Soren Kierkegaard
Danish Philosopher ( 1813-1855)

How very true~!
Joan

What we woulda, shoulda, coulda done .....

2009-10-24T22:28:00Z

It is never wise to give someone the power to make YOUR life better simply by them contacting you after a bad break up or ending of a relationship or friendship. And I learned this the hard way, so if a reader is willing over weeks, months and years to do the timing that seems to not happen time after time maybe you need to think about the fact that it might be YOU delaying this by being so focused up on that phone call, text etc....or being willing to fix the issues each time ( you have trained them WRONG) or being willing to accept the crumbs that the person is giving you. Or even delaying it futher or even preventing it by incessantly calling, texting the object of your affection....that can and may ruin the chances. So go on a strict no contact diet with the person. Take their name out of your cell phone, off your buddy list, and do not call, email, text, twitter or facebook contact them.....
Now that being said, IF the call comes and there is more back and forth and still nothing moves or changes ( as I always say the danger time in a situation is NEVER when they are away from us, it is when they try to come back) so is it the same stuff on offer? Renegotiating the contract is most important thing we can do for ourselves when the person or friend tries to come back into our lives.... SO you should be aware that unless the talking occurs before the physical part or the calls come and nothing changes, as sometimes a phone call, text, instant message, emails is only a toe in the water and nothing changes at all.... but we are the only ones that have the power to change things, remember that as giving all of our power to another is never a good thing to do.....
And after a reasonable amount of time of not being contacted it may be best to consider trying to move past this waiting for that phone call, email, text, twitter, facebook update ( so many ways to be keeping up with these days) Forget about the timing, forget about doing it the same way and be BRAVE enough to ACCEPT it may not happen in any one of the time frames that may have been wrong. But are you contributing to this negative pattern by virtue of the fact that you keep calling and hanging onto that timing? So change it up, and start asking what has to happen before this could happen? Do I need to be accepting that it may not happen BEFORE it could happen ? Being willing to look at situations from a different perspective and having a reader who will work with you is also important instead of the reassurances that the prediction is coming, coming, coming and two years have passed and NADA? You are ALSO responsible for allowing that to happen.
Yes, I KNOW it is hard to let go, but we must try to understand why we may be holding onto something we do not have? Because we are afraid of losing something we do not have ? SO we hang on PIT BULL Style??? And we have to be honest with ourselves.....what do we really want here? To control and posses? DO we only want them because they appear not to want us? ( we usually are attracted more to things or people we think we cannot have or are harder to get)
Love sure is not easy, but why make it harder on ourselves by hanging on to what coulda, shoulda, or woulda been if that phone call we obsessed about came? Get out and LIVE with or without that lover or friend because All we get is TODAY, that is why it is called the present......
Joan

Quote du jour....

2009-10-23T11:07:00Z

"The tendency to claim God as an ally for our partisan values and ends is the source of all religious fanaticism."

Reinhold Niebuhr
American clergyman and author ( 1892-1971)

Joan

change your life by changing your thinking...........

2009-10-22T19:40:00Z

Change Your Thinking

It will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking.

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.

His bed was next to the room's only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end.

They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation...

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.

Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.

She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

'Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present .'

Only YOU can change your thinking but if you think that things will just CHANGE when you have accepted negative behavior from others without YOU taking some kind of action you are SO SO Very WRONG .........Lessons will never be learned unless you take a chance and do things DIFFERENTLY. The definition of insanity is doing the SAME thing over and over and EXPECTING a different result. And if you DON'T know what YOU want, how the heck do you expect to get it????
Joan

Quote du jour....

2009-10-22T15:36:00Z

"You are rewarding a teacher poorly if you remain always a pupil"

Fredrich Nietzsche German philosopher (1844-1900)

Joan

I bet you think

2009-10-21T13:41:00Z

that your job (as a caller) is done regarding predictions once you have spent your dollars talking to a reader? Great!! You spent your money on the call and your job is done? Shoot a week has gone by, I need to call to check again to see if that is going to really happen.... to check, to make sure....so we call again.....
However calling too often, at times before the timing has occurred only serves to whip up the energy, and whipped up energy creates an uncomfortable feeling in those around us so they pull away....

And after those calls You think you can sit back and that job is going to land on your lap? Or that you can just sit home and that new love interest is going to parachute onto your lawn?
Do you think you can control the situation or person by getting readings?
It just doesn't work that way.
If you want a job, you have to WORK at getting it, sending out resumes in a hit or miss fashion will not secure the position you want. Only consistent and persistent working on updating your resume, updating your interview skills, and work on making YOU stand out as the best potential employee with work in this economy.

If you want a new relationship, then get OVER the last love, let him/her go.... stop calling readers to ask who he/she is dating.......empty the chest of energy you have stored, and stop allowing them to take up rent free space in your heart and head. Look at the situation realistically and accept that it might have SUCKED....but you played a part in allowing it. Now learn from it and MOVE on. Have your time to moan and eat ice cream with your good friends..... ( and don't take TOO long, they will not appreciate it.) Do not stalk the object of your affection, call and hang up, break into his email or answering machine. It won't win them back....in fact it can sabotage it in the long run...... Take them off your buddy list, do NOT friend them on face book! or engage in retrosex ( finding and having sex with ex's on facebook) take their number out of your cell so you don't drunk dial...... and let it GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Now take stock of the lessons you may have had to learn from the previous relationships. And
then and ONLY then you may not have to repeat the same lesson. And mix things up a bit, get out to places you did not go before, join a class ( pottery, cooking, yoga, does not matter) to meet new people, as you never know where that next friendship/relationship will come from. But you cannot and will not make progress if you sit home and wallow....
You cannot and will not move forward if you still mix only in the same circles, if you call for readings too often, if you wait for that person to come back, imagine all the living you could be doing in the meantime? What you have to remember is that the life you live is the one you choose, and it's yours to make something of... waiting for your life to happen will not serve you or get your lessons learned for you :-) Imagine finding yourself in the same situation with a different pair of pants 9 months down the line.........arrgh...... and YOU control whether that happens or not!!!

Readings are not just about readers making predictions for you so that your life is PLANNED out day by day..... Readings are about knowing what may happen, what could happen and a lot of this depends on YOU. If you allow a person you are involved with to treat you badly, or take you for granted because you do not see your own value, they will not see your value either. So much of this depends on YOU.... and if you do not see or understand that then readings are just words and have no value to you in the long term....
Joan

As a Reader I am often torn

2009-10-19T13:17:00Z

when I am reading for a caller that has had their emotional life turn chaotic because of too many readings from too many readers which after weeks, months or years of getting a prediction the same all of a sudden that prediction is no longer what the caller is being told. And I have talked to people where all of the readings have caused more pain for the caller than the situation itself. I know that when I read, I try to be kind in delivery and since I am told I have been a difficult client myself at times, I try to be understanding when a person is really struggling with coping with emotional overload.
And that makes me wonder?
What could cause a prediction to make a 180 degree turn?
I know that I have been wrong, no matter how much we strive for accuracy, we can and will get it wrong sometimes....
I know in reality that we do not make plans for everything in our lives and I know that we love to be able to change our minds at any time about anything and that is our right, as it is the right of others.
Was it the caller who changed the prediction by actions or not acting in a situation?
Was it the reader who was reading the hopeful energy of the caller and not the reality?
Was it a combination of both?
What we do need to remember is that things do not just happen, we have to work on ourselves all of the time. That guy or job is not going to skydive onto our lawn, and if we are willing to put up with crumbs from our love interest, that is all they will give us. We will get rejected by lovers and potential employers, such is life. Get back up, and try again, and keep trying that is the only way things will change We need to know that if someone tells us they do not or cannot give us a relationship, we have to take them at their word.
And as a reader we have to take a stand IF the prediction has not occurred and try to look at what could be done at that point if that prediction does not manifest in a reasonable time frame or that time frame keeps moving...
If their words and actions do not match, listen to the actions even if they are harder to translate. We all have to know and take responsibility for our part in the mess we may find ourselves in, and see that by our tacitly accepting the terms of another while not being happy about it may result in our lover not taking us seriously. As in sleeping with them when they have told us they are not ready for a commitment, as in being available every time they call us. Calling them when they do not call us. Doing more of the work than they are all contribute to this kind of misunderstanding. And then the drama comes, the threats and ultimatums and the other person is mystified, thinking well we were sleeping together, I thought all was good, what the heck is this? And the back and forth all the while whipping up the emotions to storm force and the same thing happens again and we think to ourselves, how did this happen? Well it was you, yes YOU who caused this..... how painful to have to look in the mirror and admit I was too afraid to let go that I held on pit pull style.....
First be honest with YOURSELF. I have heard so many people make excuses and tell themselves, me or others they ONLY want to see this person once or twice a week but they do not want a relationship ( but to MOST, that IS a relationship)... Clarity in a situation can only be achieved if you are honest with yourself first. And embracing the fear of losing someone by not holding on so tightly as we can never lose someone or something we never had.

We do not get all of the answers we seek when our need to have them overwhelms us so much we become almost obsessed I feel that that alone can affect the quality and validity of the reading. Somehow when we just allow things to be while not trying to control a situation or person they can be what they have potential to be rather than us forcing someone to be ready.
There is no one size fits all when it comes to readings, and there is no one who will ever be 100% accurate.
Readings should used as a guide or compass, and we should temper our rate of calling and watch becoming dependent on them, it is not good for us. You can change your mind at any time about anything.... and so can others...
Joan

Quote of the day....

2009-10-19T12:46:00Z

"It takes a clever man to turn cynic
and a wise man to be clever enough not to."

Fannie Hurst
American Author (1885-1968)

Joan