The Aeon Cafe

Monthly Tarotcast for November 15 - December 15, 2009

2009-11-15T23:26:00Z

Every month, I’ll be taking a look at the current mid-month to the following mid-month’s energies. In much the same way as lunar cycles and planetary movements and transitions affect all of us astrologically, the Tarot can prepare us for the energies we’re all likely to be dealing with.

Overview

The Tower: the general energy of this period is sudden and unexpected change in a major life circumstance. This card is a wake-up call and appears as a way to release us from old, outmoded or restrictive structure; and offers us the opportunity to break free and rebuild from a new foundation up. Although on the surface this card rarely signifies good news, it can bring a flash of divine insight and enlightenment on a spiritual level, the same way a bolt of lightning illuminates a dark, threatening storm. “Resistance is futile, Earthling”, so make the most of this energy by gracefully preparing for sweeping change.

Week 1

Two of Wands: moving into the first week of this period, we know what needs to be done, and we’re doing it. We’ve laid the groundwork and have prepared ourselves for success, often by forming a beneficial alliance or partnership. Some friction or conflict may accompany the free exchange of ideas and the solidifying of plans and processes. This energy needn’t degenerate into aggression if both parties remain respectful and keep the common goal clearly in mind.

Week 2

The Hierophant: The second week of this period allows us to reconnect with organizations, groups, our families, religions or corporations. That major shakeup of the status quo we saw in the overview of this period now represents the way we diplomatically push back and respectfully clarify our position in our dealings with the establishment (whatever it is). The positive take-away from this energy is that playing by the rules – even our own – will help us achieve what we desire.

Week 3

Prince (or Knight) of Cups: The third week of this period invites us to use the charm and romantic charisma of this emotional prince to our benefit without becoming deceitful or manipulative. Gentle persuasion, patience and grace are the intuitive gifts of the person signified by this card. Heartfelt communication, honest expression and a spiritual approach to problem solving all serve us well in this period. We really can catch more flies with honey than we can with vinegar, so (ethically) sweeten up the pot.

Week 4

Three of Wands: In the final week of this period we find our past efforts beginning to pay off in positive and encouraging ways. The partnerships, teams or groups we’ve aligned with are infusing the situation with combined talents and skills, and the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. A sense of empowerment and confidence draws the right kind of attention in professional and personal situations.

An individualized Tarot reading with me can tell you more specifically how you’ll be affected, so call today for a personalized, in-depth look into your life’s possibilities.

Love and peace,

Dona

Copyright 2009© Dona C. Murphy, Destiny Tarot®

"Destiny Tarot" and the Destiny Tarot logo are the registered
trademarks (servicemarks) of Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.

Monthly Tarotcast for October 15 - November 15, 2009

2009-10-15T22:24:00Z

Overview

Ace of Swords: the general energy of this period is clarity, courage and mental strength. This kind of sharp insight can cut both ways, so be sure that you’re using your power for constructive purposes. This is an ideal time to cut away dead weight and illusions, to pare down to core truths. We find ourselves in a decisive mood and we’re able to communicate complex ideas in fresh ways. Problem resolution is strongly favored through this entire period, make the most of it!

Week 1

Death: moving into the first week of this period, we are confronted with major changes – this is a period of transition and transformation. We can use this energy to our benefit by being flexible, adaptable and open to what’s new and different. We can willingly go forward and accept what’s inevitably coming, or we can resist and be forced to conform. This is a good period to be mindful, choose wisely and understand that we can face the unknown without fear.

Week 2

Ten of Wands: The second week of this period allows us to free ourselves from oppression and burdens that aren't ours to carry. This energy can easily degenerate into workaholism, martyrdom and self-imposed restriction, so it's tricky to navigate. With the right perspective, we can use it for empowerment and liberation.

Week 3

Two of Disks: The third week of this period echoes the major energy of Week 1, call it a ripple effect. Smaller changes in the form of adjustments and maintaining balance are featured. We may be juggling multiple demands but we’re doing it with grace and style. Harmonizing both the best energies of Weeks 1 and 2, we can easily multi-task. The only caution is to avoid spreading ourselves too thin.

Week 4

Six of Wands: The final week of this period finds us enjoying victories – large and small. We’ve successfully completed a task or project. In spite of everything that’s come our way, we have prevailed and we’re rewarded for our hard work. Celebrate and know that whatever good comes from this, you have earned it through perseverance and self-confidence.

An individualized Tarot reading with me can tell you more specifically how you’ll be affected, so call today for a personalized, in-depth look into your life’s possibilities.

Love and peace,

Dona

Copyright 2009© Dona C. Murphy, Destiny Tarot®

"Destiny Tarot" and the Destiny Tarot logo are the registered
trademarks (servicemarks) of Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.

Monthly Tarotcast for September 15 – October 15, 2009

2009-09-14T22:39:00Z

Each month, I’ll be taking a look at the current mid-month to the following mid-month’s energies. In much the same way as lunar cycles and planetary movements and transitions affect all of us astrologically, the Tarot can prepare us for the energies we’re all likely to be dealing with.

Overview

The general energy of this period is assistance, aid and support. This can come in the form of financial gains, but isn’t limited to money or other resources. In many ways the help we receive can indicate that we’ve turned a critical corner and we’re on the right track to something better. Both personally and professionally, we see success in partnerships that are mutually beneficial. This can be quite pragmatic – “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours”, but can also transcend the mundane and manifest as shared wisdom and healing along with shared material goods.

Week 1

Moving into the first week of this period, we have the ability to cut through irrelevant information and get to the heart of things. Good judgement, intellectual insights and independent thought are all highlighted during this time. We may feel justified in speaking our minds, and doing so in a way that’s fair and emotionally detached may serve well. Avoid vindictive, spiteful outbursts and hidden agendas.

Week 2

The second week of this period brings the end of Mercury retrograde and an end to some past situations, relationships or life cycles. If we’ve the used the energy of the past period to our best advantage, we find that we can start fresh. New ideas, new perspectives and new life cycles highlight this period. The last “re”s of the retrograde period are re-generation, re-newal and re-lease.

Week 3

The third week of this period is one of comfort, nurturing and warmth. This is a great time to invest in and focus on all of our emotional relationships – with our romantic partners, friends and family. We’ll find it easy to relate to others, and our listening skills give us plenty of opportunities to relate to and empathize with others’ experiences. Whether you’re male or female; if you find yourself wanting to mother someone, just don’t smother them.

Week 4

The final week of this period finds us tapped into a seemingly inexhaustible reserve of energy, optimism and creativity. Our main focus is on work – how we make a living and how we make our lives meaningful. We will also find ourselves feeling healthy and strong, and looking to improve our health in all areas; emotional, physical, mental and spiritual. The only caution here is not to let our boundless energy and enthusiasm become bossiness, meddling or a bid for dominance.

An individualized Tarot reading with me can tell you more specifically how you’ll be affected, so call today for a personalized, in-depth look into your life’s possibilities.

Love and peace,

Dona

Copyright 2009© Dona C. Murphy, Destiny Tarot®

"Destiny Tarot" and the Destiny Tarot logo are the registered
trademarks (servicemarks) of Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.

No portion of this article may be reproduced without my permission and in accordance with Keen policy per the Member Agreement.

Monthly Tarotcast for August 15 – September 15, 2009

2009-08-14T00:00:00Z

Overview

The general feeling of this period is the need and desire for a time-out. Rest, relaxation and healing are necessary. We’re exhausted and no amount of struggle or willpower will break the stalemate. If we’re willing to take the time to regroup, we can come back stronger. Refreshed and renewed, our issues and concerns can be seen in a more manageable perspective.

Week 1

Moving into the first week of this period, we begin to formulate what works best for us. By exercising moderation, we find we can mix-and-match a variety of approaches, philosophies and processes to find what works best for us. The balancing act that previously wore us down to exhaustion becomes an opportunity for integration and harmony.

Week 2

The second week of this period is focused on meeting challenges with a strong sense of conviction. The period of integration we’ve passed through has prepared us for steady perseverance in the face of opposition. Although we may have to face some of these challenges on our own, without apparent support or open encouragement, we rise to the occasion and success rewards our efforts.

Week 3

The third week of this period is a green-light period, go for it. We achieve our goals through right action, we’re pointed in the right direction, we know the reasons and motivation for our behavior. The best use of this energy is for our work and careers, our creative endeavors, and personal discovery. When applied to interpersonal relationships (romantic or otherwise) it can easily become overwhelming, so avoid steam-rolling over others. Be prepared to step out of the way if it looks like someone is barreling down on you.

Week 4

The final week of this period shows us the power of standing up for what’s right, without the personal, ego-based need for vengeance or self-promotion. At its best, this is the energy of high moral principles without petty self-righteousness. We may see and hear important news centered on major international developments (affecting North America, Central America, South America). The feeling is one of practical wisdom and insight applied to controversial matters through skilled intellectual means rather than appeasement.

An individualized Tarot reading with me can tell you more specifically how you’ll be affected, so call or e-mail today for a personalized, in-depth look into your life’s possibilities.

Love and peace,

Dona

Copyright 2009© Dona C. Murphy, Destiny Tarot®

"Destiny Tarot" and the Destiny Tarot logo are the registered
trademarks (servicemarks) of Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.

Monthly Tarotcast for June 15 - July 15, 2009

2009-06-18T19:25:00Z

Overview

The general atmosphere of this period will bring final resolutions to problem situations and cycles ending. To some extent we can feel that change is being forced upon us even if we are the ones making the decisions and calling the shots. Resist the urge to analyze (or over-analyze) situations, relationships and even your own point of view. Stop agonizing, and the transition becomes easier, even a welcome turn of events.

Week 1

Moving into the first week of this period, we find that clearing the dead wood and ending the cycles or situations indicated by the Overview allows us to embrace new situations, relationships and attitudes. These feel distinctly different from those of the past, and we enjoy a sense of being on the right track, working from our strengths. Standing on a newly built (or rebuilt) solid foundation, we begin planning for our future success while still enjoying where we are at present. This is a great time for starting and/or developing relationships of all kinds. It's also a great time for movement - whether a literal, geographical move or a metaphorical one.

Week 2

The second week of this period is a great time for assertive communication. This period is a time for not taking problems or issues too personally or emotionally, so that we can be taken seriously. Accept constructive criticism in the spirit it's offered, and be prepared to take an active part in all solutions, decisions, creative problem-solving or planning. Heart-to-heart talks, sincere conversations, and honest input/feedback are all highly featured during this time.

Week 3

The third week of this period is an ideal time for all of us - men or women - to connect with our feminine side. This is yin energy at its finest, highest manifestation. Openness and receptivity are the rewards of having communicated with more detachment and intellectual dispassion during Week 2. Now, we reap the benefits of more nurturing, emotional and even passionate exchanges at a time when they benefit us and others the most. One caution during this period: resist the urge to mother/smother the people you care about most.

Week 4

The final week of this period shows us that it's clearly time to make some decisions. If following this month's guidance has brought us some much-needed resolutions, there are still some issues that we're afraid to deal with, or that we're remaining willingly blind about. Temporary truces and compromises can only serve up to a point. If a stalemate still exists, it's in our best interest to take action on our own behalf.

An individualized Tarot reading with me can tell you more specifically how you’ll be affected, so call today for a personalized, in-depth look into your life’s possibilities.

Love and peace,

Dona

Copyright 2009© Dona C. Murphy, Destiny Tarot®

"Destiny Tarot" and the Destiny Tarot logo are the registered
trademarks (servicemarks) of Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.

Monthly Tarotcast for May 15 – June 15, 2009

2009-05-17T18:50:00Z

Overview

The general atmosphere of this period will be challenges, difficulties and the courage to meet them head-on. This doesn’t mean our successes come without a certain measure of struggle – mostly with ourselves, and self-doubt. We will ask, “Have I got what it takes?” We do if we believe we do, and if we trust our internal compasses.

Week 1

Moving into the first week of this period, we find the Mercury retrograde (which began on May 6^th/7^th) playing some of its usual tricks as we try hard to hang on to what we have – whether material possessions or ideas – that make us feel safe, stable and secure. In this case, Mercury the Trickster pulls the rug out from under us by making us feel dissatisfied with the very same things we’re holding onto the tightest. This is a good week to (re-)examine and (re-)assess our values; and to cultivate a sense of irony.

Week 2

The second week of this period reminds us that sometimes delays and postponements can actually work in our favor, if we take a healthy and longer-term perspective beyond immediate gratification. This temporary standstill may feel especially restrictive if we insist on rigidity, inflexibility and “victim consciousness”. This time can be used to our advantage and benefit if we’re patient and willing to loosen up – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Mercury will station direct on May 30^th, to a collective sigh of relief, but we won’t quite be out of the woods.

Week 3

The third week of this period continues to test our strength. Have we exercised patience and loosened our strangle-hold on things that represent the old order and outdated structures? Challenging as it is to let go of what no longer serves us or satisfies us, the rewards of doing so can be great. If we’ve done so, we should feel a certain calm confidence that what we’re working toward is manifesting even if we can’t yet see it. If we’ve been stubbornly clinging, we’re in for a wrenching, disruptive and destructive end to our reverse-ride on the roller coaster.

Week 4

The final week of this period shows us what happens if we’ve ignored the advice and opportunity of the previous periods. If we’ve blindly held on, we’re about to get knocked on our stubborn butts. Change has arrived! It can be the breath of fresh air we’ve prepared for and anticipated with positivity, or it can be the tornado that rips through all of that rigid structure and order leaving rubble in its aftermath. Choose well and you get to be Dorothy (complete with ruby slippers), choose poorly and you’ll wind up with a house on you (à la the Wicked Witch of the West).

An individualized Tarot reading with me can tell you more specifically how you’ll be affected, so call today for a personalized, in-depth look into your life’s possibilities.

Love and peace,

Dona

Monthly Tarotcast for March 15 – April 15, 2009

2009-03-18T17:02:00Z

My apologies for the delayed posting. In my Keen blog, I’ll be taking a look at the current mid-month to the following mid-month’s energies. In much the same way as lunar cycles and planetary movements and transitions affect all of us astrologically, the Tarot can prepare us for the energies we’re all likely to be dealing with.

Overview

The general atmosphere of this period will be celebration and joy. Our happiest occasions shared with family and friends; from Saint Patrick’s Day through the Spring Equinox and beyond, beautifully embody the energy of this period. Be ready for good news about upcoming engagements or weddings, birth announcements, pregnancies – even promotions (yes, I know the economy is still pretty dismal – or is it?) If nothing else, enjoy the lighthearted and carefree freedom of socializing with people you like/love, and make up a holiday if need be.

Week 1

Moving into the first week of this period, opportunities for learning come in many forms. On the practical side, formal and informal education, training and skill-building are highlighted during this period. Both spiritually and practically, we begin to focus on the benefits of the education process itself, we work toward building a solid foundation of knowledge, wisdom, understanding and application of what we know.

Week 2

The second week of this period reminds us that true partnerships sometimes involve friction, and the time when sparks are flying can be the time new solutions and ideas take form. Focus on arriving at consensus by respectfully and actively listening to others, whether they are colleagues at work, our friends, spouses, kids or parents. If we focus only on our differences, friction can result in outright conflict instead of a lively exchange of ideas – success depends on our choice to make interactions win-win situations.

Week 3

The third week of this period can further upset a shaky sense of security, as news about the economy isn’t promising. But we can ask ourselves some questions that may help stabilize us: “Am I buying into poverty consciousness? Am I suffering, or do I only think I am because of media bombardment?” Yes, times are tough. And when the going gets tough, we owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to take care of our health, try to eat well and sleep well, and to lower our stress levels by turning off the news.

Week 4

The final week of this period gives us an exciting glimpse of what’s to come this summer. Think turning over a new leaf, a new chapter beginning, optimism and enthusiasm. We find that we are filled with new ideas and feel confident to manifest them. Start the wheels turning, because projects, ideas, plans and investments (whether material or emotional) should bear delicious fruit in June, July and August of this year.

An individualized Tarot reading with me can tell you more specifically how you’ll be affected, so call or Keen-mail me today to arrange a reading and get a personalized, in-depth look into your life’s possibilities!

Love and peace,

Dona

Monthly Tarotcast for February 17 - March 17, 2009

2009-02-17T19:46:00Z

The general atmosphere of this period will be strength in adversity and clarity. Using our intellect, courage and determination in constructive ways, we further our personal growth and goals. We cut through illusions, delusions, misperceptions and material obstacles to discover or renew our personal sense of truth. New ideas applied to new situations and the use of innovative, new thinking to resolve old situations and issues help us get to where we want to be. If it’s not our ultimate goal, then it’s a new step in the right direction towards that goal.

Moving into the first week of this period, love in all its forms ignites our senses. New romantic possibilities, renewed commitments to existing relationships of all kinds, and deep spiritual connections are all highlighted during this period. Some pleasant surprises in our careers can develop quickly – an unexpected chance for extra money, a new position or promotion, or even new ways to do our existing jobs and gain appreciation and praise are all strong possibilities during this period.

The second week of this period reminds us to take good care of ourselves and not to allow others to take advantage of us. There are some underhanded, suspicious and tricky energies active through this week. No need for paranoia, but be extra cautious about get-rich-quick schemes and remember the old saying that “if something sounds too good to be true, then it probably isn’t true”. Trust yourself, be straightforward with others, but don’t assume everyone is singing off the same lyric sheet. Take others’ words and intentions under advisement, and reflect on them.

The third week of this period promises a sense of abundance. Though we’re in challenging times, there are still many ways to nurture and be nurtured, to both give and receive graciously. Especially in times like these, it’s good to remember that poverty consciousness, fear, and contraction can become self-fulfilling prophecies. Gratitude for the blessings we have brings more blessings in, and generosity of spirit is more far-reaching than generosity with cash.

The final week of this period invites us to create consciously. We find that we are able to translate ideas into actions. Synchronicities, serendipities and almost magical “coincidences” manifest during this period. After the warning to be cautious during the second week of this period, we receive confirmation during this week that trusting ourselves - our intuition and instinct – can cause some wonderful things to materialize.

An individualized Tarot reading with me can tell you more specifically how you’ll be affected, so call today for a personalized, in-depth look into your life’s possibilities!

Love and peace,

Dona

Ya Shoulda Put a Ring on It

2009-01-17T16:18:00Z

Oh-oh-oh, I think I’m in love with Beyonce’. No, not that way –I’m not outing myself, there’s no “out”, I’m boringly heterosexual. But I love, love, love her latest song* and I’m encouraging all of my “single lady” clients and sorta-single-but-don’t-really-know clients to buy it, download it, play it, watch the video, make the song their ringtone, make it their anthem. Chances are if Mr. Man doesn’t know what he wants, he doesn’t appreciate what he’s got.

In it’s catchy, can’t stop singin’ along way, this song reminds us all that men need to step up if they want to keep us. If they don’t want to, or don’t know, it’s ok for us – more, it’s healthy for us to move on. His manning up doesn’t have to mean he presents us with a literal engagement or wedding ring (depends on the couple and the circumstances), but he does need to speak up and say, “I want to be your one and only, and I want you to be mine.”

It’s empowering to know we deserve love, and respectful, loving treatment from our men. It’s a sign of self-confidence and knowledge of our self-worth to step back or step away from men who cant’ or won’t step all the way into a relationship, but don’t have the maturity and decency to step all the way out either.

And don’t start with the “but Dona, I don’t look like Beyonce’ ” stuff either. Guess what? Neither do I. Guess what? Neither do a lot of us. It’s not about looks – it’s about attitude – and I mean that word in the best possible sense. Put a little sassy in your chassis when you dance to the song, have some fun, and believe in yourself for approximately 3 minutes or so. Then give me a call to find out how your new attitude can improve your love life!

Love and peace,

Dona

*Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)

Monthly Tarotcast for January 16 – February 15, 2009

2009-01-17T00:38:00Z

NEW! Each month I’ll be taking a look at the current mid-month to the following mid-month’s energies. In much the same way as lunar cycles and planetary movements and transitions affect all of us astrologically, a Tarot reading can prepare us for the energies we’re all likely to be dealing with.

The general atmosphere of this entire period will be doing the things that work. Drawing from our past personal experiences, our formal training and education, and our skills and talents this will be the time to use the tried-and-true methods for success that we already possess. Since the new year typically has us looking for new ways to solve old issues (that’s why we make re-solutions, right?), it’s encouraging to know we can focus on and draw from past successes to be successful in the present and future. And, we’re invited now to set aside the things that don’t work for us, which no longer serve us well, and no longer contribute to our success, even if they once achieved that purpose.

Week 1:

Moving into the first week of this period, we will experience “happy accidents”, synchronicities and lucky breaks, even if they don’t seem to be so great at first. This is the kind of “bad news, good news” cycle that turns even setbacks and delays into pure gold. Lucky for us too, since we’re in a Mercury retrograde (which began January 11) during this time. The unexpected events which often manifest as problems and obstacles during a Mercury retrograde are quickly transformed into opportunities during this week, especially if we’re willing to go with the flow.

Week 2:

The second week of this period carries us into new territory – either literally by travel to other locales and geographical areas, or figuratively by the strong sensation that we’re moving forward again. As the Mercury retrograde ends (January 31-February 1) we should be finding more pieces of the puzzle, and more importantly – where those pieces fit into our bigger picture.

Week 3:

The third week of this period is likely to feel uncomfortable for most of us, as more financial bad news is reported in the media. It’s a good idea to take it in stride, especially if we’ve done all we can reasonably do to be cautious and thrifty. Not every fluctuation in the market or teetering corporate giant affects us personally and immediately, so it’s probably healthier and wiser to take the longer view of things this week. If we haven’t been as cautious and thrifty as we could be, this is an excellent time to take stock through honest, detached evaluation and assessment of our individual finances.

Week 4:

The final week of this period sees us enjoying a reward, recognition for our hard work, success and a sense of vindication if we’ve had to struggle through opposition or obstacles to bring a task to completion. Resolutions are showing results, especially if we’ve promised to make healthy changes like losing weight, exercising, or quitting smoking. The great thing about a “win” is what it does for our self-confidence. If we did it once, then we can do it again. If we’ve succeeded in one aspect of our lives, we can extend that into other areas of our lives.

An individualized Tarot reading with me can tell you more specifically how you’ll be affected, so call or Keen-mail today to arrange a reading and get a personalized, in-depth look into your life’s possibilities!

Love and peace,

Dona

Word of the Day: Clog

2008-05-06T16:32:00Z

Yep, some brand new slang for the blogosphere. All those endless, repetitious, duplicate postings of blogs that are actually advertisements with the same message and no actual content have a new name: CLOGS.

To repost the same blog over and over: clogging

A person who reposts the same blog over and over to push other blogs out of viewing position: clogger

Thanks to everyone who's posted and commented on this practice.

I'm hearing that clients and visitors to the Keen blogs find it annoying. I have people (clients and non-clients alike) who enjoy popping in to read my blogs as well as the blogs of other readers who actually write thoughtful, interesting articles on genuine topics. Also, this doesn’t happen on other sites that exist strictly as blog platforms (Blogspot, Technorati, etc.) or sites that give members the option to blog (MySpace, for one example). Only here on Keen can a blog reader have the pleasure of being endlessly hounded to “CALLL ME ASK FOR FREE MINS AND BUY MY SPELLS AND I:”M THE BEST R EADER HERE SO YOU MUST CALL ME NOW!” (sic) all day freakin’ long.

If someone wants to blog strictly to advertise, I suppose that's their business. But the constant reposting of the same "ads" over and over throughout the day – sometimes hourly - is irritating, rude, and clearly done to "push" other blogs down and then off the front page.

Love and peace,

Dona

Setting Healthy Boundaries: Dealmakers or Dealbreakers?

2008-04-30T22:31:00Z

Yesterday – the Dealmakers list, your own personal standards that express healthy, positive boundaries; that make your non-romantic relationships a source of happiness for you and enrich your life. Today – “don’ts” or the Dealbreakers list, the things that raise a red flag and make you seriously reconsider or step back from someone as a potential romantic partner. These boundaries are your own “line in the sand,” and knowing them before you become involved with someone can save you wasted time, tears, and heartache. Notice I didn’t say, “Before you become attracted”? Attraction can happen in an instant, without knowing a single thing about a person. Involvement however, is a choice.

I like to call the Dealbreakers “Get thee behind me, Mr. Unavailable”. Once you are clear for yourself on these, in combination with your Dealmakers, you’ll know your own standards and know whether the qualities and behaviors of a man you’re interested in are what you really want – before you become emotionally invested and involved.

The Dealbreakers list

First, think about the things that go into making a healthy romantic relationship and give it a good chance of developing and working for both people involved. Then think about the things you aren’t comfortable with, aren’t prepared to accept, that you dislike or that bother you when they are part of a relationship. This list is for you alone, so be honest and write them down in a short list. Be specific - i.e., no abuse (of any kind), the man isn’t married/attached, is not a player, etc., but don’t nitpick or try to nail down every possible trait/quality.

These are your standards – and your dating action plan. If the man doesn’t meet the basic standards at the get-go, or if you find he has stepped over the line or tested the boundaries you’ve identified as unacceptable to you, you need to take action. Real action is not a long discussion or an explanation/justification of yourself or your feelings. Run away, walk away or at the very least take one huge giant step backwards and stop. Your boundaries only mean as much to others as they do to you. If you won’t honor your own, it’s very unlikely that they will.

The behaviors you accept, rationalize, accommodate or excuse from the man in your life (or the one you’re hoping to have a relationship with), can quickly become the relationship standard or status quo and it’s much harder to reject a behavior once you’ve quietly accepted it. By rejecting the behavior, you give a man a choice – to respect you or to let you alone. And if he can’t respect you, what else can’t he do? Be emotionally, physically and spiritually available to you? Be kind, considerate, honest and trustworthy?

Natalie Lue, author of “Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl” states that emotionally unavailable men are adept at manipulating women and relationships to their advantage. She says, “The ability to get you to adapt to their dysfunctional behaviour is a masterstroke on their part.” But consider this. Could you be manipulated by a friend into stealing something or harming someone? Could they convince you to go against your own better judgment, ethics, your standards? And if they could, or would try – are they really your friend?

Healthy boundaries and personal standards work! They affirm that we respect ourselves, love ourselves and want those things in return from our relationships.

Love and peace,

Dona

“Mr. Unavailable”, “Fallback Girl” copyright Natalie Lue.

Setting Healthy Boundaries: Dealmakers or Dealbreakers?

2008-04-29T20:25:00Z

I’ve been reading a great little e-book, “Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl” by Natalie Lue, who’s a very funny and extremely wise, common-sense kinda gal! The book inspired me to blog, so thank you Natalie! Although I’ve been in a great relationship with my Mr. Available for six years; it’s not so terribly long ago – well, about six and half years or so actually - that I was in a string of relationships with Mr. Unavailables. Yes indeed – been there. Done that. Got the T-shirt and the souvenir key ring.

One thing I found myself doing early on in my current relationship – quite by happy accident, since I rarely apply good common sense upfront and consciously in romantic matters, was:

interacting with no assumptions or expectations, but a clear idea of my standards
using the same standards that worked in non-romantic relationships with friends, family, co-workers, clients and the clerk at supermarket
being comfortable and confident that my standards really reflected who I am as a person – how I treat people and how I like to be treated

Often we women have no trouble setting healthy boundaries in non-romantic relationships. So, the things we like and want in these relationships can serve as our “dos” or deal-makers. While it’s true that men and women communicate differently, we’re all human and there are some basics that facilitate healthy human interaction.

The Dealmakers list

To begin, think about the things that make your best (non-romantic) relationships work – what makes them enjoyable, desirable, fun, and worthwhile? You can write them down as a short list. Be specific - i.e., mutual honesty, consistency (doing what we say we will do, others doing what they say they will do) consideration (we take our own feelings and those of others into account). When both people in a relationship bring these qualities and behaviors to the table, a healthy relationship is usually the result.

Whether you realize it consciously or not, these are your standards – stated as positive boundaries. If there’s a big disconnect between these qualities – which help your non-romantic relationships work in a healthy way - and the behaviors you accept, rationalize, adjust for or excuse from the man in your life (or the one you’re hoping to have a romantic relationship with), this should raise a big, bright red flag. You may be setting yourself up for heartache with a “Mr. Unavailable”.

Part II: Dealbreakers, or “Get thee behind me, ‘Mr. Unavailable’”

Love and peace,

Dona

“Mr. Unavailable”, “Fallback Girl” copyright Natalie Lue.

What’s on Your Radar?

2008-03-30T18:39:00Z

A client recently asked me, “so, what’s on the radar?” I knew what she meant, but in that moment I had a clear, strong vision of a busy air traffic control tower. All the screens were full of moving blips, all the controllers were intently focused on the patterns there, firing off information into their headset microphones – for the next day’s flights.

I shared with her what I had seen and we both chuckled a bit. Then, she grew somewhat serious and said, “But you’re a Tarot reader – you’re supposed to tell me what’s coming up in the future, right?” Yes, true enough. Do it all the time. But the time we have and the time we’re in is now and that’s the jump-off point for any reading. Quantum physics tells us it’s all now and while I believe that’s true, it’s still pretty challenging to communicate from the concept of completely transcended linear time. Ok, I just confused myself – in other words, it’s a helluva lot easier to speak and think in terms of the past, present and future.

When we attempt to focus on and see only the future, in a reading or in any aspect of life, several things happen.

We ignore or miss the here and now

When we’re in pain, anxious or uncertain, this can actually seem like a good thing to do. But, now is what we have – and whether there’s a lesson to be learned, action to be taken, or valuable information coming in – if we miss it, we miss a golden opportunity to make positive changes in both the present and the future. Much as we might love to just skip the “now” if it’s unpleasant; we can’t really live in or “be” in the past or the future – only the present.

We ignore our own intuition

Tarot reading, or any form of divination, is designed to help us learn from and integrate our past in order to understand, and positively affect our future based on who we are and where we are in the present. But as wonderful as that is, it can’t ever be better than our present-moment experiences and the opportunity they present for our own intuition to give us real-time, real-life guidance, wisdom and truth. Tarot is a great enhancement to our own intuition but a very poor substitute for it.

When the temptation is strong to try and look only at the future in a reading, think about being on one of today’s flights while those busy air traffic controllers all have their radar set on tomorrow…

…and thank you for flying Destiny Airlines! :)

Love and peace,

Dona

Failing Forward

2008-01-19T22:48:00Z

No, that’s not a typo. Failing forward is a way to turn mistakes into opportunities for success. Ah, mistakes. We all make them. We wish we could completely avoid them, which would of course make us perfect. Or, having experienced failure, we give up because we equate failing at something with being a failure. We can judge ourselves so harshly that we swear we’ll never again risk, never try, never dare.

What if we could change our perception of and response to failure? Many famous and distinguished people in the arts, sciences, business and sports have failed – sometimes spectacularly so, on their path to achievement.

John Maxwell is an American expert on leadership and author of “Failing Forward” who says that the major difference between achieving people and average people is their ability to move beyond failure and use it as a lesson and a stepping-stone. With the right attitude, positive benefits can come from negative experiences. When we realize that the task or goal is not “us”, we can look at failure as a way to learn what went wrong and what not to repeat. By depersonalizing the experience (we are not “failures” just because we failed at something) we minimize and overcome fear. And, without fear – we can take action again!

Here are some great ideas for learning to fail forward from author Marilyn J. Tellez, MA:

1. Failing forward is really about achievement as a series of trial and error opportunities.

2. You, as a person, are not a failure. Failure is a state of mind.

3. You are not a victim. Take responsibility for what you can control and put yourself into a position of power. (And what you can control is yourself – DCM)

4. You can control how you let a trauma affect you. (I would say, you can “choose how you let a trauma affect you” – DCM)

5. The present is the only place real opportunity exists and where you can take action.

6. Letting go of limiting beliefs may be hard on the ego, but your ability to move forward will increase dramatically.

7. When you have a vision, you have a view that puts failure in its proper perspective.

8. There is always uncertainty when you try something new.

9. You can't make significant progress by doing it all yourself. Let your environment and network do some of the work.

10. Often, the only difference between success and failure is simple persistence.

11. Knowing when to let go and try something else is important. Failing forward is about getting up and moving on. (And what you do once you get up – which is not repeat the same mistakes! - DCM)

So here’s to failing and falling, learning and growing, going forward and succeeding in the New Year!

Love and peace,

Dona