Random Ramblings from Lil Mel

Let's Just Kiss & Say Goodbye...

2008-07-12T13:14:00Z

Two people I care about very much are splitting up.

It's so very, very sad.

There isn't any earth shattering reason why. He isn't a monster, and nor is she. They're just two very decent, kind people who simply got to the end of their relationship.

They want very different things out of life now. After years of coasting along secretly hoping it would get better, I think they finally realized that it wasn't going to. If anything, it was starting to get a lot worse.

They are just not compatible any more. They've decided to end their relationship whilst they are still on friendly terms.

I've given them a lot of thought over the last few days. I give relationships in general a lot of thought! What came to me this morning was this.

We owe it to ourselves, our partners and our children (if we have any!) to stay in touch with who we are and what we want at all times. We have to be prepared to work at our happiness not just in our relationships but in our lives generally. It's everyone's responsibilty to speak up when things aren't ok. It's not enough to just be in a relationship - we have to feed it, challenge it and keep it alive and growing.

It's so much easier sometimes to do nothing - to drift. To simply coast along because it's too hard and takes too much energy to do anything else.

In relationship terms that's disastrous. Nothing kills intimacy more than lack of attention and apathy. Relationships need nurturing and prioritizing on a regular basis - no matter how busy, tired or pre-occupied we are with life.

I read somewhere recently that the average couple spends about three minutes a day in conversation with each other. That's barely enough time to say change the channel. It's definitely not enough to maintain a meaningful, loving connection.

I will be available to take your calls here on Keen throughout the weekend. If I am on a break or on another call please place a callback to ensure we connect. With the summer season in full swing my schedule on Keen will vary from day to day as I make time for myself and my family--as we all should do! I will try to log on for a period of time each day and constantly check for callbacks! Have a wonderful funfilled weekend!

Blessings,

Melody "Lil Mel"

Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor

Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching

Loving an Addict...

2008-06-25T13:12:00Z

Addiction, in all its forms, is widespread in our communities. No doubt you will know someone with an addiction problem, or someone close to you will. (Keep in mind, addiction comes in many forms; alcohol, drugs, sex, or gambling—just to name a few.)

Often people will ask me for help not with their addiction problem, but in dealing with their partner’s problem. It’s one of the toughest issues for people to live with. That’s because the partner of an addict is always at the mercy of the addict’s behavior. Some days are good; some days are dreadful you never know what you are in for. Coping with that must be extraordinarily difficult.

At the end of the day, someone with addiction issues is powerless over their substance use until they make a decision to stop. Their partners have even less power. Really the only effective way of managing the situation is to emotionally detach from their using, and ultimately that will be the beginning of the end. That is, unless the addict agrees to get help.

Addictions ruin relationships. An addict is unable to connect emotionally with themselves, let alone anyone else. People abuse substances to escape what’s going on inside of their head. An addict is completely emotionally unavailable. In relationship terms, the addiction will always come first.

If you know someone who lives with an addict, support them to get strong enough to make powerful decisions about their future. I won’t ever tell anyone what to do. I will, however, let them work through their options and decide what’s best for them. Eventually, it will be obvious-- me or the substance. It takes real strength and support to get to that, though. It’s never too late.

Melody “Lil Mel”

Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor

Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching

I will be available for calls throughout the day and evening. If I am showing unavailable, on a call, or otherwise on a break, please place a callback to ensure we connect. I look forward to hearing from you today! Blessed be...it's a wonderful life I lead!

Losing my heart to the new 'man' in my life!

2008-06-24T12:58:00Z

One does not reach my age without losing pieces of the heart along the way, however, being the strong southern woman that I am, I have always managed to hold onto my heart; only loaning it out for special occassions!

Well folks, that was until yesterday. I have finally met my match! From the moment he was placed in my arms, my heart truly belonged to him!

My FIRST Grandchild! "Ayden Ray" arrived at 11:43 a.m. yesterday morning, weighs 8 lbs, and 21 1/2 inches long....he has completely captured my heart! Just like his father, my son, he has a headfull of beautiful black hair, a button nose, and all his fingers & toes! And his smile......oh wow, watch out ladies--he is his father's son! :)

Naturally this is an exciting time for all of us...so keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Also, my availability will be sparadic the next few days, but I will do my best to be available for your calls.

As a matter of fact, I will be available for calls this morning and early afternoon, and then again later this evening after yoga class. As always feel free to place a callback to ensure we connect! I look forward to sharing with everyone today!

Blessings...and it truly is a wonderful life I have!

Melody "Lil Mel"

Bouncing Back after a Relationship Crisis...

2008-06-20T13:01:00Z

I've just received a truly inspiring email from a client who had been having a relationship crisis.

She wrote to tell me that things are going well for her again, after much pain. I have asked her if I can share her story with you, in the hope that it will inspire others.

She has been through a lot lately. She had some big decisions to make about the future of her relationship, after some painful discoveries about her partner’s behavior.

After much heartache, growth and introspection, they have both decided to work it out together and work through their relationship crisis. Their relationship and life are on the mend.

Although it will take some time and talking through, they are rebuilding their relationship, putting the crisis behind them. She reports she can now see a future together and a way through the pain. Hugely courageous of both of them and a testament to the love they have for each other.

Relationships can recover from a crisis such as theirs. Often in fact, they are stronger, more on track and more connected than they ever were. Sometimes the crises can serve as a wake up call for both parties, and the passion, love and commitment is re kindled.

The relationship evolves to a new, enlightened level. Aren’t happy endings great?

Melody “Lil Mel”

Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor

Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching

I will be available for calls here on Keen throughout the weekend with breaks. If I am showing unavailable or on a call, please place a callback to ensure we connect.

I look forward to sharing with everyone this weekend.

Family Matters...

2008-06-17T14:15:00Z

Families play a huge role in relationships. Sadly, it’s not always a positive one.

Like it or not, we’re all part of an extended family network. That network can be a source of love and support, or it can be a source of hurt, resentment and disappointment.

All too often, family conflict is a major source of stress in a relationship. Couples can inadvertently find themselves in the middle of something that can completely destabilize them as individuals, and them as a couple. Rather than supporting and providing comfort, families can make a couple feel torn and unsure of what to do.

It’s never easy working through such situations. It’s usually complicated and messy, and there often isn’t a clear cut way to resolve it without someone getting hurt.

Having said that, there’s a simple and effective way of managing a situation to ensure the least amount of damage is done to the couples’ relationship.

It’s this. The couples need to have a united approach to dealing with each of their families. Independently of any problems, they need to commit to making each other the first priority and be prepared to defend that commitment with action when necessary.

Long term committed relationships form family units separate of the extended family. Even without children they are their own nuclear family. Extended families should be just that – an extension of that relationship. They should support it and not look to undermine it. That relationship takes precedence over any other. It has to. Without that focus the intimacy and connection will be worn away.

Couples embroiled in bitter family disputes should ask themselves a powerful question. “What thoughts and actions put my relationship first?” Adopting that mindset first and foremost puts things into perspective.

At the end of the day, holding firm and true to what you want and believe in is always the best option.

Melody “Lil Mel”

Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor

Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching

I will be available throughout the day and evening for your calls. If I am on a break or on another call, please place a callback to ensure we connect. I look forward to sharing with you today!

Emotional Honesty

2008-06-11T12:27:00Z

Often in the desire to find or maintain a relationship, many folks fall into the trap of being and doing things which aren't aligned with who they really are. What starts out as a small sacrifice can become a regular habit - giving in to please your partner. To be happy long term, all of us have to not only know ourselves well, but live and act in accordance with our authentic selves.

I call this being "emotionally honest". It sounds easier than it is. We are all conditioned that in order to be happy, we have to be flexible and willing to compromise in a relationship. I was somewhere recently where a woman said the secret to a happy marriage was to let her partner have the final say, to let things go.

I believe there's an important distinction that needs to be made here - it depends on what you are compromising on.

If we compromise on something things that matter deeply to us, we will eventually end up unhappy. If you are single and compromise on a less than ideal partner, the doubt and uncertainty will wear down the intimacy. If you are in a relationship and continually give in on what to you are important issues, you will lose respect and feelings for both yourself and your partner.

That's where emotional honesty comes in. By all means compromise, just not on the big stuff. You can't afford to. Continual half truths or agreements that you aren't happy with leads to resentment, unfulfillment and an erosion of intimacy. Don't think your partner will thank you for it either. Almost always the other person says they would far rather have known the truth at the time.

The idea then, is to know yourself well and follow through on that - make who you are and what you want an intrinsic part of how you behave. Let that be your guide, even if it means short term pain. Be honest with what is going on for you, and be clear with your partner or prospective partner the reasons why. More than anything, being true to yourself is where happiness starts.

When you do that consistently, you're then in a position to start giving and connecting with them from a position of strength and from a happy inner self. "To thine own self be true". Good words to live by.

Melody “Lil Mel”

Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor

Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching

I will be available to take your calls on Keen throughout the day and evening, with short breaks. If I am on a break, on another call, or showing as unavailable, please use the callback feature to ensure we connect. I look forward to sharing with you today!

My Apologies...

2008-05-31T13:19:00Z

I would like to extend my sincere apologies for not being available here on Keen the last few days. I had intended to post an announcement that I was going out of town to work a charity event on Thursday, but time slipped past and I forgot to post the announcement!

The event was hosted in the town of Woodstock IL, a quaint historical town that is known for the filming of the movie Groundhound Day. The town itself was beautiful and the folks friendly and down-to-earth. I was treated to a stay at the Bundling Bed & Breakfast--absolutely adorable accomendations and the host was very accomendating, attentive, and a great cook! The event went very well with a turn out even bigger than we anticipated! Hosted by Courthouse Bar & Grill, once the jail and courthouse. If you are ever in Woodstock IL please check it out--the building itself has a very interesting history, a few spirits, and great food & service! We surpassed our set goals and a good time was had by the guests and vendors alike. However, after conducting nonstop mini-readings and signing books non-stop for 6 hours in one sitting I was totally wiped out! I returned home yesterday but took the evening off to recharge!

I will be available for calls here on Keen throughout the rest of the weekend with short breaks in between. If I am showing unavailable, please feel free to place a callback to ensure we connect!

I look forward to talking with you this weekend,

Melody "Lil Mel"

Arguments are OK

2008-05-26T15:00:00Z

I’ll often get a call from someone telling me they are worried about the constant arguing and hostility in their relationship. No one wants hostility that’s for sure, and that needs attention. But I don’t think arguing deserves the bad press it gets.

Everyone argues. Well, everyone should. By arguing I mean an exchange whereby two people disagree. Actually, I worry more about the relationships that have no arguments at all – at least when people are arguing; they’re engaging one another and expressing how they feel about things. It worries me far more when people have a history of arguing and one or both simply opts out. That can signal the start of being completely detached, and that’s never a good sign.

The focus shouldn’t be on whether a couple argues or not, but how they argue. I know a couple that are a great example of good arguing. The two of them are constantly on at each other about something. To outsiders, it looks like an awful way to live. But most of the banter is good natured and humorous and is an integral part of how they relate to each other. Wouldn’t work for me, but the point is it does work for them. They have a close, loving relationship – they care deeply about each other.

Challenging each other and speaking your mind are positive things – no one should be quick to shut the other person down or negate their point of view. Everyone should watch their language and personal insults though. If people spent more time speaking about how they feel and what they want and far less time criticizing and telling the other what to do, fallout in arguments would be far less.

Humor is a great tool in an argument – keep it light. Sometimes I think the worst fallout from arguments is simply misinterpretation – getting the message wrong. When in doubt, assume the best and most of all – listen more than you speak.

Lighten up, I say. See the bigger picture. Arguments aren’t the end of the world or the end of the relationship. Sometimes we all just need to let off steam.

Melody “Lil Mel”

Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor

Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching

I will be available for calls throughout the day today. If I am showing as unavailable please use the callback feature to ensure we connect!

When 'the one' doesn't show up in a reading

2008-05-22T13:43:00Z

It is common in this profession to get the age-old question, "when will I meet 'the one'", or "when will he/she be back?", or "can you tell when my next relationship will be?".   Then as we tune into the situation, either using a tool or not, 'the one' does not show up!

As I try to keep my readings to project no more than 6 months out, often times 'the one' does not appear in the reading! Or perhaps the reading reveals very little in the area of romance/relationships but shows other things.   How many readers and clients have this happen?

Does this mean that the reader is not accurate in picking up the situation? No, not at all. In many cases 'the one' isn't just around the corner or the 'past lover' will not be back around in a timely manner. Most often than not, the client has work to do in order to prepare and open themselves up to the possibilities of romance, love, and relationships.

For example, a client calls me and wants to know when she will meet 'the one'... as the reading unfolds it is revealed that said client's life currently revolves around work & home--period! No socialization, no outside activities, very little friendships outside the occassional lunch shared with a co-worker. Now I am a true believer in divine intervention, but let's be real, unless one is actively living life and out & around, heartmates and/or dates do not suddenly appear on our doorstep!

For the clients that request these type of readings and do not get the results they long for; look around...

Is there something you should be doing to change the course of events?   Look inward--is there unresolved issues that may be blocking you from meeting healthy partners? Are you truly involved in living life and open for what the universe brings to you?

For the advisors who have those readings when 'the one' is no where in sight; be truthful with the client and be prepared to look and see what the client can do to change the situation.

Remember folks, nothing is carved in stone and we are here to help enlighten and bring insight into your lives--it is up to you to live them! :)

I will only be available this morning and afternoon for Keen calls. I will be traveling this evening so I won't be able to take calls or reply to emails until tomorrow. Please feel free to place a callback to ensure we connect.

Have a wonderfully blessed today!

Melody "Lil Mel"

Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor
Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching

I am available this morning and afternoon...

2008-05-21T12:59:00Z

As stated in my previous post, I am out of town until Friday. However, I will be signed on for calls this morning and afternoon as I am able. Additionally, I will sign on for calls tomorrow in the morning and afternoon.

For those interested in hearing how my reunion is going thus far, please refer to my comments on previous post.

Have a wonderful day and I hope to connect with many of you this morning and afternoon!

Blessings,

Melody "Lil Mel"

Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor
Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching

Old friends, lovers, and reunions...

2008-05-19T13:20:00Z

Many cases I deal with in my practice deal with break-ups, breaks, separations, and two people destined to travel different paths for a period of time. Whether it is a soul mate, twin flame, heart mate, romantic interest or otherwise, there are times in our lives when someone we care for deeply has to leave our lives and travel a different path.

At this point we have several choices, we can literally 'sit & wait', pining away for something that we know in our hearts and gut is 'meant to be'; placing our life on hold and live in a vaccum until destiny brings him/her back again.

Or we can trust in the workings of the universe, detach from the situation, get busy with living our lives, and know that when the time is right we may have the chance again to reunion and travel once again with our heartmate.

By doing so, moving forward, we are opening ourselves up to a multitude of opportunities in all areas of our lives. You may even meet someone new and fall in love, travel the journey of life with them for a period of time, or even build a new life with them. As there are no random acts and everyone crosses our paths for a reason, the possibilities are endless!

As for me personally...

It has been more than 15 years since someone I felt was part of my destiny choose to travel a different path and left my life to create one of his own. Although it took quite some time to heal and begin the process of living life again (as I truly felt destined to be with this person), I gradually practiced what I teach and moved on with my life. In the past 15 years I managed to go back to school, earning several degrees, raised my children, finished a military career; I even met and fell in love with a wonderful man I had planned to marry! Although my plans to marry were cut short via a fuel tanker truck on a dark road late one night, the memories left in my heart have forever changed me. I have grown and evolved so much these past 15 years--as it should be!

Present day: I have since reconnected with my love from the past. After a vast amount of conversations, readjusting our schedules, and talking through our fears--I will be leaving today to meet him face-to-face for the first time in 15 years!

While I do not know what the future holds....ok, I have some idea as I am psychic and have an awesome personal reader...I am excited to be setting forth on what is to be yet another part of my destiny.

I share this portion of my personal life with you today, simply to remind everyone that things really do happen as they are meant to be, and to sit and wait for something to happen is to be stagnate and interfers with growth and happiness.

Additionally to let everyone know that I will not be available for calls today or tomorrow. I will accept callbacks on Wednesday & Thursday during the day as he will be at work during those times.

If time allows I will pop on the blog to up date everyone.....:)

Have a wonderful blessed day!

Melody "Lil Mel"

Let's Talk About Sex....(Again)

2008-05-16T12:05:00Z

So often when the relationship isn’t going so great, sex is suddenly under the spotlight. At that point, sex becomes something to throw at each other, and that’s dangerous territory. We can do great harm to each other when we use sex as a weapon.

So, back to where we started. What to do about it. Firstly, see it in a wider context. What else is going on? If sex is an issue, where are things at? You can’t get to the sex issues without dealing with everything else. One must keep in mind, sex is the end result.

What can you do to ‘fix’ the intimacy, the closeness and caring in your relationship, rather than focusing ‘fixing’ the sex? I’ll say it again – one follows the other.

You can’t be cold and distant or ignore your partner then expect them to be super charged in the bedroom. Likewise, you can’t continually say you don’t want to have sex because ‘you’re not in the mood’. If you aren’t in the mood for weeks or months on end, something else is going on.

Talk about it. You’d be surprised how it helps. Talk about the intimacy, the closeness, not just about sex. Talk about what you can do about it. Make a plan. I’m amazed that people let this one drift on for YEARS. If something was wrong with the kids or the pets, it would be dealt with far quicker.

It’s important. Don’t believe that ‘sex isn’t everything’ nonsense. It may not be everything, but my experience in working with clients tells me it's something!

In my experience, people aren’t expecting to act out some mini porn fantasy every night – they simply want intimacy and closeness on a regular basis and don’t know how to get back to that.

Talk about what would work for both of you. Brain storm ways of spending good close time together – with enough of those, the sex will follow. Plan to put things right in the relationship. How was it when things were good?

Don’t use no money, kids, or work schedule conflicts as an excuse. There are loads of ways to plan a bit of spontaneous fun that doesn’t have to cost the earth. And there is always time for each other, if you are dedicated to finding it! Have a date night at home. Once a week - every week.

Make it a priority. It matters.

Melody “Lil Mel”

Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor

Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching

I will be available for your calls throughout the day with breaks and again later this evening. If I am showing as unavailable, please place a callback to ensure we connect.

Sex or Lack Thereof...

2008-05-15T15:07:00Z

So often, during a session, clients bring up the subject of sex…or lack thereof.

Honestly, more and more couples complain about lack of sex in the relationship than anything else. I guess that's no surprise. It's one of the first things to suffer when things aren't going well. Even though it’s a common problem, there’s no easy all purpose answer. Intimate relationships are complicated things, but there are some fundamental truths that apply.
Firstly, sex is the result of intimacy – it isn’t intimacy per se. A woman I know used to joke that her husband getting laundry in off the line was foreplay – and she’s right to an extent!
Being loving, expressing affection, doing things for each other, laughing together, being connected – that’s all intimacy. Sex happens as a result of that connection. If you’ve been arguing all day or barely spoken all week, chances are your partner won’t feel like sex.
Sure you can have sex without intimacy, but women in particular soon get switched off that. Want more sex? Put more effort into connecting with your partner first.

It’s not that you have to earn it – I don’t advocate that. It’s just that it amazes me that people often think it’s their right to have sex with their partner regardless of the state of their relationship. It isn’t. If things aren't great, deal with it and take the pressure off the situation first.

There may be a myriad of other reasons why your partner doesn’t want to have sex even if things are going OK. How are you going know what they are unless you ask? It’s all in the approach. Saying ‘Why won’t you have sex with me?’ probably won’t do the trick. Tell your partner you find them attractive and want to make love to them because of the way you feel about them. Ask them what you can do to make it great for them too.

They may surprise you – they may tell you. Listen up when they do.

Sex should be both spontaneous and as a result of a planned fun night together – so talk together about ways you can make both of those things happen. Think about how that would work in your life – we plan to visit the relatives or spend time with friends – why not plan fun nights together? Massage is a great way to lead in to sex – just talk about ways of getting closer and then plan those things into your life. OK it doesn’t sound spontaneous and romantic – but it’s important to make time together a priority.

Don’t pester your partner for sex – it’s a turn off. Talk to them and work with them on what would make it exciting, interesting and fun. Share with them the ideas in this article – use it as a conversation starter. Talking about sex is only awkward the first few times you do it – chances are they will want to make it better too.

Remember – sex starts with feeling loving and connected. Put the effort in, communicate what you want and listen to what they want too.
Melody “Lil Mel”

Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor
Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching

I will be available for your calls later this afternoon and this evening. If I am showing as unavailable or alert me of calls, please place a callback to ensure we connect.

Happiness is Worth It!

2008-05-14T13:39:00Z

I recently received an email recently from a client I dealt with last year. It was great to hear from her. The nature of this profession is that I mostly talk to people when they are in crisis or when things aren’t going so well, and I often wonder how they are doing and what has happened in their life.

I found this email inspirational. She had a tough time last year. Things had not turned out for her the way she had hoped. She was at the end of her 20 plus year marriage and things weren’t looking so great.

She could have been angry, bitter and resentful at how things had unfolded.
Instead, she decided to get on with it. She learnt what she needed to learn, grieved when she needed to grieve and most of all took responsibility for her part in the process.

A year later, having done her work, she’s now able to move on with her life. She deserves happiness and has found it – good for her.

There are no sure things in life. Sometimes it simply doesn’t turn out the way we want it to. We can’t control other people or events the way we would like to sometimes. We can however, control what we do about it.

The happiest people I know don’t need a reason or event to be happy – they simply are happy because they choose to be, and if they’re not, they do something about it. A former co-worker of mine was unbelievably, disgustingly happy and positive all the time. If you ask him how he is he would say, ‘fantastic’ or ‘terrific’ or ‘couldn’t be better’. And guess what his life was like. Yup – fantastic, terrific and couldn’t be better. You just had to smile around him – he’s a real gem.

Imagine if everyone truly felt like that about life. Radical thinking!

Wisdom comes with experience, good or bad, it doesn’t really matter which as long as you learn from it. My client from last year has. She would not be where she is now without growth, experience and the desire to be happy. At the end of the day, that’s all any of us want, isn’t it – to be happy? Sometimes it isn’t easy, but it’s always worth the effort!

Melody “Lil Mel”

Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor

Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching

I will be available for Keen calls throughout the morning and later this evening. If I am showing as unavailable or alert me of calls, please place a call back to ensure we connect. I look forward to connecting with everyone today! :)

Should You Stay or Should You Leave?

2008-05-13T11:57:00Z

People often contact me and ask me whether I think they should leave their relationship.

For a start, it isn’t up to me, it’s up to them.

Of course in an ideal world, no one would ever leave their partner. It causes so much pain, upheaval and stress, and almost always affects the lives of many people, not just the couple concerned. In an ideal world, no one would need to leave because no one would want to leave.

Sadly, that’s not the case. It happens that for a variety of reasons, people just can’t live together happily any more. I don’t believe people make these decisions lightly. Typically, someone who decides to leave a relationship has thought about it for a long time before actually getting up the courage to do so.

For those people the pain of staying has become bigger than the pain of leaving. That thought process doesn’t happen overnight – it builds up and gets stronger over a period of time, usually years. Finally people feel so empty and so dead inside, they just have to get out.

If that resonates with you, and you are considering your options at the moment, what I want to tell you is this:

Don’t think that leaving will take away your pain and disappointment – it won’t.

You will take it with you. Most likely, if statistics are anything to go by, you’ll take all your ‘stuff’ into your next relationship.

Whatever is happening for you right now, recognize that what happens from here on in will depend on whether or not you take responsibility for your own happiness.

Seldom does any one do that. Mostly people think that it’s their partner’s responsibility to make them happy. That’s not the case. I recently shared a story about an elderly lady moving to a nursing home entitled Happiness Starts in Your Head—I firmly believe in that concept.

Well here’s the truth. No one can make you happy or unhappy without your permission. No one can create something for you that starts in your head.

Your happiness or unhappiness is your own doing. You create your own state of mind, and what you think about your reality creates your realty. It does not exist without your permission. It always starts with you. If you are unhappy in your relationship, look inward, not outward.

That may be hard to hear. You may think that you can be happy, just not with them.

Know this. Unresolved issues you have in this relationship you will most certainly take to the next one. Whatever you don't deal with now you will have to deal with eventually or end up unhappy again.

Start with you, not with them. Design the life you want – and accentuate the positives you have in your relationship right now. Don’t tell me there aren’t any, because once upon a time there were, and they’re still there, buried under more recent feelings.

Create your own life first. Take full responsibility for the life you have now. Take your own inventory. Make a decision that no matter what, you’ll get your own life on track.

If having done that you still want to leave, then so be it. At least you’ll have done your own work, and you’ll have learnt a lot about yourself. You’ll carry a lot less pain and resentment too. Believe me, it’s worth the effort.

Melody “Lil Mel”

Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor

Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching

I will be available for your calls throughout the morning and again later this evening. If I am showing as unavailable or alert me of calls please place a callback to ensure we connect. Looking forward to sharing blessings with you today!