Brigid Bishop on Life, Love and The Art of Living

When the One We Love Is With Someone Else

2008-09-05T19:54:00Z

When the One We Love Is With Someone Else

by Brigid Bishop

Nothing is more painful than being fully aware that the one we love is involved with someone else. It can manifest in many ways, we may find out that our loved one was unfaithful or we may be “on a break” and they are investigating other opportunities, or it may be conclusively over and they are moving on.

Regardless of the circumstances, it hurts and we suffer and grieve.

I always recommend that when any of us are suffering this type of emotional turmoil that we are sure to watch for signs of clinical depression and to seek professional medical help if we suspect we may be afflicted.

Now, how do we deal with it?

Well, first of all, you must examine the reality of what type of a relationship you had in the first place. Was it a friendship, an infatuation, were you just dating casually, were you boyfriend and girlfriend for a few months, were you involved for a few years?

Measure the reality of the connection.

Your emotional response should be directly proportionate to the type of connection that you had, if it is an excessively emotional response, you may need to seek professional guidance. If you had a true relationship, for six months or more, you are going to hurt like heck, and of course, the longer the relationship, the more it is going to hurt.

You examined your situation and you find that it was a true relationship of significant length and your significant other is dating someone new.

You know, without a doubt, that the man you were actively loving just a month or two ago is seeing another woman, (or insert genders as they apply to you).

It hurts. It makes you sick. It makes you angry.

Who is the first person you are usually angry at for this? Yourself? No, not usually. Your estranged partner? No, you are usually too busy missing them and feeling the pain of their absence. The new person they are seeing? Yes. That’s it. Now you’ve got it.

Our initial reaction to the new person is that they are the evilest, most scheming, most conniving, no-good interloper on the face of the earth. When we call an advisor we ask questions about her like “Is she after his money”, “Is she sexually immoral”, “Is she trying to use him”, etc., etc., etc. We are trying to identify at least one major flaw in the new entity that will reassure us that this new relationship is on shaky ground and that he can’t really have feelings for her, he must just be with her just for sex, or whatever we convince ourselves it is.

Although sometimes the above conditions may apply, it is infrequent at best. The truth is that usually and customarily our estranged partner finds the new individual to be attractive in some way, feels good around them and wants to get to know them better. It can be a temporary situation, or it can develop into something serious between them, and we frequently ask our metaphysical advisors what it looks like and we answer as honestly as possible.

Sometimes the new relationship looks like it will not bloom, that it is a transitional stage that either will lead our lost love back to us, as they realize as feelings do not develop for the new person that they still love us. Sometimes the new relationship does look like it will grow and develop. Sometimes the new relationship looks like it is just a transitional thing until our ex is fully our ex and moves on. We look for answers and we hope for the best.

REGARDLESS of what the answers we divine together are, there are several key factors that you should try to focus on in order to ease your pain and provide yourself with the best emotional and psychological viewpoint to cope with this situation.

1) Energy. Don’t waste your energy trying to make the new person the villain. The new entity may well be unaware of you, may not even know your name and is not out to hurt you specifically. The new person is just living their life and happens to have crossed the path of the same person you care for during a time when an opportunity exists for them to get involved with your ex. (This does not apply to cheating situations whereby your partner left you to be with them, we are talking about breaks without outside interference).

2) Focus. Remove your focus from your ex (and the new person). Whether or not your readings tell you that your ex is returning, you must set it in your mind that at this point in time your lover is not yours, you are two separate people living separate lives. Focus on yourself. Focus on pushing yourself to move forward no matter how difficult.

3) Break. Make it a clean break. The MOST difficult breakups are those that are not “clean”. The rubber banding back and forth during an “unclean break” is sheer torture emotionally and psychologically. They call it a break up because it is broken. Clean breaks mend faster.

4) Move. Move on, move forward. Let go. Live your life, don’t try to be a voyeur into their life.

5) Reality. Live in reality. Don’t try to create an illusion for your ex hoping that he is watching. In 99% of cases he is doing all of the above and not focused on you, so don’t waste energy sending yourself flowers or trying to make your estranged partner jealous over an imaginary new man in your life, instead, get out there and meet a few new men for real!

The worst case scenario is that he will develop a new relationship and yours will be over for good. In this event, if you have done all that you need to do, you will be well-socialized and already beginning to heal and move on.

The best case scenario is that he will have felt the absence of your energy, found that his feelings for you prevent him from forming a significant new bond with the new person and he returns wanting you back in his life. In this instance, if you have done all of the above, you will be able to make an emotionally intelligent decision about whether or not you even want him back.

If you do take him back, you need to be sure that you are able to put aside any negative feelings that may still remain, or perhaps resurface, when you think of the fact that he was with someone else during your break. This can be difficult and we will discuss this in a future blog.

All Exes Do Not Return.

All Break Ups Are Not Permanent.

Copyright © 2008 Brigid Bishop

This content may not be copied or reproduced in any way without the express written permission of the author. You are welcome to link to or bookmark this page, but please contact the author via Keen Mail if you wish to reproduce this article in whole or in part.

What Women Want

Stop, Drop and Roll!

Self Forgiveness, a Path to Inner Peace

2008-09-04T19:37:00Z

Self Forgiveness, a Path to Inner Peace

by Brigid Bishop

Guilt is a heavy burden to carry around.

We have all done wrong in our lifetimes, not one among us is without "sin", but do you let your past mistakes and transgressions haunt you, or are you able to forgive yourself and let go?

If you lay in bed at night and think of the past and a painful memory of something you did that caused another pain surfaces, are you able to look beyond it and get some rest that night or do you ruminate, run it through your head over and over and build that sick feeling in the pit of your abdomen, robbing yourself of sleep.

Few of us are able to forgive ourselves easily. The narcissist is likely the only personality type that has no issue with self forgiveness as they are only concerned with when others will seek their forgiveness, as they can only see how others hurt them.

Barring the fact that we suffer from a narcissistic personality, how do we begin to forgive ourselves and lay our past sins to rest?

First, we must acknowledge that we have done wrong, project ourselves into the emotions of the person or persons we may have knowingly or unknowingly damaged (and this includes ourselves). Allow yourself to empathetically feel the pain that they may have felt and acknowledge to ourselves that it was wrong to put another human being into that state of emotional distress.

We do not try to justify our actions is any way, we simply feel their pain.

Now, we look at what we could have or should have done differently given that situation were to be duplicated. Odds are that in retrospect we have gained much clarity and can see how perhaps a different course of action or no action at all would have been a better path.

We are not looking for excuses for our poor behavior, however, we should look at the person we were at the time the incident occurred and compare it to the person we are now. We may want to gain some psychological insight into our behavior by considering our state of mind, our age, our level of intent to cause harm, our emotional state and so forth, remember, we are not trying to justify our actions, we are simply trying to gain an understanding of them.

Once we are clearly able to identify the dynamics of the incident we must allow ourselves to heal, yes heal, guilt damages us from the inside just as much as outside influences affect us when inflicted in a negative way.

Now that we have accepted our wrongdoing and understand it a little better, we can forgive ourselves and let go, bringing ourselves to true "Inner Peace". We can look back, see the error of our ways, and move forward without our burden of guilt holding us back emotionally or psychologically.

It need not matter whether the person or persons we have harmed forgive us from the outside, at times, others may need to hold onto their anger. What matters is that we have forgiven ourselves.

This content may not be copied or reproduced in any way without the express written permission of the author. You are welcome to link to or bookmark this page, but please contact the author via Keen Mail if you wish to reproduce this article in whole or in part.

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Thank You!

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How Can You Tell If You Are Being Lied To?

2008-09-03T00:51:00Z

How Can You Tell If You Are Being Lied To?

Are You Being Lied To?

There are many ways to tell if someone is being dishonest with you and I am going to give you just a few tips that should help you separate out fact from fiction.

Eye Contact

There are two distinct traits used by someone who is trying to deceive you when it comes to maintaining eye contact. One is to avert the eyes away from yours, perhaps they focus on your mouth when they speak rather than your eyes, or they drop their eyes to the left or the right, this is a signal that they are not confident in their ploy and that they may be afraid of discovery. If they are looking up and away to the left or the right they are visualizing their story as they create it.

The second trait is entirely the opposite, they go out of their way to maintain eye contact, the eyes are opened up just a little bit too wide, and they don’t blink. This is a tactic used by one who is used to being believed when being deceitful and they are the “more practiced” liars among us. They believe the old adage that people do not look each other in the eye when being deceitful so they go out of their way to maintain the contact, because they are concentrating so hard on keeping the eye contact with you, they forget to blink!

Too Many Details

Everyone has events happen that may delay them or keep them away from time to time, but a classic tactic of the liar is to fill in so many details that you will be astounded by the richness of their story, after all, who would take the time to fabricate the color of the shirt their buddy was wearing and how he had a mustard stain on it???? It’s fabricating an alibi……….the more details, the more believable, so why would you double check? Usually these “details” are fragments based on fact, but if you get a six paragraph, detailed explanation of an event, something is up, (or covered up).

Outrageous Stories

Prevaricators tend to hold to the premise that the more outrageous the story, the more likely it is to be true! After all, if a loose alligator in the state of Ohio showed up on their lawn, then traveled around the property snapping phone and power lines with its’ mighty jaws, and then coming to rest on the front porch blocking the only exit route, how on earth could they have called you when they said they would? They were trapped in their own home for God’s sake!!! Didn’t you see it on the local news??

Righteous Silence

OOOOOOH, this one is hard to spot, you must be very careful just in case it is a “righteous silence”, typically this is used early on in a relationship before any lies have been “caught”. When you question your subject, they take the stance of “I’m not even going to qualify that with a response”. Righteous silence lies are very difficult to root out, as, perhaps the subject truly was honest, but if the hints above preceded the righteous silence, well, then, you know that it is an act to manipulate you into believing their story. You usually find out that righteous silence lies were fabricated long after the lie is told because of the high risk of negative confrontation if the subject is actually being truthful. Keep your eyes open for this behavior, if it happens every single time you have an innocent question, the person who is being this self-defensive could well be telling you fibs.

Published Monday, April 16, 2007 11:14 PM by Brigid Bishop

Astrology 201: Synastric Astrology by Brigid Bishop

2008-09-01T20:50:00Z

Don't get scared, my Astrology Courses are running "concurrently" so that those of you who already understand the Natal Chart don't get bored with my postings. I will have additional installments on Astrology 101 moving forward, but I need to capture the attention of those who have a deeper understanding of Astrology as well.

What is Synastric Astrology?

Synastric Astrology is the comparison of the natal charts of two independent persons and by so comparing measuring and interpreting the aspects between the planetary positions of the two charts.

You can call me for a Synastric Analysis if you already have the charts of the people you wish to analyze or call to discuss any questions you may have on the subject and I can send you to a free chart site where you can run the charts at no charge and then call me if you need help with the analysis.

Why do we measure the aspects between two people's charts?

Aspects are the degrees between planetary positions. There are nine basic planetary positions in each chart and the degrees between each one of your planetary placements in comparison to the other subject's planetary placements will give you the aspect between the planets in question. You also measure the aspects between your ascendant, etc. in as far as house placements go.

Astrological Aspects include, but are not limited to:

Conjunction 10 degrees

Sextile 60 degrees

Square 90 degrees

Trine 120 degrees

Opposition 180 degrees

Each aspect between the charts is either positive or negative in interpretation. In general, conjunctions, sextiles and trines tend to be positive and squares and oppositions tend to be hard, or negative aspects.

Certain aspects can indicate Past Life Connections and may even indicate that you are "Soul Mates".

Synastric Astrology is generally used to analyze the potential compatibility between two people and it can also be used for Karmic (Past Life) Astrology and to validate Soul Mate connections.

In Karmic Astrology certain indicators are reviewed, primarily fourth house ruler and any planets residing therein along with the position of Pluto and the aspects of these between the two charts to determine what Soul Lesson the individuals are to teach each other.

There is also a method of determining how many lifetimes the individuals have already spent together. Review the aspects between the Plutos and the Neptunes of the two charts and count them up. This will give you a count of how many past lives the individuals have encountered each other in up until this point.

If you are interested in furthering your understanding of a relationship with Synastric Astrology, give me a call, I will be happy to help. I must warn you though, it is an intense and deep subject and you will need to count on a minimum of roughly one half hour to begin the analysis and get into some of the meaty issues and it is best to have your charts already prepared and the synastric aspects printed out prior to calling.

Have a great night!

Brigid Bishop

More on Soul Mates by Brigid Bishop

2008-08-31T06:20:00Z

Soul Mates

It’s not just about love and romance, soul mates are about a lot more than that.

Soul Mate Love Relationships, as previously discussed in my other blogs about the subject, Soul Mates by Brigid Bishop and Gone With The Wind, A Classic Soul Mate Story , for example, are never easy.

So, if you meet someone and fall in love and enter into a long-term relationship, perhaps even marry, without any major difficulties, does this mean that they are not your Soul Mate? No.

If you meet someone, fall in love, and have MAJOR difficulties, does this mean that they are your Soul Mate? No.

It’s a case by case basis.

We do NOT have only ONE Soul Mate. Different Soul Mates teach us (and we teach them) different lessons. Our parents and children or perhaps grandparents usually are Soul Mate relationships.

Maybe our relationship with our significant other is smooth as molasses, that does not mean that they are not our Soul Mate, it means that we have learned the lessons we were to teach each other and are rewarded (Nirvana) by being allowed to be together in happiness.

Maybe our lesson is not the lesson of romantic love, maybe it is how to parent together, or perhaps we produce a terminally ill child together, and although our relationship is solid, we must learn together how to deal with this type of grief.

Frequently, when we have children, they are a Soul Mate from a past life and there is a significant lesson to learn from each other. I know that both of my sons are Soul Mates from past existences, but I also know that their father was not a Soul Mate of mine, it just worked out karmically that we had to cross paths to bring these two particular souls (my sons) to this earth.

When I compared the astrology charts of my children to mine and to my ex-husbands I found a very significant number of Soul Mate aspects between their charts and mine, but not between my chart and my ex-husbands, nor between the boys and their father. I couldn’t understand it at first. I compared the two boys, and again, major Soul Mate aspects between the brothers, so the lessons to be learned in our little family were between the three souls connected astrologically and oddly did not include their father.

Evidently, whatever karma existed between the boys and their father had already been worked out, or he was a new “Soul Contact” (which I believe), to both of the boys and to myself.

Now, given the situation around our divorce I would have to say that there has been some pretty negative karma built up between my ex and me and between my ex and his two sons by me, but that will work out over time either later in this life or in the next.

Soul Mates are not just romantic partners.

Think about the relationships you had (or didn’t have) with your parents. At least one of your birth parents has been connected to you in a previous life. The more intense the relationship with either parent, the more likely it is that there was a Soul Mate connection that brought you to incarnate as their child.

Think of special mentors you met along the way during this life. Again, there was probably some kind of past life connection.

Think of your worst enemies, hopefully you have few, again, a karmic connection most likely exists, and if it didn’t before, and you have some intense negative energy between you, you can be sure that you will be working it out at some future date.

Have you ever met someone and for absolutely no logical reason you instantly disliked them?

That is as much of a Soul Mate connection as the ones where we feel an instant rapport with someone.

As to my Soul Mate connections with my sons, they are strikingly different. I am not sure as to how well I am doing with these particular lessons as single parenting them for the past fifteen years has not been easy.

As a single (divorced) mom, there were times when I must admit that I envied my ex-husband as he had the freedom (I had custody) to totally move on unfettered by the boys. He didn’t have to worry about babysitters on a Saturday night or choosing between an interesting date and a little league game, he wasn’t around for any of it, he moved out of our state. However, I had to wake up, parent, transport, go to work, come straight home, pick up, parent, feed, clothe, water and parent 24 hours a day seven days a week, alone, for fifteen years.

It put my life on hold in many ways. I don’t regret it, but it was difficult to do.

I did my best to make the right choices along the way, but I know that I didn’t always choose correctly, and for those things I feel remorseful.

My sons are now 19 and 20, we all three still have our ups and downs, the journey is not over yet, they are still my responsibility, and still, my ex runs free, but perhaps his lack of responsibility toward these children has to do with a lack of a Soul Mate connection from the day they were born……

I don’t think I will ever feel that I am not responsible for these boys, (men), even when they are in their fifties and I am in my seventies or eighties. Their pain is my pain, their joy is my joy, their challenges are my challenges, although I do not take control, I just offer what guidance and support that I can, ultimately they must face their challenges alone, I just hope that these little Soul Mates of mine have gleaned what they could from what I have strived to teach them so that they can go on to lead happy and productive lives.

Oh, how I ramble, but I hope that as you read this you broaden your own understanding of the Soul Mate connection.

Visit Brigid Bishop

You May Also Enjoy: "You Are Who You Meet!"

For further insight, Read "See Dick Run"

Published Friday, May 04, 2007 1:08 AM by Brigid Bishop Edit
Filed Under: Brigid Bishop, Relationship Coach | Report this

Making the Moon Work for You

2008-08-28T19:08:00Z

Making the Moon Work for You

by Brigid Bishop

The Moon, as it orbits our earth, moves through the zodiac much more quickly than any other significant celestial body.

The Moon is one of the most potent astrological forces that we experience, and as it cycles through the signs on a regular schedule of approximately 2.5 days, we can use its’ energy to enhance our daily lives in many matters, including, but not limited to:

Signing contracts, beginning projects, attending job interviews, applying for loans, changing residence, approaching authority figures, travelling, shopping, and putting an end to something, convincing others to come around to your way of thinking.

How do we do this?

It’s rather simple.

Look at your sun sign and watch the movements of The Moon for when it will next be residing in the same sign as your sun. When The Moon is in your sign, you can expect things to work out to your favor regardless of how difficult you may find the situation to be.

When The Moon is in your sun sign, these are your “best” days of the month, and these are the days when things will go more strongly in your favor than at any other time during the month.

At the opposite end of the scale, we have you “worst” or “lowest” days each month as well.

These occur during the 2.5 days that The Moon visits your polar opposite sign. For example, when you are an Aquarius, your lowest days of the month occur when The Moon is in Leo, if you are a Pisces, your lows are when The Moon is in Virgo, and so on around the astrological wheel.

When you are in the 2.5 day phase of your low, just kick back and don’t try to change things, wait for better timing, as you will find it most difficult to get your way during this phase.

The low points are good times of the month to meditate, be spiritual, be more kind to others and let negativity roll off your back like the proverbial duck. Try to avoid dealing with important business matters during these times if it is at all possible.

Every 2.5 days The Moon goes “Void of Course” as well. The length of the Void of Course Moon varies greatly, sometimes, it can be a fleeting few seconds, at others, it can last a few days. A lunar phase calendar can help you to track The Moon.

A Void of Course Moon occurs when the last major aspect happens prior to changing to the next sign, hence, its’ frequency being an approximate 2.5 days. The Void ends when The Moon successfully enters the next sign.

These periods are best used for “quiet times” for everyone. Things tend to go wrong or get confused during the void, stress levels rise, patience wanes and everyone is just a little bit more difficult to talk to. It is not an exceedingly strong influence, but it has its’ moments. It is best to avoid taking assertive actions during these voids, simply wait for them to pass.

Published Monday, February 18, 2008 5:15 PM by Brigid Bishop Edit
Filed Under: Brigid Bishop on Astrology | Report this

Should I Stay......... or Should I Go Now?

2008-08-28T01:37:00Z

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

Many clients call and have concerns because their relationships are not “perfect”, and some may be striving for the “next level” and frustrated with what they perceive as a lack of progress.

Perhaps they have been dating the same gentleman for 2 years and he has not yet proposed, or perhaps they are living together and he has not yet asked for marriage, or perhaps they are casually dating and he has not yet asked to be “exclusive” or defined the relationship at a level they are satisfied with, i.e. significant other.

Well, let me start by telling you that as an Advisor here on Keen.com, it would be totally unethical and unprofessional for me to tell you WHAT to do. The best counsel I can offer you is what you can expect given your current path and what changes you would need to make if you are dissatisfied with the outcome. The rest is up to you, your free will will define the course as you move forward. If you like the outcome, of course, you are going to stay on that same path working toward that goal. If you do not like the outcome, we can look at what (if anything) you can do to change that particular outcome……and work from there.

One of the primary reasons that progress slows in relationships prior to establishing the “next level” of commitment, no matter what step of the relationship ladder you are on, is the imbalance of masculine and feminine energies within a pairing. Please read my blogs on the subject matter for further information. Click here for some insight into the masculine and feminine energie of your situation: Are You a Masculine or Feminine Energy Person?

If you love the person you are with, my best advice to you is to try to rectify the relationship you are in first, to the best of your ability, prior to breaking it off and starting from scratch again. Unless you are in an abusive situation, in which case you should end it immediately, it is best to repair the cracks in your existing foundation prior to tearing the whole relationship down.

Starting over is always a bit of a setback when you are looking for a committed relationship as you have to start from ground zero all over again, shop around, test them out, it takes time, a lot of time, and you already have a certain amount of time invested in your current situation.

If you have been dating casually and you want to know how long it should take to become exclusive, the answer varies, and you have to take into consideration whether or not you have allowed physical intimacy to take place absent the “exclusivity” clause. If you have had physical relations prior to establishing your exclusiveness, you’ve got a bit of a situation on your hands as you have already communicated the message to your partner that you are willing to give of yourself in that manner without any commitment from him, it’s a tough one.

If you have been exclusive and dating for some time, how long should it take for him to propose? There is no standard answer or time frame for that question. Every individual has their own “commitment clock” and I would be remiss to answer that. The issue is, how much time are you willing to invest in a relationship prior to engagement and marriage. If you are not happy with your relationship clock, then you cannot force him to commit, the only thing you can do is tell him that you wish that things were different, but you are ready for a deeper commitment and if he is not willing to make that commitment to you, you need the freedom to find someone who is on the same time schedule as you. Then you must exit the situation.

If he really loves you, he won’t let you go for long, he may take a few months, and you may need to move on, but if he really loves you, he will come back and commit.

Should you stay or should you go?

Most people are afraid to endure the pain to effect change by risking loss, but loss can be turned into gain. You can turn your current situation around by risking loss, or you can find a new situation that does not require so much analysis when you actually do take matters into your own hands and reject situations that are unsatisfactory to you.

Visit Brigid Bishop

You May Also Enjoy: "You Are Who You Meet!"

For further insight, Read "See Dick Run"

Published Tuesday, April 24, 2007 9:32 PM by Brigid Bishop Edit

How Speeding Things Up Can Slow Things Down

2008-08-27T19:10:00Z

How Speeding Things Up Can Slow Things Down

I have written extensive blogs on relationships and the dynamics that are common throughout them, and, quite frankly, have taken a bit of a break on my relationship writings. So unless you are clicking specifically on Brigid Bishop’s Blog and reading through it, you may not have had a chance to read them if you are relatively new to Keen, or if you just check the main blog page and scroll down through that day’s posts.

So, again, as in my blog, “I Want It All, and I Want It Now!”, I’d like to discuss how a woman taking action to “speed up” their relationships actually slows things down in the big picture.

There are days when I am inundated with calls from clients who are in a relationship situation where they are “on a break” with the man that they care for.

This is not uncommon.

Frequently, relationships need to have periods where there is a clean break in order for the male in question to experience life without you in order to truly appreciate life WITH you.

Sometimes it’s not even on a break, so to speak, but it’s initiating contact, and the female can’t wait for him to initiate, so she does it herself. There are many blogs written by me on this subject under the category link on my blog, Brigid Bishop, Relationship Coach. When you have time you may want to peruse them to gain some insight into these behaviors inside of your own relationships.

So, for the purpose of this particular blog, let’s talk about the “Break” situation.

For some reason, including but not limited to any of the following reasons; “I don’t have time for a relationship right now”, “I am not ready for a relationship right now”, “Let’s keep it as friends”, “I have to focus on career, school, my kids, my divorce, etc.”, the man in your life has called it off. Perhaps you were the one to call it off because your needs were not being met, but now, you want the relationship back.

It hurts.

You love him.

You feel abandoned.

You feel a sense of internal panic without the consistency of him in your life.

You cry.

You want him to change his mind and come back.

You aren’t sure what to do.

You call an advisor for some insight and some advice or reassurance. You want to see if the Tarot Cards can clue you in as to what is going on inside him and as to what he will likely do about your relationship in the future.

You are not alone.

You need to talk to someone and get a handle on the situation.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with experiencing this. You are a caring, feeling human being, and the feelings you are experiencing right now are unpleasant to say the least, and they are also very distracting, making it hard for you to focus on other areas of your life.

So, you get a reading and you are going to get an answer in one of two directions, either (a) the gentleman in question is not coming back and the break is going to be a permanent one, or (b) he is going to realize that he misses you and get in touch with his feelings for you and return.

If your answer is (a), it hurts, but hearing it from an experienced and compassionate advisor may help you to let go, heal, and subsequently move on.

If your answer is (b), you feel a bit better, but, in 9 out of 10 cases, your next question will be “When?”.

This is usually where the female querent gets a bit frustrated. Timing with the Tarot is exceptionally difficult.

Unless the woman is the one who broke the relationship and did something hurtful, it is usually best to allow the male to work through his feelings and allow him to initiate the contact leading toward reconciliation.

Why?

It’s usually best because this way, when he returns, he returns without any doubt of what he wants, he has made the decision himself and he is likely to be more committed upon his return than he ever was before.

So, what happens if the female tries to speed things up?

Well, in varying degrees she may be unsuccessful and push him farther away, delaying reconnecting or disallowing it all together if she is too intense in her pursuit, or, she can actually cause the reconnection to occur sooner.

If she is successful, the problem is, the success is generally short-lived or temporary.

When a break occurs, it occurs for a reason. If you do not allow the male to work through whatever his issues or doubts were in his own time, they will resurface and you are highly likely to experience the break cycle again, often more severe, and possibly permanently.

His return happens because you pushed for it, not because he chose to return on his own.

Now he knows that he can break up with you and not truly sacrifice his relationship with you because you will be there for him the next time he gets ants in his pants.

You may get the “immediate gratification” of putting things back together, but your foundation is not solid, it is built on your actions, not his. He is back, but now he knows that he’s not risking losing you if he leaves again because you have taught him that you will chase him if he does.

Now, in the event that you do wait it out, it may take weeks or even months longer to reconcile, however, when he does come back to you of his own free will, without your pushing and pulling him to you, he will most likely be more committed to you because he did lose you and you were gone, and you put the “work” in his lap. He will realize how close he came to losing you permanently, and allowing him to work through whatever feelings of ambivalence about your connection he had has allowed him to truly commit to you and the relationship. He will be unlikely to leave again.

Waiting out this process is very difficult for many of us of the feminine persuasion.

We want our man back in our life and worry and pine over them during these breaks. This is normal when you care about someone, but it is in the best interest of the relationship overall if you can just communicate to him very simply “I wish things were different, but I understand your decision, take care”, and let go.

Many of us feel incapable of doing so, we want it, and we want it now, so we don’t follow this advice and we contact them and we pour our hearts out, and we may very well get them back, but we get them back on their terms, not ours, frequently with even less of a commitment than we had before. We then become so afraid of losing them again that we tolerate poor behavior, missed phone calls, lack of attention to our needs and postponements for dates, etc.

We may feel that rush of accomplishment at having “won him back” initially, but it is usually quickly followed by frustration and perhaps even more phone calls to an advisor asking questions such as “when will he call, when will he commit”, while, if we had just let him work through his feelings and let go when we had the chance we would have gotten a strong return from him with consistency in communications and a deeper level of commitment to our relationship.

So, if you are finding yourself on a break and wondering what you should do, if you are not the one who did the “breaking”, do nothing. Let him work through his feelings. Move forward. Socialize, date others, let him know you wish that things were different before you do move on without him, but move forward just the same. It is difficult, but you will find that if you are not focused on his return you will feel better and you will also find that he will miss you more in the absence of your energy and he will return more quickly and with a renewed sense of value for you and your relationship.

If you push for a premature reconnection and you successfully achieve it, you must be aware that within six to eight weeks or sooner you are likely to be repeating a pattern of his pulling away or breaking off with you.

So, immediate gratification or long-term satisfaction, is it worth the wait to you?

Speak to Brigid Bishop Live

Published Wednesday, October 17, 2007 1:30 PM by Brigid Bishop Edit
Filed Under: Brigid Bishop, Relationship Coach | Report this

A Higher Power

2008-08-15T13:21:00Z

I have to say that my experiences over the course of the past two weeks have really brought me to a new level of understanding and faith in a Higher Power.

I had a very bad experience in my personal life during the eclipse that occurred on August 1st. Being an Aquarian with seven, (yes seven), planets in Aquarius, 6 in the 9th House and 1 in the 10th House, I should have been laying low, but no, I went out into the world to meet it head on, and CRASH, I did a crash and burn alright.

In recoverying from this negative experience, immediately signs began to unveil themselves to me that this was more than an experience on the mundane plane, it was the beginning of a much deeper and much more spiritual experience, and then...

On August 11th, 2008 at precisely 5:48 p.m. EST my life changed dramatically and permanently due to the intervention of this Higher Power. Please read my blog on the subject, here.

Now, if that isn't the proof of the existence of a Higher Power, I don't know what is!

How on earth can this have happened, a SEVENTY-EIGHT YEAR LONG MYSTERY resolved in one phone call, from a posting originally placed in cyberspace in 1995 and updated occassionally with the half-hearted hope that someday, someone would respond, would know something, anything, about this enigma.

It's a miracle that his sister is still alive, that he even had a little sister, and that the family kept him in their midst even though they had never met him, and the only one who ever had passed on some 32 years ago. They kept the memory of his lost boy alive, through even the subsequent generation!

Yes, there is a Higher Power, and my faith in that power has been refreshed, reinforced and stabilized at a higher level than ever before in my life.

Thank you God for bringing this miracle into my life.

I do not understand why my Higher Power has chosen this time in my life to reveal these secrets to me. I am sure I will be seeking answers from fellow advisors as time allows, once the elation and shock wears off. I have not yet done a reading on myself on this, but you can be sure that I will, and I will post it here.

What I want to express to you all is that no matter how improbable and impossible any given situation you may find yourself in may seem, your own Higher Power will bring you the answers that you seek when it is deemed that the timing is right or necessary.

I am going to be working on understanding this on a spiritual level in the coming weeks, but I must say, there is nothing like receiving a fresh shot of adrenalin to your faith, especially when it is unexpected and catches you totally unaware.

I am still reeling.

Love and Light to All!

Brigid Bishop

Family Reunited after 78 Years!!!!

2008-08-15T07:37:00Z

The Most Amazing Thing Has Happened To Me,

The High Priestess in Full Manifestation

Discovering Telesford

I don’t even know where to begin, but I must apologize to my regular customers for my absence yesterday, and my sporadic availability right now. When you read this blog, I am sure you will understand why!

I am elated, joyful, overwhelmingly surprised and shocked. I am optimistic, happy, curious, and anxious and confused, all at the same time.

Those of you who are regulars know that I had a very special bond with my father, and some of you are aware that there was a great mystery surrounding my father’s natural father. It has been a family secret for 80 years, and yesterday, my dearest friends, IT WAS SOLVED!!!!!

I can’t say for sure, but this must be the feeling that adopted children feel when they find their birth parents after having given up hope, at least it’s highly similar!

All of my life, I did not know my true heritage on my paternal grandfather’s side. I knew that my paternal grandmother was English, from Yorkshire. I knew that my mother was one half Irish from Dublin and one half Czechoslovakian.

Do to the etymology of my father’s surname before it was changed, being “Delfino” we believed that we were Italian, (Sardinian) or Spanish in origin, but we had no way of knowing for certain.

Growing up in a small, northeastern U.S. “coal town”, we did not fit in as our gene pool evidently kicked out five very Mediterranean looking children when my parents produced us. Those around us were blonde, blue-eyed and not very open minded about diversity while growing up in the 60’s and 70’s and we were kind of “misfits”.

We,(including my father), were only told by our paternal grandmother that our biological grandfather was named Telesford Delfino and that he was a world champion light weight boxer under the name of “Pedro Campo” back in the roaring 20’s. She would give us no other information and she ostracized both my father and his children, having little to no contact with our family during my formative years.

She had another “husband” and three other children, dad was treated like the skeleton in the closet by that entire side of the family, as were we as his children. It hurt. It confused me as a child, but now, yesterday, a good deal of my questions were answered, the skeleton leapt out of the closet, and our family secrets were revealed!!!

It was 5:48 p.m. on August 11, 2008 when I was getting ready to log in to start taking calls, having had personal errands to run and experiencing a late start to my day when my phone rang, displaying a long distance number and a name I did not recognize. I could tell it was coming from a residential number and not a solicitor or business call, so out of curiosity I immediately (unlike my normal behavior, I usually let unknown callers go to voicemail), answered the phone.

A strange voice, friendly but seemingly a little uncomfortable to my ear said “Is this Bridget?” I replied yes. (At first I thought it was a client looking to schedule a session with me).

The voice on the other end of the phone picked up a notch in happy anticipation. She said, is this “Bridget Delfine”, again I affirmed. I could hear the smile on her face. She said, “I saw your post on the ancestry site I just joined three weeks ago, you are looking for your grandfather, Telesford Delfino?” Again, with my heart beginning to beat very fast, I said “Yes”.

She said, “Your dad is Kenneth Appleton Delfine (Delfino)?”, “Oh My God, Yes!”….body temperature rising, pulse beating out of my wrist! The voice was raising in excitement just as my emotions were too, and she said, “He is my grandfather too! I saw your post and we have been searching for you and for your dad all of our lives!!! “

She continued “My name is Alma, my mother’s name is Josephine, you had two uncles and another aunt and we have found our “SONNY BOY”!”

I was in shock and disbelief, how could this be? I had been chasing Telesford’s ghost for 30 years! I had found some obscure boxing statistics, but little else. Due to the etymology of the name, as stated, I had focused my search on the United States and Europe.

Alma continues, “My grandfather was married to Olive Appleton from Philadelphia and my grandfather could not find Sonny Boy, he had a picture of him when he was about three years old and he always sang the song “Sonny Boy” by Al Jolson. My mother and her brothers and sister have been searching for Sonny Boy for all of their lives and when I saw your post on the Ancestry site looking for descendants, I couldn’t believe it. The post was dated 1999 and you had a webtv email address, and I have been googling and googling to find you, I found your tarot site and kept searching and searching and I was hoping this was your phone number!”

I was flabbergasted!!!!

Telesford fell in love with Alma’s grandmother after he and my grandmother, Olive, separated and they had four more children together! I had more Aunts and Uncles and Cousins that I never even knew of! Alma said, “I saw your picture on your website, you look just like my cousin! Oh, you are my cousin! I have twin cousins!”

Alma proceeded to tell me that my grandfather was from the Filipines, he was born in Davao City and came to the U.S. to box in 1922. He met my grandmother, who was in her late teens, at that time. She was the reigning “Beauty Queen” of Philadelphia at that time. She told me that Telesford was born on January 5, 1901 and then she gave me HER MOTHER’S phone number in Canada! She was still alive! Only 61 years old! Her name is Josephine! My Aunt Josephine!!!!

I called Josephine and got even MORE information.

My grandfather had come looking for my dad after my grandmother Olive left the Filipines with him around 1930 when my dad was only five years old. Olive’s family told my grandfather that Olive was dead!!! They also stated that they had no idea where Sonny Boy was! LIARS!!!!! They knew right where he was!

Olive was protecting her second, ILLEGAL marriage!!! She never divorced Telesford! Telesford was a Filipino Catholic, there would be no divorcing! So she went and married her second husband anyway!

Huh, and WE were the BLACK SHEEP????

Oh, this is a BIG SKELETON!

No wonder she would never give us any information and there were no photographs! We were lucky we had dad’s birth certificate the way that woman covered her tracks!

Telesford, now believing Olive to be deceased, proceeded to marry Josephine’s mother, Alma’s grandmother.

Of course, now there has been a joyous exchange of familial photographs, and initial arrangements are being made for a meeting with my beautiful new cousin Alma and my Aunt Josephine (whom I somewhat resemble). How amazing to finally be able to identify a family resemblance that up until now, I could only see in my father and my siblings and children! None of my cousins on either my father’s nor my mother’s side have any real resemblance to us, we are very “Mediterranean” in appearance, I would assume that our ancestors in the Filipines are of Spanish descent due to the etymology of the name, and when I researched it further, it is a Castilian name in origin, which is why I was trying to find Telesford in Spain, never thinking to look in the Filipines, especially with his boxing moniker being “Pedro Campo”.

I have never seen a baby picture of my father, which I will add to this post once I upload it, etc., nor have I ever, ever seen a picture of my real grandfather, Telesford. The picture that Esel, Alma’s younger sister, also my cousin, has sent to me via email is from 1955, and although Telesford is in it, there is a crease across the picture, still obscuring his full face, so I am ever hopeful that they will forward more pictures where I can clearly see the man who was my grandfather and who searched his lifelong for his “Sonny Boy”, my father.

Esel also forwarded the picture of my father, age three years old! My son Justin is the spitting image of him!

I received pictures of Esel, Josephine and Alma as well!

Unfortunately, Dad, and his other three siblings have passed on, never reuniting with each other, and Telesford passed in 1976, a last attempt at finding my dad occurred in either the late 60’s or early 70’s, but he never gave up. Dad grew up thinking that his father did not want him or care what became of him, all because of one woman’s selfish need to bury a secret that she took to her grave with her.

Josephine wishes to visit Dad’s grave upon her visitation here, which I will surely see to, and I now have a new, beautiful, extended family that I am sure will take much of my leisure time learning about!

The High Priestess in Tarot is all about “Secrets Yet To Be Revealed” and this lifelong secret has now made itself known to me!

Sonny Boy

Performed by Al Jolson

Climb up on my knee Sonny Boy
Though you're only three Sonny Boy
You've no way of knowing
There's no way of showing
What you mean to me Sonny Boy.

When there are grey skies,
I don't mind the grey skies.
You make them blue Sonny Boy.
Friends may foresake me.
Let them all foresake me.
I still have you Sonny Boy.

You're sent from heaven
And I know your worth.
You made a heaven
For me here on earth.

When I'm old and grey dear
Promise you won't stray dear
For I love you so Sonny Boy.

When there are grey skies,
I don't mind grey skies.
You make them blue Sonny Boy.
Friends may foresake me.
Let them all foresake me.
I still have you Sonny Boy.

You're sent from heaven
And I know your worth.
You've made a heaven
For me here on earth.

And the angels grew lonely
Took you because they were lonely
I'm lonely too Sonny Boy.

All lyrics are property and copyright of their owners.
All lyrics provided for educational purposes only.

*His name was actually Telesforo Delfino, not Telesford, we had misinterpretted the hand written birth certificate of my father

The Dating Game

2008-08-10T00:22:00Z

I get this over and over and over again in my professional practice. Women, who are otherwise intelligent and logical beings become irrational and unrealistic and anxiety ridden when the object of their affections becomes ambivalent, or worse, uninterested.

I am not talking about those in "long term" relationships. I am talking about those who are truly single and dating who don't want to give a relationship time to grow or develop naturally, or don't allow the male to take the "reigns" so to speak, of the masculine energy role (the initiator) and jump the gun in oh so many ways.

The advice that I give over and over and over again, which VERY few follow, is to remove their energy and attention AWAY from the gentleman who is behaving in a distant manner. This means, don't call him up, don't text him, don't stalk him online, don't invite him out..........the female (at the dating stage) must allow the male the time and the "room" to decide whether or not he wants to take this further, which is not on the same schedule as the female.

Females tend to decide very quickly that they want to be involved. They may have just flirted with a gentleman and they will call me and ask "is this the guy that I am going to marry". Although the cards will show if there is a POTENTIAL for a long term relationship, if you have just met a guy this weekend and he hasn't even asked you out yet, this question is based on suppositions galore and it is not likely that you will get a very accurate answer.

Tarot Readings are not set in stone. They will tell you what is LIKELY to happen if you remain on the same path, continue with the same types of actions, into the future. Any changes in YOUR behaviour change the outcomes of the situation.....Tarot Readings are a living, breathing, metaphysical wonder and change as your actions change.

A more apropos question at the first stages of infatuation would be "will he ask me out" and then after a date or so "will we develop a relationship" perhaps after 6-9 months of exclusive dating...."will he consider marrying me".......the questions have to be realistic in comparison to the situation in order to have any sense of accuracy.

If you want to be the "feminine" energy in a relationship with a "masculine" male, as archaic as it may sound, you must allow him to set the pace, if it is not in your nature to allow this, then you may be a "masculine" energy female, or if you are truly "feminine" energy, you need to discipline yourself to your natural energy.

All modern women must maintain a masculine energy at work, and our "go get it if you want it" attitude will serve us well in our careers, but NOT in our relationships (unless he is a feminine energy male), but this post is about the majority....we shall discuss the opposing roles later.

Ok, so he is a masculine energy male. He wants to be TRUSTED. He wants you to think he is COMPETENT. So why would you pick up the phone and call him and ask him out for the weekend??? It makes him feel like you are taking the lead and that you do not feel he is man enough, or responsible enough to be able to ask YOU out. He may say yes, but you are setting a playing field where you will ultimately lose!

Your role, as the feminine energy, is to ACCEPT or REJECT whatever this man presents to you. If he does not call you within a comfortable amount of time, it doesn't mean you call him and take the lead, it means you REJECT his negligence and busy yourself with friends or on other dates with males who respect you enough to follow up with you.

If a male tells you he would rather "be friends", it does not mean that he really down deep wants to be your lover but is afraid of commitment, or was hurt and afraid he will be hurt again. It means he IS NOT interested in being your lover.......move on. If he changes his mind, he will be back.

The most effective means of measuring a man's interest is to keep moving on, keep moving forward........UNTIL HE ASKS YOU to stop, stay still with him for awhile.

Until a man asks you to be exclusive to him.......DATE YOUR BUTT OFF!!! If you are in a dating slump......keep yourself busy doing the things you always wanted to do....live your life as you imagine in your mind......start living the life you imagine.....on your own!!!!

Nothing draws a man out more than the absence of your energy. If you allow him to feel your absence, he will feel the need to connect, and he will INITIATE!!! If you are always there, texting him, phoning him, lurking on line, he has NO MOTIVATION to connect...........you are always available.....so there is no sense of urgency for him to get some of your time and attention......he already has it!!!

More on this later.......calls coming in!

Hilights From June of 2007

The Newly "BED" Game

Tough Love In the Garden of Eden

Thyme In a Bottle

Why Do People Cheat?

What is Your Power Animal?

The Bridal Bouquet

(This Article Contains Links to More Wedding Rituals and Myths)

Independence, Codependence and Interdependence

Premarital Ponderings at 2 a.m.

On The Outside Looking In

And From May of 2007:

Doing The Relationship Limbo?

Be Careful What You Wish For!

Relationships From All Angles, The Geometry of Relationships

He Chased Me 'Til I Caught Him

From April of 2007:

Understanding Past Life Connections and Memories

Gone With the Wind, A Classic Soulmate Story

Cold Mountain, An Adventure In Scrying

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

Calculating Soul Mate (Soulmate) Connections With Astrology

Soulmates Return

What Is A Spell? Magick is NOT Magic!

Relationship Autopsy

Where Did The Devil Come From?

The Meaning of the Pentacle

Masculine Energy Females, The Dating Game Continues

From March of 2007:

A Soul Mate (Soulmate) Story

Understanding Soul Mates (Soulmates) by Brigid Bishop

The Dating Game by Brigid Bishop

Uncloaking The Tarot

There Will Be Wolves

Myths and Truths About Tarot

Visit Brigid Bishop

My Very First Keen Blog,

Dusted Off and Reposted 8/9/08

by Request,

Thank You!

Love Expressed, Poetry by Brigid Bishop

2008-08-09T21:08:00Z

A poem for you to think about this weekend.

Love Expressed

by Brigid Bishop

I feel you without any embrace,
no need of recognition fleeting across your face.

I see your naked soul,
and I just know...

I am your shadow, your reflection, your match.
You are my nemesis, an itch I can't scratch.

There is no envy, no pride, no fear,
I just long to hold you and keep you near.

It was not by chance nor fortune's mistake,
I love you like sunrise, my heart cannot break.

Yes, I love you at sunrise, you see me at dawn,
with each passing day, we keep loving on.

No dream nor delusion can keep us apart,
because, you, my dear, you, are my heart.

. This content may not be copied or reproduced in any way without the express written permission of the author. You are welcome to link to or bookmark this page, but please contact the author via Keen Mail if you wish to reproduce this article in whole or in part

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Other Articles of Interest by Brigid Bishop

Here Come Those Tears Again

The Newly "BED" Game

Tough Love In the Garden of Eden

Thyme In a Bottle

Why Do People Cheat?

Independence, Codependence and Interdependence

Premarital Ponderings at 2 a.m.

On The Outside Looking In