The Cosmic Climate : Abuse No More

Do you want your ex 'back'?

ASTRODaija — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 18:18:00 GMT

Awakened this morning to a love song blasting into my sleepy head -- tipping off my 'chi' to reawaken the reality or perhaps dissolve my fantasy of desire associated with 'believing that I want my ex back in my life' ??? WHAT? Mumbling as I stumble out of bed, my head hurts to even think about the emotional pain associated with such traumatic amorous thoughts.

Is s/he still in my life? Could I have been so emotionally attached that I have failed to release him/her and this entity is still controlling my every emotional chord? As I peer into the mirror, thinking WOW, I look pretty swollen this morning, yeah, I've lost weight too, and I just feel awful as I rub my face and head, thinking, agonizing the eternal question of 'WHY'... did I have this dream, what is it all about, where did this thought about returning to my ex, or that I would even ever consider doing that or needing that or desiring that... and 'WHY' would I ever want this sort of dream, desire or thought to come true? After all we had been thru together, and all the unhappiness, pain and suffering that I (we) went thru, 'WHY ON EARTH' would I ever consider such a life as what I experienced during that turbulent time.

And now for the answer.

There is only one reason we as humans believe, think, desire, or return to something in our lives that we once believed to nearly be intolerable, or so painful that perhaps we even considered death as an option to end the torment: FAMILIARITY.

We as humans are incredibly adaptable. Even if we believe where we are or something in our lives to be incredibly miserable, eventually if we stay long enough 'in that state' ---whether emotionally, physically, or conditionally, we will grow to adapt to it. Don't confuse acceptance with adaptability. Conceptually there is a vast difference between the two terms, or states of mind.

Familiarity means to become habitually associated with the routine or general nature of things as it appears in our day to day existence, routine, or lifestyle. We are familiar with how we go about our daily operations both domestically and professionally. We are familiar with the faces we see in our everyday environment due to the consistency of seeing them and interacting with these people regularly.

We may or may not get along well with the person or people with whom we share a home or office with, but we are familiar with who they are and their behaviors. In our mind, psychologically, this 'knowledge' of this other person or people & their actions, etc., creates a certain safety and a security within our environment that we associate and adapt ourselves & our daily routine around.

Over a period of time, because our predictions are accurate of how this person behaves, or that person responds, it is considered our 'conditioned environment' meaning that we are conditioned to behave a particular way to the stimulus or people whom which we are connected, or familiar with, as it becomes our reality. Our reality gives us structure and stability. Even if it is 'the wrong' structure or stability that would be conducive to our real happiness or a happy life and lifestyle. Yet, as human beings, whatever the environment or whomever the people associated within our environment, we learn that we can count on everything associated with the environment as well as the people in our environment to be (even when we adjust and adapt to negative or abusive conditions) what we consider our 'norm' or "what is familiar to us" because we have learned to predict their behaviors and actions, and all that is within our day to day environ.

Therefore, rather than beat yourself up for day or nite dreaming of returning to your ex. or having your ex return to you, even if the relationship was abusive, or far less than what you ever considered to be 'happy' --- consider the amount of time that you spent in this relationship or in the environment that which you adjusted yourself and your psyche' to. And you'll have your answer. It's not what you truly desire for yourself, it's more about what you are familiar with, and that could be about pain and suffering moreso than living happily.

Ponder this notion, close your eyes and open your heart, and you will truly see 'everything' with much better clarity. And of course, practicing creative visualization of what makes you happy and feeling your best is where you'll find peace as well as an ability to manifest what you truly want, need and desire in your life.

And remember this one final thought, where you are now, is exactly where you are supposed to be --- and if it's not where you see yourself or where you are truly happy, then look at your circumstances, and where you are, within. Have you adapted to less than favorable conditions because it was more about what you were conditioned to and familiar with, or because being where you are is truly allowing you to thrive, feel good about yourself and live the happy life and lifestyle that you've always desired to live?

Your life can change, now. From the inside out. And after doing the work you need to do, for you, then perhaps you'll see that 'the ex' you're clinging to is more about 'the ex inside of you' that no longer exists because you've changed your environment and your lifestyle, and what you miss is the person inside whom you became familiar with, and not really your 'ex'. If you can take a deep breath, and look around you and feel 'calm' vs. pressured, relaxed vs. threatened, content vs., stressed... then what you are missing is the filled with stress lifestyle that you became accustomed to, and the tense person that you once were, and the fearful little girl or boy that you became associated with your environment that you became conditioned to, and those people around you that helped you create this detrimental place you once called 'Home'.

Happiness is your real and natual 'HOME'. It's time to go 'HOME'... Now.

There is a book entitled 'Happiness is a Choice'... look it up on amazon or get it at your nearest bookstore. I am on today, Wednesday, Feb 4th until Noon., pacific. No evening hours tonight. I will be back tomorrow, Thursday beginning at 9am., pacific.

Enjoy your day and choose to make yourself 'happy' and leave the ex that you left behind, as well as 'the ex self' that you are clinging to, it's time to move on, totally.

Wounded & Stuck "The Power Behind Your Choice"

ASTRODaija — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 04:21:00 GMT

YOU'RE NOT STUPID or really STUCK
by Daija DeMornay

Whether male or female, if you're in an abusive relationship, and you're having trouble 'making an exit' ----you're not alone. Avoid beating yourself up any more than you've already allowed yourself to be beaten. In fact, find the nearest mirror in your home and watch youself while you pat yourself on the back for exhibiting the exceptional strength, or FAITH or whatever it is that is keeping you there in such situation----it's important that you remember this one very important idea. And that is this: 'It's a POWER' behind your choice to stay in such horrid situation that will also 'MOVE YOU' out of that same wretched situation---- once you redirect 'that same power' in a way that will 'help you gain positive control' ultimately setting yourself free.

To many people, those who are standing on the outside looking in at their loved ones who continue to live in physically or emotionally abusive relationships----truly don't have the faintest idea how to comprehend such state of affairs on a cognitive level. Abuse is truly a difficult ideal to understand &/or comprehend. Studies have proven that it is 'those who have come from abusive situations or environments' also may become abusers, whether the abuse is limited to themselves, as in 'self-destructive abusive behaviors' or directed toward others. And it is also, difficult to comprehend why anyone would allow themselves to be abused, or remain in an abusive situation. Albeit a futile attempt to make sense out of 'nonsense', the key to understanding abusive behaviors and relationships is in becoming educated on the subject in order to better understand how 'the abuser and the abused' people visualize their power and ability or inability to take care of themselves, aside from submission and control.

Why people remain in abusive relationships, or better said, why abusive relationships are difficult to 'move out of' is due to fact that the 'cruel environment' has become familiar. And although [it is] the most unsafe place to be, more often times than not, the abused due to the 'fear' they feel, lack the cognitive skill to 'think right' in order to actually move themselves away because they've given their power (the power needed to move themselves out) over to the abuser. This sort of dilemma actually creates an emotional or physical trap that is as difficult or impossible to move as a 500 pound concrete block.

Therefore, the abused remains 'trapped' in the abusive relationship until the 'Fear Factor' that is embedded within them, is modified, and removed, ultimately changed and perceived as a 'Faith Factor' that will 'move them' away from the abusive situation as well as prevent future patterns that create such situations. This isn't easy and does involve application of cognitive reprogramming, positive reinforcement and behavior modification.

Employing these three components will bring the abused back to a neutral state of being, enabling their self esteem and spiritual awareness to reawaken them of the fact that 'they can' change this. It's a matter of the abused recognizing exactly 'who they truly are' giving them their power needed, (that they gave to their abuser) to return. This ultimately fosters the changes due to how 'their power' is now being used, and directed. The power, rather than being outwardly projected 'the power is inwardly directed' creating an ability to both mentally and physically 'move' from the abusive situation into a place of faith and freedom.

This isn't an easy task, in fact it's one of the most difficult tasks for a 'human being, regardless of the age---and epecially so if the person has been in a long term (3+ years) abusive situation or relationship. Clinical, spiritual, and behavioral therapy all play a vital role in assisting the abused person by giving them 'real action steps' to regain their power, and 'exit' this situation.

Those of us standing on the outside looking in----asking ourselves and often times asking them, "Why don't you just Leave?" Is like telling a 'baby to stop crying'...We must remember that IF the abused could actually see and believe what is occuring, and believed that they have what it takes to actually 'leave' the situation, that they would do so. Therefore, rather than ask the question "WHY" they don't you leave ---- when you see someone STUCK in an an abusive relationship or pattern --- the better and wiser question to ask is 'How can I assist this person who appears to be STUCK, miserable and hurting, take their first step toward freedom?'

Remember if a person you know is living in an abusive situation, could leave, or 'change' this for themselves, on their own, they would do so in a heartbeat. The reason they cannot is due to the fact that more oftentimes than not 'they are UNABLE to see' how to do so or lack the skills necessary to incorporate the action steps necessary to move away from the abuse. And so if the person could do this on their own, they wouldn't be Stuck there, where they are. So, consider the person----and all that you know about them. It is from that point that perhaps you can assist them by encouraging them to 'seek' help in moving from point A. to point B. Motivating them to alter their lifestyle, or attitude, &/or consider therapy, of some sort in order to reprogram and regain their power will at least get things started. Personal Power is what they do indeed 'need' and must have, in order to actually 'move themselves' emotionally and physically, from their current abusive situation.

Whether you're 'trapped' or 'stuck' or feeling as though you don't know what to do anymore, but you know that where you are doesn't feel right or good, then it's time to 'move' as in make a decision to create a 'change' that will MOVE YOU away from 'the current state of mind' or circumstance you're in. Take your power back, allow someone to help you 'regain' what you need in order to live your best blessed life.

As a client of mine once said... "I'm stuck on Stupid" for staying here in this miserable marriage."

People of abuse are far from being stupid. In fact more often times than not, they are very powerful, tenacious, strong people. Because to remain in an environment where things are ugly, and especially abusive, there is an intense power behind that force to allow such tenacity and long suffering. Stupid? No, I don't believe stupid----does it appear at times to friends and family that their loved one is Stuck on Stupid, yes. Because we value the people we love and want the best for them, and we believe that they are for the most part, intelligent people. And they are. But abuse and the patterns associated with abuse has little or nothing to do with intelligence. It has to do with Power. Control. Desire and Need.

I will be writing/blogging on the subject of Personal Power and Relationships on a weekly basis, and my prayer is that for anyone involved in an abusive situation or relationship that you take a moment to realize that you're not stupid, and your not alone, and you can regain your power and MOVE AWAY from this painful, destructive and debilitating disease called Abuse.

Blessings and love,
Daija
http://www.astrodaija.com
http://www.daijademornay.com

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