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NOT your grandmother's Oracle
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533 REVIEWS
2726
RATING POINTS
2006
ADVISOR SINCE
Advisor is Away
Professional provider of uniquely insightful PSYCHIC readings. An ally, an advocate, & a veritable dispensary of sage advice + useful information. NOW extending CHAT availability! (And I do a fabulous chat reading.)
Background
My abilities are the direct result of 15 years of hard work, study, and sheer bloody-mindedness.

I have been conducting somewhere between 6 and 13 hours of paid psychic readings a week for damn near LITERALLY 1/3 of my EXISTENCE. (That's "almost 11 years out of almost 33.")

I hold myself to nearly impossible standards of professional excellence in the fields of being CORRECT and being USEFUL. In fact, that's basically my Psychic Reader Mission Statement : "Be correct, be useful." As far as I'm concerned, a reading that fails to be BOTH isn't EITHER.

I am 93% prone to honing in on the gods' honest TRUTH, and 111% likely to say it aloud. If you're not prepared for a distinctly HONEST answer to your pressing question, it would probably be better if you didn't get a reading at all.

If you'd like to get to the bit where I prove my abilities in the most time-efficient AND impressive manner possible, you're going to have to put aside the flaming hoops and trust issues. I do NOT play guessing games and I especially LOATHE "Test the Psychic."
Approach to Topics
I'm here to give correct+useful READINGS, not to blurt out as many answers as you can get in $10 or less. Five minutes on the line is not a reading, it is a NUISANCE. I can fit a WHOLE lot of spot-on reading into ten minutes but I can't do a d*mned thing with five.

From this point on, ANYONE who ROUTINELY spends five minutes (or less) on my line will find themselves unceremoniously BLOCKED.

**

I consistently send five free minutes to EVERY returning customer. If I see that you've called me before, I will immediately add five free minutes toward your CURRENT CALL. I feel those extra five minutes help forge the connection that provides your correct answers. And they usually guarantee a useful conclusion the reading (the difference between 10 and 15 minutes can be huge depending on the topic).

**

Nine times out of ten the customer who spends five minutes on the line lobbing a series of ill-framed YES/NO questions at me like a nine-year-old with a shiny, new Magic 8-Ball becomes the customer who complains that I have not answered ANY of his/her questions.

Listen up, kids!

(1)YOU'RE (probably) ASKING THE WRONG QUESTION.

It takes a certain amount of finesse to pose a Y/N question that will receive a straight answer --or ANY answer aside from, "You have asked the wrong d*mn question."

(2)The straightest possible answer is often : "MOSTLY YES/MOSTLY NO."

Because that's how reality works. There are very few absolutes in life, and most of them can be found in the "Topics I'm not allowed to read about" section below.

(3)THE CORRECT + USEFUL ANSWER IS ALWAYS : "(mostly) yes/no BECAUSE..."

I have ZERO tolerance for individuals who expect their yes/no answers served up instantaneously and without context or commentary. It goes against the principle of my Work and the very fiber of my flipping being!

**

Start with the SITUATION not the blasted TIME-FRAME.

Timing is the result of my READING of your SITUATION, not some special gift that allows me to pull miraculously accurate dates out of the aether. If you insist upon asking "when" before "whether" (or "when" before EVERYTHING) I will be forced to ignore your question and replace it with my own.

Also, since increasing the zoom only decreases the resolution, I don't mess with timing in increments smaller than "within a week."

I specialize in reading

PEOPLE + RELATIONSHIPS :
I can, will, and regularly do READ ANY PEOPLE and ANY RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC. Your ex, your boss (your ex-boss), your kid, your bff, your sister, your sister in-law....

and

PATHS :
CAREER paths, LIFE paths, SPIRITUAL paths, and the path to LASTING LOVE. These are the ONLY general readings I offer, and I ONLY offer them because I'm damned good at them. -- I'm quite skilled at zooming out, scouting for opportunities, and evaluating any available crossroads. I am also an experienced guide through the psychologically treacherous territories of Big Life Change.

**

I will NOT and in many of these cases legally, literally CAN NOT answer questions about : Pets, Benefits (disability, unemployment, or otherwise), GRADES/EXAMS, Medical Issues (up to and including PREGNANCY), Evictions, Real Estate, Bankruptcy, Child Custody, or any other kinds of LEGAL ISSUES.

Regarding Work Readings :
While I can tell you what every person in the interview or the office thinks of you, I have no freaking CLUE whether they'll hire or fire you. I can and will happily find a time-frame for the point you get hired somewhere amenable to you and I STILL won't be able to tell you which place it is. And regarding job loss (aside from the fact that I've no clue whether you're going to get cast-off during the reorg) : If you're that unsure of your position we'd be better off jumping straight to finding you a new one.
Rating & Reviews
533 REVIEWS
12/12/2016
Member37104115
11/27/2016
kab628
11/23/2016
Member28001147
9/29/2016
Member672526
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About BabalonsBritches & Love & Relationships Advisors
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