Breaking the Cyclic Relationship

Keen Category: Love Advice

Depressed woman and man sitting on park bench

You have come to the point in a "cyclic relationship" where you want to jump off the merry-go-round that keeps taking you round and round to nowhere with your partner. How will you know when you are truly released from this emotional grind?

The moment of your personal liberation is the instant you realize that you've released a destructive partnership from your life. Your spirit is lighter and there is no heaviness around your heart. You are no longer compelled to bang your head against a brick wall.

You finally accept that you deserve to be treated better. The days of being lured by terms of endearment and empty promises that give you false hope are over. You will be rid of the self-delusion that this time your lover is really going to be true. Your experience will recognize the telltale signs that this person has not really changed. You will understand that, although behavior can be modified, the fundamental value system or lack of one does not change.

When you have that "aha" moment and fully understand that an affectionate overture is just the start of another cycle in an emotionally and/or physically abusive relationship, it's time for you to take action and get off the merry-go-round.

Jumping off is often difficult, especially if you are a nurturer. You want to "fix" what is wrong and make your partner see the error of his or her ways. You want the love you've given to be returned. And yet, deep inside of you – you know that it's just another futile attempt.

The only reason one stays in a disheartening relationship is fear – fear that you're going to be alone. You may even fear that you didn't try hard enough because you believe that it must be your fault if the relationship isn't working. When you have a partner who continually insists on placing the entire blame on you, it's time to free yourself.

Is this an easy process? Of course not! But if you stick to what you know in your heart to be true, you will realize that the two of you are not only not on the same page, you're not even in the same book. Some invest years into this type of relationship only to come up empty handed – and ultimately full of resentment.

How did you get here in the first place? That's easy. You believe in love. Unfortunately, the partner that you became entrapped with not only does not know what "love" is, but he or she feels so undeserving of real happiness, that you are continually pulled down into the depths of that person's despair.

When you can think of this certain someone that captivated your heart as just another person populating the world and without any lingering feelings, including resentment and pity – you're liberated. And the next potential love interest will be so much better.

Related Articles

Other Articles by Advisor "Jane Wilcox"