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Building Confidence in Love and Life

Keen Category: Love Advice

A smiling, confident woman

As a person that used to live on the streets and was a single mom working in a packinghouse to survive, it has been my saving grace to learn the "tool" of elegance. This is a tool to be used for greater self-esteem, better jobs and making friends. By visualizing Oprah Winfrey's elegance, adopting her smile and warmth in hard times, people treated me with more warmth in return.

Using Elegance to Become More Self-Confident

Elegance is understated self-empowerment; adopt the approach, "less is more" and learn the following steps. Visualize all the qualities you admire in those with serene elegance. This can be an actor, writer, or friend that carries himself or herself with quiet self-confidence (think President Obama or Oprah Winfrey). Think of this person as your Self-Confidence Mentor. Download your mentor's positive qualities into your psyche. This is like downloading and listening to a favorite song – soon you can sing the melody and all the words. Many actors use this art to make a scene flawless. So can you!

  • How does this person walk? Tall and straight? Wide strides?
  • How does this person listen to people? Too much "me" appears needy.
  • Does this person look directly into another's eyes? So can you.
  • Does this person shake hands by reaching out first? So can you.
  • Visualize this person's smile and adopt it as your own style.

Play this personality in your mind over and over again so that you know it by heart. Then use it as a tool for more self-confidence and people skills. Practice it during job interviews and social situations – soon it will become natural to you. Adopting elegance will make for better first appearances and open doors for success.

Like wearing tinted contact lenses to enhance your attractiveness, this is a strategy for enhancing your personality. But emulating your mentor's appearance is also part of adopting elegance. This is not the same as celebrity worship; this is borrowing the behavior of someone we admire, and acting it out for job interviews, dates or nerve wracking public appearances.

Whether rich or poor, dressing with elegance makes a good first appearance. Remember that elegance is about using the "less is more" approach for self-empowerment.

  • What colors does your mentor wear? Pastels, neutrals, classics? Choose variations of classic colors that fit your own skin tone.
  • How does your mentor's clothing fit? Choose clothes that are flowing and flattering to your own figure – not too tight!
  • Consider looking for wonderful classic clothing at Goodwill & Thrift Stores.
  • Make sure your hair and body are clean and freshly scented.

Adopting Elegance and Building Self-Confidence For The Workplace

Now, more then ever, you need to be ahead in job interviews. This also means at the job itself, once you have it. You can do this! Adopt elegance for better job interviews, to help make friends with like-minded people as well as to gain serenity, self-confidence and make a good first impression.

  • When in doubt in a work environment, smile wisely. People will think you are on their side and that you are very intelligent.
  • Remember the importance of a great handshake. Being the first to reach out your hand shows polish and elegance.
  • Look your interviewer in the eyes and smile. (Are you envisioning your mentor?)
  • Squeezing too hard during a handshake seems controlling and squeezing too lightly seems weak. Practice medium-firm pressure to accentuate self-confidence.

Always Maintain Who You Are – Be Authentic

Learning elegance is a great tool for opening doors to new and better life chapters. Like all skills, we learn through imitation. We have been doing it since babies. You can still be yourself – you are just summoning the elegance that is already inside you. Surround yourself with the spiritual essence of someone you admire and soon others will be emulating your elegance.

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