Get Insights at 1-800-ASK-KEEN

Games vs. Boundaries in Dating

Keen Category: Love Advice

An indecisive woman, with the text 'games vs boundaries' over a cartoon heart

Games and boundaries are totally different when it comes to dating. You do not need to play games; however, you do need to establish boundaries. Playing dating games is specifically focused on doing things that are manipulative to achieve a desired result. Setting relationship boundaries, however, empower you! You decide what is and what isn't acceptable behavior when someone is courting you – without anticipating a desired result.

Game:

When you see your interest out, you purposefully don't approach him and ignore him because you want him to approach you.

Boundary:

You see your interest out; you smile and acknowledge him, but do not intrude on his space because you respect his time with friends. If he approaches you, okay – if he doesn't, that's okay too.

Game:

He calls you after a week or two, and you purposefully do not answer the phone because you're mad that he hasn't called sooner.

Boundary:

He calls, you answer the phone after a few rings, keep the conversation light, and soon end it. This lets him know that, yes – you're interested, but if he wants to have a relationship with you, a long period of silence is unacceptable to you.

Game:

He calls at midnight saying he wants to see you, you play coy with him, eventually allow him to come over, then you tell him to go away.

Boundary:

Anyone that calls in the middle of the night better have an emergency. Answer the phone; if it's a drunk and dial call, tell him to call you when he's sober.

Game:

You purposefully flirt with other men thinking that jealousy will drive him to you. You overdo it by flaunting and exaggerating an interest in your guy friends.

Boundary:

You talk to your male friends without an ulterior motive. You know that your interest's reaction is his decision, just as engaging in conversation with your male friends is your choice.

Game:

You find an excuse to call him, thinking that this will nudge him to call back.

Boundary:

If he calls, he calls. If he doesn't, oh well. You don't sit around waiting for a call, and you don't finagle contact with him because you are busy living your life.

Game:

He calls you on a Friday afternoon for a date Friday night. You don't go because he didn't call you sooner, and you sit at home.

Boundary:

He calls you on a Friday afternoon for a date Friday night. You've already made genuine plans for the weekend because you didn't hear from him sooner. Oh well … next time.

I am sure that you know of more instances of games vs. boundaries. Just know that there are a lot of differences between the two. Choose the boundaries in your life, and stick to them. You don't need to stretch your boundaries to accommodate someone. Games will only produce more games. And, if you seriously want games in your life, get a PlayStation.

Related Articles

Other Articles by Advisor "Jane Wilcox"