Keen Category: Love Advice
How can you make him jump in line? It's time for a graduate class in Getting Your Way. How do you get what you want and strengthen your relationship? This article will give you more than a hint.
If nagging was effective with your guy, would you even respect him? Doubtful. Nagging comes from a very negative and troubled place. It doesn't feel good nor does it bring out the best version of you. Following are a series of tips; an advanced study in man-management.
Most men have a highly developed Nag Detector. They can sense a nag session coming a mile away. Most men are very quick to sense a frustrated female. Men are quick to detect, and clever at avoiding, a nag.
A clever Queen Bee knows that nagging never works. Punishment is never an incentive. If nagging is the stick, then what is the carrot? Why not have fun while you get your way? Empower your relationship as you mold his habits. Strengthen your bond while you feather your nest. The good qualities that you develop in him today are an investment in your retirement, emotionally and financially.
Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov discovered the 'conditioned reflex.' By experimenting on dogs, Pavlov found that you could influence the behavior of an animal. He taught a dog that when the canine hears a bell, food would be coming and the dog would begin to salivate. Positive reinforcement combined with simple affirmations and clever signals will mold your dog into your mighty dream mate.
Basic computer programming teaches us: Garbage In: Garbage Out. So, if nagging goes in, nothing good will come of it. Your man will only develop deep resentments, which is poison to a healthy loving relationship.
You can program your man with positive input. Keep the messages simple and forthright. Flattery does get you everywhere. You affirm the positive. Your man will want to change and even see his betterment for it. The trick and genuine skill is how well you can disguise and vary your messages. This is explored in detail below.
What are his carrots? He loves football, old John Wayne movies and orchids. Know your man, for this knowledge will become your bargaining tool. You want to start associating his pleasures with your goals. Like suggesting he watch the football game at the baby shower or offering a shoulder rub when he remembers to make a dinner reservation. The messages that you convey must reach him on different visceral levels.
Treat this exercise as if it were a game of strategy and propaganda. By exercising proper subtlety, you'll make him want to change. This creates a better outcome than nagging every single time. To best explain your method, we will use an example of your desire for a Hawaiian vacation. How long will it take for him to say, "I think we should go on a Hawaiian vacation!"
Because of the economy and job fears, your Hawaiian vacation is an expensive ticket, very much a strain on household finances. This is not easy. Allow a month for your campaign to unfold.
First, put a little bit of clean sand at the foot of your bed. Act surprised. Blame him for not wiping his feet, then forget about it. Several days later, serve ham for dinner, garnished with a thick pineapple ring. Third, light a candle, scented with jasmine or punono, a Hawaiian flower. You create a series of hints that work on a visceral level. These hints affect his sense of touch, taste and smell, essentially bypassing his brain.
Over the month, your scheduled hints are generating positive modifiers and pleasures. Wear a sarong and little else around the house. Add a photo of Hawaii to your social networking page. Put a bottle of coconut water in the fridge. Make a ukulele mix or play some Jack Johnson. When you make love, whisper your desire for warm sun against your skin.
Remind him that these are the best years of your lives. Psychologically, you are framing his sensibility such that he will come up with the bright idea and say, "You know, we ought to go to Hawaii. We deserve this now." That is when you reply, "Oh, honey, you're a genius. I'll pack!"
And if all else fails, you could always just mention, at an opportune moment, that life has felt a little too routine lately and wouldn't a trip to Hawaii be fantastic? Or you could just go without him. A girls' trip is always a nice idea. While you're away, he may finally get the message, albeit belatedly!