start with women.
a misconception out there that men cheat more frequently than females. In my personal observations I find this to be
untrue. I receive just as many calls
from women who are being unfaithful to their husbands and significant others as
I do from women who are involved with a man who is either married or seriously
involved with another woman.
find that when women cheat, they are prone to cheat at a higher percentage due
to dissatisfaction with the current primary relationship in hopes that the new
lover will provide them with what is missing in that primary relationship. More women than men seem to venture into
cheating situations to find their next serious relationship.
women, a minority, cheat for the pure excitement and recreational sex, but
these are women with very strong masculine energies. They look at the extracurricular relationship
as just that, and have no intentions of turning into a real relationship.
I believe that it is best (and healthiest), if you are looking for a new
relationship, to end the primary relationship before becoming involved with a
new lover, and this is simply to avoid the complications and obstacles that the
cheating itself brings about.
man has a relationship with a woman outside of her marriage or primary
relationship a lot of factors go into why he is doing it. Of course, it is possible that he is falling
in love and that he wants a relationship with you as much as you do with him,
but, again, this is a rarity.
“Other Man” is single and fully unattached, he may want more with you, he may
be one who wants you to end your primary relationship and launch a full-blown
relationship with you.
pressure you to leave your partner, he will ask you straight out “When are you
going to end it so we can be together”.
It’s that simple. He will also be
there for you in other ways, perhaps he encourages you to move out of your home
or provides financial assistance. If you
lover wants to become your number one, you will not have to ask, you will know.
If he is
not exhibiting any of the aforementioned behaviors, then he is most likely
enjoying the convenience of having a woman in his life without the obligation
or commitment a normal relationship would require, and if you truly are looking
for your next “real” relationship, stop wasting your time with this particular
guy as he is not going to be there for you when and if you do exit your
your lover is also married? This
complicates the situation even more as you are not in a relationship triangle
you have now entered into a relationship square.
Of all the
different forms of affairs, this is the most complicated and most likely to
fail in transitioning into a dedicated relationship between the two of you.
all, you are both cheating. Why are you
cheating? You may be looking for an
outlet for your sexuality and your personality and want nothing more, if that
is the case, you know what you are doing and have no high expectations of the
affair changing into something more.
However, if you are looking for more, you may be in danger of being
extremely disappointed if he is not also looking to change partners.
case, it is very important to find out what his motivations for cheating are
and what his expectations from the affair are.
look at why men cheat.
also looking for their next serious relationship and are not comfortable
leaving the marriage until they have secured a new partner, this is very
unhealthy and reeks of codependency, however, it does happen.
just succumb to the biological predisposition and their animal instincts. They aren’t looking for a new partner, they
are looking for pure recreational sex outside of their primary relationship. They may be fun and charming, but their heart
lies with their primary relationship, even if their body doesn’t.
be very hard for some people to comprehend or accept, but a very high risk time
for these types of men (the biologically weak), is when their wife or life
partner is pregnant or has just given birth.
Naturally if you are the other woman you may want to believe that he is
cheating on his pregnant wife, or newly maternal girlfriend because he suspects
that the child is not his, but in the majority of instances, this is not the
case. Sexual experience outside of the
primary relationship in this instance is usually due to the male having a
Madonna/Whore complex OR because the wife or girlfriend is incapable of having
sexual relations due to the trauma of having just given birth or the discomfort
of a late-term pregnancy. If the man you
are cheating with falls into this category, you are probably having an affair
that is purely sexual in nature.
you tell if your affair is “just sex”?
you spend together is limited to sexual activity. The primary goal being sexual gratification,
no dating, no dancing and dining, just hooking up for the physical release and
nothing more, is a dead give-away.
cheat because they actually fall in love with another woman.
didn’t plan it. It just happened.
was something innately missing in their primary relationship and the other
woman comes along and possesses the spirit and personality required to evoke
feelings of love and attraction within the man that may no longer exist with
his wife or significant other.
the man does not even realize that his marriage is lacking until he meets this
you know if this is the case with your affair?
the fact that he is married or committed elsewhere, your relationship is caring
and passionate. He is attentive to you
and your needs, he makes time with you, and he spends time with you doing a lot
of things besides the horizontal bop. He
will tell you straight out that he is going to leave his marriage and he will
tell you when, but the most important thing is that when the time comes HE
of the heart are complex and complicated, much more so than affairs of the body
alone. When the heart is involved, the
intensity is there, the sharing is there and the man and the woman are both
It is a
myth that all loves that begin while one partner or another or both are
committed elsewhere are doomed to failure.
There is no blanket formula for love affairs that begin with
cheating. If it were true, when some say
that “men never marry the woman they cheated with their first wife on”, there
would be very few second marriages indeed.
at it this way. Back in the olden days,
when people truly expected to be married for life, people married very young
but their life expectancy was much shorter than what it is today.
also a fact that as technology provides the human race with more and more
leisure time and less time required to focus on utter survival, we have more
time to examine relationships, to choose to renew or end or begin again. People grow at different paces.
people marry in their late twenties, will those two people grow at the same
pace and in the same direction?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no, we are not the same person at forty-five
that we were at twenty-five or thirty-five, and neither are our spouses and
lovers. The person we loved ten years
ago may have evolved (or failed to evolve) into someone we no longer want for a
life mate, and so we move on.
course, it is always best to begin a relationship one-on-one, but there are
times when this just doesn’t happen. We
can’t judge a book by its’ cover, nor can we project that a relationship is
doomed to failure because of a less-than-perfect beginning. In the same vein, we can’t project that a
relationship will last because of love and passion, that goes for first
marriages and relationships just as much as it does for subsequent ones.
is endless. This is just the tip of the
iceberg and the most frequent causes that I have seen in my personal and
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Other Subjects Included in "The Dating Game"
Cheating and Affairs
The Relationship Limbo
The Geometry of Relationships
Masculine and Feminine Energy
Codependence, Independence and
He Left His Wife. Now What?
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The Dating Game
Insights Into Affairs of The Heart
Authored by Brigid Bishop
Social networking sites, cell phones, texting, online chat and dating make it easier for us to access each other, but more difficult to form solid emotional bonds.
The 21st Century has life and relationships moving at a pace never before realized in earlier cultures. People are plugged in and connected on a 24/7 basis, yet, many still struggle with establishing healthy relationships.
The Dating Game provides insights into modern relationships and provides the reader with strategies for coping with dating, breaking up, affairs, divorce and codependency issues.
Find dating tips and relationship strategies that will help you build the healthy connections you want and begin making your relationships work for you.
Written with a sense of humor and true understanding of what the single person is facing today.
Copyright © 2010 by Brigid Bishop