Adolescent Media Usage and (Romantic) Relationships
Social
Media, defined as cell phone usage, text messaging, and social
networking sites such as facebook, have made our culture one in which we
have immediate access to communicating with each other on a 24/7 basis.
During adolescence, dating occurs while youth are experimenting and
learning how to balance needs for autonomy with relatedness, (Sullivan,
Erwin, Helms, Masho, & Farrell, 2012), social media allows for
interconnection at a level that is unprecedented in any culture to date.
In
generations past, the adolescent had to delay the gratification of
communicating with friends and romantic partners. In the past, it was
usual and customary to refrain from calling a friends’ home after ten
p.m., to speak with an adolescent cohort. Parents had some control over
limiting communication, and were frequently within earshot of
conversations, allowing for an awareness of what was occurring in an
adolescent’s social life. It was often necessary to first engage with
the friends’ parent and ask to speak with said friend.
In today’s
world, the majority of adolescents have a direct line of communication
through a personal cell phone. This allows direct communication without
parental knowledge or supervision. Frequently there are no time limits
or boundaries as to length of call, and the adolescent has the luxury of
privacy during a phone call, as they can easily move out of earshot of
the parent.
Text messaging allows for discreet immediate
communication around the clock, even when the adolescent is seemingly
focused on other tasks, such as schoolwork, a part-time job, or spending
time with the parent and family.
Social networking sites provide
access not only to communications, but also to immediate knowledge of
what a friend or romantic partner is currently doing, where they are,
and whom they are with.
I hypothesize that social media will have
made access to partners a source of immediate gratification for
adolescents, removing the need for them to develop a sense of delaying
the gratification of contacting friends and romantic partners, perhaps
limiting the autonomy of today’s youth. My second hypothesis is that due
to the public availability of social networking sites, adolescent
relationships are now a very public and communal experience, where in
prior generations, interpersonal relationships at this stage of
development afforded more privacy, and slower revelations of
developments in those relationships.
Technology is becoming an
extension of the self. There is currently no consensus on social
etiquette in the use of social media. Variances in media ideologies,
beliefs about media use, and structures of communication, vary from
person to person, (Gershon, 2010).
Incorporating technology into
the adolescent intimate relationship is the norm. Cell phone use
increases social inclusion and connectedness, two psychological
benefits, (Walsh, White, & Young, 2007). Facebook interactions have
been associated positively with adolescents’ friendship quality and
feelings of comradery. Two frequently reported reasons for using
Facebook are seeking new relationships, and nurturing and maintaining
existing relationships, (Yang & Brown, 2012). Teenagers use
technology to initiate relationships, from flirtatious messages to nude
texts, (King-Reis, 2011). Teens address the need for a romantic partner
more freely and frequently in a virtual environment than they do in the
“real” world. Females are more likely to initiate romantic connections
on social networking sites, engaging in flirtatious behaviors with
interested parties online, (Subrahmanyam & Greenfield, 2008).
Adolescents
have a stronger interest in using Facebook to maintain relationships,
than to initiate new ones. Those who reported pursuit of new
relationships as a primary cause for Facebook use reported a higher
level of loneliness than those who were motivated to use the social
networking site for relationship maintenance, (Yang & Brown, 2012).
In the 2001 Pew Survey, only 17% of adolescents reported using instant
messaging to ask someone out, (Subrahmanyam & Greenfield, 2008).
Initiating relationships through Facebook is not currently the
adolescent norm, it is used to screen people they have met in real life
as prospective dates, (Subrahmanyam & Greenfield, 2008). It appears
that social media use of adolescents does not include beginning a
romantic relationship as a primary function, but rather, maintaining
these relationships, once they are established is primary.
Once a
romantic relationship begins, Facebook can play an integral role in
establishing it amongst the peer group. Adolescents use the
“Relationship Status” feature when their romance goes public, the
adolescent changes their status from “Single” to “In a Relationship”,
they must enter the name of the person they are in this relationship
with, and then that person must acknowledge the romantic entanglement.
This makes adolescent relationships public knowledge to their network of
friends at the click of a button, where in bygone generations,
relationships gradually became public knowledge over time, as an
adolescent couple was observed by their peer group. Today, this public
changing of relationship status has assumed the social equivalent of
“going steady”, which in years past may have been marked by an
adolescent male giving his girlfriend his class ring to wear, (Gershon,
2010).
Teenagers use technology to remain in constant connectivity
with their partners. In a study conducted by King-Reis, from after
school until 10 p.m. 50% of teens reported calling or texting their
partners, nearly 40% reported that they were in cell phone or text
contact with their partners ten to thirty times per hour. Nearly 25% of
teens reported contact between the hours of midnight and 5:00 a.m., with
one in six admitting to a frequency of ten to thirty times an hour
during this timeframe. Texting is the most frequent form of adolescent
social media usage (King-Reis, 2011).
Free access to each other
not only increases interrelatedness in youth, but also increases the
opportunity for conflict to arise. Cell phones can be used for fighting
through calls and texts. The constant availability to communicate with
each other prevents the adolescent from having a cooling off period,
limits their ability to step away from a situation, a teen will likely
desire the immediate gratification of resolving the conflict in the
“now”. Jealous partners use cell phones to monitor calls and texts to
determine the extent and nature of communications with rivals (Sullivan,
et al., 2010). One study found that 17% of teenagers reported that
their partners made them afraid to be unresponsive or slow to respond to
calls, emails, and texts out of fear of what their partner might do,
(King-Reis, 2011).
“Fidelity management”, characterized by ongoing
monitoring of dating partners’ activities and interactions with others
through social media, is a key area of conflict in adolescent dating
relationships (Sullivan, et al., 2010). The ability to be omnipresent in
each others’ lives feeds feelings of jealousy and insecurity. In
generations past, when a young couple was apart, it could well be “out
of sight, out of mind” until the couple was in contact again. In present
culture, there is very little ability for time spent truly apart, as at
the flip of a switch or touch of a button, the adolescent can see
exactly what their partner is doing, and whom they are doing it with.
The AP/MTV study found that 25% of teenagers reported that their
intimate partners have checked the text messages on their phone without
permission, and 10% reported that their partners demand their electronic
passwords, (King-Reis, 2011).
Breaking up is a painful process
for the adolescent to go through, the media used to execute the break up
shapes the ending of a relationship. In a study performed by Dr. Illana
Gershon, adolescent research participants viewed text as the most
casual form of communication and inappropriate for severing a
relationship. These participants stated that email was a more formal
form of communication, and compared it to receiving a letter in the U.S.
Mail. Older participants felt that it was only appropriate to end a
relationship in person. Abruptly ending a relationship in public on
facebook by deleting a relationship status was the most painful and
embarrassing breakup reported by participants, (Gershon, 2010).
Social
media usage presents even more challenges and potential for
embarrassment when a relationship ends. When adolescents break up, they
generally change their Facebook relationship status from “In a
Relationship” to “Single”. This status change appears immediately in
Facebook newsfeeds and in the partners’ status updates. In years past,
when an adolescent couple broke up, they generally shared it gradually
with close friends, and peers acknowledged the breakup gradually through
observations. Relationships ending in the public arena of Facebook are a
significant portion of research by Dr. Gershon. She wrote of multiple
examples of how couples managed making the dissolution public. Endings
ranged from joint decisions to notify close friends and family first, to
abrupt endings by one partner with no forewarning that completely
severed all contact permanently, (Gershon, 2010).
All participants
stated that they felt pain and discomfort to a greater degree due to
how the breakup occurred rather than why it occurred. The less
opportunity a former partner had for a question and answer exchange when
the romantic partner communicated the intention to end the
relationship, the more distress they reported, (Gershon, 2010).
Text
message breakups were the most frustrating, according to Dr. Gershon,
because there was no way to ascertain when a response to a termination
was received, and allowed no inquiry. Breakup by instant message allowed
for immediate interaction. Respondents stated immediate response
capability equates to face-to-face communication, (Gershon, 2010).
Cell
phone and internet usage can be used to harass past partners, the
ability to block one’s number allows for anonymity, and youth may at
times use these technologies to repeatedly call a former partner and
hang up to simply annoy them. In some cases adolescents have reported
turning off their phone or changing their number to avoid unwanted
contact (Sullivan, et al., 2010).
The Clairborne study documented
that adolescents do not typically share information about their
technology interactions with partners with their parents. Seventy-two
percent did not inform parents that their partners were actively
engaging in fidelity management, 77% did not disclose that they were
afraid to be unresponsive to media messages, and 78% did not report when
a partner harassed or embarrassed them through social media,
(King-Reis, 2011).
Reasons given for failure to inform parents
included believing it was not a serious concern, fear of losing social
media access should the parent find out about the negative activities,
and fear that parents would forbid continuation of their relationship,
(King-Reis, 2011).
The implications of adolescents failing to
report negative social media interactions can be foreboding. Parents
being unaware of adolescents experiencing harassment, cyber-stalking,
and threats through social media puts them at risk of physical harm. The
widespread acceptance of adolescents that their dating partners have
total access to their lives at all times is causing an entire generation
to normalize “boundarylessness”. This trend puts adolescents at risk
for domestic violence, as for those who are inclined to become
batterers, the omnipresence in a partners life provides ample
opportunity to exert excessive control and begin attempting to isolate a
partner. Several of the documented behaviors in the Clairborne study
involved using information on social networking sites to harass or
intimidate intimate partners, including spreading electronic rumors and
posting embarrassing pictures of the partner. In contrast to the sense
that domestic violence has been a private matter, these behaviors are
public, and if they are not identified by the peer group as being
inappropriate, the silence of the community can normalize this conduct,
(King-Reis, 2011).
The findings of the literature reviewed lend
credence to my first hypothesis. Adolescents are using social media to
stay in nearly constant contact with each other. Boundaries are becoming
blurred, today’s adolescent does not know how to spend time alone, but
requires constant social interaction. Technological addictions develop
when people become reliant on the technologies to provide psychological
benefits, such as improving mood, as adolescents use social media more
often to obtain pleasurable outcomes, excessive use leads to addiction,
(Walsh, et al., 2008).
During a study conducted by Walsh, White,
and Young, it was found that the unpleasant feelings associated with
withdrawal occurred when adolescents were unable to use their social
media devices. When participants were asked how they would feel if they
had to give up social media for three days, the respondents indicated
that they would feel extreme distress, (Walsh, et al., 2008), confirming
how integrated social media usage is in the adolescent identity.
Codependent
relationships are characterized by an obsessive need to control the
behavior of a partner, an inability to establish and maintain
boundaries, over involvement in the life of the partner, and an
inability to be alone, (Beattie, 1992). Adolescent social media usage
has all of the characteristics of the codependent relationship, the
constant communication, the blurring of boundaries, the incessant need
to share innocuous life events, and the immediate gratification of
having a connection with the partner that may only be at rest when the
adolescent is asleep. My first hypothesis appears to be confirmed based
on the literature reviewed. Adolescents are experiencing the
psychological gratification of feeling connected to their partners on a
nearly uninterrupted basis. The long-term effects of social media usage
may be creating a generation of codependents who will be incapable of
autonomy unless society begins addressing these issues now. Combining
the codependent climate of social media usage with the addictive
qualities of these behaviors is laying a foundation for a generation of
relationship addicts who are incapable of unplugging from their
electronic worlds. Further research needs to be conducted in order to
understand where this trend is taking our society, and to begin devising
proactive measures to ensure social media usage does not interfere with
the emergence of a psychologically and emotionally healthy adult
population.
My second hypothesis appears to have been confirmed as
well, as the public announcements of beginnings and endings of
relationships through social networking sites has been documented as
being the current adolescent norm. The “imaginary audience” of the
adolescent is no longer imaginary, but a very real audience of peers,
friends, and family, on social networking sites. How is this constant
revelation of life developments affecting the current generation?
Research needs to catch up to social media in order to understand what
effects living your life virtually on a stage are having on our youth.
Additional
research needs to be done on the abuse and misuse of social media. In
the literature reviewed it was found that social media is used as a
weapon by some adolescents. How the effects of abusing a partner through
social media translate into adult behaviors and increase the risk of
domestic violence is an area of much concern.
Parental awareness
of adolescent social media experiences is lacking, adolescents who are
having negative experiences through these channels are not receiving the
support a parent can offer to learn how to cope with difficult
situations. The adolescent is hiding these experiences from parents. Our
youth could be experiencing emotional and psychological harm during a
critical developmental stage in these areas. Further research into how
this affects adolescent development and methods to increase parental
awareness of social media experiences are critical to furthering healthy
adolescent development.
My
advice to the parent of an adolescent is to have a locked storage
drawer in the house where cell phones must be placed during "downtime",
as in after 10 p.m., to ensure you are aware of when your child is using
the phone. It would also be wise to limit the amount of privacy
afforded a teen when using their media, although you cannot see what
they may be texting, monitoring the texts on occasion should be a
guideline for agreeing to allow your adolescent to have a cell phone. We
need to be actively aware of our children's social lives, the facts
uncovered here provide more than ample evidence of the need for closer
monitoring. Remember as well, that our teens will be modeling the behavior of their parents, so check your own media usage as well, are you following these codependent patterns in your own usage? Unplug yourself to set an example!
References
Beattie,
Melody. (1992). Codependent no more: How to stop controlling others and
start caring for yourself. San Francisco: Harper
Gershon, Illana. (2010). The breakup 2.0, disconnecting over new media. New York: Cornell University Press.
King-Ries,
A. (2011). Teens, technology, and cyberstalking: The domestic violence
wave of the future? Texas Journal of Women and the Law, 20, 131-164.
Subrahmanyam,
K. & Greenfield, P. (2008). Online communication and adolescent
relationships. The Future of Children, 18, 119-146.
Sullivan,
T.N., Erwin, E. H., Helms, S.W., Masho, S.W., & Farrell, A.D.
(2010). Problematic situations associated with dating experiences and
relationships among urban African American Adolescents: a qualitative
study. Journal of Primary Prevention, 31, 365-378. doi:
10.1007/s10935-010-0225-5
Walsh,
S.P., White, K.M., & Young, R.M. (2008). Over-connected? A
qualitative exploration of the relationship between australian youth and
their mobile phones. Journal of Adolescence, 31, 77-92. doi:
10.1016/j.adolescence.2007.04.004
Yang,
C.C. & Brown, B.B. (2013). Motives for using facebook, patterns of
facebook activities, and late adolescents’ social adjustment to college.
Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 42, 403-416. doi:
10.1007/s10964-012-9836-x