KEEN Home  | Blog Policies  | Help
Welcome to Community Sign in | Join | Help


In today's world we have more leisure time than ever to focus on achieving our individual goals.  We work hard, we use all of our time and energy chasing the rainbows we have established for ourselves.  These rainbows can be careers, relationships, family matters, material possessions or just about anything we set our sights on and value.

This is good.  This is productive.  This is healthy. 

HOWEVER, sometimes we get so caught up in any one particular rainbow that we fail to see that no matter how focused we are in our pursuit, that rainbow always seem to elude us.

Frequently, this rainbow comes in the form of a relationship.  Perhaps it is someone we once loved and have lost and are hoping for their return.  We put all of our energy and focus into when will that love once again reach out to us, when will that love leave their current partner, when will that love come back to me?  Maybe it's someone that we have been interested in for a long time but for whatever reason, we haven't been able to move from the plateau of "friends" to the higher level of "partners".  We focus on what they may like or want from us, we make ourselves readily available to them and we live in a perpetual state of hope.

These are just two examples of when we need to learn the lesson of "Surrender".

Surrender does not mean that we just "give up" and move on.  Surrender is synonymous with the word "Faith". 

When we surrender, we are telling The Universe, ok, it's not working my way, I have FAITH that you,  (The Universe), will have this situation work out to benefit my highest good, so I am going to let go of trying to control this situation and take care of myself.  I am going to place this issue in your hands and pray that in your infinite wisdom, you will see fit to adjust this situation to the best possible outcome.  I accept if it is not meant to be, but I have FAITH that you will choose what is best for me.

We then trust that our Higher Power, The Universe at large, will set things right for us.  We move on, we let go.  We accept the things that we cannot change, which may be letting go of a preferred partner.  We stop waiting and wondering if our relationship with them will manifest or heal and move forward and focus on ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with being hopeful that someday things may change, but we can't focus on it.  We accept that the situation is not changing to our liking and we surrender our will and stop trying to force a square peg into a round hole.

If we truly can do this, we will find much inner contentment and peace and we are no longer filled with anxiety.  That sick feeling in the pit of our stomach goes away.  We have peace of mind and an inner calm that no one can disrupt.

That is the "Beauty of Surrender".



Panic button

HAVE YOU PICKED UP YOUR COPY OF "THE DATING GAME" YET? A must read no matter what your relationship status.










Look for it online and at fine book stores EVERYWHERE! Ask for it by name!

The Dating Game by Brigid Bishop

The Dating Game
Insights Into Affairs of The Heart
Authored by Brigid Bishop


Social networking sites, cell phones, texting, online chat and dating make it easier for us to access each other, but more difficult to form solid emotional bonds.

The 21st Century has life and relationships moving at a pace never before realized in earlier cultures. People are plugged in and connected on a 24/7 basis, yet, many still struggle with establishing healthy relationships.

The Dating Game provides insights into modern relationships and provides the reader with strategies for coping with dating, breaking up, affairs, divorce and codependency issues.

Find dating tips and relationship strategies that will help you build the healthy connections you want and begin making your relationships work for you.

Written with a sense of humor and true understanding of what the single person is facing today.



Copyright © 2010 by Brigid Bishop


Update! 4/24/10, This title is available on Amazon and Kindle!!!

Today is a day of solemn remembrance for Christians all over the world.  For three hours, Jesus of Nazareth hung on the cross in sacrifice for trying to educate his followers, teaching them how to be kind and caring human beings.

Jesus is one of my personal heroes, and every year I do watch Jesus Christ, Superstar.  I find it very uplifting and renewing (just like the season of Spring).

I am not a common Christian.  I am still involved in my Catholic Church, which was my "root" religion, the religion I was brought up in, however, I do believe in the theory that Christ survived the crucifixion and have studied many, many texts that validate that belief.

In my personal studies I have read such books as Holy Blood, Holy Grail and The Bloodline of The Holy Grail.  (I will look up the authors and post them here as an edit as they elude my memory right now).

If you have ever watched the movie "The Passion" you get a real feeling of how Jesus Christ suffered, and although you may have left that movie feeling a bit despondent, it is a true depiction of the brutalities he suffered.  I prefer to watch Superstar as in this romanticized and musical rendition of the story you can pull spiritual happiness and emotions out of it, whereas "The Passion" is much more difficult to watch, and can be depressive.  It is a movie that "once was enough" for me, I have no need to view it again, however, I believe all Christians should watch it just once to see what I mean.

I blend my religions, so you may be very surprised to find me blogging about Jesus, but in blending my religions, I have found a respect for many of the "sons and daughters of God" that have passed through the earthly experience.

Today, if you can, Christian or not, please just take a few quite moments to reflect on the ministry of Jesus and the brutal ending he allowed it.........it had quite an impact.  Jesus was a great teacher and spiritual guide.

My favorite line from Jesus' preachings is "Do Unto Others As Ye Would Have Them Do Unto You."  Very similar to the Wiccan teaching of "Harm None, Do What Ye Will".  A common thread in the comparison of two extremely, (or not), different religions.

Have a Happy Easter to all my Christian Friends out there!

Peace.

Brigid Bishop

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Many clients call and have concerns because their relationships are not “perfect”, and some may be striving for the “next level”, and frustrated with what they perceive as a lack of progress.

Perhaps they have been dating the same gentleman for 2 years and he has not yet proposed, or perhaps they are living together and he has not yet asked for marriage, or perhaps they are casually dating and he has not yet asked to be “exclusive” or defined the relationship at a level they are satisfied with, i.e. significant other.

Well, let me start by telling you that as an Advisor here on Keen.com, it would be totally unethical and unprofessional for me to tell you WHAT to do. The best counsel I can offer you is to look at your situation and provide an analysis for you of what is likely to happen given your current path.

If you like the outcome, of course, you are going to stay on that same path working toward that goal. If you do not like the outcome, we can look at what (if anything) you can do to change that particular outcome……and work from there.

One of the primary reasons that progress slows in relationships prior to establishing the “next level” of commitment, no matter what step of the relationship ladder you are on, is the imbalance of masculine and feminine energies within a pairing. Please read my blogs on the subject matter for further information.

If you love the person you are with, my best advice to you is to try to rectify the relationship you are in first, to the best of your ability, prior to breaking it off and starting from scratch again. Unless you are in an abusive situation, in which case you should end it immediately, it is best to repair the cracks in your existing foundation prior to tearing the whole relationship down.

Starting over is always a bit of a setback when you are looking for a committed relationship as you have to start from ground zero all over again, shop around, test them out, it takes time, a lot of time, and you already have a certain amount of time invested in your current situation.

If you have been dating casually and you want to know how long it should take to become exclusive, the answer varies, and you have to take into consideration whether or not you have allowed physical intimacy to take place absent the “exclusivity” clause.

If you have had physical relations prior to establishing your exclusiveness, you’ve got a bit of a situation on your hands as you have already communicated the message to your partner that you are willing to give of yourself in that manner without any commitment from him, it’s a tough one.

If you have been exclusive and dating for some time, how long should it take for him to propose? There is no standard answer or time frame for that question. Every individual has their own “commitment clock” and I would be remiss to answer that. The issue is, how much time are you willing to invest in a relationship prior to engagement and marriage. If you are not happy with your relationship clock, then you cannot force him to commit, the only thing you can do is tell him that you wish that things were different, but you are ready for a deeper commitment and if he is not willing to make that commitment to you, you need the freedom to find someone who is on the same time schedule as you.

If he really loves you, he won’t let you go for long, he may take a few months, and you may need to move on, but if he really loves you, he will come back and commit.

Should you stay or should you go?

Most people are afraid to endure the pain to effect change by risking loss, but loss can be turned into gain. You can turn your current situation around by risking loss, or you can find a new situation that does not require so much analysis when you actually do take matters into your own hands and reject situations that are unsatisfactory to you.


This blog has been condensed to an excerpt as it currently appears in Brigid's book "The Dating Game, Insights Into Affairs of The Heart" published in April 2010 and available at Amazon, on Kindle, and fine book sellers everywhere.  Ask for it by name!


Visit Brigid Bishop

 

You May Also Enjoy:  "You Are Who You Meet!"

 

 

For further insight, Read "See Dick Run"

 


One of the most frequent problematic situations that I see women suffering from, (yes, primarily women), is that when they are interested in one man, they stop looking at their other options!

Women tend to behave like a DVD player when it comes to initiating new relationships.  It's like they are watching a movie and they see a handsome and attractive man, most likely NOT the leading man, and they hit the pause button!  If only they would let the entire film play and see who the real leading man is, they would surely have a lot more enjoyment!

Men are perfectly capable of multi-tasking while dating.  Men frequently date several people at the same time until they find that one that makes them stop and stand still in there tracks.  The rest of the women kind of just shed off, like snake skin, and the bright shiny new skin of a relationship is exposed.

Women, on the other hand, meet a gentleman they are interested in and tend to stop "shopping around".  They immediately go into the mode of anxiously awaiting the next contact, refraining from making plans to keep their weekend clear in case he invites them out, projecting with friends and advisors as to "where this is going to go?", instead of continuing to meet and greet new men and more opportunities.

I can't stress strongly enough to you, my sisters, that UNTIL a gentleman asks you to be his one and only, you need to be placing your fragile, pretty little Easter Eggs of emotion into as many brightly colored baskets as you can find.

Instead of waiting by the phone for the most recent "Mr. Rightnow" to call, get out, keep moving, keep shopping around, and let "Mr. Rightnow" leave you a voicemail.  Get back to him when YOU are free or have time, don't wait, keep moving!!!

See the ENTIRE movie, hit PLAY not PAUSE!!!

Love and Light,

Brigid Bishop

Has that horse dropped dead right underneath you and are you still standing there hitting it trying to make it get up and go?  Perhaps you need to check and see if your relationship has a pulse as well?

You've been involved with this guy for a good, long period of time, perhaps even a year or two, and yet, it feels uncomfortable for you to pick up the phone and call him, you feel like you might be bothering him, you don't want to upset him yet again, so you don't call, but you are anxious about when you are going to hear from him again.

You haven't had any fights, you just feel like something is wrong, a general feeling of anxiety comes over you when you think about the relationship.  Despite the fact that you have been seeing each other for at least a year, you feel just as insecure about when he is going to call you again as you did during that first month.

Even though you have been in some sort of relationship for sometime now, you still don't feel any sense of commitment from him, if you don't call him he might not call you. 

Why?

(To gain more insight into making your relationships work for you, purchase a copy of Brigid Bishop's The Dating Game, Insights Into Affairs of the Heart, available on Amazon and Kindle).

When you leave a few things at his house he reminds you that you have belongings there to take home with you, he goes to parties with friends without you, when he spends time with his family, you are not included. 

Why?

He says things like "let's not make more out of this than it is" when you get up out of bed with him and ask him if he wants you to stay over. 

Why?

He goes for days and days without contacting you. 

Why?

Since you are unable to absorb any of the above hints, I will tell you straight out why your man is behaving the way he is.  He does NOT want a relationship with you!  It's over dear!  Bury this poor dead horse and move on!  No matter what you do at this point, you are not going to get the commitment or the relationship you want with this guy, you are NOT in a relationship, you are single!  This guy is just spending time with you on occasion because he has not yet met the person he is going to REPLACE you with!

Your relationship is dead, please have the common sense and courtesy to bury it and let it rest in peace.  Further pursuit of happiness here will only end in disaster.

At times I receive calls from clients who are experiencing this type of relationship necromancy, and frequently they just don't want to hear the cold hard facts, and persist in trying to bring the dead back to life.

The most frequently asked question is "Why"?

Well, does it really matter "Why" he no longer has an active interest in you?  What matters is how this prolonged connection with the dead relationship is affecting you.  You are unhappy, you feel anxious all the time, you never know when or if you will hear from him so you are constantly "waiting" for his next move.  Let go!  Move on!  Find someone who really does care for you and be happy instead of miserable.  Get back into life!

I know of a woman who has been trying to make a situation like this work for over two years.  This man frequently breaks up with her, usually around a major holiday or a special day for her, like her birthday or their "anniversary", and yet she just won't let go!  Whenever he breaks it off with her, she chases and chases and chases him, literally throws herself at him, and then, when he takes advantage of what she offers and does nothing else, she asks me why.  I tell her the cold hard truth, he is not interested in a relationship with her and although they have been seeing each other for two years, it is not going to develop further and she really should seek her happiness elsewhere, yet she won't let go.  She stubbornly holds on, and says "well I don't understand, we've been together for two years".

No, they have NOT been together for two years, they were together for a few months at the very beginning and it has been a battle to stay "together" since then.  Nothing but on again, off again, and she is the one that always makes it seem to be "on again".

I truly cannot comprehend how some women waste their time, energy and emotion in situations like this.  When in the past it became apparent to me that a man no longer wished to share my company, I had no qualms about saying "Ok, well take care, good-bye" and moving on to someone who actually WANTED to spend time with me.

One woman I know had a few items she had strategically placed in her on/off boyfriends home, and he actually said to her "You need to take your things home with you, let's not make more out of this than it is" and she STILL persists in trying  to "make this work".

My lord, if a man ever said that to me I'd pack my stuff up and be gone from his life in about two seconds flat, change my phone number and immediately begin seeking alternate companionship.  Not this woman, no, she took her things home alright, but she is still there, on hold, waiting for the next "on" phase to begin.

It's sad really, time and emotion just wasted away that could be so much more well spent.

If a man is into you, you will know it, he will seek out your company, not avoid it.  If a man is avoiding spending time with you, TAKE THE HINT and spend your time wisely with those who enjoy being with you!

This Easter, Try to STOP Putting All of Your Eggs in One Basket!

by Brigid Bishop


One of the most frequent problematic situations that I see women suffering from, (yes, primarily women), is that when they are interested in one man, they stop looking at their other options!

Women tend to behave like a DVD player when it comes to initiating new relationships.  It's like they are watching a movie and they see a handsome and attractive man, most likely NOT the leading man, and they hit the pause button!  If only they would let the entire film play and see who the real leading man is, they would surely have a lot more enjoyment!

Men are perfectly capable of multi-tasking while dating.  Men frequently date several people at the same time until they find that one that makes them stop and stand still in there tracks.  The rest of the women kind of just shed off, like snake skin, and the bright shiny new skin of a relationship is exposed.

Women, on the other hand, meet a gentleman they are interested in and tend to stop "shopping around".  They immediately go into the mode of anxiously awaiting the next contact, refraining from making plans to keep their weekend clear in case he invites them out, projecting with friends and advisors as to "where this is going to go?", instead of continuing to meet and greet new men and more opportunities.

I can't stress strongly enough to you, my sisters, that UNTIL a gentleman asks you to be his one and only, you need to be placing your fragile, pretty little Easter Eggs of emotion into as many brightly colored baskets as you can find.

Instead of waiting by the phone for the most recent "Mr. Rightnow" to call, get out, keep moving, keep shopping around, and let "Mr. Rightnow" leave you a voicemail.  Get back to him when YOU are free or have time, don't wait, keep moving!!!

See the ENTIRE movie, hit PLAY not PAUSE!!!

Copyright © 2007 Brigid Bishop

This content may not be copied or reproduced in any way without the express written permission of the author.  You are welcome to link to or bookmark this page, but please contact the author via Keen Mail if you wish to reproduce this article in whole or in part. 
I get this over and over and over again in my professional practice. Women, who are otherwise intelligent and logical beings become irrational and unrealistic and anxiety ridden when the object of their affections becomes ambivalent, or worse, uninterested.

I am not talking about those in "long term" relationships. I am talking about those who are truly single and dating who don't want to give a relationship time to grow or develop naturally, or don't allow the male to take the "reins" so to speak, of the masculine energy role (the initiator) and jump the gun in oh so many ways.

The advice that I give over and over and over again, which VERY few follow, is to remove their energy and attention AWAY from the gentleman who is behaving in a distant manner. This means, don't call him up, don't text him, don't stalk him online, don't invite him out..........the female (at the dating stage) must allow the male the time and the "room" to decide whether or not he wants to take this further, which is not on the same schedule as the female.

Females tend to decide very quickly that they want to be involved. They may have just flirted with a gentleman and they will call me and ask "is this the guy that I am going to marry". Although the cards will show if there is a POTENTIAL for a long term relationship, if you have just met a guy this weekend and he hasn't even asked you out yet, this question is based on suppositions galore and it is not likely that you will get a very accurate answer. Tarot Readings are not set in stone. They will tell you what is LIKELY to happen if you remain on the same path, continue with the same types of actions, into the future. Any changes in YOUR behavior change the outcomes of the situation...Tarot Readings are a living, breathing, metaphysical wonder and change as your actions change.

A more apropos question at the first stages of infatuation would be "will he ask me out" and then after a date or so "will we develop a relationship" perhaps after 6-9 months of exclusive dating...."will he consider marrying me".......the questions have to be realistic in comparison to the situation in order to have any sense of accuracy. If you want to be the "feminine" energy in a relationship with a "masculine" male, as archaic as it may sound, you must allow him to set the pace. If it is not in your nature to allow this, then you may be a "masculine" energy female, or if you are truly "feminine" energy, you need to discipline yourself to your natural energy.

All modern women must maintain a masculine energy at work, and our "go get it if you want it" attitude will serve us well in our careers, but NOT in our relationships (unless he is a feminine energy male), but this post is about the majority....we shall discuss the opposing roles later. Ok, so he is a masculine energy male. He wants to be TRUSTED. He wants you to think he is COMPETENT. So why would you pick up the phone and call him and ask him out for the weekend??? It makes him feel like you are taking the lead and that you do not feel he is man enough, or responsible enough to be able to ask YOU out. He may say yes, but you are setting a playing field where you will ultimately lose! Your role, as the feminine energy, is to ACCEPT or REJECT whatever this man presents to you. If he does not call you within a comfortable amount of time, it doesn't mean you call him and take the lead, it means you REJECT his negligence and busy yourself with friends or on other dates with males who respect you enough to follow up with you.

If a male tells you he would rather "be friends", it does not mean that he really down deep wants to be your lover but is afraid of commitment, or was hurt and afraid he will be hurt again. It means he IS NOT interested in being your lover...move on. If he changes his mind, he will be back.

The most effective means of measuring a man's interest is to keep moving on, keep moving forward UNTIL HE ASKS YOU to stop, stay still with him for awhile. Until a man asks you to be exclusive to him DATE YOUR BUTT OFF!!! If you are in a dating slump......keep yourself busy doing the things you’ve always wanted to do....live your life as you imagine in your mind......start living the life you imagine.....on your own!!!! Nothing draws a man out more than the absence of your energy. If you allow him to feel your absence, he will feel the need to connect, and he will INITIATE!!! If you are always there, texting him, phoning him, lurking on line, he has NO MOTIVATION to connect...........you are always available...so there is no sense of urgency for him to get some of your time and attention...he already has it!!!

Copyright © 2007 Brigid Bishop

Many of my regular clients are familiar with how I came to be a Professional Tarot Reader, however, those of you who are unfamiliar with me, (or never thought to ask), may be curious about how this strange career arose.

If you have read my listings at all, you are aware that I have been a student of Tarot for some forty-two years (Update 3/15/14 now for 44 years!).  Many are shocked, and think, gee Brigid, you barely look like you are old enough to have that much experience ;)  !  LOL!

I am fifty-one, yes FIFTY-ONE, years old, or as I like to say, twenty-nine with twenty-two years experience.  (And yes, my picture is current).  (As of this update I am 52 years old!).

So you did the math, and you have correctly calculated that I begin to read tarot at the tender age of eight years old.  How could this happen?  Did I grow up in some metaphysical, hippie-parented family?

Oh no, my dear, quite the opposite.  I grew up in a strict Irish-Catholic family, attended private Catholic schools, I was the fourth of five children, and my parents were like Archie and Edith Bunker.  Dad was a WWII veteran, with a Silver and a Bronze Star, and also a veteran of the Korean war.  Dad was an 82nd Airborne "Pathfinder", they were the guys who landed first at Normandy, lit the beacons for the gliders, and basically were the first behind enemy lines, and in the Korean War he was a Ranger........but that's an entirely different story.  Mom was a Registered Nurse and worked with juvenile tuberculosis patients, and later, with the mentally handicapped.

So how did this young girl in a strict religious conservative family get her hands on a Tarot Deck?

Well.....my oldest sister was ten years older than I was, so when I was eight, she was eighteen.  We shared a room, and when my sister Karen went away to college, the room became mine!  And, as all little sisters are prone to do, any belongings she had left behind instantly became my property!  What I found hidden under her "secret" loose floorboard in her room (along with some pretty interesting hallucinogenics), was what was to become my very first Tarot Deck.  It was the Rider-Waite Deck, and evidently someone had given it to Karen as a gift, and she had hidden it and never even opened it.  What I found out many years later was that she was actually afraid of the cards!  Along with the deck, there was a book on Tarot by Stuart Kaplan.  My fascination began.

My mother worked third shift, so each night, after she left for work and I was thought to be asleep, my adventure in Tarot would take place.  I studied and read, flipped the cards out and looked up their meanings.  At the age of eight my questions were primarily about what would happen to me when I grew up, and my interpretations were awkward at best.  This continued for some time, and then, I started to frequent the local library looking for books on Astrology and Tarot and going deeper and deeper into the study of these subjects.

One day, while at a local bookstore with my mom, I found a new deck that I really wanted to try out, and I had to find a way to buy them without my mom knowing.  I did, and I sneaked them into the house, but didn't hide them right away.  Mom found them and did she ever flip out!!!  She went nuts and burned them out in the backyard and dragged me across the street for the priest to give me a lecture on opening the door to letting evil spirits into my life and our home.

Well,  even at the tender age of eight, I understood the cards well enough to know that the priest (and my mom), were just too prejudiced against the stereotypes to understand what I was pursuing.  So I cooled it, briefly.

I became more covert in my studies as my Mom began taking too intent of an interest in my personal library, and my ephemeris, (used to calculate astrology charts by hand), disappeared, certain astrology books would evaporate off my book shelves, and Mom spent a lot of time burning things in the back yard....

Years passed, my studies deepened, I became a teenager and began reading for friends and kind of got a reputation of being a bit "spooky".

I became an adult, took my first job as an Electronics Buyer in 1980, and of course the circle of people I read for widened. 

I married, had two children, became an Inventory Manager, then worked my way up after my divorce to an Operations Manager in the printing industry.  I spent many years working my tail off to support my family and all through the years I never stopped reading cards for the people I met along the way.

Then I decided I was going to change industries, I went to a Thermography Plant as the Plant Manager, a great job, I was "The Boss" of the whole organization, I owned two homes, etc. etc. etc.

The plant shut down.

I was laid off for the first time in my life.

I could "sign up" for unemployment, but it was only about 1/8 of what my income normally was, I panicked.  I was frantically job hunting, and then I thought, wait, let me take this time to write a book on Tarot, a subject I love.  I wrote my book and began reading professionally (ie. for money). 

My business took off!

I was now able to set my own hours, work as little or as much as I wanted, and......BONUS.....I absolutely LOVED what I was doing!

I gave up the job search and NEVER returned to the rat race.

It's the old adage "DO WHAT YOU LOVE, THE MONEY WILL FOLLOW".

And that, my dear friends, is how Brigid Bishop became a Professional Tarot Reader.

3/7/12

Since I originally wrote this blog five years ago I have remarried, my children have "left the nest", and I am now the proud momma to three fur babies, my surrogate children!  Two Boxers, Bella and Jillian (aka "The Bean"), and a calico cat who thinks she's also a Boxer, named Sophie.

I have been on Keen full time since 2003, part time since 2001...it's been over a decade.  I'm not leaving Keen, but I am taking my life coaching, relationship coaching and writing career to the next level.

A new chapter in my life is dawning.  In the five years since I originally posted this blog (I updated the ages for this repost), I have published three books, a series of Tarot Journals with 24 Volumes and I have several more titles on the way!  I have returned to school full time to become a psychologist.

Life never stops changing and hopefully we never stop evolving.

So here I am at the age of 50, plotting for my next career development...  I stand by the phrase "Do what you love, the money will follow!".


Here's hoping you are pursuing your bliss as well, and making a productive contribution to your own life!


UPDATE MARCH 15, 2014

I last updated this blog two years ago, and it has been seven years since I originally wrote it.

Now, not only am I a parent, but I am a grandparent as well!  My first grandbaby, Ava, is now 14 months old, walking, talking, and bringing joy to my life.

I am graduating from my baccalaureate program with a Major in Psychology and a Minor in Sociology, with highest honors, in May!  I am currently in the process of interviewing for graduate school programs in both clinical and counseling psychology.  Because of Ava, I want to stay close to home, so this limits me geographically, but one firm offer so far, and another interview for an M. Ed. program in Counseling and Human Services on the 24th, which I really hope to gain acceptance to.  Entry into their doctoral program upon successful completion of the Masters in not guaranteed, but promising...clinical work begins in the very first semester...and of course, I am still doing Keen.

Life continues to change.  Family shrinks and grows.  People from your past return, and people from your present may leave.  I am blessed to have my eldest stepdaughter back fully in my life, rebuilding a relationship that waned after her father and I divorced 22 years ago...

Life is a circle, and it never stops.

May reading this, and seeing the evolution in my life bring you hope and peace, and help you to remember that life is a journey.  It's not the destination that counts, but the journey itself!

Brightest Blessings!

Brigid Bishop



Myth:  Tarot Cards must be a gift, you should not buy your own tarot cards.

Truth:  You most certainly should purchase your own tarot cards.  Your decks should be selected based on what you are drawn to, which deck calls out to you, what artwork inspires you, makes you feel good, makes you want to grab the deck off the shelf and open it up before you even get back to your car.........the deck should choose you too!

Myth:  You should not read your own tarot cards.

Truth:  Tarot was originally developed as a tool for spiritual growth, based on the Qabbalah and the Judeo-Christian Bible and NOT for divinatory usage.  Divination using tarot came about because after a time tarot was hidden, esoteric, only religious scholars understood it, therefore, skilled tarot readers did not exist.  You actually should read your own cards, and frequently, to develop self-understanding.

Myth:  If it comes up in your cards, it will definitely happen.

Truth:  If it comes up in your cards it is likely to happen, however, based upon your course of action moving forward, you can change it.

I like to use this example.  A man calls me for a reading asking if he is going to get a new job.  Up until the time he calls me for a reading, he has been putting his resume out there, networking, etc.  I read his cards.  I get a strong yes.  The timing comes up as about six weeks out.

Reading over.  The man decides that since it is in the cards his work is done, he stops aggressively seeking a new job and calls me in seven weeks to tell me he has not been contacted or got any leads on a new position.  He changed his course of action and changed the outcome.  For a reading to remain "intact", so to speak, you must continue with the same course of action.  The reverse is also true, if you do not like the outcome of your reading it is possible to change it.

Here's another example, a woman calls and asks if an ex is going to contact her to reconcile.  The cards show a yes, the contact occurs, however, the woman decides that she is going to make it difficult for the man to come back into her life and rejects his initial offers of reconciliation. 

The woman calls for a one or two minute check-in for a few weeks on a regular basis and contacts show in the cards and continue to occur, however the woman is not yet ready to accept the man back and continues to say no to his attempts at getting back together.  The cards do start to show weakening on the part of the man in attempting to continue contact and the woman is advised that he may give up if no progress is made, yet, the pattern continues.

The woman calls again and asks when contact will occur again (not if).  The cards are thrown and the answer is ambivalent, (yes the cards can show ambivalence), the contact looks like it may occur in three to seven days, however, it seems that he is having a hard time deciding if he should risk rejection yet again. 

The man does not make the contact, the woman calls for another reading and the cards show that due to her rejecting his initial attempts at reconciliation he has decided to let go.  Were the cards wrong?  No.  The woman's free will changed the ultimate outcome of the situation.  In order for her to now reach her goal, if she chooses to do so, she will need to change her behavior and at this point, she may need to initiate contact herself (if she wants to reconcile with this particular man).

Tarot Card readings are not set in stone, at each step along the way your own actions and reactions can change the outcome of any given situation.  The best approach to Tarot is to keep you ultimate goals and desires in mind and act accordingly, consulting the cards as to your best course of action in order to achieve those goals and desires when the need arises.

 

Relationships From All Angles by Brigid Bishop

 

On The Outside Looking In

Making the Moon Work for You

by Brigid Bishop

 

The Moon, as it orbits our earth, moves through the zodiac much more quickly than any other significant celestial body. 

The Moon is one of the most potent astrological forces that we experience, and as it cycles through the signs on a regular schedule of approximately 2.5 days, we can use its’ energy to enhance our daily lives in many matters, including, but not limited to:

Signing contracts, beginning projects, attending job interviews, applying for loans, changing residence, approaching authority figures, travelling, shopping, and putting an end to something, convincing others to come around to your way of thinking.

How do we do this?

It’s rather simple.

Look at your sun sign and watch the movements of The Moon for when it will next be residing in the same sign as your sun.  When The Moon is in your sign, you can expect things to work out to your favor regardless of how difficult you may find the situation to be.

When The Moon is in your sun sign, these are your “best” days of the month, and these are the days when things will go more strongly in your favor than at any other time during the month.

At the opposite end of the scale, we have you “worst” or “lowest” days each month as well. 

These occur during the 2.5 days that The Moon visits your polar opposite sign.  For example, when you are an Aquarius, your lowest days of the month occur when The Moon is in Leo, if you are a Pisces, your lows are when The Moon is in Virgo, and so on around the astrological wheel.

When you are in the 2.5 day phase of your low, just kick back and don’t try to change things, wait for better timing, as you will find it most difficult to get your way during this phase.

The low points are good times of the month to meditate, be spiritual, be more kind to others and let negativity roll off your back like the proverbial duck.  Try to avoid dealing with important business matters during these times if it is at all possible.

Every 2.5 days The Moon goes “Void of Course” as well.  The length of the Void of Course Moon varies greatly, sometimes, it can be a fleeting few seconds, at others, it can last a few days.  A lunar phase calendar can help you to track The Moon.

A Void of Course Moon occurs when the last major aspect happens prior to changing to the next sign, hence, its’ frequency being an approximate 2.5 days.  The Void ends when The Moon successfully enters the next sign.

These periods are best used for “quiet times” for everyone.  Things tend to go wrong or get confused during the void, stress levels rise, patience wanes and everyone is just a little bit more difficult to talk to.  It is not an exceedingly strong influence, but it has its’ moments.  It is best to avoid taking assertive actions during these voids, simply wait for them to pass.

 

 

 

Are You “The Other Woman?”

Why Do People Cheat?

Surviving An Affair

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

He Left His Wife, Now What?

When The One We Love Is With Someone Else

Independence, Codependence and Interdependence

 

 

Visit Brigid Bishop

 

 

If I am not available, please try the well-qualified Advisors in My Group

Brigid Bishop Recommends

To Ensure That You Continue to Receive Quality Advice.

 

Around The Wheel with Aries

(Compatibility Profiles)

By Brigid Bishop

 

Here are some basic “Rules of Thumb” for Arian Compatibility Profiles.  Of course, these are based on Sun Sign only, in order to truly plot compatibility it is best to have a professional compatibility profile done between the two charts, but this is a general description of the core energies to be expected.

Aries Male and Aries Female

Wow!  Hope you live near a fire station, who is going to douse those flames of passion?  Here is a combination that will burn up all the energy around them like a great Super Nova in the sky!  Both parties are so full of life, energy and enthusiasm that a room will actually get hotter when they walk in together.  They can love together very well, but the passion carries over into their disagreements as well, that’s when you will need the local fire department to be on call!  He will be her hero and she will be his heroine, they will vacillitate between putting each other first and fighting over being first!  Balance of the elements of Earth and Air in the charts will stabilize this explosive couple.

Aries Male and Taurus Female

The Aries Male and the Taurean Female are a blend of the elements of Fire and Earth.  Earth, as you know, consists of fire at its core, so the match can be very complimentary if the Aries Male appreciates the sensuality and good taste of the Taurean female.  The Taurus female will have no problems idolizing her  fiery Knight in Shining Armor and this will make the Aries Male feel good about himself, and her.  He has no problems being her protector, but his need to go off on adventures may be a little uncomfortable for this loving lady.  She brings him stability, he brings her the passion she craves.

Aries Female and Taurus Male

The Aries Female may well prove to be quite a challenge for the stodgy and masculine Bull Boy.  She doesn’t need his protection, heck, she’ll protect him, but she loves his earthy sensuality and the passion it brings up within her.  If the Taurean Male can keep himself from becoming “proprietary” over this feisty woman, they will get along well, if he tries to reign her in or keep her at home too long, she will simply vanish!  The Aries Female arouses the Taurean Male’s passions in ways that confound and confuse him, she challenges him, and the Taurean Male makes the Aries Female feel just a tad bit “girly”.

Aries Male and Gemini Female                

The Aries Male will be genuinely fascinated by the Gemini Female and will be hard-pressed to keep up with her acrobatic mind as she switches from subject to subject and twin to twin, but he loves a challenge!  These two can communicate very well together, but the Gemini Female is more of an “idea” person and the Aries Male is an “action” kind of guy.  She doesn’t believe in Knights in Shining Armor, so the Aries Male will try to prove himself to her, with valor, over and over again.  The Gemini Female challenges the ego of the Arian Male, but he will be true to himself and do his best to convince her that he IS the greatest guy on earth.  Her Air whips his Fire into a frenzy, but she must be sure that she doesn’t blow that fire out by being a little bit too cold to him.  Give him some attention already girl!

 Aries Female and Gemini Male

Unlike the reverse pairing of these signs, biologically, this makes for a wonderful match!  The Gemini Male, being duplicitous in nature, has absolutely no problems with the Fiery Girl’s masculine energies.  He likes a woman who will take charge.  He as an innate knack of making her feel like she is always first in his life, and she LIKES that.  The Aries Female finds the intellectual Gemini fascinating and spurs the relationship forward with enthusiasm, of course SHE wants to be the first one to take him skydiving!

Aries Male and Cancer Female

The Aries Male appreciates the nurturing essence of the Cancer Female, being the first son of the Zodiac makes him warm to her maternal instincts.  The Aries Male will cherish and protect the feminine Crab and make her feel safe and secure, she loves the idea of being his “damsel in distress” and will appreciate his rescue of her.  The Aries Male feels much the man around this loving damsel and shows his appreciation for her validating his masculinity by loving her in a hot and steamy passionate way.  Water and Fire can destroy each other or they can create a steamy and sensational pair, with these two, it is usually the latter.

Aries Female and Cancer Male

This mix is not as favorable as its’ biological opposite as although the Cancer Male is a feminine energy Sun Sign, he is still incarnated as a man and finds her masculine energy frustrating at times.  The Cancer Male is one who wants to give the Arian Female “first time” experiences, however, he may well make her unhappy by already having shared those experiences with someone else, SHE WANTS TO BE FIRST!  The Aries Female is not big into being “nurtured” by her man, as a masculine energy entity she wants a man that she can respect, so hopefully there will be more Air or Fire in their charts to balance the situation so it doesn’t become too difficult.

Aries Male and Leo Female

Fight fire with fire!  Wow!  Power couple coming into the room!  Clear the way!  They both need to be the center of attention, and if they get more attention as a pair than as individuals, well, then, GREAT!  This is a happy and fun pairing.  The Aries Male may feel like the Leo Female is stealing his thunder from time to time, but she is gracious and generous and will share the limelight with him.  Passionate?  Yes.  End of story.

Aries Female and Leo Male

The Leo Male knows just how to make the Female Aries feel special.  She needs to special.  He loves her drive and enthusiasm and feels that it compliments his own special energy of fire.  He will try to dominate her, but heck, it’s going to be fun because it will be an ongoing challenge, she will never concede her power over to him, but they look at it as a game and thoroughly enjoy challenging each other.  This couple has so much fun due to the Aries Female being a perpetual child at heart that the noble Lion just has to join in the fun!

Aries Male and Virgo Female

The Aries Male and the Virgo Female make a good energy match, although the Virgo Female may bring the Aries Male down a little bit if she exercises her Mercurial tongue in a critical way on him.  Aries Men cannot appreciate criticism, no matter how constructive, very well.  So if she remembers to lavish him with praise and appreciate his “spark” they can get along just fine.  The Aries Male finds the Virgo Female intriguing, he wonders, “Is she too good to be true?”.

Aries Female and Virgo Male

The Aries Female is fiery and active while the Virgo Male is analytical and critical.  The two may find little common ground at first.  The Virgo Male does have the ability to make the Aries Female feel that she is “first” in all things, but he takes a little of the wind out of her sails when he expects her to be more “grounded” here on Earth.  If the charts have more positive aspects within them, they can make a good pair, he being practical and her with the drive and ambition, but it’s a bit “iffy”.

Aries Male and Libra Female

The Aries Male finds the Libra Female a beautiful feminine challenge.  The polar opposition of their energies serves well to create a good balance between his Fire and her Air.  She is ethereal to him, like a muse, and he is a romance novel come to life for her.  He must remember that despite all of her feminine charms, she is intellectual at the core, and he must keep that intellectual connection burning brightly to keep her interest.  She must remember that he is an action packed gentlemen and she must come down out of the clouds of her daydreams in order to do things with him rather than just dream about them.

Aries Female and Libra Male

The Aries Female and the Libra Male have a bit more of a challenge than their biological reversed pairing.  The polar opposition between these two may cause the Aries Female to feel he spends too much time weighing out options when her natural tendency is to act quickly and go with her gut.  The sensitive Libra Male may find her energy a bit overwhelming, but fascinating all the same.  With positive aspects between planetary positions they may find equilibrium, but they certainly challenge each other!

Aries Male and Scorpio Female

The Aries Male will find the Scorpion Female quite sensual and ethereal.  He will enjoy her deep passionate nature, as long as she keeps it focused on him.  The Scorpio Female will love the youthful exuberance of the Arian Male, but will need him to be consistent in his attentions to her or her interest will wane.  He needs her attention, but she needs him to be nearby to receive that attention for both to be happy.

Aries Female and Scorpio Male

The Aries Female challenges the Scorpio Male.  Her fire and energy draw out his passion and his sensuality, she challenges him and he is not one to walk away from a challenge.  The possessive tendencies of the Scorpion Male may put her off he does not allow her enough space, but he knows how to keep her fires burning at home so she won’t need to go adventuring off without him too often.  This is a passionate connection and other aspects that are positive are needed to keep that passion positive in tone.

Aries Male and Sagittarius Female

Fire! Fire!  FIRE!  Wow!  This is a power couple combination.  She will EXPECT him to be her Knight in Shining armor, her hero and he will do his best to live up to it!  She will call him on the carpet, out loud and directly whenever he is not behaving like the hero he is meant to be.  Their arguments will be fast, loud and direct, but their makeup sessions will be just as heated.  She drives him to success and he protects her from the backlash her honesty sometimes creates.

Aries Female and Sagittarius Male   

The Sagittarian Male’s need for adventure, travel and independence will make the Aries Female feel enthralled!  She will want to tag along on every adventure he can dream up.  These two will travel well together and will enjoy a myriad of activities, from boating, hiking and camping, to parasailing and mountain climbing, to skiing the Alps, whatever!  She’s in!  This adventuresome duo will see the world together and always be happy about doing so!

Aries Male and Capricorn Female

The Aries Male and Capricorn Female work from two entirely different energies.  He is Fire and she is Earth, she will help to stabilize him and show him how to attain his goals and he will teach her how to live it up a little.  The Aries Male will be quite the “handful” for the Capricorn Female, but she will admire his masculinity and feel that she can take a little more risk in life when she has him to back her up.

Aries Female and Capricorn Male

The Goat Man may very well have a hard time keeping up with the Aries Female.  His style is slow and determined and plodding whereas her style is more of rushing in and grabbing the bull (or the goat) by the horns!  They will both reach the top of the mountain, but she will probably get there first and grab him by his horns and pull him the rest of the way up!  This will challenge the Goat.  He will get frustrated when he wants to protect her and she tells him that it is SHE that is protecting HIM.  The Aries Female will be well schooled to work on her feminine energy utilization to make this pairing work.

Aries Male and Aquarius Female

The Aries Male may think the Aquarian Female is just a little bit cold and that she needs to take her nose out of that book and away from that microscope to enjoy the world around her.  She may not take kindly to him trying to rescue her, she is quite capable of battling her own villains thank you, but the Aquarius Female will appreciate the intention just the same.  These two challenge each other for power when coupled and unless there are other positive aspects between them, they can become adversarial rather quickly, her Air intellectualizes just as rapidly as his Fire takes action and this can lead to impulsive interactions and verbalizations between them.

Aries Female and Aquarius Male

She may feel the need to rescue the Aquarian Male from a life of boredom and inaction and he may need to teach her that analysis can be a fun thing.  These two actually match well because she will bring the Aquarian Male out of the library and into the fire and he will help her to achieve her fiery goals by taking a studied approach to coaching her.  He is more willing than any other sign to allow HER to be the one wearing the shining armor and she likes that.  These two are quite capable of pulling off a full role reversal in their relationship and being very happy about it!

Aries Male and Pisces Female

The Aries Male may confuse our sensitive Ms. Fish.  He is her Knight in Shining Armor, but she doesn’t understand why he has to go out and slay dragons when she is here dreaming about him and waiting for him.  She will build a loving and nurturing environment for him to recharge in, but she may not understand that his energies are nearly boundless and she should try to get out there and adventure alongside him once in a while.  The Aries Male will love the Pisces Female’s way of building his dreams into reality, manifesting them for him, but he will still want to go out and conquer the world anyway.  These two are a good match if he has enough in his chart to stabilize for periods of time to give her the attention she needs and she needs to take off the rose colored glasses once in a while and see that he is a mortal.

 

Aries Female and Pisces Male

The Aries Female is quite capable of protecting the sensitive Pisces Male and her belief in heroes and villains will make the Pisces Male protective of her as well.  She has the energy and the drive to help the Pisces Male make his dreams reality and the Pisces Male can focus her Arian energy into achieving her goals as well.  The Aries Female may at times worry our sensitive Mr. Fish when she is off adventuring on her own, but he will trust her and she will love him for it.

 

Copyright © 2007

Brigid Bishop

This content may not be copied or reproduced in any way without the express written permission of the author. You are welcome to link to or bookmark this page, but please contact the author via Keen Mail if you wish to reproduce this article in whole or in part.

 

 

 

The Aries Personality Type

Want to Seduce a Pisces?

The Pisces Personality Type

Want to Seduce an Aquarius?

How Does Your Sign Match Up With Pisces?

The Aquarius Personality Type

Around The Wheel With Aquarius

 

 

 

The Aries Personality Type

by Brigid Bishop

 

Now here’s a real firecracker!

Aries is the very first sign of the zodiac, really kicks things off in a big way, sort of like the “Big Bang Theory” of Astrology.

As the first sign of the Zodiac, it is also considered the “infant” of the zodiac wheel.  More “young souls” are found under this fiery and impulsive sign than under any other sign of the zodiac.  Here is where our souls begin to learn our karmic lessons, frequently being one of our first three incarnations.

Both males and females of this assertive sign seem to emerge from a metaphysical fountain of youth.  Even when they are octogenarians they still seem to have a childlike exuberance about them.

Aries is ruled by Mars, a very energetic planet indeed, even impulsive, so expect your Arian to be a bit of a go-getter in all areas of life.

Mars is a very war-like planet and as such influences those born under its’ rule in a way that makes them literally seek out and destroy competition and opposing forces.  This is someone that you will want “on your side” when facing difficulties, without a doubt, and can make a fearsome opponent if on the other side of the battle field.

Aries of both sexes tend to live “out loud”, why hide what you are doing?  If you don’t believe in living life your way then change the way you are living, don’t hide it!  Aries will be very straightforward with you whether you like it or not!

Aries Men truly do believe that there are heroes and villains in this world, and they want to be your hero.  They want to be your “Knight in Shining Armor” and expect your praise and admiration to be very generously given to them for being that hero to you.  An Aries Man is brave to begin with, but will also be the man who would give all he has to ensure your happiness if he really loves you and feels your love for him.

Aries Women are just as strong and fiery as their male counterparts and have a hard time being a passive feminine energy, they are “take action” kind of women and will make things happen, whether you want them to or not!  She demands your attention and is the kind of woman who, upon entering a room, gives off a “Regal Bearing” that draws many male admirers to her.  Although she enjoys receiving attention, she is loyal to those she loves.

The down-side of an Arian personality which may be difficult for some other signs to digest, is that true to their placement on the Zodiac Wheel, they generally do have a “Me First!” attitude in life.  They like to be in charge and they are very impulsive by nature.

Due to the Aries sign being childlike in exuberance, they frequently may fail to be a good judge of character and may actually find themselves hurt when those they have chosen to trust in error hurt or betray them, they just don’t comprehend disloyalty.

Being first in your life makes them feel good.

With Aries of both sexes it is IMPERATIVE (did I write that in all caps), that you treat your relationship with them as if you never had a prior experience that comes close to comparing to the connection you have with them.  NEVER (did I use all caps) discuss your exes with them.  It will make them feel like they are a rerun or not fresh and new, and it hurts them, they must feel that they are first.

When dating an Aries of either sex it is important that you experience things for the FIRST TIME with THEM and let them KNOW IT.  It can be something as simple as trying a new cuisine or visiting someplace you never were before, but make an effort to keep your relationship with an Aries full of FIRSTS and you will have a very pleasant experience indeed!

 

Famous Aries Men

Eddie Murphy, Al Gore, Elton John, Hugh Hefner, Russell Crowe, Colin Powell, Steven Tyler, Steven Seagal, Adrien Brody, Eric Bana, Charlie Chaplin, Francis Ford Coppola, Matthew Broderick, Vince Vaughn

 

Famous Aries Women

Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Garner, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kiera Knightley, Mandy Moore, Sarah Michele Gellar, Diana Ross, Queen Elizabeth, Norah Jones, Cynthia Nixon, Marcia Cross

 

 

*Please keep in mind that although the “Arian” Personality Type communicated in this blog hits on some key personality traits of the Sun Sign Aries, every person is different and an entire chart must be analyzed which will weaken or strengthen the Arian traits in the Aries you know.  Also be aware that wherever Aries is in YOUR chart is where you will display these types of behaviours.  I do provide Astrology Charts through Keen and you can Keen Mail me to purchase one if you are interested in finding out what makes someone tick.

Copyright © 2007

Brigid Bishop

This content may not be copied or reproduced in any way without the express written permission of the author. You are welcome to link to or bookmark this page, but please contact the author via Keen Mail if you wish to reproduce this article in whole or in part.

 

 

 

 

Around The Wheel With Aries

Want to Seduce a Pisces?

The Pisces Personality Type

Want to Seduce an Aquarius?

How Does Your Sign Match Up With Pisces?

The Aquarius Personality Type

Around The Wheel With Aquarius

Tarot Tips by Brigid Bishop:  Timing and the Tarot

When?  When?  When?

The most difficult skill in interpreting tarot is pinning down time.  Many querents fail to realize that the timing of events is static to begin with, many factors can change or “adjust” the timing of predictive readings.

The first and foremost factor that affects timing is any action that is taken by the querent that was not premeditated at the time the reading was given.  For instance, the most common question asked is “When will he/she contact me next?”

We do a spread and it looks like a one week to ten day period.  First of all, in the divulging of timing, if I say “one week to ten days”, it may actually be day ELEVEN that the contact occurs in, I am NOT a pinpointed timing reader.  Anyway, we get a read with this timeframe and the querent gets “antsy” and picks up the phone, calls and leaves a voicemail or sends a text……the Free Will of the querent has changed the situation and the reading is no longer valid.  Yes, at times, taking the bull by the horns like this may push things to happen more quickly, but, more often than not, it pushes things back.  (See my blog on Masculine and Feminine Energies for more info):  The Dating Game, Exploring Masculine and Feminine Energies

Anyway, to calculate timing in a reading, I use a combination of several different methods.  First of all, I generally use a spread that divulges timing based on the position of the cards.  The positions give me a “guesstimate” of the timing.  We have positions that include, but are not limited to, one to two weeks, three to six weeks, three to six months, and six months to a year.  The cards themselves relate to timing as well, certain cards indicate immediate action, certain cards are passive and hint at delay, etc.  Where they land in the spread aids in the interpretation of “when”. 

I also take into consideration the parochial version of tarot, which assigns Wands to Spring, Cups to Summer, Swords to Autumn and Pentacles to Winter, and then, secondarily, the Aces are the first week, the Twos are the second week and so on, this is taken into consideration as well.

The general intuitive or “psychic” interpretation I get when looking at the spread as a whole is also a key factor in calculating timing.

There is also a method that I can use, but rarely do over the phone unless the querent requests it (it is not “quick” and you are paying by the minute, so I only perform upon request).  This is where they want to count off the days or weeks or months until an event.  The question is asked, such as “How many days until he calls?”, I shuffle and cut and begin flipping over and counting out the cards until I hit an Ace, that is your answer.  Obviously, there are 78 cards in the deck, and the first Ace could possibly be card number 74, this is not a quick method when reading by phone, but if requested, I will perform it for you.

So, calculating timing is a complex process and it is very difficult to pinpoint to an “exact” day.  Usually, in my readings, if I see an event in days, I am only off by a day or two, if I see it in weeks, it may vary by a week or two, if I see the answer in months, it may vary by a month or two, but the event will ultimately happen, it’s just difficult to pin down, it’s like sticking your hand into a bucket of water and wanting the hole to remain after you pull your hand out……water seeks its’ own level, and events happen in their own time, I can give you my best estimate through Tarot, but I do not claim to be exact.

Generally, the closer in the event is, the more clearly it comes up in the cards, and the more "exact" the timing is.

Please be sure to visit Brigid Bishop to receive an ethical and professional tarot consultation.

 

Learn How To Choose the Right Advisor for YOU 



He Left His Wife!  Now What?

by Brigid Bishop

Ok, you had been in the midst of a fairly serious affair with this married man. You survived all of the mayhem as discussed in my blog Cheating and Affairs  and now you think you’re troubles are over.

Stop.

This is not the end of your problems, it is just a new set of challenges.

There are two ways that this situation can go.  Let’s explore both of them.

Scenario One

The married man you love has left his wife and your relationship is still “iffy”.

Scenario Two

The married man you love has left his wife and he is making definitive plans for a future with you.

In Scenario One you may be dealing with a man who has spent years in an unwanted marriage, and although the time you had together may have had it’s good points, and you may have thought that he loved you, he may feel that he has been living his life in a very restrictive manner and the divorce now gives him the freedom to live as truly single again.

Your relationship with him may start to suffer.  He may blame you for his divorce, pick fights for no reason, cheat on you, or outright leave you.

Some men, when they divorce, get a feeling of “out of the frying pan and into the fire” and they will never commit to the woman that they were with when they left their marriage.  This happens in about 50% of the cases I have worked with when the man does exit his marital commitment.

Many times the catalyst to the breakup of the affair in question is the pressure that the woman who has been waiting for years applies to the man to progress the relationship.  The woman may feel that she has spent more than enough time waiting for this to be real, and now that he is “free”, he should immediately commit to her.

The man in question, as stated, may need a period of time to spread his wings, sow his wild oats again, and you, the woman in waiting, may find that not only is your waiting not over, but the relationship itself may be falling to pieces just when you thought your dreams were coming true.

In some cases, this stage, or breakup, may only be temporary, however, more often than not, this is when the affair loses its’ appeal and things start riding the highway to hell.

Scenario Two

Your married man left his wife with the explicit intention of building a life with you, and he has made that very clear to you.

Good for you.  Now, perhaps, you believe that you can really start your relationship for real and that you can have a fresh start.

Although this scenario, rare as it is, can initially be a very happy one for the two of you as a couple, you’re not out of the woods yet.

First of all, there may well be a very difficult (and expensive) divorce proceeding for your married man to contend with.  Child custody battles, drawn out settlement negotiations are common.  Divorces of this type are usually much more vindictive than any other type of divorce because of the involvement of the third party (you), no one likes to be cheated on, and your married man’s soon to be ex may be trying to hurt him in any way(s) she can to punish him for cheating. 

Even worse, the soon-to-be ex-wife is even more hurt and angry because if she is aware that he intends to build a future with you, he has moved on very quickly and that stings.  No one likes to be replaced,  especially before they are “gone”.  So be prepared for a nasty divorce battle.

Now, there is his family to contend with.  Do you actually believe that his children and his parents are going to welcome you with open arms?  To be realistic, the children may very well hate you for the rest of their lives for disrupting their home life.  Even if it wasn’t happy, and the parents were fighting a lot, it was the “norm” and their dad was a part of their day-to-day living, and now you “took him away”.  They are likely to resent you big time.  If the ex-wife is particularly vindictive, she will poison the children in many ways against you and probably against him too.  This does not make for a happy foundation for a blended family.

Finances may be difficult for a long time to come when the divorce is over.  He will likely have child support and possibly alimony as well, so you will have to continue to contribute to the financial stability of your pairing, more so than if this situation did not exist.  Be aware that you may begin to resent the additional financial burdens that the ex-wife and children present, the younger the children, the longer you are restricted.

He may still be required to live a separate life when it comes to his children.  To keep peace he may have to keep his relationship with his children separate from you, it happens very often, so keep your fantasies of a happy blended family to a minimum.

His parents may or may not accept you, it will depend upon your individual circumstances, so again, you may feel like you are still an outsider.

You will also need to be concerned about joint assets.  Suppose he moves into the home you already own and you marry.  Be sure you have a will defining how your assets will be distributed.  What if you have children as well, if you die first and do not define who the house goes to in your will, your now-husband will inherit it automatically, and then when he passes on who gets it?  Your kids?  His kids?  You must look at the situation realistically to protect yourself as well as any children you have on your own.

As time goes on, the situation may improve, children grow up, exes move on, people adapt, but be aware that these are just a few of the challenges you may face when you enter into this volatile situation.

People fall in and out of love all of the time.  Your situation is not unusual to say the least, but it is more challenging in the obstacles and pressures that come your way due to the way that it began.  Keep that in mind.



Copyright © 2007 Brigid Bishop

This content may not be copied or reproduced in any way without the express written permission of the author.  You are welcome to link to or bookmark this page, but please contact the author via Keen Mail if you wish to reproduce this article in whole or in part.


On The Outside Looking In

Brigid Bishop Relationship Coach

 

 

Have You Read Brigid Bishop's Classic Blogs?

 

The Newly "BED" Game

Tough Love In the Garden of Eden

Thyme In a Bottle

Why Do People Cheat?

What is Your Power Animal?

The Bridal Bouquet

(This Article Contains Links to More Wedding Rituals and Myths)

 

Independence, Codependence and Interdependence

Premarital Ponderings at 2 a.m.

On The Outside Looking In 

Doing The Relationship Limbo?

Be Careful What You Wish For!

Relationships From All Angles, The Geometry of Relationships

He Chased Me 'Til I Caught Him

 

Visit Brigid Bishop

 

 

 



HAVE YOU PICKED UP YOUR COPY OF "THE DATING GAME" YET? A must read no matter what your relationship status.

Look for it online and at fine book stores EVERYWHERE! Ask for it by name!

The Dating Game by Brigid Bishop

The Dating Game
Insights Into Affairs of The Heart
Authored by Brigid Bishop


Social networking sites, cell phones, texting, online chat and dating make it easier for us to access each other, but more difficult to form solid emotional bonds.

The 21st Century has life and relationships moving at a pace never before realized in earlier cultures. People are plugged in and connected on a 24/7 basis, yet, many still struggle with establishing healthy relationships.

The Dating Game provides insights into modern relationships and provides the reader with strategies for coping with dating, breaking up, affairs, divorce and codependency issues.

Find dating tips and relationship strategies that will help you build the healthy connections you want and begin making your relationships work for you.

Written with a sense of humor and true understanding of what the single person is facing today.



Copyright © 2010 by Brigid Bishop



Closure is Not a Gift


At least once per day, usually much more frequently, I receive calls from clients asking about exes from whom they wish to be "given closure".

Sometimes it is a freshly broken relationship and quite understandable that they would like to have a logical and mature discussion with the ex as to why the relationship failed, in order to learn from the experience and begin the process of moving on.

There are some clients, however, who are looking to be "given closure" for situations and relationships that are ancient history, perhaps having ended many months or even years ago. These clients tend to be stuck, they are unable to move forward into new relationships, forgoing any opportunities for moving on by waiting and wondering if they will ever "get closure".

They focus on wondering if their ex partner ever thinks about them, how they feel about them, even when the ex partner is obviously involved with someone new! They live in constant anticipation, regardless of how much time has passed, of the old flame making contact and some how, some way, "giving" them the "closure" that they need to move forward.

This is not only unrealistic, it is down right unhealthy. I find that the clients who have this insatiable need for the "gift of closure" are harboring the hope that the ex will see what a mistake they made and return to the failed relationship.

Some actually believe that unless they are "given closure" the relationship still has a chance of resurrecting itself, even if years have gone by.

Closure is not something you are given. it is not a gift.

Yes, some relationships do end with some very clear and defined energies of closure, most have been very long-term and committed in nature, such as marriages and engagements where social expectations are high, but clear-cut closure is the exception in relationships, not the rule. Closure is something that you TAKE.

In most cases, closure is an experience that you go through alone, not with your ex, but alone.

How do you "take" your closure?

There are many ways to do so.

Closure is simply an acceptance that the relationship you once had is now over. You are no longer partners. You are once again two separate entities who are now free to look for a more compatible partner. Closure requires letting go. Some people "take" their closure once their ex becomes involved with a new love, some take their closure after a month or two of no contact and no attempted reconciliation occurs, some take their closure when they meet someone new and feel a true interest in moving forward with the new person, everyone is different.

The people who never receive closure are the people who sit around waiting for their ex to "give" it to them.  They surrender all of their power to an  ex who has most likely taken their own closure quite some time ago, waiting for that "gift of closure" that never comes, from an ex who is long gone.

If you would like closure to your situation, reach out and take it, that's the only way to get it. It's all about acceptance. Accept the change that has occurred, you are not half of a couple, you are an independent individual and you can move forward, you don't need your ex recounting all the reasons the relationship failed to you. Will hearing your ex say "It's not you it's me" or "We grew apart" or "We fought too much" or "I just don't want to be in a relationship right now" really make you feel better? Will it make any more sense to you?

Does knowing with a certainty exactly why your relationship failed make it any easier to move on?  Perhaps, but waiting months or years for a "gift" that never comes is just wasting your time and energy.  In my experience, those who have an actual "closure" discussion rarely find comfort in it, it leaves them trying to argue the point/counter points of the relationship with the ex rather than freeing them to move on.

Instead look at it this way, we had a relationship, it did not work, think of the positives and negatives of that particular partnership and learn from them. Take the good into your next experience and leave the bad behind. Take you closure and move on! The sooner you do, the happier you will be.


Copyright © 2010 Brigid Bishop


If Brigid is Unavailable to Take Your Call, Please Try These Trusted Advisors to Ensure You Continue to Receive Quality Guidance!


Get Your Copy of Brigid Bishop's Latest Book, "The Dating Game, Insights Into Affairs of the Heart" Today!  Available at Fine Booksellers Everywhere! 

Start Making Your Relationships Work For You!
More Posts Next page »