8 Reasons Straight Men Are Avoiding Marriage and Commitment
Attitudes toward marriage have changed radically over the past 15 years, especially among heterosexuals. Heterosexual woman have increased their desire for marriage, saying having a successful marriage is one of the most important things in their lives, from 28% to 37 percent. However, for heterosexual men the percentage went down from 35% to 29 percent. In her 2013 book, Helen Smith, Ph. D, Men on Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream - and Why It Matters, thoroughly examines this phenomena.
Her premise is that American society, by and large, has become anti-male. She interviewed thousands of men all over the United States and concluded that the incentives have changed, shaping male behavior. I can attest to this; it has! I went from being a hopeless romantic, believing in love and marriage to being ambivalent toward it. And ironically, that radical transformation of my consciousness also took about 15 years.
I have been doing psychic work for 25 years. Twelve years ago I became a trained Remote Viewer. That was when I was introduced to the concept of Optimum Mates. Of course, my romantic side leapt at that. I had personal experiences that pointed to my Optimum Mate and I was happy to have it confirmed.
However, Optimum Mates do not exist in a vacuum. We live in a society where it is making less and less sense for a man to get married. Let's face it ladies, bagging a man today is totally different than 50 years ago! I attempt to educate my customers about their man's mindset and why he would be so hesitant for marriage or even commitment, even though he may be hopelessly in love with her.
As a trained Remote Viewer, and I can find out almost anything within human understanding, from what crashed at Roswell, New Mexico in 1947 to how the AIDS virus originated. And yet most of my calls here on Keen are from female customers trying to understand, and move their relationships forward with their men.
Since women are more relationship-oriented than ever, isn't it important to really understand the men they want so desperately in their lives? Men are logical ladies. And while he may feel amazing passion for you, that's not going to translate into commitment or marriage unless you personally can offer a unique shelter from the social storms raging around us. You must be different from the typical woman that your man hears about in the news. Otherwise there is simply no reason for him to take the risk of marrying you. Why wouldn't he want to marry you when you're such an amazing woman (and I write that sincerely). Let's take a look:
1. He'll lose respect: Even 30 years ago, a man wasn't considered to be fully adult until he was married with kids. Fathers in 2015 are more the object of ridicule and mockery; the dumpy guy with the flower diaper bag. In today's society, father never knows best. TV sitcoms have a endless number of clueless fathers who personify incompetence. Even serious media portrayals of fathers are an exercise in buffoonery.
2. He'll lose out on sex: Married men have more sex than single men, on average, but much less than men who are cohabiting with their partners outside of marriage, especially as time goes on. Let's face it ladies, sex and intimacy, that bonding and affirming act, is critical to keeping any relationship alive. When men get punished by committing to a woman, they are likely to see commitment as not worth it. Sex is a major stress-reliever for men. If he was been married or in a long-term relationship previously, he may have literally been conditioned not to commit.
3. He'll lose his friends: Now this isn't as much a problem for me, since I'm a psychic and most other men are afraid of me; that is unless they happen to be entrepreneurial and interested in paranormal phenomena. But for most men, this is a big issue. They really need their male bonding time! And if they're into sports, this is critical. Not too many people enjoy loosing their friends and men even less so, since they usually have less friends to begin with!
4. He'll lose his space: This, personally, is a big one for me. I'm an Introvert and a Mystic. So I need my quiet meditative, writing and exercise time. Most men love their "Man Cave" where they don't have to be constantly clean and quiet. One author on men's issues noted: that the development of suburban lifestyles, intended to bring the family together, resulted in the elimination of male spaces in the main part of the house, and the exile of men to attics, garages, basements - the least desirable part of the home. Now, this I must disagree with. Most men want to keep their wives happy and don't necessarily want the living room. However, they do want some kind of Man Cave, even if it is an attic, garage or basement! Today, men don't even get that!
5. He could lose his kids and his money: And they may not even be his kids! Most men are keenly aware of the dangers of divorce. And they worry that if a marriage (even a common law one) went sour, the woman is likely to take everything. The courts are completely stacked against men. And to further add insult to injury, if you're a blended family, a man is likely to be forced to pay child support for children that are not even his!
One man commented that his ex-wife had taunted him with the knowledge that his 11-year old son wasn't actually his: "I was angry at the mother...I severed all ties to the boy. Some may see this as a failing. I see it as self-preservation, and to those that ask the question of whether or not the courts will make a non-biological parent pay child support, pay attention: YES THEY WILL! They see you as nothing more than a source of cash for the child. It seems that a person in these situations should be able to sue the real father for child support."
6. He'll lose in court: "Despite the increases in men seeking and receiving alimony, advocates warn against linking the trend to equality in the courtroom. Family court judges still tend to favor women," said Ned Holstein, the founder of Fathers & Families, a group advocating family court reform. "Family court still gives custody overwhelmingly to mothers, child support overwhelmingly to mothers, and courts still give alimony overwhelmingly to mothers and women," he said. "The family courts came into existence years ago in order to give things to mothers that mothers needed. The times have changed and the courts have not."
7. He could lose his freedom: At least, if the man charged with child support that he can't pay, he can be put in jail - and if he can't afford a lawyer, he doesn't have the right to have one appointed because, according to the Supreme Court, it's technically a civil matter! Fathers and Families also found: "A new report concludes that between 95% and 98.5% of all incarcerations in Massachusetts sentenced from the Massachusetts Probate and Family Courts from 2001 through 2011 have been men. Moreover, this percentage may be increasing, with an average of 94.5% from 2001 to 2008, and 96.2% from 2009 through 2011. It is likely that most of these incarcerations are for incomplete payment of child support. Further analysis suggests that women who fail to pay all of their child support are incarcerated only one-eighth as often as men with similar violations."
8. Single life is better than ever: While the value of marriage and commitment to men has declined, the quality of single life has improved. Single men once faced a stigma for being single and were looked on with suspicion. Many were passed over for job promotions and opportunities because they were not seen as "mature and stable" enough. Today, nothing could be further from the truth. A man is more likely to get promoted if he has no family or wife to keep him from focusing exclusively on his career.
Pre-marital sex was once frowned up, but today it is par for the course. Dating has never been easier and with our loosening morals has come the "hook-up" culture. While I am appalled from a psychic point of view by this state of affairs, it is nevertheless, pervasive today. I believe our bodies are sacred and should be handled with the greatest respect, as I blogged about in Sex and Psychic Readings.
Cable TV and the Internet provide endless hours of entertainment that was previously unheard of. And then there are video games that have evolved from little, pixelated cartoon characters on a screen into full blown, immersive sagas with sweeping story lines and special effects worthy of any Hollywood Blockbuster! For me this is also a bonding experience with my sons.
Is this good for society? No, as falling birth rates and increasing single-motherhood demonstrate. But people respond to incentives. If we want more men to marry and/or commit, it needs to be a more attractive proposition.
Men are not just being irresponsible and "making excuses." The issues above are real.
If reading all these reasons has depressed you, you're not the only one. It depresses to me. And I'm sure it depresses many other men out there. But while you, as an individual woman cannot change society, you can change how your man perceives marriage and commitment. Now I'm not going to be able to go into great detail below about how to do this, but I will offer a few suggestions. Please use your imagination to come up with more.
Respect your man for being your man and being responsible. Women want sex as much as men, so be available for your sweetheart or husband. The bonding and stress relief is good for you too! Let your man spend time with his football buddies every now and then. Always give your man some space, even a small space in your house, if you want him to feel welcome there. Nothing makes a man feel less welcome in a house then not having space. Do not invite him to spend time with you and leave him with no space to put his things. There should be a "his" side of the bed, his night stand and a small work space.
If you have children from a previous relationship and your sweetheart or husband is sharing part of the burden for them financially or by taking them to a after school game or teaching them to drive, etc, regularly let him know how much you appreciate his efforts. Most men run away from fatherly responsibilities and good step-fathers are unheard of these days. If your man still finds family important, make sure you tell him how much you appreciate him even if the rest of the world just thinks he's that dork with the flower diaper bag!
And don't even mention court unless you're signing a prenuptial agreement! Find bonding activities to do together, and not always with the kids! Most men are poor social planners, so help him out by planning a date or fun outing. A day at the zoo, a nice hike or cultural enrichment at the museum are all awesome. He will not "feel controlled" most of the time and will probably really enjoy them!
And, as always, if you need anymore help with your romantic situation, give me a call today!