Carmen's Mirror

Carmen welcomes you to her online venue for empaths. This blog is dedicated to all of you who are sensitive to people's feelings and who feel overwhelmed by being empathic. Perhaps the accounts of my life and my observations, may help you...
The present day relationship reality
What are day to day relationships like?

In all readings with me, what should be kept in mind, is that what may come up in readings are the person’s fears and sadness, the loss they may still hold onto, as well as the passion they feel for you. This may seem uncomfortable for you, but as humans, we carry these emotions with us, if we have ever been hurt. This may mean that after a certain age, some people simply have had too much ‘life’ to bear, and it may be more difficult for them to simply ‘commit’. But this seems to be, a usual affair with most relationships, and they can outlast these assumptions.

We experience more hurt in relationships these days because of the sheer volume of relationships we have. What was once taboo, has become mainstream. We encounter thousands more people than our ancestors ever did. Our external world, the world we need to protect ourselves from, has become massive and threatening. This goes a bit against the natural need for paring, and these accumulated pains will augment your partner’s insecurities which can often dominate the reading. This would have happened whether they were in a relationship with you or someone else.

A good example of a reading that is realistically trying to help you focus, is quite in depth and sometimes an unsettling experience. The motives people have can be confusing.  It will show you his emotional traits, mostly anxiety, but this can help you understand him better to help manage the relationship. I don’t mean manipulate, even though that can be used gently to some degree successfully if it makes the other person feel more comfortable, but to also understand that the person may need time to understand and feel comfortable in your relationship.

This is a typical reading I may give:

What does J feel for me? Will this develop?

“I know J is a very soft person, who will try and mask his softness. This can mean that he has a very difficult exterior to penetrate, which is a protective positioning. This man feels very excited about you, but nervous, nervous that he cannot provide what you need, but also very afraid, because he has not dealt with a hurt. This does not mean this is directed at you!

J is used to the present dating scene, in which there is a tremendous amount of unrestrained impulse, which can pressure the relationship prematurely. But he needs an escape. And you are the key to the way out.

The way he sees this relationship will be based upon experience and routine with you. He may be pulling away to establish a routine, a cycle where he has more control, as opposed to pulling away because he is not interested.

What I would recommend at this point is allowing him some breathing room, and know that the communication will not be as intense while he is ‘testing’ you. I would recommend sticking with him, because we are in a world where we are inundated with excessive communication, which can be deceptive. We need patterns and reassurance…emotional stability…time…he cannot stay on top of constant texting, where in fact he may feel more vulnerable by communicating, because of the ;acl of attention he received before you. This is not a bad thing, but it can be overwhelming for many people at first.

What does this mean to the ‘modern’ dater? ( This scenario can be applied to women as well ). This means that even though the person is eager in the beginning of the relationship, a tremendous amount of trust in oneself is required  to be able to maintain a feeling of a security, because so many people have been conditioned to be in relationships that are very intense in nature, but fleeting. We fear the end and expect it, when we do not get immediate reassurances.

The internet has changed so much in our social landscape, but really we have not changed much inside. This is confusing for many. Women are more aggressive, and the male will find that alluring, but sometimes a little confusing. What does she want? Does she need me? If she doesn’t need  ( me ) + (my) children, does this mean she doesn’t want or need me?

What is possible:

The idea is now to adjust to a new style of relationships. Some can still have long term and marriage goals that work. But getting there is a whole NEW story. Who trusts who right now? How attractive does one feel in a distorted world of airbrushed competition? What if this person doesn’t want a relationship? Do we communicate this? Or is it better to just wait and see?

I would wait and see. Most people get really uneasy when good things happen to them. Yes, you need your emotional needs met. I can assure you though, that you will be able to see this through with minimal pain if you try not to take things too personally. Have *faith* that you are beautiful, and that their issues are not yours.

Lower frantic and worried energy…concentrate on letting it drain out between your toes into the center of gravity…let it fall away. In pure love, we do not worry, we accept and trust, and we have faith, even when the person pushes us away, we can bear it, we are strong, they will love you, because love is kind.

Everyone seems to experience the push and pull issues. Stick with those. It’s just a sore and beaten child that wants reassurance. Reassure. But mostly, remember the child in all of us. Inside of everyone, a happy and trusting spirit exists, but if we try and fit it into a formulaic context, it may be too rigid, because our expectations may be unrealistic at this point, due to our own fear of abandonment.

It’s not unrealistic, but keep this in mind when you are going into this maze.

In not attaining the illusion of idealistic long term happy relationships ( long term can be applied, but realistic happiness, as opposed to simple contentment cannot always be applied. ) Why are we afraid or relationships that don’t last more than we expect them to? Why can’t we experience this fantasy, this beautiful feeling, and taste sweet things in life without prejudice? Let your personal ego fall away gently, and allow for a different possibility.

Look at this as the stepping stone to gathering the strength and trust in yourself, so as to not be hurt if this works out differently. It’s not the outcome that matters, but the joy, release, and passion of a pure love experience! And this applies to all things in life. As things bloom, they also fade, but instead of fearing the colours, allow the experience to infuse your soul, because it has you, anyway.

Copyright Carmen Miro 2009
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