If My Partner Really Loved Me, They Would......
If I could bottle one piece of advice and sell it to the
world, it would be that you do not know for sure what your partner would
do if they "really" loved you. No matter how much you have in common,
you and your loved one are separate individuals. You have had different
life experiences and you almost certainly process things differently.
It does no one any good to become angry and hurt because someone else
has failed to understand an unspoken assumption that if they loved you
they would automatically behave in a certain way.
My husband and
I are from different cultures. He's English and I'm American. We're
from different generations. He's younger and I'm older. Both of us have
traveled quite a bit, but not to the same places. I'm the oldest of 7
siblings, he's an only child. All of these factors, and so many more,
have helped us become the unique individuals that we are.
the things that makes me feel loved is quiet time in the morning. I
like to get dressed, feed my cats, and chill with some caffeine for the
next half hour or so. I don't want anyone to talk to me, to text me, to
call me on the phone. I don't want a hug or a kiss. I don't want
anybody to ask for anything. I just want to be.
My husband is
the opposite. He likes a good morning hug and for someone to ask how he
is. He gets up, and he's ready to start interacting. A good morning text
makes him feel wonderful when we're apart. He wants to share what he
dreamed about. He wants to know if I slept well. These are the things
that make him feel loved.
All of this caused a lot of hurt
feelings until we talked it out and recognized what made each of us feel
loved and appreciated. The solution was an easy one. I almost always
get up before he does. He might wake up for a second or two when I get
out of bed, but he doesn't say anything. It makes me happy that he loves
me enough to do this for me. When he wakes up, I go give him a hug and
ask how he slept. I talk to him while he's getting ready for the day.
This makes him feel happy and loved.
Sometimes, the solutions
don't come so easily, but the first step is recognizing that the people
you love are not you and they are not going to think or feel or behave
exactly as you would.