In "A Course in Miracles" it speaks of the "special relationship". That they Holy Spirit will take the relationship and turn it into something that the Holy Spirit can use.
I have become my significant other's mirror of all the things he has done to others in his life to cause damage and hurt. I try to express unconditional love . . . but I fall short . . . as buttons get pressed and I respond inappropriately with counter attack, and remind him of what he has done in the past . . . which is wrong I know . . . and he comes up with ridiculous lies about what really took place . . . I struggle. I know that the Holy Spirit is counseling . . . but when I am in the pain of the battle . . . I fail to feel the peace . . . therefore respond counter productively.
I know that attack is only attacking myself . . . but I fail . . . the resentment is such a huge FOG! I just want to be left alone in my own peace . . . but that isn't what I'm supposed to be doing . . . somehow . . . I've got to be the light even in the battle . . . sometimes I can do this . . . but I resent having to work so hard at it!
Do you have any insight?
I think you have a wonderful grasp on the principles of the Course and your understanding seems clear to me.
To be able to stay in that space of unconditional love is not easy and the pattern wasn't established early on in your relationship. Also not sure how long you have been entrenched in the Course and I do have a feeling it is fairly new for you.
It is quite natural to resent the hard work. As much as we know the end result is peace, the getting there is hard work and can seem to be unending and not at all rewarding. Physically distancing yourself from it and doing the work in the silence and in your peaceful space can be a lot more productive than trying to make it work in the midst of emotional "ego" battles.
When we are changing old very ingrained emotional patterns we do not have to subject ourselves to the playing field and be on the front lines to "do the work." We do our best work in meditation and silence. There we can go to God and be still and receive healing. In that healing space we are healing all that come into contact with us.
The Infinite Way was the next step in my growth. The foundation of that and the Course work well together. The Course gives you mental principles to see things from a Christ like perspective. Then we take those into our daily lives and do the best we are capable of in living them. The Infinite Way teaches that the only true relationship we have is with God. As you know all is a reflection or a mirror of that relationship. If I go inside and find stillness and make that connection to All That Is, the healing will take place without me having to work so hard at it on the physcial plane. "I of my own self can do nothing. It is the Father within who doeth the works."
Forgiving self is the number one key. Forgiving others come from that healing.
Hope this helps. Going to post it on my blog without your name of course. Spirit just told me to do that.