6 Things To Never Give Up In A Relationship
Okay, I am just going to lay it on down right here and admit that I am a giver. A BIG giver, I give it all and then some.
It didn’t matter if it was a romantic connection or a friendship, I gave everything to the nth degree. I did this to a point that I hardly knew who I was or what I wanted because I was too busy watching YOU to figure out what YOU would want of me.
And why on Mama Earth would I do this?
I was convinced that the more that I gave, the more that I created myself in the image of what they wanted the less likely they were to leave. Pretty pathetic, right? Well as we know this is all very rooted in a lack of self-confidence and worth but the good news is that I figured out how detrimental this was to the best, and most important relationship I will ever foster, which is the relationship with myself! Sure, it took me a long time but I finally made my way there and now have found a healthy balance.
While I took it to an extreme the truth is we all have some experience with giving up too much of ourselves for the sake of a relationship. But in a situation where the best relationships are a beautiful blend of giving and taking where do you draw the line?
Here are 6 things to not give up in a relationship.
It can be hard when we first meet someone to carve out time for ourselves and the life we had (and those in it) prior to meeting our new paramour. We are caught up in the flurry of hormones that our brains release when we meet someone new that make our only thoughts about this stunner. Next thing you know the hormones begin to settle down and its less “together 24/7” and more “where my girls at?”. While I may not go out as much as I did before whether it’s our relationship with other girlfriends, our need for some solitude and a good book with a hot bath, time alone to do as we see fit is part of the landscape of our relationships.
Here is the deal-you are pretty stinking fabulous. And all the glorious and unique ways that make you, YOU are not things to compromise, ever. Relationships come and go but you will always see your image reflected to you in the mirror. And let’s not forget that captured their eye in the first place was the special sauce we add by simply be who we are, authentically. So, allow yourself to be introduced to different and new things/people/beliefs etc. but only integrate and adopt that which feels resonant with you!
If your cuts you off from the things which make you happy it’s time to pause and take a moment to consider. What makes us happy lights us up from the inside out. It makes us shine brighter and with that we attract more positive, high vibe situations, people and experiences to us. Plus life just flows better when we are happy, am I right!? This is one of the great things about being part of a couple-sharing what brings us joy with someone who we care about and learning from what lights them up! While you may not share every single interest we should feel a secure connection and the freedom to explore all that brings joy to our experience with or without our partner.
4. Your Dreams and Aspirations
Nothing is more beautiful and awe inspiring than someone who is pursuing their dreams. I watch my husband in the backyard building our new patio which he designed and did entirely on his own and it instantly makes me fall deeper in love with him. Why? Because he is going after something that he is passionate about. He is learning and trying new things and all of that takes bravery and courage, two things I find insanely attractive. And I am not the only one. The day you give up what adds purpose and meaning to your life is the day your light dims and not only does this change how others see you, most importantly it changes how you see yourself.
5. Your Faith
My husband is an atheist and I a mystic and never once did I feel the need to change that to fit in with him. Nor did he ever attempt to make me change or see “his” perspective as truth. Instead he tells everyone about my many “woo-woo” beliefs from a place of reverence and inspiration. He loves that I am dedicated to my spiritual side and I dig that he digs that. Your faith is deeply personal and while we may see faith differently the more exposed to alternative views we become, we should only change or modify our spiritual beliefs because it’s what signs to our soul, not because we want our partner to love or accept us more.
6. Your right to be heard
Your voice is your power. It is how you share your ideas with the world, advocate for something you believe in and stand up for yourself when needed. Relationships should be breeding grounds for greater security and confidence in our voice. They are places wherein we should feel safe exploring what we think and believe and engage in meaningful and useful discourse. Your ideas are important, they are meant to be heard. Please, don’t stay quiet so they stay around.
Turning into someone we are not by giving up who we are may seem like a surefire way to make someone love us or keep them around but in truth it disconnects us from what makes us worthy of love in the first place. We are inherently and divinely deserving of love just the way we are. We are worthy of being seen for who we are and lusciously loved up because of it and when we try to change ourselves or give up things which make us who we are we send the message that we are not worthy of love unless we do so. We send this message to others and most importantly we send that message to ourselves. It’s time to remind yourself just how worthy of acceptance you are by accepting and loving yourself!