Many practitioners of candle magic equate  specific colors, and often,  a specific direction, with each of the four seasons. I use this method most of the time, however, I'm pretty flexible and change things according to what feels right at the time.

Here's the list of seasonal correspondences I put together a couple of years ago.

Spring: The direction of Spring is West because West is associated with water - specifically the oceans which are the cradle of life on our earth. It's also associated with plants, healing, birth,  purification, fertility, the subconscious mind, happiness, dreams, visions, love, friendship. The colors of spring, therefore, are blue, green, white and coral.

Summer:  The direction of Summer is South because South is the direction of fire. Summer is associated with the heat of passions, love, sexuality, energy, illuminating ideas and visions, knowledge, healing, destruction, death and rebirth, purification through trials and tribulations.  The candle colors of spring, therefore, are red, orange, yellow, and white.

Fall: The direction of Fall is East because East is the direction of air, smoke, and change. Fall is associated with the harvest, with the gathering of herbs and flowers, with knowledge, intuition, movement, freedom, wanderlust, travel, and the stripping away of camouflage to reveal the truth underneath.  The candle colors of Fall, therefore, are gold, brown, red, and white.

Winter:  The direction of Winter is North because North is the direction of earth. Winter is associated with  quiet, crispness of thought, celebration, stability, fertility, success, wealth, home and hearth, the resilience of nature, strength, and the surrender of self-will. The colors of Winter, therefore, are dark green, magenta, silver, the deepest blue, and white.

If you wish to, you can add a fifth direction.

Center:  Center is the direction of You. It represents self-awareness, self nurture, finding your true path in life, and physical, spiritual, and emotional growth. The colors of Center are white and whatever your favorite color is.

Isn't this card great? It's No 14 - The Temperance card from the Phantasmagoric Theater Tarot, and it's one of my very favorites. In this deck, the Temperance card depicts an angel/robot with a purple and orange mohawk. She has golden butterfly wings with white stars. Her body is insectoid, with black and white stripes. She sits on the bottom of the ocean (or perhaps it is the river of time) and pours a thick green substance from one container into another. One of the containers is blue and represents water, the other is red and represents fire. On her forehead is a black arrow which points upward. At her feet lies a piece from a jigsaw puzzle. She is patient and relentless.

 Many people associate the Temperance card primarily with the word "patience", but that's merely a very small piece of the picture. This card signifies the alchemical process of merging fire and water to produce a new element - Steam. Temperance is the card of Sagittarius,  the upward arrow aimed at the heart. It is also closely aligned with The Lovers, blending as it does, two energies into one. As an ally of The Lovers, Temperance acknowledges the inevitable choices we all must make in life. It recognizes that divergent substances (and people) can blend to create harmony of purpose and love; that we flow through time & space and emerge at the end as something new and different than what we were before.

In other words, we, ourselves, are the wild card in the deck, engines of steam, the arrow aimed at the heart. We are catalysts for change and are charged with returning the missing piece to the puzzle, completing the picture, thereby restoring balance and harmony. But only until the pendulum swings again and it becomes our turn to take the puzzle apart again in order to put it back together in a new pattern.

Several  callers have asked me to explain the difference between the Major Arcana and Minor Arcana. An in-depth answer to this question would take more space than today's blog allows, so here's a very short and sweet answer - along with a list of reference books to check out.

The standard tarot deck consists of 78 cards. These cards are divided into 2 basic subsets. The first division is the Minor Arcana, which consists of four suits that loosely correspond to the four suits of modern day playing cards. In the deck I use, these four suits are called Wands, Swords, Cups, and Pentacles. Each suit is made of up 10 number cards (Ace through Ten) and four royalty cards (Page, Knight, Queen & King), for a combined total of 56 cards.

The cards of the Minor Arcana generally concern themselves with the day to day business of life. This is not to say that they aren't important, just that they represent the people and events that fill our everyday experiences. These are the smaller details that help to make the big picture of our lives.

Now, we come to the Major Arcana. This is a smaller subset, consisting of 22 picture cards that don't belong to any of the four suits of the Minor Arcana. Each of these 22 cards stands alone, but if you lay them out in order from 0 to 22, they tell the story of the Fool's journey through life.  Each of the cards of the Major Arcana represents an important archetype, such as love, hope, deity, tradition, life, etc.

This group of cards represents the pivotal events of our lives, and as such, they carry more individual weight in a reading than the Minor Arcana. At least in my readings, they do. Other readers may assign them a different degree of significance.

Another way to express this concept is that the Major Arcana represent that which we all have in common, while the Minor Arcana represent that which makes each of us unique. If you imagine life to be the same song covered by many many different artists, then the Major Arcana would be the basic structure of the melody, while the Minor Arcana would be the endless possible variations on that melody.

Here's the list of resource books  I promised:

"Jung And The Tarot: An Archetypal Journey"   by Sallie Nichols
(If you can only read one book on the Major Arcana, I suggest this one!)

"The Tarot Court Cards  by  Kate Warwick-Smith

Tarot And The Tree of Life: Finding Everyday Wisdom in the Minor Arcana"
by Isabel Radow Kliegman

"The Renaissance Tarot: Legends Of The Past Now Reveal The Future" by Jane Lyle

"Dictionary of Symbols" by J.C. Cirlot

"The Tarot Handbook" by Angeles Arrien

I'm not one to use the words fate and destiny very often in my readings. And yet, I do believe in both fate and destiny. Conversely, I also believe in self-determination and freedom of choice. Yes, it gets confusing sometimes, but it also makes a beautiful kind of sense. This is surely why the Tarot contains cards that reflect the power of destiny and karma - such as the Wheel of Fortune - and cards that speak of to us of personal choice - such as The Lovers.

We may be destined to have certain experiences, or meet a particular individual, or travel to far distant parts of the world. But we are the ones who have control over whether or not to embrace these opportunities. My favorite analogy is that someone may be fated to live forever, but if they decide to eat lunch while sitting in the middle of the freeway during rush hour, they're almost certainly going to change that fate in a very unpleasant way!

Jane Lyle says it much better than I ever could:

"When you use your tarot cards you may come to realize their ultimate paradox - that both fate and self-determination seem to co-exist side by side, and we can never be sure which one is creating the intricate patterns of life. Perhaps this is why the ancient Greeks pictured the Fates as three implacable goddesses - Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos. Clotho spun the thread of life on her spindle, Lachesis measured it with her rod and Atropos cut it with her shears. Neither human beings nor powerful deities could influence these figures for good or ill.

We can control our choices, our attitudes, and decide whether or not we will embrace life wholeheartedly - and these things consequently affect our experiences. And yet, from time to time, a larger, more mysterious pattern is glimpsed. With time and experience, the tarot may show you a little of both. "

 I was sitting here one day listening to the news and wondering about the nature of human nature.

"Why do we, as humans, do the things we do?",  I asked myself. 

 "Why do I, personally, do some of the stupid things I do - things I don't really want to do, but find myself doing anyway? "

To which I gave the following answer.

"I don't know.  Maybe I should just stop it. Maybe we all should."

That conversation with myself reminded me of something, but I couldn't think what. And then, the light bulb went off and I remembered. It reminded me of the following, which I had read a while ago and forgotten to read again. So I printed this sermon on ethics and love by  Malaclypse The Younger, and have it hanging over my altar to remind me not to forget again.



"One day Mal-2 asked the messenger spirit Saint Gulik to approach the Goddess and request Her presence for some desperate advice. Shortly afterwards the radio came on by itself, and an ethereal female Voice said YES?

      "O! Eris! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos! Daughter of Discord! Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to lift a heavy burden from my heart!"


        "I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of pain. Everywhere people are hurting one another, the planet is rampant with injustices, whole societies plunder groups of their own people, mothers imprison sons, children perish while brothers war. O, woe."


        "But nobody wants it! Everybody hates it."

        OH. WELL, THEN STOP.

        At which moment She turned herself into an aspirin commercial and left The Polyfather stranded alone with his species."


I found this deck in a book store a long time ago and never really paid any attention to it. Recently, however, someone called me for a reading and they were asking a great many esoteric questions; which is a real treat for me. These questions definitely had a folk magic flavor to them. None of my other decks seemed to really do the job, so I dug this one out and tried it. It's quite awesome and not at all like the cards I normally would choose. The colors are great, and the people, animals, and plants seem to move when you look at them out of the corners of your eyes.

There's a lot of action - even in cards that are usually somewhat static. The Hermit (see above) is normally a meditative character, but, in this deck, he is actively engaged in his environment. This added a new depth of meaning I hadn't considered before. And  The Tower (see below) is bursting with new life that comes as a consequence of great changes.

This deck was so different that it forced me to change my reading style to accommodate it - which I love because it stretched my skills. Plus, I find myself kind of sinking into a trance when reading with these cards. I tried playing with it one night while listening to a drumming cd and almost went into overload, but it was a lot of fun anyway. Power of suggestion? Probably - but it's still a very cool experience

Below are some more of the cards for you to look at.  The colors are much more vibrant in real life. I'm having so much fun with this one that I highly recommend it. My only complaint is that the cards are a little too long for my hands. But I run into that problem a lot.


I'm often asked by my callers if the person they are in love with will ever change and behave in a more compassionate and loving manner. Sometimes, the answer is "yes". But such change is possible only when the other person not only wants to wants to try, but is capable of succeeding. The best thing we do for ourselves is learn to see and accept the people we love for who they truly are and make our own plans accordingly. Recognizing and respecting the true nature of those you love will help you make realistic decisions regarding your own best course of action.

The following parable has been an inspiration to me in my dealings with other people, and I hope that you will find it useful to you, too.

by Rev. Dr. Hypocrates Magoun, P.P.

"When Hypoc was through meditating with St. Gulik, he went there into the kitchen where he busied himself with preparing the feast and in his endeavor, he found that there was some old tea in a  pan left standing from the night before, when he had in his weakness forgot about its making and had let it sit steeping for  24 hours. It was dark and murky and it was Hypoc's intention to use this old tea by diluting it with water. And again in his weakness, chose without further consideration and plunged into the physical labor of the preparations. It was then when deeply immersed in the pleasure of that trip, he had a sudden loud clear voice in his head saying "it is bitter tea that involves you so." Hypoc heard the voice, but the struggle inside intensified, and the pattern, previously established with the physical laboring and the muscle messages coordinated and unified or perhaps coded, continued to exert their influence and Hypoc succummed to the pressure and he denied the voice.

And again he plunged into the physical orgy and completed the task, and Lo as the voice had predicted, the tea was bitter."


So many times I have found myself in this same sort of situation. Much like Hypoc, I forget to ask myself what the true nature of the situation, person, or object I'm dealing with might be before I choose to go ahead with my plans. Usually, this happens when I don't want to see the truth because it doesn't fit in with my personal agenda. I'm trying to do a better job of seeing things clearly these days, though.

In his book, "How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World" Harry Browne addresses this same sort of problem, and offers a solution.


"Each individual is acting on his own knowledge in ways he believes will bring him happiness. He acts to produce the consequences he thinks will make him feel better.

You have to treat things and people in accordance with their own identities in order to get what you want from them. You don't expect a stone to be a fish. And it's just as unrealistic to expect one person to act as someone else does. You don't control the identities of people, but you can control how you deal with them."


When I read these paragraphs, it resonated as truth - just like the Parable of the Bitter Tea did. I can't control other people, but I can learn to judge situations and people according to their true nature. One of the best ways I've found to do this is make my judgements and plans based on the taste of the tea and/or the actions of the people involved in any given situation - rather than on my preconceived ideas. Or even on their own words and good intentions.

If the tea is bitter, I can throw it out, or use it for some other purpose than drinking. For instance, bitter tea is great for treating sunburn! Once I understood that there is more than one way to deal with other people and things, I no longer felt the need to control or change them.



Many cultures around the world create threshold guardians at the entrance to their homes; indeed people have been setting up spiritual and/or magical protectors for many many generations.  These guardians range from religious icons, strings of garlic, totems, runes, broom sticks, gargoyles, mirrors, wind chimes, and almost everything else you can think of.

 My friend, Diana, has a little silver angel hanging above the mailbox on her front porch, and another friend of mine keeps a small ceramic toad on the porch railing for protection. It doesn't matter what kind of protector you choose, as  long as the choice makes sense to you and as long as it makes you feel safer.  Another person I know, has a different animal shaped door knocker on each door to the house - they look lovely and serve double duty as guardians of the home.

I like to have a small broom hanging over the front doorway. When I moved a few years ago, I forgot my broom and left it hanging over the door of the old house. It wasn't until another psychic told me I'd left something important behind that I remembered the broom and went to retrieve it.  I also like to have something copper close to the outside doorstep, usually a copper pot full of flowering plants; and a gargoyle incense burner sits on a shelf facing the front door. He's the backup man in case any negative energy slips through the outer defenses.

If you have threshold guardians in place at your house, I'd love to hear about it.


Swords, the third suit of the Minor Arcana, is perhaps the most feared of four suits. It is associated with the direction East and represents the element of air. The air signs of the Zodiac - Aquarius, Gemini, and Libra are linked with this suit.

The card above is the Four of Swords from the Illuminati Tarot. The man on this card is deep in contemplation and/or prayer as he seeks personal insight and divine intervention. He has withdrawn from the outside world while he searches for rest, illumination and rejuvenation.

The royalty in this suit wield the Sword of Truth - a truly double-edged weapon! At it's kindest, the suit of Swords symbolizes  the gifts of clarity, illumination, honest communication, scientific reasoning, and witty wordplay. The great authors and educators of our civilization have understood the power of words and used them to enlighten, entertain and empower us.

The other edge of the sword brings discord, trouble, deception, and betrayal.  It reflects the power of anxiety, negativity, limited thinking and self-pity.  Swords are associated with technology and the dissemination of information; and we all know how that can be manipulated for either good or mischief.

In her book, 'The Secret Tarot'  Jane Lyle writes:

"Swords frequently represent states of mind rather than actual events, conversations rather than actions. When feelings, intuitions or practical considerations are ignored, then thought alone can create unnecessary suffering. Swords are indeed double-edged symbols."

"When Swords predominate in a spread, it tends to focus on the following;
  • Decisions, mental activity of all kinds, intellectual stimulus.
  • All forms of verbal or written communications including libel and slander, public-relations exercises, lies and misinformation.
  • The law; science - especially physics and astronomy; mathematics; computer technology; games of logic and mental skill, such as chess; crossword puzzles and word games; feats of memory."

Okay, everybody check your pockets! Mine contain $2.33,  my mobile phone, a deep gratitude that I live by the ocean, a piece of chalk with  which to draw conclusions, and a small slip of paper from a  fortune cookie. On that slip of paper is written the words:

"The enlightened take things lightly." Eris, Goddess of Chaos.

And on the other side, which is impossibly larger than the first,  is written:

"I have come to tell you that you are free. I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build rhythms. I am the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in  happy anarchy. I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you that  you are free."

I think we're all looking for personal freedom, and I believe that each of us has the ability to achieve this goal. Unfortunately, we often find ourselves bogged down by convention, by concern over what other people will think of us, by fear of the unknown, by so many other things; and in doing so, we risk missing much of the bounty the universe has in store for us.

 In my own quest to fill my pockets with freedom and joy I've been  lucky enough to chance upon some exceptionally helpful tools. I'd like to recommend two of these tools for your reading pleasure.

The first is 'The Artist's Way', by Julia Cameron. This charming book is a twelve week program designed to help you recapture the innate creativity within you, and to open your heart to all the possibilities of life; to help you be unafraid to find personal freedom. My sister, Melanie, and I have read this book three times. We both agree that, every single time,  it's changed our lives dramatically - always for the better.

The second book is 'How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World', by Harry Browne. This particular book is out of print, but you can find used copies for sale by any of the online book sellers. This book is in such demand that it often sells for upwards of $100. I took my time and was lucky enough to purchase a tattered and worn paperback copy for $14.95. In my opinion, however, it's  worth ten times what I paid for it. Why? Because in it, Mr Browne defines some of the traps that keep us from happiness and freedom. He explains how to avoid, and free ourselves from, such pitfalls as "the previous investment trap," wherein we stay in a negative situation merely because we have already spent so much time and effort to make that situation better.

I wish you much success in your own quest for freedom and  happiness. I know you can do it.




For those of you who like to read your own cards from time to time, here's a great spread. It's especially useful when you have reached a crossroad and need insight into all of the factors affecting your decisions or future course. Although I rarely read for myself, this is the spread I turn to when I need to figure something out.

There are 10 cards in this spread and they are (loosely) laid out in the shape of an anchor. Card 1 is the first card in the lay-out and card 10 is the last. Cards 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 form the base of the anchor, and cards 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 form the upright portion of the anchor.  See the diagram just below:

The meaning of each position in this spread is listed below:

1. General circumstances in my life. What is happening now?

2. What is my current direction?

3. How am I preventing the free flow of my life?

4. What opportunities are currently available to me?

5. Home/family factors.

6. Job/vocational factors.

7. Relationship factors.

8. What should I be more self-aware of?

9. The past

10. The future/possible outcome.

My daughter gave me a copy of Llewellyn's 2014 Magical Almanac for Christmas 3 years ago, and one of my favorite articles was by Diana Rajchel.   It's called '13 Meditations for the Short Attention Spans", and it instantly caught my eye because my ability to meditate has always been limited.

I've been experimenting with the techniques suggested by Ms Rajchel and find that (joy of joys) several of them actually work for me! Below is a small excerpt from her article, as well as a list of the 13 methods she recommends. ( My recommendation is that you treat yourself to your own Magical Almanac and read this article in it's entirety.)

My imagination has been sparked by these ideas and I've already discovered several other techniques that work for me.  I'm sure that you, too, will be inspired to take a new approach to meditation!

"The following thirteen techniques are indeed meditation methods; each one can, with practice, train your brain to reach a meditative state. For beginners, it's more important to know how to reach that state than it is that you stay in it for any particular amount of time."

  • Count to two and repeat.
  • Find your achy body parts and breathe into them.
  • Pick an image and see how long you can hold it in your mind.
  • Walk. The simple act of walking alone is a type of meditation.
  • Stack or line up some items, and then deliberately scatter them.
  • Close your eyes and listen to all ambient noise.
  • Name objects in front of you.
  • Keep a small bottle of a favorite fragrance on hand. Sniff it every so often.
  • Use your sense of touch. Comparing the textures of your clothing can give you a brief meditative time out.
  • Try stretching your hands.
  • Visualize as many colors as you can in one sitting.
  • Tell yourself a story.
  • Practice the slow version of what dancers call spotting.

The form of magic I favor is all about attraction, rather than coercing someone else to do what you want them to do,  so the following table of candle colors and their magical uses leans in that direction. Since I'm basically a kitchen witch, the tools I use in my magic are fairly simple and often homemade. One of my all time favorite forms of magic involves the use of candles. When I'm not too lazy, I make my own. Otherwise, I buy inexpensive candles at the grocery store, health food store, or my favorite metaphysical shop. There's no need to spend a lot of money - any type of candle works because it's really all about the intentions of the person doing the magic.

Once you've decided on your magical goals, and which color candle will best help you reach them, you simply write what you wish to achieve on a piece of paper and place it underneath the candle. For safety's sake, I suggest you burn candles on a fireproof surface and put your paper under that.  For instance, I burn my candles on a silver plate and I slip the piece of paper with my goals written on it under the plate.

Red:  Energy, Strength, Sexual Potency, Physical Desire, Passion and Love, Will Power, Overcoming Fear or Laziness, Courage, Health,  Strength, Vigor, Protection Against Psychic Attack.

Green:  Abundance and Generosity, Good Fortune, Material Success, Ambition, Renewal, Marriage, Balance, Communication with nature spirits, Money, Fertility, Finance,  Healing, Luck.

Yellow:  Intellect, Imagination, Intelligence, Creativity, Confidence, Gentle Persuasion, Attraction, Charm, Confidence, Concentration, Inspiration, Mental Clarity, Knowledge, Commerce, Medicine, Counseling, Healing, Protection.

Gold:  Good Fortune, Intuition, Understanding, Divination, Fast Luck, Financial Gain, Attracts Higher Influences, Money, Knowledge, Healing, Happiness.

Pink:  Associated with the Purest form of True Love, Friendship, Affection, Romance, Spiritual Awakening and Healing, Banishing Hatred, Honor,  Love, Morality.

Orange:  Prosperity, Creativity, Enthusiasm, Success, Stamina and Energy, Mental Agility, Sudden Changes, Adaptability, Attraction, Encouragement, Stimulation. It dissuades laziness,  Changes Luck. A very powerful color, be prepared to face major changes if you use it.

White:  Purity, Sincerity, Truth, Spirituality, Greater Attainments in Life,  Wholeness, Higher Power, Contacting Spirit Helpers, Balancing Auras, Confusing Enemies, Helping Pregnancy or Birth, Raising Vibrations, Repelling Destructive Energy.  Whenever in doubt about a candle color, white is a safe choice.  It is a highly balanced spiritual hue.

Blue (light):  Truth, Inspiration, Wisdom, Protection, Good Health, Patience, Tranquility, Understanding, Happiness, Inner Peace, Fidelity,  Harmony, Getting in Contact with Higher Self.

Blue (royal):  Happiness, Loyalty, Group Success, Occult Power, Expansion. 

Blue (dark):  Changeability, Conquering Depression, Impulsiveness.

Purple:  Success, Idealism, Higher Psychic Ability, Wisdom, Spiritual  Protection and Healing, Honor, Spirit Contact, Breaking Bad Luck or Hexes,  Driving Evil Away, Divination, Greater Magical Knowledge, Ambition,  Business Progress, Power, Success in Legal Matters, Business  Success, Influencing people who hold power over you.

Violet:  Healing, Peace, Spirituality.

Indigo:  Meditation, Neutralizing Someone Else's Magic, Balancing Karma,  Stop Gossip, Lies, or Undesirable Competition.

Magenta: Speeding things up, Rapid Change, Spiritual Healing.

Silver (Light Grey):  Victory, Stability, Meditation Aid, Developing Psychic Ability, Blocking Negativity from Outside Sources, Protection from Destructive Forces,  Counteracting Bad Luck, Neutrality, Stalemate.

Black: Absorbs and Removes Anything; Reversing, Uncrossing, Binding Negative Forces, Protection, Releasing, Breaking Blockages, Moving Stagnant Situations Forward.

Brown:  Attraction of Money, Abundant Growth in the Garden, Concentration, Balance, ESP, Intuition, Study, Communicate with Nature, Helps to Banish Hesitation, Neutrality & Uncertainty.

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

~Abraham Lincoln~

It took me a long time to realize that Mr. Lincoln was right, and we can make up our minds to be happy - at least most of the time. But wait! Abe forgot to leave detailed instructions on how, exactly, to do that.

So how exactly does one make up one's mind to be happy? After much thought and experimentation, I came up with a formula that works for me.  I decided to channel happiness in basically the same way so many talented people channel those who have passed over to the other side.

Here's my recipe for channeling happiness. Please feel free to use it if you like, and please feel free to change or rearrange it to suit your own needs. "Presto, chango, re-arrange-o", and it magically becomes all yours!

Materials needed:  None

Although props never hurt! With that in mind, I suggest the following:

1 pretty pillow (or silk scarf, bedspread, field of flowers, beach towel, patch of green grass, sandy beach, comic section from the newspaper, hot bath, etc.)

1 stick of incense (or fragrant flower, freshly brewed coffee, homemade cookies baking in the oven, bath salts, etc.)

1 fluffy kitten (or tank of fish, a dog, a baby, a flock of birds flying overhead, etc. If you don't have one on hand, a photo will do.)

1 memory of a time when you were truly happy.


Seat yourself comfortably on whatever gives you pleasure at the moment.

Inhale the scent of something that reminds you of a happy time.

Focus on a beloved pet, favorite kind of animal, or baby. Notice the way they live in the moment, and how happy the simplest things make them. 

Focus on a favorite moment of happiness from your own past. Revel in the memory and open your heart and mind. Let that moment of happiness fill you up and overflow to fill the space around you.  Tell yourself that you can re-experience this feeling any time you like, no matter what is going on in your current life. And soon enough, this will be true.

Share the happiness you feel by doing something nice for someone else.

Before I begin, I'd like to tell you that I met my husband online, so I have some personal experience in this area.

If you're like many many other people, you have had your fair share of experience on dating sites.  To quote my husband,  "You have tried,,,, and all of the rest. You have probably even paid good money out to these companies in the hopes of securing someone who shares interests, enjoys your company in the hopes that you will secure love.

Weeeeeeeel. Let me tell you from personal experience, you are just looking for love in all the wrong places. I think that was a song. I'm not too sure and I'm too lazy to wiki it right now.

Unfortunately, he's right.  Dating sites are not necessarily full of honest people sincerely looking for a loving relationship.  Yes, there are wonderful people to be found on dating sites, but these sites are also full of fake profiles, players, scam artists, spam bots, rudeness, bad manners, and heartache.

What are the alternatives, you ask?  I suggest you look into forums, message boards, and online discussion groups on matters that interest you. There are special interest forums dealing with almost every subject under the sun...politics, spirituality, creativity, travel, single parenting, cars, antiques, and so much more.

For example, I met my wonderful husband through a shared love of religion and spirituality. We found ourselves on several of the same forums and were so drawn to one another that we became internet friends and real life pen pals long before we met face to face. It's much easier to get a true picture when the other person is busy being their real self, instead of trying to attract a lover.  By the time my husband and I met in person, I had watched him interact with dozens of other people over a period of time and had a good understanding of the kind of person he truly is.

I hope that you will take this advice into consideration. If you're not ready to give up dating sites altogether, give my suggestion a try and join a few special interest forums, too. You'll be amazed at the difference between the two!