Of course you trust your guy! He'd never cheat. Or would he?
Men give off signals that they'll be unfaithful, relationship experts
say. Find out the top 14 clues that your guy will cheat on you…
Recent studies reveal that 50%-60% of married men engage in
extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship
(about 45%-55% of married women cheat).
And the women being cheated on? About 70% have no idea. Or maybe they just don’t want to know.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Men give off tons of hints that they’re inclined to cheat, relationship experts say.
For starters, there are the classic signs:
- A sudden drop off in sex
- Cash withdrawals or credit card charges you can’t account for
- Working late a lot
- New attention to his looks and wardrobe
- An eagerness to run errands that get him out of the house for hour
1. He has a super-sized ego.
In his eyes, he’s Superman and believes everyone else should think so too. Mental health pros call it narcissism.
with narcissistic personality traits feel that they’re entitled to more
things than other people,” says Dennis Lin, M.D., assistant professor
of psychiatry at Albert Einstein College of Medicine and director of the
psycho-sexual medicine program at Beth Israel Medical Center in New
York City. “They always see things as power struggles – you’re a winner or a
loser,” he says. Such a man would “get a thrill out of cheating because
it’s a game and he’s winning.”
2. He has no sense of guilt.
Men who don’t feel remorse or guilt when they do something wrong are prime candidates for cheating, Lin explains.
“They won’t have those emotions holding them back,” he says.
3. He’s an excellent liar.
We don’t mean an occasional exaggeration about his golf handicap - or little “relationship-saving” fibs to the question, Do I look fat in this?
“We’re talking about the more selfishly motivated lie to maintain
appearances or avoid an unpleasant reaction,” explains Craig Malkin,
Ph.D., a psychologist in Cambridge, Mass.
Most of us feel guilt or self-consciousness when we lie. Not this man.
“He doesn’t feel the sting that people normally feel,” Malkin says.
4. He’s a passion junkie.
Some men just love the beginnings of relationships, when it’s all champagne, roses and stolen weekends of white-hot sex.
When the relationship naturally settles, ecstasy cools but intimacy deepens, and he may start jonesing for a new passion fix.
5. He has cheated before.
Any therapist will tell you that past cheating behavior indicates an unfaithful future.
“More than one instance of infidelity is a really bad sign,” Malkin says.
6. He learned it at home.
one or both his parents were routinely unfaithful, your man may be more
inclined to cheat – especially if his father was the skirt-chaser.
7. He lost his job.
Don’t hit the panic button: His loss of a paycheck doesn’t necessarily signal an affair.
unemployment puts strain on a marriage and can make a man feel
vulnerable, especially if he had the job for decades and it defined his
identity. He’ll be looking high and low for validation that he’s still
“When guys aren’t feeling so good about themselves, they may boost their self-esteem through an affair,” Batshaw says.
Plus, spending time with a woman who doesn’t demand anything of him can be an escape.
“He’s looking for a feel-good moment — someone who appreciates him and isn’t saying, Why haven’t you found a job?” Dr. Leslie says.
8. He had doubts about moving in or getting married.
This is a biggie, says Maria Bustillos, author of Act Like a Gentleman, Think Like a Woman
(Accidental Books). A man who is not entirely invested in a
relationship is always looking for an exit, making him vulnerable to the
temptations of infidelity.
“If some woman finds him attractive
and busts a little move toward him, he may go for it because he wants
out, whether he knows it or not,” she says. People often don’t leave
without somebody else lined up.
9. He’s not hanging out with you as much.
watching TV; he’s on the computer. You go to bed; he stays up late.
Sound familiar? You’re in the same house but not really together.
a guy is organizing his life to spend less time with his partner, it
doesn’t really matter whether he has met someone,” Malkin says. Such
behavior signals a distance that’s “always a breeding ground for
10. Or he’s more attentive to you.
A sudden shower of gifts, flowers, jewelry — and it’s not your birthday. Nice — or is it?
these are impulse buys because he’s a prince. It also could be a
diversion or motivated by guilt. “If you’re happy, you won’t question
him,” Dr. Leslie says. “Then, if he wants to go out with the guys,’”
you’ll say OK. “But really he’s taking another girl out for a date,” she
Same goes if he’s suddenly calling and texting you
frequently. Women believe that the more a man calls or texts, the less
likely that he’s cheating.
But it's actually a preemptive strike, Dr. Leslie says. “All it means is that he’s giving you enough contact for you to believe he couldn’t possibly be with another woman.”
11. He stops cuddling in bed.
Perhaps he doesn’t spoon you anymore. Or he comes to bed dressed for Antarctica when he once slept nude.
“Those are all ways of disconnecting and saying, I’m unavailable,” says Dr. Leslie.
12. His computer habits have changed.
“Check your computer’s browser history once in a while to see
where he’s been,” advises Dr. Leslie. “That’s how my girlfriend found
out her husband was cheating.”
He was supposed to be looking for a job, but he was on dating sites instead, she says.
Another red flag: Separate, secret email accounts.
“The guy checks his mail and forgets to close the window of this
different account,” Batshaw says. “You can see emails to someone you
don’t know” and then his cheating becomes obvious.
A separate email account doesn’t necessarily scream, Affair! But your husband is probably keeping something from you, he says.
13. His cell phone habits have changed.
Two more red flags, according to relationship experts: a new “business” cell phone and more private texting and calls.
Many men think, What’s the best way for me to hide this from my wife?
“A cell phone that she can’t access with a pass-code lock because it has –‘sensitive business’ stuff on it,” Batshaw says.
Even without a new phone, his calling and texting patterns may have
changed. Perhaps your husband now keeps his cell phone in his pocket
when he once dropped it on the counter.
14. He has a “new drink.”
A switch from Manhattans to martinis could just be a desire to
get out of a cocktail rut. Or it might be a new habit picked up from
another woman, says Dr. Leslie.
"It’s part of their ritual, something sexy that they’ve been doing with
the other person.” Now they’re bringing it home, she says.
Reference: By Norine Dworkin-McDaniel, Special to Lifescript Published March 07, 2014
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