Guidance from the heart

Practical guidance in life matters
Back in the late 80's, and 90's just before the online arrival of psychic and phone psychic business, I was getting swamped with calls for readings. I worked full-time and read on the side both at home and in psychic fairs. I was so busy I burned out. The main thing that contributed to my burnout was the levels of dependency my clients had on me because of fear. Many were simply afraid to make life choices without calling me for advice.

To be honest, I prefer to guide a person through a process, then to "peek" into the future. Sure, I have been told by clients, that my forecasting skills are scary and accurate. Frankly, I believe knowing the future serves no purpose if you lack the skills and abilities to handle the future.

I prefer to provide insights that empower and prepare a person, by uncovering the roadblocks that keep them stuck in a cycle of suffering. A reading of the future is pretty much like a weather forecast, if you know there is snow coming, you're not going to wear shorts and a t-shirt, but a coat and boots, right? You would think this is how it should happen, but the fact is many folks are not proactive. As a matter of fact, many ignore the forecast and go about their business anyway.

Please, understand I am not telling you to stop getting readings I am encouraging you to ask for insights into your behaviors or obstacles, so you can enable you to make adjustments accordingly. Don't ask what to do, but rather explore your options and what are your strengths to enable you to cope best.
If we tell you what to do, you might not learn what you need to learn from the experience, which is why we often "repeat" situations. Also, if I tell you what to do in your situation, I would be coming from the point of view, and my experiences, which not empowering and typically leaves you more confused.

Empowerment; Means, taking charge, learning from situations and becoming the best you can be even when conditions are stressful. Reading should provide insight. Reading is not meant to deliver happy news ONLY. Readings are meant to give you help you gain understanding, and obtain information, so you be proactive and make wiser decisions.

Get empowered. When getting a reading, ask how you can avoid repeating patterns, ask what role you play in creating certain situations and what are your greatest skills for coping with the upcoming changes.
Watching your baby grow up to be an addict is a hard and lonely road. Many parents often blame themselves for the way their kids turn out. Whether it's failure to become successful, complete school or a happy relationship, parents are notorious for finding fault the lack of accomplishments achieved by their children.

Now when it comes to addiction, the self-blame is even more severe. Parents can often trace back to the limitations that might have contributed to their kid’s unsuccessful career or relationship choices, but when it comes to addiction, most are at a loss. It's not easy to for parents to know exactly how to cope or help their kids when they face addiction. It doesn’t matter how old or young their children are; it is still difficult to deal. The first tendency is to want to protect and rescue their son or daughterfrom addiction. Their attempts to help often lead to resentment, debate or fake negotiations before the addict stops. There are times when addicts will emotionally blackmail or gaslight their parents to get their parents to back away, or at times provide funds. Keep in mind not every person will become abusive and openly defy their parents. Many can be charming and sweet, while still trying to indulge in their cravings. In fact, the hardest addict to help is the gentle and sweet addict, since their behavior is not emotionally antagonistic by nature.

Regardless of the approach, parents still feel overwhelmed in watching the addict succumbed to the grips of addiction. Stopping a user from using can be difficult. But witnessing the life of an addict dissolve can be painful to see. Regardless how hard it is to witness, a parent will find themselves unable to pull away. Therefore self-preservation is vital. There are some things a parent can focus to keep from completely falling apart.
1. Addiction changes behaviors which mean that the sweet child you raise can behave abusively
2. Drugs impact brain chemistry, which in turn influences moods and behaviors, making it harder for the addict to behave or act rationally.
3. Your grown child’s addiction is not personal. They are not doing it to hurt you
4. The addict's recovery is a personal process that occurs when they are truly ready. 5. One entry into rehab or a few meetings is not all it takes to recover from drugs. Recovery is a long road, which involves mindful participation. Stop blaming yourself
6. Seek support through Al-anon
7. Get counseling to help with the emotional roller coaster
8. Focus on the other family members because addiction divides families
9. Set limits or you will burn out
10. Avoid financial bailouts.
11. Do not engage while under the influence.
12. Be mindful of your health and emotional state
13. Remember the active addict can be creative to get funds
14. Addicts will blame you for their use, do not allow yourself to take the bait
15. Being supportive is vital, but it does not mean that love alone keeps the addict sober. They need to engage in an active recovery program.

Overall in dealing with family or loved ones who suffer from addiction, self-care is an essential element. Therefore, make sure you take time to nurture and care for yourself.
Nothing beats the initial stages of dating and getting to know each other. The excitement of being with your new love, exploring new areas and getting to know each other is exhilarating. The promise of a new future and obtaining a new life propels many couples into a false sense of eternal bliss. Many individuals enter a relationship with an extensive list of goals which initially seem equally lined up. In the beginning, everyone is agreeable, and if they are not, they are quick to modify themselves just to match perfectly with their partner, due to fear of losing their new-found love. Without realizing couples create a false identity just to secure love in their lives. The initial excitement drives individuals to compromise because the chase produces a euphoric level of pleasure.

Couples learn early in the relationship a bunch of compromising strategies, just to avoid breaking up and keep the relationship going. Individuals in new relationships often do things that they normally would not do, while pretending it's perfectly natural and healthy. New couples tolerate things that they would not agree to do under normal circumstances. There are logical explanations for both the social behavior and the physical excitement associated with the honeymoon stages.

A couple’s shift from the honeymoon scenes of passion into a more normal balanced lifestyle is a process influenced by both biological and social constructs. Though social constructs help develop our taste and personal preferences in partner ships, it is the body which dictates the cohesiveness of new relationships. Couples engage initially on a very biological level, which triggers hormonal changes that impact both the body and emotional responses. Believe it or not, there is chemistry involved in connecting to another individual. Upon encountering a new person, the body physically reacts. The heart races, the pulse changes, activating reactions in the brain’s chemical production of hormones and neurotransmitters like testosterone, estrogen, adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and vasopressin. Here’s the breakdown on how each hormone impacts the attraction connection.

1. Testosterone and estrogen hormonal levels increase in both females and males the initial stages of courting. Which of course ranges from mild to extreme levels.

2. Adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin are the neurotransmitters that are involved in the emotional excitement of being with someone new. The neurotransmitters help the individual become excited, interested and pleased by the presence of the new love potential. This process stabilizes after the initial stages of producing extreme productions of neurotransmitters stabilize.

3. Oxytocin and vasopressin are the hormones that get activated creating an ideal situation for intimacy and attachment. At this level, some individuals may get closer, while others fade out.

The length of the honeymoon period impacted by the ongoing stimulation of hormones and neurotransmitters production requires some form of maintenance to maintain stable romance. Keeping the elements that created a relationship does not have to be elaborate or exhaustive. For starters, there is no need to maintain a false identity or unnatural routine to keep a relationship alive. The behaviors couples displayed early in the relationship stimulated a sense of well-being and happiness, which can continue even when the honeymoon period ends. The biological rewards that were in the initial honeymoon stage can ignite.

The real relationship begins after the honeymoon. Feeling relaxed and comfortable tends to mean less fuss and worries about impressing each other. However, it does not have to mean that one becomes careless and simply romantically lazy. Remember that there is an enormous biological factor involved in creating new relationships. And there is also a natural factor in maintaining some degree of excitement and intimacy. Here are a few romance reinforcers:

1. Keep the sex alive. The production of neurotransmitters is active during sex and intimacy. Aim for at least once a week of excellent physical connection.

2. No time for extended sex sessions, then hug your partner. Physical touch increases the levels of oxytocin, producing a sense of closeness.
3. Engage in regular conversations that are not related to work, bills or the kids. Conversations reinforce a sense of connection and trust

4. Share laughter. Do things that make you laugh, whether it's watching silly movies, a comedy show or a fun activity. Laughter helps increase the levels of dopamine and serotonin-producing an overall sense of pleasure between people.
5. Exercise together. Find a common physical activity. Exercising helps reduce stress and improves the overall function of the body. Couples who workout together are not only sharing a bond, they are also finding ways to reduce stress that often impacts the quality of the relationship

6. Take turns cooking for each other. Nothing is more nurturing than a meal prepared by your loved one. It doesn’t have to be a seven-course meal. Making breakfast or even coffee is a nice gesture.

7. Create your own romantic to do list. You don’t need expensive gifts, fancy restaurants or elaborate gestures to keep the romance alive. Simple things go a long way.

Remember relationships grow and change with time. What does not change is the need for love and affection. Keep the love alive, with simple gestures of appreciation and engagement.
Individuals seeking help for sorting out an emotional crisis or struggling to cope with life issues can benefit from seeking the aid of a counselor. Individuals seeking guidance in tapping into dormant talents or break self-defending behavior patterns pursue coaching direction. The counselor will dive into the emotional history of an individual, with the intentions of tracing old patterns and freeing their clients from them. A coach will not focus on the emotional baggage or history, but rather on the assets and skills available within a client to achieve their goals. Individuals find themselves going to a counselor whenever they are overwhelmed and stuck in emotional cycles. The therapist is useful in helping people develop some understanding about their emotional status. However, there are times when understanding the core reasons behind emotional states is not enough for healing and making changes. Therefore, a coach is handy, and a good partner for developing specific goals and game plans to get unstuck and move forward. Granted the emotional factor is not part of the coaching session, but often individuals feel better when they are accomplishing some changes and achieving goals. In general, coaching is a partnership between the coach and the person, where both parties are involved in creating a new life reality for the client.
Our mind is a weapon.  Its our greatest asset, as well as our greatest prison. With our mind we can create and destroy our lives, opportunities and overall happiness. Whatever we put into our minds creates realities both good and bad. What we belief we create.

It sounds scary. Well honestly, you should be scared. Because the key to your life is in your hands and no one else. The sad part is many of us don’t realize or even know how to make things happen. We read about the success of others and how awesome their lives are. We get envious, sad and depressed because we don’t have the life we desire.  We seem to have a life of limits, sadness and cravings.

The fact is our misery is our fault. We hold on to the belief that we have limits and are doomed for failure. And our belief is so strong that we don’t change regardless what others say. No matter how much therapy we do, weight we lose, money we make, some of us will never feel adequate or happy. The simply fact is we think miserably and we follow the thought into the physical reality.

I grew up with my grandmother who taught me nothing is impossible. I know how you are thinking, that’s not true. Things are impossible. Check that thought. My grandmother never allowed me to invest in the negative belief that I had limits because I was a female. So I didn’t understand why females were viewed as weak and inferior.

During my years in Catholic school I was constantly challenged by the nuns, so much so a debate team was created on the topic men vs. women  (in our case girls vs. boys - we were only 13) I lead the debate on females being equal…my winning argument was the mind. I had no idea at that age what the mind was capable of doing. But I argued that it was our negative beliefs that kept us from developing our strength and that nothing more but our beliefs limited us. At the end, no one was able to prove me wrong. The real reason I won was because I was convinced I was right even though I had no real proof.

Our thoughts direct our actions. Our thoughts create our reactions and behaviors that create outcomes. Its plain and simple. Of course, we can write endlessly on how our minds work and yet many will remain stuck in solitary misery.

To begin to free you mind, you need to explore your thinking. There are many ways to create manifestation. Meditating with a purpose and intentions are the keys. Its not enough to relax and contemplate. You need to create a focus and direct your mind to a specific purpose that will allow you to gain access to the inner core of your mind.  

Creative manifestation is basically learning to explore what’s in your mind and changing the mental scripts that keep you bonded and stuck in negative beliefs. Anyone can change their reality and create a new one. Focusing on releasing and removing old patterns to make room for new ideas and new outcomes is the key to creative manifestation. Change your mind and your life will follow.

 I used to teach online classes...and one of my students was expressing his frustration in trying to develop his skills. He reports he's 55 years old and has been doing readings for about 30 years etc. He wanted to learn how to get numbers, dates and names of people...basically he wanted to do exactly like the psychics in the movies.

Which brings me to my point. I think everyone gets caught into the trap of the "ideal" psychic talent. What do I mean? Simple. We always assume things need to be done a specific way in order for them to be “ideal“. And usually our vision of the ideal is often modeled by something we saw in a movie or read in a book.  Leaving limited no room for alternatives or even reality. So many of my students studying psychic development come to me thinking they are failing as psychics because they can't get dates or names or fit the stereotype idea  of what a psychic should be like. Our society can be so limited with its one size fits all mentality.

First of all, being a psychic is a bit more then getting names or numbers. Or talking to the dead. For goodness sakes. A psychic is a sensitive being who happens to have decent radar for certain types of energies. Not a silly dancing monkey. Psychics are not mind readers or supernatural beings who can read every detail of your life before you even open your mouth

Psychics don't turn on the psychic channel and voila there goes a psychic impression. “Hey watch me pull a number out of my hat...oh wait it's a rabbit.”

Listen, for those of you working hard at trying to become "more" psychic. here’s a major hint. Relax and let things happen naturally. Don't let the desperation of your clients roadblock you into a corner of performance. Whenever you get a client, give them a little education on what a psychic can and can't do. Don't try to win their approval, by giving them the false hope that you can do many things when you can't . Just be honest. Don’t fake predictions just to impress folks who truly have no idea what being psychic means. Be yourself and if being yourself means an imperfect predictions so be it.

Clients usually come to us for comfort and reassurance about uncertain events. They need the truth if they are to cope with crisis.

The calmer you are the more you'll tap into the wonderful waves of energy and the more you will be able to help someone who needs comforting. So stop trying to control the experience...and relax and just see what comes up. Naturally
It is easy to become robotic and miss the fine details of our lives. We become so immersed into our daily routines that we do things automatically until something drastic happens and wakes us out of our zombie state. goes  The things that awaken us are often viewed as hardships or tragic events, usually because we only seem to become aware of things being bad once they are completely out of control. Case in point we look for work once we are fired. Get a divorce when someone is finally “caught” cheating. Start a diet plan when we are over the 200lbs mark. Or decide to change our health habits because we have high blood pressure or diabetes.

In my case, I get so busy doing for others that I forget to take care of myself until I started getting ill with asthma. My great grandmother died around the age of 40. She was a healer in Puetro Rico. My grandmother, her daughter loved her and felt I had a lot in common with her I understand why. My great grandmother was a care taker who took care of others and forgot herself. I occasionally do healings on myself, but I don't stay on track because I get distracted or my schedule is often too busy to make time for myself.

The healing I started in the last few months have actually started working immediately. It appears if  all I really needed to improve was to get focused. Being focused means paying attention to my body and the changes around me.

My poor health is often a reflection of taking on too many projects and doing too much and not taking enough breaks for fun and recovering. I will admit I was worried because I was feeling sick and nothing seemed to be helping in terms of traditional medication. today I woke up and immediately I was able to see the difference. Amazing.

This cycle I faced, reminds me of living in mindfulness, as well as the core of creative manifestation, or as some will call it magick. Our minds are key instruments in the production of our lives. If our mind is very distracted either with unhealthy emotions or over-productivity (being busy) we often shut down our awareness in order to consume mental energy.

Every creative manifestation I engage in works.   Not because I am such a fabulous or super magical but because  intentions are based on connecting to our inner being and remaining alert and aware of our environment and lives.  Through awareness I notice opportunities and develop ways to improve my situation. The real key to creative manifestation (magick) is not the hocus pocus factor, but the ability to stay on point in order to connect to your environment and resources.

Many of us fall asleep on the wheel and fail to notice when things are going askew and out of order until it becomes a problem. Creative manifestation (Magick) is about opening up our minds and keeping it OPEN. This is why in creating you really don't need props, just a strong awareness and clarity of intention.

Now the real magick key is in stay mindful. For me that means, regular meditation, journaling. exercise and reflection. Of course I'll admit, I get so busy that it might be weeks before I meditate or do anything mindful to keep me on point. So I slack and things happen and I have to start all over again in creating my reality by reconnecting my awareness.

The good news...I don't stay away too often. Today I go forward once more...meditate, exercise, journaling...etc
any times I'm inspired to write by what I encounter in many of my work or personal online group encounters with patients and even online pals. I get to witness the dilemmas of many folks at one time or another. I'll admit many times I sit, completely disconnected because I see the world so differently then many of the people I encounter...

Today the topic I witness was about feeling empty.

For starters I ran a group in which a few patients talked about having a void, an emptiness and a sense of an unfulfilled and incomplete life. I also noticed this is a theme amongst many people today, not just my patients. I think the reason many folks are feeling empty is simply because they have allowed themselves to believe that happiness comes in a package you can obtain through status or through the large accumulation of money.

Its seems that the emptiness many folks are experiencing is due to the lack of stable permanent work, no real sense of security coupled the high cost of living. Many folks simply don't know how to be balanced without material securities. People are attached to things, labels and status. People have been raised and influenced to  believe that without a certain amount of possessions or material goods, fulfillment would be impossible.

I remember years ago, when I was facing the decision of leaving my second husband. I found myself scared to move. I was afraid I won’t be able to survive since I came to depend on the lifestyle we had created as a couple. I honestly believed I couldn’t live well without him,  until one day I woke up and reconnected to the reality that I used to survive nicely before he came into the picture and I would continue to do so, after he's out of my life. Finally after many years of doubting my survival skills, I once again realized I never lost the ability to work or pay my bills.

The fear of being unable to survive was based on the fact that I had allowed myself to buy into the social beliefs that survival is only possible with large amounts of cash and this could only be possible by having a husband who provided me with financial security. Ironically financial security bought me emotional insecurity since I stopped believing in myself and in my skills. The sad reality is that I wanted out of the relationship for at least 2 years before I had the nerve to move, but because I was so afraid of being on my own I didn't know how to leave.
I wasn’t alone in my fear.  Many folks remain in situations far longer then they need to just out of fear.  Many of us gain a sense of security from artificial sources outside of ourselves. We depend on jobs we dislike, unhealthy money sources or others to make us feel secure. And because we depend so much on outside sources, we often lose sight of the fact, that security begins within ourselves. The outside sources become a trap that gives us a false sense of security making us believe that without it we will completely fall apart

Our beliefs is what gives us the illusion of stability.  The key is learning to distinguish between real security and perceived security.

Aside from security, we also rely on other things to make us feel complete. We think again that the right job, right girl or perfect situation will fulfill us.

So then what happens when we lose our jobs? partner or money source? Are we empty? If those things were the only source of a fulfilling life...then I say we were always empty.

One thing to remember,  if  you lose everything always have you.  Your memories, your thoughts, your skills and abilities are what makes your life fulfilling. And is the source of great potential. You are the source that can create and reinvent your life to become anything you design it to be.  Regardless what you might lose, or have lost, you have you. The source that can create new beginnings and improve whatever road you walk on.
Many of us call psychics when we are nervous and worried about particular issues in our lives. We often reach out for clarity and guidance when we feel overwhelmed by issues consuming our lives. As a result we dial for a reading, hoping to hear positive outcomes.

Now wouldn't it be nice if we can see trouble coming before it consumes us? Won't it be proactive to tap into the forecast before things get nutty or stormy? Don't wait until things get out of control to fix them. Get guidance early on and don't get caught unprepared. Look at readings like a weather forecast that prepare you for bad weather..

If you ever meet me in person and I told you how long I've been a therapist and psychic, you might not believe me. The reason for this is that I truly don't look my age other then some additional pounds I've gain. LOL

The other reason you might not believe me is because I seldom talk about my experience and background. I started in a time when the new age movement was an infant and exciting to watch as it was growing.  New Age was everywhere and everything it presented was fresh and a delightful discovery into cryptic channels of the unknown. Everyone was heading to new age shops looking for the cure to everything.

 The New Age movement made some folks very very rich and others very disenchanted. Some folks promised the world to clients if they only "bought" so-and-so at a special rate of, but act now this offer shall expire, along with its guarantee of happiness.

Today is 2010, people are still suffering and struggling. Whatever happened to the New Age cures? They are still around, but less folks have money to throw away. Now, rather then products, folks sell services. Meditations, affirmations, methods, pills and quick ways to remove all that makes us suffer. But is it working? We'll talk in 2020.

I hate to tell you (My Sag rising speaking now) but its all a marketing tactics to guilt you into buying what you already know will not work. Just because something is laced with complicated terms and someone claims it worked for them does not mean crap. There are so many remedies, gadgets and gimmicks that its awful, cause at the end of the day, what makes most things work is our belief system and physical efforts. Half the products work because we turn over our trust to them and stop fighting the process of change.

If you truly want to make your life over...then stop repeating the actions that create the problem. If you can't do it alone, get a coach, therapist or someone you can bounce your issues on.

Here's some practical tools for change (free too)

1. keep a journal to track your improvements or roadblocks
2. write a to do list of things to assist your change
3. keep the process of change "simple"
3 physically do at least 2-3 things a day to make change happen
4. avoid focusing on the end result, focus on today
5. be consistent, but if you miss a day, start the very hour you remember, by writing down what distracted you
6. devote time to take care of yourself, desired changes do not happen without some energy or effort
7. take your time, it took you a while to arrive where you are at, so sometime will be required to leave that place...
8. be patient with your results, as long as you are doing something everyday, change will come.
9. be honest, and if you cheat or break a promise to yourself, write about it and explore what happened
10. tell someone or blog about what is going on, since it will keep you focused
11. Again get physical if you want to see real change..don't just talk about it..walk the walk

At the end of the day, you are your best advocate and creator of your life. You don't need to spend tons to make great things happen. But you do need to spend energy, which is not going to be found in any new age gimmick.
used be quite busy back in the 80's and 90's just before the saturated market of online and phone psychic business. I was so busy I basically got burned out and exhausted. The main thing that got me exhausted was the levels of dependency I witness in my clients who were simply afraid to take any action without calling me for advice.

I take no joy in becoming someone's thinking cap. I prefer to guide a person through a process, then to "peek" into the future. Sure, my forecasting skills are scary and accurate from what I've been told and from my own readings. Frankly I believe knowing the future serves no purpose if you lack the skills and abilities to handle the future.

I prefer to do readings that empower and prepare a person, by tapping into the obstacles and roadblocks that keep them stuck and suffering. A reading of the future is pretty much like a weather forecast, if you know its going to snow, you're not going to wear shorts and a t-shirt, but a coat and boots, right?  You would think this is how it should happen, but the fact is many folks don't take that approach. As a matter of fact, many forget or ignore the forecast and go about their business anyway.

I am not telling folks to stop getting readings about the future. I am encouraging you to ask for insights into your behaviors that can enable you to make adjustments to any situation coming up. Don't ask what to do, but rather what are your options and what are your strengths to enable you to cope best.
If we tell you what to do, you might not really learn what you need to learn from the experience, which is why we often "repeat" situations. Also, if we tell you what to do its usually based on what we would do if we were in your shoes, and seriously that's not always empowering and typically leaves you more confused.

Empowerment means, taking charge, learning from situations and becoming the best you can be even when conditions are stressful. A reading should enlighten you. A readings is not meant to deliver happy news ONLY. A reading is meant to give you insight, understanding and information so you can plan your actions and make the most of any situation.

Get empowered...ask how you can avoid repeating patterns, ask what role you play in creating certain situations and what are your greatest skills for coping with the upcoming changes.
One of the most dreaded questions any psychic can hear is, "does he love me?" and "will he leave his wife"? You know psychics make tons of money based on these questions, because the answer is usually something most clients can't handle so they hop from psychic to psychic looking for the magical yes or at least some hopeful maybe.

I'll be honest, love questions psychically disarming, because any person whether they are a psychic or not want the underdog to get ahead. Most of us are romantic at heart and want someone to love us, so when we hear the question "does he love me" most of us over-identify and become somewhat stuck on trying to "find" signs of love in the reading.

Many times in a love reading we are picking up on the pain, the confusion and the indecisive energy that is surrounding the situation. If our answers seem confusing, its often a reflection of the situation itself. We are giving you what we are getting, which is confused energy. In other words, if the picture is cloudy, our information will also be cloudy.

Another factor in reading a love question besides over-identifying, is a psychic's inability to deliver bad news. We have the dilemma of telling you that your man is not into you. It takes having a cynical heart at times not to feel for your clients who are suffering from love pains. How does someone deliver bad news without trying to modify it slightly? When you hear the person sobbing or you see the pain in someone's face, how can you possibly deliver bad news?

As a psychic who's been doing professional readings since the early 80's I have to admit its not easy, even with all my years of experience. I think for myself, my training and professional background as a substance abuse counselor, has allowed me to develop the skills of being neutral and appropriately disconnected from my sessions. Working with addicts you learn not to get stuck in the emotional ride that clients take you through. The skills of being neutral evolved over the years for me, so much so that I've been able to separate myself when delivering bad news. However, its still not pleasurable to deliver bad news.

I see the role of a psychic as a neutral one. We're not suppose to take sides and cheer, but we do, because at the end we are all humans. For myself, how I handle the love question is to look at it like a tool for healing and empowering a person and not get stuck on what the client wants; I focus on what they need so I don't get swept away with their cravings for love.

Initially, it seems like we are delivering awful news and adding pain to the person's life. The truth is we're not adding pain. We are only shining the light on the facts. We can't create the truth that creates the pain for the client.  The client will not benefit from hearing news that continues to keep them stuck in a no win relationship. The way I look at it, the sooner they know the sooner they can move towards finding someone more available and willing to commit.

The truth is not popular and many clients will seek another reading with someone else hoping to have a different result. There is a tendency for clients to mention the fact some psychic told them this man is their soul mate...blah blah blah.

Here's what I think. If a man is involved with someone already, why are you accepting seconds? If you have been in the situation for more then a month and he's still not leaving the other woman, what does that say about the relationship? Do women really believe men are that confused and need us to translate their feelings? hmm I think women are confused about men and how they think. Many men known exactly what they want, and they also know many females will not accept the answer because we're too busy thinking we can "change" a man with our golden ovaries. Let's face it ladies the truth is the truth regardless who tells you...but now I have to ask why can't you accept he's not into you?

Don't wait for someone to love you. How about loving yourself enough not to get stuck in a cycle of non-fulfilling love triangles. Being the other woman or the lady-in-waiting is the most unloving thing to do for yourself. So have a good cry if your psychic tells you he's not into you. Then ask the psychic what do you need to do to heal and stop attracting unhealthy love triangles.

And remember you are in charge of your life, so stop the self-victimizing behavior. Don't wait, move forward with courage and self-love.

Its been a while since you went out on a date. Perhaps you are recently divorced, widowed, or stopped dating out of fear. Regardless of your reasons for not dating until now, you finally decided its time.

Now you worked up the nerve to schedule an evening of what you hope to be a fun and exciting time. In all honesty, you know you are nervous and anxious and the main thing you are worried about is being like. You're not even thinking of fun or the excitement of simply spending time out, no that would have been too practical and easy. Instead, you're fixated on being attractive, witty and the perfect date.

You run around all day in your head, thinking about the date and all the details. You've purchased a new outfit, have your hair done, washed your car, etc. You've prepared yourself to be the perfect vision for your date.

We get ourselves worked up and anxious for our close encounters of the mating kind. Just like as animals, we try to be the best of the best so we can be selected, very must like animals do in mating season. Unfortunate for us, we have emotional attachments to the dating process and truly don't feel very good after the end of a bad date.

Now, in getting ready for a date I am not going to suggest that you wear unwashed clothes and forget the hygiene. No that would be rather disguising and antisocial behavior. I think you should allow yourself to dressed nice and groom yourself to feel good about whom you are, since we do get some confidence from the outfit we choose, and you do need all the confidence you can get.

I will say a first date makes an impression and you get one chance to make a good impression. So let's get ready, shall we?  Here's a quickie list of things to do:

  • For starters don't overspend on an outfit, you don't want to give the false impression you always dress in expensive clothes.
  • Wear something that fits and enhances your body. Ladies, don't squeeze into a size 10 when you are a 12, ill fitting clothes take away from our beauty. And Men the same applies to you, wear your real size and not baggy pants that make you look like you just got out of prison with the underwear showing.
  • Do wear a nice outfit, it shows you care enough about yourself, which translate you care about others. Remember a nice outfit does not have to be the latest fashion, it's about the fit and what it enhances.
  • Budget yourself. Don't overspend to impress, otherwise you will set the standards for unrealistic expectations.
  • Do something fun and casual, that allows you and your date to talk and really get to know each other. If your first date is in the movies, you will not be able to talk much, which will defect the purpose of getting to know each other
  • Avoid getting drunk. Overdoing alcohol is potentially a disaster waiting to happen. You want to know the person you are with, and drinking might initially relax you, but then it can become a real road block since drinking affects everyone differently
  • Use this date to get to know the person, but don't cross examine, leave something for the next date
  • Have a game plan in terms of activities, but make room for spontaneous fun.
  • Be real when it comes to sharing about yourself. Creating a false image of yourself will not be necessary, even if all you want is sex.
  • Avoid graphic details of your last relationship. Too much information can work against you. Talking too much about your last relationship gives the impression you are emotional stuck and on the rebound
  • Avoid negative talk about the ex. Nothing turns off a person more then someone talking badly about their ex. The most annoying thing any person can do in a date is trash their ex. Usually a person who trashes their ex is still emotionally stuck and often makes themselves look like a victim. No one wants to date a victim. Very unattractive.
  • Avoid bragging about your sexual conquest.  Keep in mind, if you brag about your sexual resume, you will create high expectations that you might not be able to live up to. Don't say crap like I'm a Scorpio and you know what they say about us...please this is unnecessary.
  • Know the difference between a date and a hook-up. This one is especially for the ladies, you know its a hook-up when there is sex at the end, so don't expect a call or a second date. A date allows you to get to know the person and has a potential second date.
  • Feel free to ask questions, after all how else do you get to know the person best?
  • Have some manners, which means no cell phone or texting during dinner. Rudeness is never in fashion
  • Avoid game playing. Games set the stage for a lot of  deception, disappointments and unnecessary problems. Don't go by some silly rules to entrap a person or manipulate someone to give you what want you. Goodness, if they don't want you the way you are, move on.
  • Avoid desperation. This is not your only opportunity ever to date. Relax and enjoy yourself. A desperate person appears needy and exhausting which turns people off.
Listen, a date is about fun. It is not a life or death matter. I know some of you are lonely and want someone to love you. You will find this. However, you need to relax and take it easy, otherwise you will push away any future possibility by coming across nervous and needy. The fact is, people want to be around people who make them feel good about themselves and are real. A nervous and needy person is a lot of work and most of us have enough problems of our own and truthfully are not looking for new problems. So on your first date...have fun, relax and enjoy yourself and your company

There are so many reasons a person will stop a potential relationship from growing and going beyond the "great" date. The reasons are endless and exhausting. I'm going to talk about my thoughts on the matter, not as a therapist or psychic, but as a person. I think its so easy to over-analyze the actions of others, and still have no sense of peace with the answer.  Now keep in mind I am talking about those folks out there who struggle with dating, not with those having a good time.

We can get psychic readings galore, the advice of friends who will always tell us "its" their loss or simply take full blame but contributing the rejection to our weight. None of these things will necessarily make us feel 100% better. The reason we often don't feel better is because we're not getting the truth, and deep down inside we know whatever reasons we get is not enough.

One generalized reason I've arrived at is that basically people we date want to walk away as hero's and not zero's . Many folks don't want to be seen as the jerk who mislead us, so often times they treat us nicely and leave a "good" impression. The truth is, there is no reason for a person to be mean or nasty when they take us out on a date. The whole idea of dating is to have some fun and enjoy each other. The problem we have is that many of us go into a date with the idea of  "getting" a permanent relationship or more dates from one single evening.

A man can take us out and have a fabulous time and never ever call back. Now what? Do you think he's a jerk? Of course you do. In your eyes he's a jerk because he had a fabulous time and doesn't want to do it again. His made you feel rejected, ugly and unwanted because he didn't find you worthy of taking you out again. You now start the self-criticism, judgment and over-analyzing behavior that occurs when you don't get what you want. You'll take turns beating yourself up and tearing down the guy who has vanished without an explanation.

Now I have to ask. Did you expect one date to lay down the foundation for a permanent relationship? Things didn't work out as you hoped, but you can't accept that. Here's the reality, we all have the right not to want a second date, but when it happens to us, we get upset and feel awful. However, I am sure some of you have rejected others or stopped taking calls from someone you felt was not a good "match". But when you do it, it's not mean or vicious, you call it normal.

Here's a fact, being rejected is not a sign of our worth as a person.

Here's another fact, we are not everyone's type. Just like not everyone is our type. Many of us like to think we would date anyone and everyone. We often tend to think we can figure out everyone we meet, and that we can turn on every person. But the truth be told, that's not so. Most people have a type. And by type, I don't necessarily mean someone "perfect" for them, but someone who turns them on for reasons that are not always logical, or so we think. 

A second date is not based on what a great catch we are or how beautiful we may be. Its often based on how "turned" on the other person got. Now, I don't mean sexually turned on, instead I mean "turn on" in terms of attraction. Having fun and great conversation can be the beginning of a second date, but if there was no chemistry, there is no chance of being "turned" on. Many times its not what we say, but what we do and how we impact the other person that inspires a second date.

Things to think about for your next date: 
  1. go out with no expectations.
  2. don't project your fears onto the person
  3. be real, faking to impress never works
  4. stop worrying about a the future
  5. watch your hygiene (shower, wash hair, clean nails)
  6. be easy on the cologne since that scent that will turn a person on will get masked
  7. don't confuse nice and polite for a "perfect" match
  8. laughter is normal when things are funny, it doesn't guarantee future dates
  9. don't censor yourself in attempts to be the perfect date
  10. be honest, but no need to "share" every detail and spook away a person
  11. drink in moderation so you can keep your wits intact
  12. don't be so eager to please, to the point you do things you don't like
  13. after the date is over, don't hold your breathe and wait by the phone
Now will he call. Here's a tip, the more relaxed, easy-going and real you are, the better the chances. Don't sweat or worry. Lack of calling has nothing to do with your worth or how good you looked. On your next date...remember have fun  and live in the now.

Energy Balance Being able to keep focus may initially be exhausting and sometimes frustrating. It is useful to be able to keep your energy has steady in order to stay focused and maintain clarity. Keeping your energy flowing will require simple meditation exercises designed to distribute the energy evenly throughout your body. Solar Energizing Find a comfortable position. Breathe in slowly. Relax your body, beginning with your face, imagine the breathe as a light warm breeze that calms and soothes, as it enters your body... allow this breeze to relax your forehead, relaxing all your tissues. Move the breeze slowly throughout your head, making it feel very light and comfortable. Now, allow it to move gently down your neck and into your shoulders, releasing any tension. Allow this gentle warm breeze to massage your arms and hands, making them feel very light and airy. Move the breeze down your chest and into your stomach. Making this area feel very peaceful and calm. Focus on your pelvic area and hips, relax as the breeze moves into this area. Now, let the warm breeze travel down your legs and feet... feel them relax. Your body is comfortable and totally relaxed. Now take another deep breathe, again feel the breathe traveling down your entire body. Focus your attention on the back of your spine. Imagine the breathe working it's way down your spine. Feel the breathe in the spine spreading out throughout your body. Allow your spine to become long, and extend downward. See the energy traveling down your spine and into the ground and working its way down into the core of the Earth. Visualize the energy from the center of the Earth coming up and working its way up to your body. Now focus on the top to bring the Earth's energy up to your feet, feel them become alive and filled with energy. Bring the energy up your legs, making them feel very strong and energized. Focus on your hip and pelvic area, bring the energy now into that area, and feel it revive. Continue to bring the energy up through the stomach, into the chest and up to the shoulders. Move the energy up to your neck, chin and face. Completely cover your body from head to toes. Imagine the Earth's energy moving up throughout your body and out from your fingers. Let the energy go back into the Earth from your fingers and all the way back up your body in a circular motion. Now, just relax and enjoy the energy vibrating throughout your entire body. Breathe in deeply and repeat the process of energy moving down your body, into the Earth and back up your body at least 4x. Now on the count of three slowly open your eyes, 1,2,3,
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