Brigid Bishop on Life, Love and The Art of Living

Insights, Musings and Out Takes on Life by New Age Author Brigid Bishop

Are You Codependent?

Codependency is a slippery psychological slope.  Often times it is hard to differentiate as to whether one is a kind, caring and loving partner or in a codependent state.

How does one know if one is codependent?  No one can tell you that you are codependent, you need to work through the identification process on your own.  All love affairs and serious relationships have hints of codependency about them, it is a normal and natural part of the loving process to want to help and encourage our partners.  The difficulty comes when the boundaries between who is responsible for what blur, codependency has often been described as a “loss of self”.

Here are some factors that may help you to determine whether or not you suffer from codependency.


Codependents tend to feel over responsible for others.  They cannot allow anyone to sink or swim, they are the people who continually rescue others.  They feel that they are responsible for the feelings, thoughts and actions of others to the degree that they violate personal boundaries on a regular basis.  When someone they care for has an issue or problem, the codependent reacts as if the problem is their own.  Whether their assistance is sought out or not, the codependent will try to “fix” other people’s problems.  Codependents become angry when or if their help is not effective.  Codependents will anticipate the needs of others and spend the bulk of their time fulfilling those needs.  Codependents harbor resentments because they do not receive the same level of assistance in return from those that they make their lives revolve around.

Low Self Esteem

Codependents tend to come from dysfunctional families and situations, yet at the same time, deny that any dysfunction existed.  Codependent persons criticize themselves brutally but cannot accept criticism from others.  They regularly reject compliments and praise.  They have frequently been the victim of some form of abuse and tend to relish the victim role.

Become Obsessed

Codependent people are overly concerned about other people’s worries and problems and frequently suffer great anxiety over these issues.  Worry about slight details is common.  Codependents tend to speak about other people rather than themselves, as their focus is always outward, not inward.  Codependents regularly check up on other people and have issues with trust, they try to catch people lying or doing hurtful things as they expect to be hurt or betrayed in some way.


Backgrounds of codependent people frequently had them live through situations which were very much out of control, therefore, a good deal of the codependent’s energy is spent trying to control other people and their environments.  Codependents cannot allow events to happen naturally but must push to move situations in the direction they prefer.  When they fail to control people and events, they tend to become very angry and frustrated


Codependents ignore their own problems or pretend that they aren’t there.  They tend to suffer from depression and a myriad of ailments.  They can become workaholics, alcohol abusers, self medicate, overeat or spend compulsively.


Codependents rely on outside sources for happiness, they cannot be happy in their own skin, they have extreme difficulty being alone. 

Poor Communication

Codependents cannot express dissatisfaction or their wants clearly, instead they lie, beg, demand, blame, coerce, threaten and bribe.  When these tactics fail, they frequently go into a codependent rage.

Codependent Rage

Because the codependent is unable to express dissatisfaction or displeasure in a timely manner, they frequently allow resentments to build and build until a trigger event, that may be quite minor in nature, sets them into a full-blown rage.  Codependents can become extremely angry and even violent while in this state, everything that has been boiling inside them, sometimes for years, will explode during these outbursts.  Issues that have long since past or been resolved are brought up as if they happened just yesterday.

If any of these qualities sound like you or someone you know, you may well be dealing with codependency issues.

Coping With Codependency

The first step in dealing with codependency is to understand and accept that you cannot control other people.  You must learn that the only person that you can control is yourself.  You must learn to set clear boundaries between your own responsibilities and the responsibilities of others.  In learning to let go of the urge to fix everything and everyone you can begin to lead a happier, more relaxed life.

Whenever something is upsetting you, you can try this little exercise.

Write down why you are upset, in detail.  Write down what you can do about it, what can you really do to change the situation?  If there is a solution, start working on it, but, if it turns out that there is nothing that you, personally can do to change the situation there is only one thing that you can do and that is accept the situation for what it is, and let go.

Do this each and every time that you get upset and you will begin to see that you may be wasting a lot of your emotional and psychological energy on episodes that are totally beyond your control.  In disciplining yourself to analyze situations this way, you will begin to recognize those issues that you cannot influence and find, over time, that you are becoming upset less and less frequently.

Copyright © 2010 by Brigid Bishop

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Are You Being Lied To?

There are many ways to tell if someone is being dishonest with you and I am going to give you just a few tips that should help you separate out fact from fiction.

Eye Contact

There are two distinct traits used by someone who is trying to deceive you when it comes to maintaining eye contact. One is to avert the eyes away from yours, perhaps they focus on your mouth when they speak rather than your eyes, or they drop their eyes to the left or the right, this is a signal that they are not confident in their ploy and that they may be afraid of discovery.

The second trait is entirely the opposite, they go out of their way to maintain eye contact, the eyes are opened up just a little bit too wide, and they don’t blink. This is a tactic used by one who is used to being believed when being deceitful and they are the ���more practice” liars among us. They believe the old adage that people do not look each other in the eye when being deceitful so they go out of their way to maintain the contact, because they are concentrating so hard on keeping the eye contact with you, they forget to blink!

Too Many Details

Everyone has events happen that may delay them or keep them away from time to time, but a classic tactic of the liar is to fill in so many details that you will be astounded by the richness of their story, after all, who would take the time to fabricate the color of the shirt their buddy was wearing and how he had a mustard stain on it???? It’s fabricating an alibi……….the more details, the more believable, so why would you double check? Usually these “details” are fragments based on fact, but if you get a six paragraph, detailed explanation of an event, something is up, (or covered up).

Outrageous Stories

Prevaricators tend to hold to the premise that the more details, or the more outrageous the story, the more likely it is to be true! After all, if a loose alligator in the state of Ohio showed up on their lawn, then traveled around the property snapping phone and power lines with its’ mighty jaws, and then coming to rest on the front porch blocking the only exit route, how on earth could they have called you when they said they would? They were trapped in their own home for God’s sake!!! Didn’t you see it on the local news??

Righteous Silence

OOOOOOH, this one is hard to spot, you must be very careful just in case it is a “righteous silence”, typically this is used early on in a relationship before any lies have been “caught”. When you question your subject, they take the stance of “I’m not even going to qualify that with a response”. Righteous silence lies are very difficult to root out, as, perhaps the subject truly was honest, but if the hints above preceded the righteous silence, well, then, you know that it is an act to manipulate you into believing their story. You usually find out that righteous silence lies were fabricated long after the lie is told because of the high risk of negative confrontation if the subject is actually being truthful. Keep your eyes open for this behavior, if it happens every single time you have an innocent question, the person who is being this self-defensive could well be telling you fibs.

Copyright © 2007 Brigid Bishop

This content may not be copied or reproduced in any way without the express written permission of the author. You are welcome to link to or bookmark this page, but please contact the author via Keen Mail if you wish to reproduce this article in whole or in part.  This is an excerpt from "The Dating Game:  Insights Into Affairs of The Heart" available at fine bookstores everywhere and also on Kindle!
Closure is Not a Gift

At least once per day, usually much more frequently, I receive calls from clients asking about exes from whom they wish to be "given closure".

Sometimes it is a freshly broken relationship and quite understandable that they would like to have a logical and mature discussion with the ex as to why the relationship failed, in order to learn from the experience and begin the process of moving on.

There are some clients, however, who are looking to be "given closure" for situations and relationships that are ancient history, perhaps having ended many months or even years ago. These clients tend to be stuck, they are unable to move forward into new relationships, forgoing any opportunities for moving on by waiting and wondering if they will ever "get closure".

They focus on wondering if their ex partner ever thinks about them, how they feel about them, even when the ex partner is obviously involved with someone new! They live in constant anticipation, regardless of how much time has passed, of the old flame making contact and some how, some way, "giving" them the "closure" that they need to move forward.

This is not only unrealistic, it is down right unhealthy. I find that the clients who have this insatiable need for the "gift of closure" are harboring the hope that the ex will see what a mistake they made and return to the failed relationship.

Some actually believe that unless they are "given closure" the relationship still has a chance of resurrecting itself, even if years have gone by.

Closure is not something you are given. it is not a gift.

Yes, some relationships do end with some very clear and defined energies of closure, most have been very long-term and committed in nature, such as marriages and engagements where social expectations are high, but clear-cut closure is the exception in relationships, not the rule. Closure is something that you TAKE.

In most cases, closure is an experience that you go through alone, not with your ex, but alone.

How do you "take" your closure?

There are many ways to do so.

Closure is simply an acceptance that the relationship you once had is now over. You are no longer partners. You are once again two separate entities who are now free to look for a more compatible partner. Closure requires letting go. Some people "take" their closure once their ex becomes involved with a new love, some take their closure after a month or two of no contact and no attempted reconciliation occurs, some take their closure when they meet someone new and feel a true interest in moving forward with the new person, everyone is different.

The people who never receive closure are the people who sit around waiting for their ex to "give" it to them.  They surrender all of their power to an  ex who has most likely taken their own closure quite some time ago, waiting for that "gift of closure" that never comes, from an ex who is long gone.

If you would like closure to your situation, reach out and take it, that's the only way to get it. It's all about acceptance. Accept the change that has occurred, you are not half of a couple, you are an independent individual and you can move forward, you don't need your ex recounting all the reasons the relationship failed to you. Will hearing your ex say "It's not you it's me" or "We grew apart" or "We fought too much" or "I just don't want to be in a relationship right now" really make you feel better? Will it make any more sense to you?

Does knowing with a certainty exactly why your relationship failed make it any easier to move on?  Perhaps, but waiting months or years for a "gift" that never comes is just wasting your time and energy.  In my experience, those who have an actual "closure" discussion rarely find comfort in it, it leaves them trying to argue the point/counter points of the relationship with the ex rather than freeing them to move on.

Instead look at it this way, we had a relationship, it did not work, think of the positives and negatives of that particular partnership and learn from them. Take the good into your next experience and leave the bad behind. Take you closure and move on! The sooner you do, the happier you will be.

Copyright © 2010 Brigid Bishop

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Abracadabra!  I will create as I speak!

That is the actual ancient Aramaic translation of the word.

Many who belong to "mainstream" religions have a view of the Magickal religions that is so skewed I feel it necessary to post a little educational information for you.

First of all, let's talk about SPELLS!

What is a spell?

A spell is a very emotionally charged incantation, often accompanied by ritual practices such as candle burning and incense burning, that is done by an individual to achieve their goals and satisfy their desires.  It is usually poetic in nature and those who follow the Magickal Paths believe that their Deities appreciate the rhythm of the spells' flow and will grant more readily if the spell is well performed, sincere.

What is a prayer?

A prayer is a very emotionally charged incantation, often accompanied by ritual practices such as candle burning and incense burning, that is done by an individual to achieve their goals and satisfy their desires.  It is usually poetic in nature and those who follow the Religious Paths believe that their Deities appreciate the rhythm of the prayers' flow and will grant more readily if the prayer is well performed, sincere.

Do all spells work?  No.

Do all prayers work?  No.

Can anyone guarantee a spell?  No.

Can anyone guarantee a prayer?  No.

Magick is not magic, it is not Abracadabra!  Your Lover Returns.

If you are from a mainstream religion and curious about spells, it is in your best interest to stick to the prayers (rituals) of your own religion to try to manifest your desires, as your energy and your belief systems will be in tune.

If you are not from a Magickal Religion, and you still wish to try to do spell work, remember, Spells are nothing more than powerful prayers, there are no guarantees, but focusing your energy on your spellwork is empowering in the sense that it makes you feel that you are taking control of a situation that you otherwise have no control over.

I was raised Catholic, and I am still a Christian, I have studied spells in depth and realized that the Catholic Religion is filled with spells and rituals, I just never understood it.  When you light a candle in a church for someone, that is a spell.  It makes sense as Christianity did evolve from the pagan cultures of the ancients, so there is a lot of overlap.

If you wish to learn about spells, how to do them, how to customize them, how to manifest with your own personal energy those things you want, I can teach you about it if you call me, but I DO NOT perform spells FOR people like you see advertised elsewhere, that would be like canvasing people to pay you to pray for them.  It's just not my cup of tea.  I will teach you anything you wish to know, help you compose your spells or even sell you via pay to view email information on how to compose them or perform them, but I strongly recommend that you stick to the faith that you are comfortable with and utilize the magick contained in your own religious system.

Bright Blessings!

Brigid Bishop


Is There Room In Christianity for "Other Beliefs"?

Where Did The Devil Come From?

Why do People Cheat?

Let’s start with women.

There is a misconception out there that men cheat more frequently than females.  In my personal observations I find this to be untrue.  I receive just as many calls from women who are being unfaithful to their husbands and significant others as I do from women who are involved with a man who is either married or seriously involved with another woman.

I do find that when women cheat, they are prone to cheat at a higher percentage due to dissatisfaction with the current primary relationship in hopes that the new lover will provide them with what is missing in that primary relationship.  More women than men seem to venture into cheating situations to find their next serious relationship.

Some women, a minority, cheat for the pure excitement and recreational sex, but these are women with very strong masculine energies.  They look at the extracurricular relationship as just that, and have no intentions of turning into a real relationship.

Personally, I believe that it is best (and healthiest), if you are looking for a new relationship, to end the primary relationship before becoming involved with a new lover, and this is simply to avoid the complications and obstacles that the cheating itself brings about.

When a man has a relationship with a woman outside of her marriage or primary relationship a lot of factors go into why he is doing it.  Of course, it is possible that he is falling in love and that he wants a relationship with you as much as you do with him, but, again, this is a rarity.

If the “Other Man” is single and fully unattached, he may want more with you, he may be one who wants you to end your primary relationship and launch a full-blown relationship with you.

How can you tell?

He will pressure you to leave your partner, he will ask you straight out “When are you going to end it so we can be together”.  It’s that simple.  He will also be there for you in other ways, perhaps he encourages you to move out of your home or provides financial assistance.  If you lover wants to become your number one, you will not have to ask, you will know.

If he is not exhibiting any of the aforementioned behaviors, then he is most likely enjoying the convenience of having a woman in his life without the obligation or commitment a normal relationship would require, and if you truly are looking for your next “real” relationship, stop wasting your time with this particular guy as he is not going to be there for you when and if you do exit your marriage.

What if your lover is also married?  This complicates the situation even more as you are not in a relationship triangle  you have now entered into a relationship square. 

Of all the different forms of affairs, this is the most complicated and most likely to fail in transitioning into a dedicated relationship between the two of you.

First of all, you are both cheating.  Why are you cheating?  You may be looking for an outlet for your sexuality and your personality and want nothing more, if that is the case, you know what you are doing and have no high expectations of the affair changing into something more.  However, if you are looking for more, you may be in danger of being extremely disappointed if he is not also looking to change partners.

In this case, it is very important to find out what his motivations for cheating are and what his expectations from the affair are.

Let’s look at why men cheat.

Some are also looking for their next serious relationship and are not comfortable leaving the marriage until they have secured a new partner, this is very unhealthy and reeks of codependency, however, it does happen.

Some men just succumb to the biological predisposition and their animal instincts.  They aren’t looking for a new partner, they are looking for pure recreational sex outside of their primary relationship.  They may be fun and charming, but their heart lies with their primary relationship, even if their body doesn’t.

This may be very hard for some people to comprehend or accept, but a very high risk time for these types of men (the biologically weak), is when their wife or life partner is pregnant or has just given birth.  Naturally if you are the other woman you may want to believe that he is cheating on his pregnant wife, or newly maternal girlfriend because he suspects that the child is not his, but in the majority of instances, this is not the case.  Sexual experience outside of the primary relationship in this instance is usually due to the male having a Madonna/Whore complex OR because the wife or girlfriend is incapable of having sexual relations due to the trauma of having just given birth or the discomfort of a late-term pregnancy.  If the man you are cheating with falls into this category, you are probably having an affair that is purely sexual in nature.

How can you tell if your affair is “just sex”?

The time you spend together is limited to sexual activity.  The primary goal being sexual gratification, no dating, no dancing and dining, just hooking up for the physical release and nothing more, is a dead give-away.

Some men cheat because they actually fall in love with another woman.

They didn’t plan it.  It just happened.

There was something innately missing in their primary relationship and the other woman comes along and possesses the spirit and personality required to evoke feelings of love and attraction within the man that may no longer exist with his wife or significant other.

Sometimes the man does not even realize that his marriage is lacking until he meets this other woman.

How do you know if this is the case with your affair?

Absent the fact that he is married or committed elsewhere, your relationship is caring and passionate.  He is attentive to you and your needs, he makes time with you, and he spends time with you doing a lot of things besides the horizontal bop.  He will tell you straight out that he is going to leave his marriage and he will tell you when, but the most important thing is that when the time comes HE DOES IT.

Affairs of the heart are complex and complicated, much more so than affairs of the body alone.  When the heart is involved, the intensity is there, the sharing is there and the man and the woman are both there.

It is a myth that all loves that begin while one partner or another or both are committed elsewhere are doomed to failure.  There is no blanket formula for love affairs that begin with cheating.  If it were true, when some say that “men never marry the woman they cheated with their first wife on”, there would be very few second marriages indeed.

I look at it this way.  Back in the olden days, when people truly expected to be married for life, people married very young but their life expectancy was much shorter than what it is today.

It is also a fact that as technology provides the human race with more and more leisure time and less time required to focus on utter survival, we have more time to examine relationships, to choose to renew or end or begin again.  People grow at different paces.

If two people marry in their late twenties, will those two people grow at the same pace and in the same direction?   Sometimes yes, sometimes no, we are not the same person at forty-five that we were at twenty-five or thirty-five, and neither are our spouses and lovers.  The person we loved ten years ago may have evolved (or failed to evolve) into someone we no longer want for a life mate, and so we move on.

Of course, it is always best to begin a relationship one-on-one, but there are times when this just doesn’t happen.  We can’t judge a book by its’ cover, nor can we project that a relationship is doomed to failure because of a less-than-perfect beginning.  In the same vein, we can’t project that a relationship will last because of love and passion, that goes for first marriages and relationships just as much as it does for subsequent ones.

Why do people cheat?

The list is endless.  This is just the tip of the iceberg and the most frequent causes that I have seen in my personal and professional experience.

Copyright © 2007

Brigid Bishop

This content may not be copied or reproduced in any way without the express written permission of the author. You are welcome to link to or bookmark this page, but please contact the author via Keen Mail if you wish to reproduce this article in whole or in part.

 Other Subjects Included in "The Dating Game"

Cheating and Affairs

The Relationship Limbo

The Geometry of Relationships

Masculine and Feminine Energy

Codependence, Independence and Interdependence

He Left His Wife.  Now What?

Need Help Sorting Out Your Relationship Concerns?

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The Dating Game by Brigid Bishop

The Dating Game
Insights Into Affairs of The Heart
Authored by Brigid Bishop

Social networking sites, cell phones, texting, online chat and dating make it easier for us to access each other, but more difficult to form solid emotional bonds.

The 21st Century has life and relationships moving at a pace never before realized in earlier cultures. People are plugged in and connected on a 24/7 basis, yet, many still struggle with establishing healthy relationships.

The Dating Game provides insights into modern relationships and provides the reader with strategies for coping with dating, breaking up, affairs, divorce and codependency issues.

Find dating tips and relationship strategies that will help you build the healthy connections you want and begin making your relationships work for you.

Written with a sense of humor and true understanding of what the single person is facing today.

Copyright © 2010 by Brigid Bishop

Hi everyone.  Yes, I've been gone for quite a long time.  It started when my son Zachary was murdered in 2014, and it continued with me returning to work full-time as a Clinical Supervisor at a halfway house here in Pennsylvania and attending graduate school full-time.  It's been a while since I've been able to work Keen steadily, but I intend to be back now, especially on weekends, as I've just completed my Masters Degree in Psychology.

If you miss my readings, don't be afraid to arrange a call, I'll be with you as soon as I am able.  I finish school in a week, and intend to be on at least on the weekends, and also on some evenings, so put in ample time for a call back, but rest assured, I will get back to you.

I've missed the Keen crowd and I'm happy to be back! 

When You Fall In Love With a Married Man

It isn't ever planned or well thought out, but women can and do fall in love with married men on a fairly regular basis. It is by no means an easy situation, and like it or not, someone is going to get hurt, that's just par for the course.

Do women go out with the intent to find themselves a married person to fall in love with? Of course not. Attraction, destiny, soul mate connections, current life circumstances, physical attraction, discontent with current relationship, they are all ingredients in the recipe for an affair.

Being the other woman requires you to take a step back and take a cold, hard, analytical look at the realities of your situation. There will be serious limitations and you should consider them thoroughly before embarking on an affair or continuing your affair with a married man.

It is entirely possible that someday he may leave his wife, however, you live in the present, not the future, and you have no guarantees that his marriage will end.

What you can expect when engaged in this type of relationships are a lot of spontaneous changes in your ability to see each other. Expect last minute rendezvous at the drop of a hat, but also expect that even your best laid plans are subject to last minute cancellations.

Expect to be spending all major holidays alone. He will be in the company of his family, which does include his wife and not with you. Unless you are well socialized, you can expect to be very lonely during these times.

You will need to keep your relationship discreet. You will be unable to share details of your relationship with friends and family as you would in a normal relationship. This can begin to have an isolating effect on you. You will never get to know his parents, his siblings, his children or his circle of friends unless he gets a divorce in the future, which again, is not where you are now. That part of his life will be compartmentalized away from you, where it is entirely possible that he is fully integrated into your life, creating a major imbalance.

You will truly be living in the shadow of his life.

The married male who is seeking companionship outside of his primary relationship, (his marriage), may be a male who has absolutely no intention of divorcing his wife. It is possible that he does project himself into a divorce, however, he may have reasons that lead him to believe that the timing of a divorce is just not right for him at present.

The question you must ask yourself is, what kind of a relationship to you really want?

Has he ever stated to you that he is getting divorced? How much time are you willing to invest in waiting to see if he will end his marriage and move forward into a relationship with you? You need to be realistic, these situations can and do drag on for years. Set a time limit in your mind as to how long you are willing to wait on the sidelines keeping your own life on hold and stick to it.

Do you want a relationship that you don't have to hide? Do you want to be able to go out in public together without fear of discovery? Do you want to be able to introduce your partner to your friends and family and spend holidays and special occasions together? If these are things necessary to your happiness, you must take them into account when deciding whether to continue your affair or not.

Are you realistic in your expectations of how his current wife and any children he may have would react were your affair to be discovered? It is highly likely to be very unpleasant.

If you feel that you just cannot let go of your married partner and are willing to suffer through this uncomfortable situation, there are ways for you to cope.

Try to regain some balance in this totally unbalanced situation. Don't be ready to see him each and every time he can slip away because he suddenly is available unexpectedly. Although you may be tempted to take advantage of sharing that special, limited time with him, you will not allow this to occur as it shows him that he is your number one priority, although you are not his primary concern.

Never forget that these types of relationship contain high levels of romance and drama just by their very nature, whether real or imagined, this is so. Grand gestures and excessive professions of love are not unusual in these affairs. Why? Because he well knows that you are in a precarious position by being involved in him and he has to make it seem worth your while. Don't take everything he says at face value. Married men who have girlfriends lie. This is a cold hard fact. There is no way for him to maintain two honest and open relationships in this situation (unless he is part of an open marriage agreement, which is rare). If he is lying to his spouse, do not think for even one second that he is not lying to you as well.

The biggest and most common lie that married men who cheat utilize is that they no longer are sexually active with their wives. Many will even claim to have separate sleeping quarters, Don't believe that lie even for one fleeting second. If he is still married to her and they are still living under the same roof and she has no idea that your relationship exists, he is still sleeping in the same bed with her.

With that in mind, the biggest mistake a woman in this position makes is being exclusive to the married male in question. Until he files for divorce, a woman in this predicament would be wise to continue to date single and available men concurrently. The best remedy is to walk away from the married man and tell him to look you up after his divorce, but if you simply can't, don't limit yourself to being his woman on the side, continue to investigate other relationship options. If you can't bring yourself to do so, you are going to be very lonely at times.

Exercise caution in sharing information about your affair. People love scandal and gossip, and a secret is only a secret when only one person knows about it. Many, even close friends, will judge you harshly for dating a married man, so be extremely cautious about whom you discuss your situation with.

Set a definitive time limit for your affair.

Unless you want to spend decades as the other woman, as Katherine Hepburn did, only to have the married man you love die married to his wife, bring up the discussion of divorce early on in your affair.

If he does not give you an explicit time frame, you should leave him, this indicates he truly has no intention of divorcing.

If he informs you that he is waiting for his children to finish high school, seriously consider their current ages, if they are still very young, walk away. If you were to continue your involvement with him throughout their primary, middle school and high school education, what motivation would he have to leave his marriage if you were still with him?

In all of this, you must also ponder how he speaks of his current wife.

Are his references to her respectful and honest and definitive of why he no longer feels he wants to be married to her? If this is the case, he respects women and is probably being honest about how the marriage went wrong.

If, on the other hand, he runs her down and blames the failure of the marriage solely on her you need to be extremely careful. This may make you temporarily feel secure because it convinces you that he is no longer in love with his wife, but, consider that someday you may be in her shoes and would you like to hear him speak of you in that manner?

Remember, these relationships are full of drama and deception, he has to keep you feeling like your stifled relationship is worth it, and he will lie to do so.

It is a volatile and potentially painful situation you are in. You could very likely have your heart broken. He may stay married permanently. It does happen. Remember Katherine Hepburn. You could potentially spend years in the shadows of his life loving him and hoping for change only to find, in the end, all of your love was in vain.

It is best to avoid the situation altogether if possible, but if you find yourself in this predicament, you are not alone. There are situations like these that do work out, contrary to popular conjecture, each situation is unique, but you must assess the emotional risks you are undertaking and be realistic about them if at all possible.

In today's world we have more leisure time than ever to focus on achieving our individual goals.  We work hard, we use all of our time and energy chasing the rainbows we have established for ourselves.  These rainbows can be careers, relationships, family matters, material possessions or just about anything we set our sights on and value.

This is good.  This is productive.  This is healthy. 

HOWEVER, sometimes we get so caught up in any one particular rainbow that we fail to see that no matter how focused we are in our pursuit, that rainbow always seem to elude us.

Frequently, this rainbow comes in the form of a relationship.  Perhaps it is someone we once loved and have lost and are hoping for their return.  We put all of our energy and focus into when will that love once again reach out to us, when will that love leave their current partner, when will that love come back to me?  Maybe it's someone that we have been interested in for a long time but for whatever reason, we haven't been able to move from the plateau of "friends" to the higher level of "partners".  We focus on what they may like or want from us, we make ourselves readily available to them and we live in a perpetual state of hope.

These are just two examples of when we need to learn the lesson of "Surrender".

Surrender does not mean that we just "give up" and move on.  Surrender is synonymous with the word "Faith". 

When we surrender, we are telling The Universe, ok, it's not working my way, I have FAITH that you,  (The Universe), will have this situation work out to benefit my highest good, so I am going to let go of trying to control this situation and take care of myself.  I am going to place this issue in your hands and pray that in your infinite wisdom, you will see fit to adjust this situation to the best possible outcome.  I accept if it is not meant to be, but I have FAITH that you will choose what is best for me.

We then trust that our Higher Power, The Universe at large, will set things right for us.  We move on, we let go.  We accept the things that we cannot change, which may be letting go of a preferred partner.  We stop waiting and wondering if our relationship with them will manifest or heal and move forward and focus on ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with being hopeful that someday things may change, but we can't focus on it.  We accept that the situation is not changing to our liking and we surrender our will and stop trying to force a square peg into a round hole.

If we truly can do this, we will find much inner contentment and peace and we are no longer filled with anxiety.  That sick feeling in the pit of our stomach goes away.  We have peace of mind and an inner calm that no one can disrupt.

That is the "Beauty of Surrender".

Panic button

HAVE YOU PICKED UP YOUR COPY OF "THE DATING GAME" YET? A must read no matter what your relationship status.

Look for it online and at fine book stores EVERYWHERE! Ask for it by name!

The Dating Game by Brigid Bishop

The Dating Game
Insights Into Affairs of The Heart
Authored by Brigid Bishop

Social networking sites, cell phones, texting, online chat and dating make it easier for us to access each other, but more difficult to form solid emotional bonds.

The 21st Century has life and relationships moving at a pace never before realized in earlier cultures. People are plugged in and connected on a 24/7 basis, yet, many still struggle with establishing healthy relationships.

The Dating Game provides insights into modern relationships and provides the reader with strategies for coping with dating, breaking up, affairs, divorce and codependency issues.

Find dating tips and relationship strategies that will help you build the healthy connections you want and begin making your relationships work for you.

Written with a sense of humor and true understanding of what the single person is facing today.

Copyright © 2010 by Brigid Bishop

Update! 4/24/10, This title is available on Amazon and Kindle!!!

Around The Wheel with Aries

(Compatibility Profiles)

By Brigid Bishop


Here are some basic “Rules of Thumb” for Arian Compatibility Profiles.  Of course, these are based on Sun Sign only, in order to truly plot compatibility it is best to have a professional compatibility profile done between the two charts, but this is a general description of the core energies to be expected.

Aries Male and Aries Female

Wow!  Hope you live near a fire station, who is going to douse those flames of passion?  Here is a combination that will burn up all the energy around them like a great Super Nova in the sky!  Both parties are so full of life, energy and enthusiasm that a room will actually get hotter when they walk in together.  They can love together very well, but the passion carries over into their disagreements as well, that’s when you will need the local fire department to be on call!  He will be her hero and she will be his heroine, they will vacillitate between putting each other first and fighting over being first!  Balance of the elements of Earth and Air in the charts will stabilize this explosive couple.

Aries Male and Taurus Female

The Aries Male and the Taurean Female are a blend of the elements of Fire and Earth.  Earth, as you know, consists of fire at its core, so the match can be very complimentary if the Aries Male appreciates the sensuality and good taste of the Taurean female.  The Taurus female will have no problems idolizing her  fiery Knight in Shining Armor and this will make the Aries Male feel good about himself, and her.  He has no problems being her protector, but his need to go off on adventures may be a little uncomfortable for this loving lady.  She brings him stability, he brings her the passion she craves.

Aries Female and Taurus Male

The Aries Female may well prove to be quite a challenge for the stodgy and masculine Bull Boy.  She doesn’t need his protection, heck, she’ll protect him, but she loves his earthy sensuality and the passion it brings up within her.  If the Taurean Male can keep himself from becoming “proprietary” over this feisty woman, they will get along well, if he tries to reign her in or keep her at home too long, she will simply vanish!  The Aries Female arouses the Taurean Male’s passions in ways that confound and confuse him, she challenges him, and the Taurean Male makes the Aries Female feel just a tad bit “girly”.

Aries Male and Gemini Female                

The Aries Male will be genuinely fascinated by the Gemini Female and will be hard-pressed to keep up with her acrobatic mind as she switches from subject to subject and twin to twin, but he loves a challenge!  These two can communicate very well together, but the Gemini Female is more of an “idea” person and the Aries Male is an “action” kind of guy.  She doesn’t believe in Knights in Shining Armor, so the Aries Male will try to prove himself to her, with valor, over and over again.  The Gemini Female challenges the ego of the Arian Male, but he will be true to himself and do his best to convince her that he IS the greatest guy on earth.  Her Air whips his Fire into a frenzy, but she must be sure that she doesn’t blow that fire out by being a little bit too cold to him.  Give him some attention already girl!

 Aries Female and Gemini Male

Unlike the reverse pairing of these signs, biologically, this makes for a wonderful match!  The Gemini Male, being duplicitous in nature, has absolutely no problems with the Fiery Girl’s masculine energies.  He likes a woman who will take charge.  He as an innate knack of making her feel like she is always first in his life, and she LIKES that.  The Aries Female finds the intellectual Gemini fascinating and spurs the relationship forward with enthusiasm, of course SHE wants to be the first one to take him skydiving!

Aries Male and Cancer Female

The Aries Male appreciates the nurturing essence of the Cancer Female, being the first son of the Zodiac makes him warm to her maternal instincts.  The Aries Male will cherish and protect the feminine Crab and make her feel safe and secure, she loves the idea of being his “damsel in distress” and will appreciate his rescue of her.  The Aries Male feels much the man around this loving damsel and shows his appreciation for her validating his masculinity by loving her in a hot and steamy passionate way.  Water and Fire can destroy each other or they can create a steamy and sensational pair, with these two, it is usually the latter.

Aries Female and Cancer Male

This mix is not as favorable as its’ biological opposite as although the Cancer Male is a feminine energy Sun Sign, he is still incarnated as a man and finds her masculine energy frustrating at times.  The Cancer Male is one who wants to give the Arian Female “first time” experiences, however, he may well make her unhappy by already having shared those experiences with someone else, SHE WANTS TO BE FIRST!  The Aries Female is not big into being “nurtured” by her man, as a masculine energy entity she wants a man that she can respect, so hopefully there will be more Air or Fire in their charts to balance the situation so it doesn’t become too difficult.

Aries Male and Leo Female

Fight fire with fire!  Wow!  Power couple coming into the room!  Clear the way!  They both need to be the center of attention, and if they get more attention as a pair than as individuals, well, then, GREAT!  This is a happy and fun pairing.  The Aries Male may feel like the Leo Female is stealing his thunder from time to time, but she is gracious and generous and will share the limelight with him.  Passionate?  Yes.  End of story.

Aries Female and Leo Male

The Leo Male knows just how to make the Female Aries feel special.  She needs to special.  He loves her drive and enthusiasm and feels that it compliments his own special energy of fire.  He will try to dominate her, but heck, it’s going to be fun because it will be an ongoing challenge, she will never concede her power over to him, but they look at it as a game and thoroughly enjoy challenging each other.  This couple has so much fun due to the Aries Female being a perpetual child at heart that the noble Lion just has to join in the fun!

Aries Male and Virgo Female

The Aries Male and the Virgo Female make a good energy match, although the Virgo Female may bring the Aries Male down a little bit if she exercises her Mercurial tongue in a critical way on him.  Aries Men cannot appreciate criticism, no matter how constructive, very well.  So if she remembers to lavish him with praise and appreciate his “spark” they can get along just fine.  The Aries Male finds the Virgo Female intriguing, he wonders, “Is she too good to be true?”.

Aries Female and Virgo Male

The Aries Female is fiery and active while the Virgo Male is analytical and critical.  The two may find little common ground at first.  The Virgo Male does have the ability to make the Aries Female feel that she is “first” in all things, but he takes a little of the wind out of her sails when he expects her to be more “grounded” here on Earth.  If the charts have more positive aspects within them, they can make a good pair, he being practical and her with the drive and ambition, but it’s a bit “iffy”.

Aries Male and Libra Female

The Aries Male finds the Libra Female a beautiful feminine challenge.  The polar opposition of their energies serves well to create a good balance between his Fire and her Air.  She is ethereal to him, like a muse, and he is a romance novel come to life for her.  He must remember that despite all of her feminine charms, she is intellectual at the core, and he must keep that intellectual connection burning brightly to keep her interest.  She must remember that he is an action packed gentlemen and she must come down out of the clouds of her daydreams in order to do things with him rather than just dream about them.

Aries Female and Libra Male

The Aries Female and the Libra Male have a bit more of a challenge than their biological reversed pairing.  The polar opposition between these two may cause the Aries Female to feel he spends too much time weighing out options when her natural tendency is to act quickly and go with her gut.  The sensitive Libra Male may find her energy a bit overwhelming, but fascinating all the same.  With positive aspects between planetary positions they may find equilibrium, but they certainly challenge each other!

Aries Male and Scorpio Female

The Aries Male will find the Scorpion Female quite sensual and ethereal.  He will enjoy her deep passionate nature, as long as she keeps it focused on him.  The Scorpio Female will love the youthful exuberance of the Arian Male, but will need him to be consistent in his attentions to her or her interest will wane.  He needs her attention, but she needs him to be nearby to receive that attention for both to be happy.

Aries Female and Scorpio Male

The Aries Female challenges the Scorpio Male.  Her fire and energy draw out his passion and his sensuality, she challenges him and he is not one to walk away from a challenge.  The possessive tendencies of the Scorpion Male may put her off he does not allow her enough space, but he knows how to keep her fires burning at home so she won’t need to go adventuring off without him too often.  This is a passionate connection and other aspects that are positive are needed to keep that passion positive in tone.

Aries Male and Sagittarius Female

Fire! Fire!  FIRE!  Wow!  This is a power couple combination.  She will EXPECT him to be her Knight in Shining armor, her hero and he will do his best to live up to it!  She will call him on the carpet, out loud and directly whenever he is not behaving like the hero he is meant to be.  Their arguments will be fast, loud and direct, but their makeup sessions will be just as heated.  She drives him to success and he protects her from the backlash her honesty sometimes creates.

Aries Female and Sagittarius Male   

The Sagittarian Male’s need for adventure, travel and independence will make the Aries Female feel enthralled!  She will want to tag along on every adventure he can dream up.  These two will travel well together and will enjoy a myriad of activities, from boating, hiking and camping, to parasailing and mountain climbing, to skiing the Alps, whatever!  She’s in!  This adventuresome duo will see the world together and always be happy about doing so!

Aries Male and Capricorn Female

The Aries Male and Capricorn Female work from two entirely different energies.  He is Fire and she is Earth, she will help to stabilize him and show him how to attain his goals and he will teach her how to live it up a little.  The Aries Male will be quite the “handful” for the Capricorn Female, but she will admire his masculinity and feel that she can take a little more risk in life when she has him to back her up.

Aries Female and Capricorn Male

The Goat Man may very well have a hard time keeping up with the Aries Female.  His style is slow and determined and plodding whereas her style is more of rushing in and grabbing the bull (or the goat) by the horns!  They will both reach the top of the mountain, but she will probably get there first and grab him by his horns and pull him the rest of the way up!  This will challenge the Goat.  He will get frustrated when he wants to protect her and she tells him that it is SHE that is protecting HIM.  The Aries Female will be well schooled to work on her feminine energy utilization to make this pairing work.

Aries Male and Aquarius Female

The Aries Male may think the Aquarian Female is just a little bit cold and that she needs to take her nose out of that book and away from that microscope to enjoy the world around her.  She may not take kindly to him trying to rescue her, she is quite capable of battling her own villains thank you, but the Aquarius Female will appreciate the intention just the same.  These two challenge each other for power when coupled and unless there are other positive aspects between them, they can become adversarial rather quickly, her Air intellectualizes just as rapidly as his Fire takes action and this can lead to impulsive interactions and verbalizations between them.

Aries Female and Aquarius Male

She may feel the need to rescue the Aquarian Male from a life of boredom and inaction and he may need to teach her that analysis can be a fun thing.  These two actually match well because she will bring the Aquarian Male out of the library and into the fire and he will help her to achieve her fiery goals by taking a studied approach to coaching her.  He is more willing than any other sign to allow HER to be the one wearing the shining armor and she likes that.  These two are quite capable of pulling off a full role reversal in their relationship and being very happy about it!

Aries Male and Pisces Female

The Aries Male may confuse our sensitive Ms. Fish.  He is her Knight in Shining Armor, but she doesn’t understand why he has to go out and slay dragons when she is here dreaming about him and waiting for him.  She will build a loving and nurturing environment for him to recharge in, but she may not understand that his energies are nearly boundless and she should try to get out there and adventure alongside him once in a while.  The Aries Male will love the Pisces Female’s way of building his dreams into reality, manifesting them for him, but he will still want to go out and conquer the world anyway.  These two are a good match if he has enough in his chart to stabilize for periods of time to give her the attention she needs and she needs to take off the rose colored glasses once in a while and see that he is a mortal.


Aries Female and Pisces Male

The Aries Female is quite capable of protecting the sensitive Pisces Male and her belief in heroes and villains will make the Pisces Male protective of her as well.  She has the energy and the drive to help the Pisces Male make his dreams reality and the Pisces Male can focus her Arian energy into achieving her goals as well.  The Aries Female may at times worry our sensitive Mr. Fish when she is off adventuring on her own, but he will trust her and she will love him for it.


Copyright © 2007

Brigid Bishop

This content may not be copied or reproduced in any way without the express written permission of the author. You are welcome to link to or bookmark this page, but please contact the author via Keen Mail if you wish to reproduce this article in whole or in part.




The Aries Personality Type

Want to Seduce a Pisces?

The Pisces Personality Type

Want to Seduce an Aquarius?

How Does Your Sign Match Up With Pisces?

The Aquarius Personality Type

Around The Wheel With Aquarius




Practical Advice for Choosing an Advisor

I consider myself a very professional and ethical Reader, and as such, I feel it my duty to educate any who are willing to learn, on the practice of choosing an advisor that will provide you with a value-added experience, and not false hope or even worse, dark despair.

When we are in a crisis and searching for answers, we need to reach out and seek those answers. This is natural. Perhaps our friends and support network are tiring of hearing our lament, or we want to keep our problems private from those close to us, this is when we reach out to readers.

The problem is, there are many so-called "advisors" out there who do not have the skills, education or experience to provide you with professional counsel. If you are not careful you could end up on the phone with a "card flipper" who considers reading the insert that came with their tarot deck as an understanding of the tarot, or worse, someone claiming to be psychic who is pulling answers out of the air for you.

When you are looking for an advisor, I strongly recommend that you steer clear first and foremost of those who claim to use "no tools" and say that they are psychic, clairvoyant, clairaudient, clairsentient, etc. etc. etc., unless someone you trust has recommended them to you or you have some particular intuitive draw to the advisor. 

 Although some of these claimants may well possess a talent in one or a few of these areas, it is very difficult to validate. If a reader is using tarot, you know that they are using a tool that mankind has utilized for centuries to tap into the human psyche, and you are able to question them as to how they are divining their interpretation, thus achieving validation through the interpretation of the cards.  I have nothing against using someone claiming psychic abilities, but be sure that someone has recommended them to you or you have some other reason to feel comfortable with their abilities.

NEVER and I mean NEVER go to someone who claims to be 100% accurate.

NO ONE is 100% accurate, it is impossible.  As well as those who claim to be 99.9% accurate and so forth.  There is NO MEASURABLE WAY to track an advisor's accuracy, so any claims of a stated percentage of accuracy, in mathematical terms, is FALSE!

PLEASE BE SURE TO THOROUGHLY READ THE ADVISOR LISTINGS.  IF THE LISTING SAYS THAT THE ADVISOR DOES NOT PROVIDE GENERAL READINGS, PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT THEM AND EXPECT THEM TO GIVE YOU A GENERAL READING.  IF THEY DO NOT PROVIDE A SERVICE THAT YOU ARE INTERESTED IN AND CLEARLY STATE IT, PLEASE LOOK FOR AN ADVISOR WHO DOES!  You can also email an advisor before hand and ask how much information they need to read for you.  Myself, I need a clear question and the first names of the persons involved.  Asking me "What can you tell me about Joe?" is not a clear question.  Asking me "What are Joe's intentions, thoughts and feelings toward me?" IS a clear question. 

You are looking for projections in human behavior, and humans, even the most banal humans, are quixotic at best, and at any given moment can change. A humble reader is going to be honest and direct with you, and state to you that this is what is "likely" to happen, no reading is written in stone. Each interaction you have, or the person you are reading about has, following a reading, can possibly change the course.

You cannot possibly ask every foreseeable question, therefore, you cannot know for certain what the chain of events that happen after your reading will cause.

The rule of thumb is: If you like the outcome of your reading, stick to the same path, make no changes, if you do not like the outcome of the reading you receive, consult the cards and ask, what, if anything, can be done to change the outcome, and adjust your course of actions accordingly.

Look for readers who are experienced, perhaps they have been reading for many years, perhaps they have written a book (like myself), or have some type of credential or verification to show that they are serious about what they are doing. 

Choose a reader with life experience, a work history in the mainstream in a position of managing other people, experience as a parent, step-parent, a reader who has been married, perhaps divorced, someone who has lived life and experienced difficulties, preferably with experience in the situation you, yourself, are dealing with.  You wouldn't ask a childless person for parenting advice, so why would you ask a person who has not had a healthy relationship in years for advice?  They have no insight.

Just as you would not ask a homemaker for business advice, why would you call someone who has never held a position in business for career advice?  Be careful as to who you contact for advice.  Relationship advice, seek someone with a history of successful relationships.

Okay, now you've found a reader who seems mature, experienced and educated.

If at any time, any reader, tells you they can "fix" your problem for a fee, (by burning candles, casting spells, etc.), disconnect immediately and never call them again. They are trying to take advantage of you and they are not ethical. Although the practice of spell-casting is recognized by many religions, as are candle burning rituals, these practices should be done by you, yourself, for maximum potency, and if you have an interest in performing these spells or rituals, many ethical readers will teach you how to do them for yourself as part of your reading sessions and not offer to do them "for you".  Your energy needs to be a part of any ritual work and is only totally effective if YOU do it YOURSELF.

Now, you found someone who has all of the qualifications we've discussed and is ethical as well. To get the most out of your reading, don't call them up and say "tell me about my love life". You will get what is known as a "cold read". This is not necessarily inaccurate, but it will be very general and not as in depth as you would like. The cards are multifaceted, and not knowing the nature of your situation will make it much more difficult than it has to be for the reader to tap into your situation. You wouldn't go to a counselor and sit down and say "Tell me how to fix my life", would you? It's the same with an advisor.

For instance, you ask a vague question about where your relationship with so-and-so is going and the Two of Cups appears at the base of the reading.

The advisor can interpret this in several ways to say the least.

This could mean you two are married, were married in the past, are very much in love, or that your current love interest is married to someone else, or that he or she was married in the past.... a lot can be deciphered by the surrounding cards, but why make the reader guess, it takes the focus off delivering clarity and puts the pressure on the reader to "prove themselves".

Instead, when you contact a reader, give them a brief summary of your current situation, and then ask your question. It will save you time and money and you will get a much clearer and concise reading from your advisor, thus, more quickly cutting to the chase of what you may need to do in order to achieve your goals.

Please understand that tarot reading, despite how it has been viewed and how some readers present it, is not a cure-all and end-all as to what is going to happen in your future. It is a guide, a tool, to help you to make the choices that are right for you, to help you to see what the potential of your situation is and to hopefully inspire you to grow and to learn. Tarot should help you to let go of situations that no longer work for you, give you projections of what is likely in store for you, teach you how to be prepared for what is coming down the road toward you and give you insight into other peoples' thinking and their feelings.

So, I hope this helps you the next time you are cruising for a reading to make an intelligent and wise choice in who you choose to let into your psyche.


Brigid Bishop



You May Also Enjoy:  "You Are Who You Meet!"


Retrograde Schmetrograde!


The Newly "BED" Game


 The Proper Usage of the Transitional Man


Tough Love In the Garden of Eden


Thyme In a Bottle


Why Do People Cheat?


What is Your Power Animal?


The Bridal Bouquet

(This Article Contains Links to More Wedding Rituals and Myths)


Independence, Codependence and Interdependence


Premarital Ponderings at 2 a.m.


On The Outside Looking In



Visit Brigid Bishop


If I am not available, please try a well-qualified Advisor in my group:


 Advisors Trusted by Brigid Bishop .



For further insight, Read "See Dick Run"


Today's Spell: A Simple Binding Spell


Spellwork is most effective when performed by oneself, this is the second in a series of simple, free spells on my Keen Blog to help those of you who may have an interest in performing some simple spellwork for yourselves. 

You can post any questions you may have here, or if you'd like, post your results.

At times their are people in our lives who create negative energy for us and we want to prevent them from affecting us further.  This is where a "Binding Spell" may prove helpful to us.  This spell in no way will influence another's free will or cause bad karma to come back to you, it is simply a method to encourage the other person to release you from their negative focus.  We all have enemies, and this is a simple way to have an enemy or a "want to be" enemy leave us in peace.

Gather a fallen leaf from outside.  Not a live leave, but a fallen one, one that has already given up it's life to nature.

Write the name of the person whom you wish to cease and desist from interfering in your life on the fallen leaf.

Get a zip lock plastic sandwich bag and place the leaf in it, add water until it is almost full and then add nine teaspoons of sugar.

Seal the bag.

Repeat these words nine times while shaking the bag, "I am out of (insert name)'s head, her ill will toward me is dead".

Place the bag in your freezer and allow it to freeze solid until the night of the next New Moon.

When the next New Moon comes around, take the baggie and it's contents somewhere at least a few miles from your house, the farther the better, and remove the frozen contents and bury them, as they decompose so should your problems with the person in question.  If you do not want to bury the frozen contents, you can also throw them into a body of water, like a lake, pond, or even better, the ocean.  As the contents are all natural it is not littering. 

DO NOT THROW the plastic baggie away or bury it, take that to the nearest garbage receptacle to dispose of, we don't want to harm our environment!

If you find that you have a freezer full of baggies, you may need to take a deeper look into what is causing the problems you are having with people!  LOL!!!

Anyway, if you have any questions on this spell or spellwork in general feel free to call me or to post them here. 

I DO NOT perform spellwork for others, however, I can and will instruct you over the phone if you wish to learn or to perform it for yourself, or provide you with a reading as to the potential effects of spellwork you may be thinking of doing yourself.


Has that horse dropped dead right underneath you and are you still standing there hitting it trying to make it get up and go?  Perhaps you need to check and see if your relationship has a pulse as well?

You've been involved with this guy for a good, long period of time, perhaps even a year or two, and yet, it feels uncomfortable for you to pick up the phone and call him, you feel like you might be bothering him, you don't want to upset him yet again, so you don't call, but you are anxious about when you are going to hear from him again.

You haven't had any fights, you just feel like something is wrong, a general feeling of anxiety comes over you when you think about the relationship.  Despite the fact that you have been seeing each other for at least a year, you feel just as insecure about when he is going to call you again as you did during that first month.

Even though you have been in some sort of relationship for sometime now, you still don't feel any sense of commitment from him, if you don't call him he might not call you. 


(To gain more insight into making your relationships work for you, purchase a copy of Brigid Bishop's The Dating Game, Insights Into Affairs of the Heart, available on Amazon and Kindle).

When you leave a few things at his house he reminds you that you have belongings there to take home with you, he goes to parties with friends without you, when he spends time with his family, you are not included. 


He says things like "let's not make more out of this than it is" when you get up out of bed with him and ask him if he wants you to stay over. 


He goes for days and days without contacting you. 


Since you are unable to absorb any of the above hints, I will tell you straight out why your man is behaving the way he is.  He does NOT want a relationship with you!  It's over dear!  Bury this poor dead horse and move on!  No matter what you do at this point, you are not going to get the commitment or the relationship you want with this guy, you are NOT in a relationship, you are single!  This guy is just spending time with you on occasion because he has not yet met the person he is going to REPLACE you with!

Your relationship is dead, please have the common sense and courtesy to bury it and let it rest in peace.  Further pursuit of happiness here will only end in disaster.

At times I receive calls from clients who are experiencing this type of relationship necromancy, and frequently they just don't want to hear the cold hard facts, and persist in trying to bring the dead back to life.

The most frequently asked question is "Why"?

Well, does it really matter "Why" he no longer has an active interest in you?  What matters is how this prolonged connection with the dead relationship is affecting you.  You are unhappy, you feel anxious all the time, you never know when or if you will hear from him so you are constantly "waiting" for his next move.  Let go!  Move on!  Find someone who really does care for you and be happy instead of miserable.  Get back into life!

I know of a woman who has been trying to make a situation like this work for over two years.  This man frequently breaks up with her, usually around a major holiday or a special day for her, like her birthday or their "anniversary", and yet she just won't let go!  Whenever he breaks it off with her, she chases and chases and chases him, literally throws herself at him, and then, when he takes advantage of what she offers and does nothing else, she asks me why.  I tell her the cold hard truth, he is not interested in a relationship with her and although they have been seeing each other for two years, it is not going to develop further and she really should seek her happiness elsewhere, yet she won't let go.  She stubbornly holds on, and says "well I don't understand, we've been together for two years".

No, they have NOT been together for two years, they were together for a few months at the very beginning and it has been a battle to stay "together" since then.  Nothing but on again, off again, and she is the one that always makes it seem to be "on again".

I truly cannot comprehend how some women waste their time, energy and emotion in situations like this.  When in the past it became apparent to me that a man no longer wished to share my company, I had no qualms about saying "Ok, well take care, good-bye" and moving on to someone who actually WANTED to spend time with me.

One woman I know had a few items she had strategically placed in her on/off boyfriends home, and he actually said to her "You need to take your things home with you, let's not make more out of this than it is" and she STILL persists in trying  to "make this work".

My lord, if a man ever said that to me I'd pack my stuff up and be gone from his life in about two seconds flat, change my phone number and immediately begin seeking alternate companionship.  Not this woman, no, she took her things home alright, but she is still there, on hold, waiting for the next "on" phase to begin.

It's sad really, time and emotion just wasted away that could be so much more well spent.

If a man is into you, you will know it, he will seek out your company, not avoid it.  If a man is avoiding spending time with you, TAKE THE HINT and spend your time wisely with those who enjoy being with you!

Around The Wheel with Pisces

(Compatibility Profiles)

By Brigid Bishop

Here are some basic “Rules of Thumb” for Piscean Compatibility Profiles. Of course, these are based on Sun Sign only, in order to truly plot compatibility it is best to have a professional compatibility profile done between the two charts, but this is a general description of the core energies to be expected.

Pisces Male and Aries Female

This may be a difficult combination unless other aspects within the chart are positive. The Pisces Male is sensitive and caring and the Aries Female is a fiery and independent and action-oriented energy. The Pisces Male wants to sit back and dream a little while the Aries Female wants to go, go, and go. Without an elemental balance within the charts the connection can be fleeting at best.

Pisces Female and Aries Male

This mix can actually work out a bit better than its’ reverse as the masculine and feminine biological energies can enhance the connection. The Pisces Female will idolize the Aries for his take charge approach to life and feel cherished and protected, while the Arian Male will find her femininity and dreaminess quite appealing. She will want to create a comfort zone for him to recharge in and he will want to “lasso the moon” for her.

Pisces Male and Taurus Female

The Pisces Male and the Taurean Female are a very positive blend of the elements of Water and Earth. The Pisces Male will provide for and nourish the Taurean Female, and the Taurean Female will bloom and blossom for the Piscean Male. The dreaminess of the Pisces Male is put into action by the earthy Taurean Female and a firm foundation can be built that has the potential to last a lifetime.

Pisces Female and Taurus Male

The Pisces Female will simply adore the sensual and earthy Taurus Male. Physical chemistry here will be off the charts! She will give him everything she can both emotionally and physically and will stretch her proficient imagination to its’ most outer limits to come up with new and exciting ways to please him. The Taurean Male will not fail to notice this and will work long and hard to give her the best of everything that the world has to offer.

Pisces Male and Gemini Female

The Pisces Male will be genuinely fascinated by the Gemini Female and will be hard-pressed to keep up with her acrobatic mind as she switches from subject to subject and twin to twin, but he will do his best! His daydreams take on a surreal quality that entrances him when she explains to him how to put his thoughts into action. The Pisces Male will actually be able to get the Gemini Female to slow down a bit, to stop and smell the roses, and the Gemini Female can spur the Pisces Male into making his fantasies reality.

Pisces Female and Gemini Male

Unlike the reverse pairing of these signs, biologically, this makes for a difficult match. The duplicitous nature of the Gemini Male confuses the Piscean Female to a point of utter distress. Although much love and attraction can exist between them, without other positive aspects, the Piscean Female may feel much distrust for the Gemini Male, undermining the relationship, due to his lack of consistency and inability to be the same man day to day as he undergoes his transformations from twin to twin. She needs a little more stability to feel safe.

Pisces Male and Cancer Female

Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink! The Pisces Male and the Cancer Female are said by traditional astrologers to be well-matched due to their common elemental influence of water, and this can well be so as long as both parties are able to comfortably allow the other to swim to the deep end of the pool of emotion without feeling a sense of abandonment, or hold on so tightly that they begin to pull each other under and succumb to the smothering influences of water. They will understand each other quite well, thank you, but they need to be able to balance practicality with sentiment.

Pisces Female and Cancer Male

A better mix than the reverse genders as the Pisces Female responds well to the nurturing that the Cancer Male naturally provides. When these two dive into the pool of emotion they tend to come out refreshed and reenergized, ready to face forward with optimism, the Pisces Female knowing that her Cancer Man will be there to catch her if she should slip, and the Cancer Male knowing that it is safe to dream and feel his emotions while in her company.

Pisces Male and Leo Female

The Pisces Male will be attracted to the Leo Female, well, just because she is who she is and pulls no punches about it. She will enjoy his admiration of her and he will enjoy her generous spirit. The Leo Female will have the energy to move the Pisces Male to action absent nagging or cajoling, he will want to do for her to be able to enjoy the warmth of her sunlight. Her fire can certainly make his water boil.

Pisces Female and Leo Male

The Pisces Female will be energetically attracted to the Leo Male. His passion and zest for life will be infectious to her, to say the least, and she will muse that in days gone by he could well have been her knight in shining armor. The Leo Male will feel self-actualized by the sense she gives him of being “all man” and will cherish her for the sheer fact of her admiration for him. The problem is, the rose colored glasses have to be taken off sooner or later, and when she sees him as a mere mortal, unless there are other balancing factors in their charts, she may lose interest.

Pisces Male and Virgo Female

The polar oppositions of the suns of these two create a sense of balance. He is imaginative and creative where the Virgo Female is practical. The Pisces Male is sensitive and precognitive, she wants hard facts and figures. The pair is quite capable of a balancing act that can last a lifetime. The Virgo Female keeps the Pisces Male, who is one to drift to other dimensions, grounded here on earth.

Pisces Female and Virgo Male

The Pisces Female is lilting and ethereal while the Virgo Male is down to earth and pragmatic. She dreams ahead in time, he lives in the here and now. At its best, the pairing will bring balance to each other’s lives, at it’s worse, they will be in constant conflict due to not allowing the energy of the other to flow freely. The Virgo Male may be so down to earth that he tries to bind her here against her will. This will not due for the Pisces Female, she will swish her tail and swim away leaving him all alone. If he allows her to dream freely and enjoy her musings and reminds her that he is here in the “real” world waiting patiently, they can last a lifetime.

Pisces Male and Libra Female

The Pisces Male finds the Libra Female hauntingly beautiful and the Libra Female finds the Pisces Male handsome and charming and optimistic. The Pisces Male will so romanticize the Libran Female’s natural beauty that he may not be capable of fulfilling her intellectual needs. This is a woman with a beautiful mind as well, and he needs to appreciate the charm of her wit as well as her feminine wiles to keep her interested.

Pisces Female and Libra Male

The Pisces Female and the Libra Male make an excellent pair. He is totally open to her fantasies and musings and actually loves her precognitive abilities and finds them quite fascinating. He will turn to her when he needs to weigh out a decision for her psychic abilities rather than for practical advice. The two are capable of building a happy dream world together, even with their own language that is impossible for anyone else to interpret.

Pisces Male and Scorpio Female

This pairing is one that is absolutely metaphysical in chemistry. They frequently can read each other’s thoughts and feelings, even when continents divide them. The sexual energy between these two is very sensual and mystical in nature and forms a deep bond between the two. Lovers for life can occur here. The Scorpio Female will not, however, forgive or forget any transgressions on the Piscean Males’ part.

Pisces Female and Scorpio Male

These two are real fire crackers in the sack. There is no fantasy or wish that one will not fulfill for the other. Experimentation and sensuality in all aspects of their relationship, even in sharing a meal, will keep the fire burning between these two for decades. They can easily read each other’s thoughts and feelings and frequently communicate with no verbalization at all. These two easily can become lovers for life.

Pisces Male and Sagittarius Female

The Sagittarian Female’s blunt honesty hurts the Piscean Male’s feelings on a frequent basis. When she feels that she is just cluing him in, he feels he is being criticized. The Pisces Male will swim quickly away when the female horse stomps through his favorite swimming hole spreading her truth and honesty. Although her fiery nature may appeal to him, his sensitive nature cannot endure it for long.

Pisces Female and Sagittarius Male

The Sagittarian Male’s need for adventure, travel and independence will make the Piscean Female feel a bit abandoned. She won’t want to travel too much on his adventures with him as she would rather spend her days weaving her cloth of dreams and fantasies and possibilities, while he wants to rush straight forward into the next journey. She will find his blunt and honest approach to communication painful and although he doesn’t mean to hurt her feelings, he will. Without more elemental balance in the charts this will be a painful experience for the Pisces Woman.

Pisces Male and Capricorn Female

The Pisces Male and Capricorn Female make a straight forward and openly honest pair. She will be practical and he will be dreamy, but he will work to make those dreams come true for her, led by her example. The Pisces Male may like to socialize a bit more than she, but they will find a balance. She will encourage him to aim his socialization at those who form a network to enhance his chances at success, thus compromising their styles in a positive way.

Piscean Female and Capricorn Male

The Goat Man may very well fall off of his mountain peak here, and fall deeply in love with this Female Fish. She is like a siren calling to him just out of sight of the beach, and he must plunge into the water to answer this call. Her mystical nature fascinates him, although he may choose to not believe that she is psychic, inside, he will know she truly is. She will open up his spiritual and metaphysical side and perhaps even teach him that there is more to life than material gain.

Piscean Male and Aquarius Female

The Pisces Male may think the Aquarian Female is just a little bit “out of this world” with her thoughts and actions and his sensitive nature cannot take the constant onslaught of thoughts and ideas without system overload if other aspects of the chart do not create more balance. The Aquarian Female will try to herd the Piscean Male into the life that she feels is best for him, and he is a slippery fish that is not easily led. Power struggles are common in this pairing, as is passive-aggressive behavior on the part of our friend Mr. Fish.

Piscean Female and Aquarius Male

The Pisces Female is the biggest dreamer in the zodiac and the Aquarian Male absolutely loves her for it! Her imagination combined with his creative abilities make a pair that can create an ideal life together. He doesn't feel the need for independence as strongly with this sign as he does with the others, as she and her dreamy ways bring him a sense of inner peace. Someone has to remember to go to the grocery store here or you two might just dream away!!! Wake up!!!

Pisces Female and Pisces Male

These two can be the best of friends, the most sensual of lovers and the most creative and successful business partners that you have ever met as long as ONE of them has enough fire in their chart to turn their dreams into realities. Psychic connections between these two are almost visible to the naked eye! Herein the problem lies, there is no way to lie to each other. If these two ever part company they will totally go their separate ways, although they can have a great love, the ending of that great love is something the Pisces would rather not be reminded of through friendship with an ex.

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Want to Seduce a Pisces?

I get this over and over and over again in my professional practice. Women, who are otherwise intelligent and logical beings become irrational and unrealistic and anxiety ridden when the object of their affections becomes ambivalent, or worse, uninterested.

I am not talking about those in "long term" relationships. I am talking about those who are truly single and dating who don't want to give a relationship time to grow or develop naturally, or don't allow the male to take the "reins" so to speak, of the masculine energy role (the initiator) and jump the gun in oh so many ways.

The advice that I give over and over and over again, which VERY few follow, is to remove their energy and attention AWAY from the gentleman who is behaving in a distant manner. This means, don't call him up, don't text him, don't stalk him online, don't invite him out..........the female (at the dating stage) must allow the male the time and the "room" to decide whether or not he wants to take this further, which is not on the same schedule as the female.

Females tend to decide very quickly that they want to be involved. They may have just flirted with a gentleman and they will call me and ask "is this the guy that I am going to marry". Although the cards will show if there is a POTENTIAL for a long term relationship, if you have just met a guy this weekend and he hasn't even asked you out yet, this question is based on suppositions galore and it is not likely that you will get a very accurate answer. Tarot Readings are not set in stone. They will tell you what is LIKELY to happen if you remain on the same path, continue with the same types of actions, into the future. Any changes in YOUR behavior change the outcomes of the situation...Tarot Readings are a living, breathing, metaphysical wonder and change as your actions change.

A more apropos question at the first stages of infatuation would be "will he ask me out" and then after a date or so "will we develop a relationship" perhaps after 6-9 months of exclusive dating...."will he consider marrying me".......the questions have to be realistic in comparison to the situation in order to have any sense of accuracy. If you want to be the "feminine" energy in a relationship with a "masculine" male, as archaic as it may sound, you must allow him to set the pace. If it is not in your nature to allow this, then you may be a "masculine" energy female, or if you are truly "feminine" energy, you need to discipline yourself to your natural energy.

All modern women must maintain a masculine energy at work, and our "go get it if you want it" attitude will serve us well in our careers, but NOT in our relationships (unless he is a feminine energy male), but this post is about the majority....we shall discuss the opposing roles later. Ok, so he is a masculine energy male. He wants to be TRUSTED. He wants you to think he is COMPETENT. So why would you pick up the phone and call him and ask him out for the weekend??? It makes him feel like you are taking the lead and that you do not feel he is man enough, or responsible enough to be able to ask YOU out. He may say yes, but you are setting a playing field where you will ultimately lose! Your role, as the feminine energy, is to ACCEPT or REJECT whatever this man presents to you. If he does not call you within a comfortable amount of time, it doesn't mean you call him and take the lead, it means you REJECT his negligence and busy yourself with friends or on other dates with males who respect you enough to follow up with you.

If a male tells you he would rather "be friends", it does not mean that he really down deep wants to be your lover but is afraid of commitment, or was hurt and afraid he will be hurt again. It means he IS NOT interested in being your lover...move on. If he changes his mind, he will be back.

The most effective means of measuring a man's interest is to keep moving on, keep moving forward UNTIL HE ASKS YOU to stop, stay still with him for awhile. Until a man asks you to be exclusive to him DATE YOUR BUTT OFF!!! If you are in a dating slump......keep yourself busy doing the things you’ve always wanted to your life as you imagine in your mind......start living the life you imagine.....on your own!!!! Nothing draws a man out more than the absence of your energy. If you allow him to feel your absence, he will feel the need to connect, and he will INITIATE!!! If you are always there, texting him, phoning him, lurking on line, he has NO MOTIVATION to are always there is no sense of urgency for him to get some of your time and attention...he already has it!!!

Copyright © 2007 Brigid Bishop

Independence, Codependence and Interdependence


Where are you at with your relationship style?


In “Deep End”-ness

Co “Deep End”-ness

Inter “Deep End”-ness


Picture the realm of relationships as a big swimming pool.  You are in the deep end of the pool. 

If you are in “independent” mode, you are swimming around all by yourself, doing fine, getting out and diving in off the high dive, unaffected by the other swimmers around you.  You are an individual and you are not connecting with others at this time, you are focused on yourself and yourself alone.  You may take an occasional date with another swimmer, but you prefer to swim alone most of the time.

If you are in “codependent” mode, well, you won’t go in the water alone.  Someone must always be with you.  A lifeguard must always be around.  When you dive in you immediately swim over to another swimmer and begin to cling on to them, they frequently push you away.  You may feel like you are drowning and no one is helping you.  The more you try to cling to another swimmer, the more you are pushed away and you thrash around and swallow water and end up hanging on to the side of the pool coughing and crying.  It’s not much fun in the pool for you, but you keep trying.

In order to prevent copyright infringement, this blog has been condensed to an excerpt as it currently appears in Brigid's book "The Dating Game, Insights Into Affairs of The Heart" releasing in April 2010 and available at Amazon and fine book sellers everywhere.  Ask for it by name!


Copyright © 2007 Brigid Bishop

This content may not be copied or reproduced in any way without the express written permission of the author.  You are welcome to link to or bookmark this page, but please contact the author via Keen Mail if you wish to reproduce this article in whole or in part. 


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