Out Here In Space, You Are Never Alone

*~ life through the eyes of a writer ~*
Many wonder what the meaning of love and of life is. I've asked many of these questions and tried to find the answers. Now I realize what matters most to me is my love, a kind person, and in faith to him I refound my faith. He's the epitome of perfection to me, the perfect balance of Christ and Satan. I had a dream once that I after many lifetimes tried to enter heaven. I had many astonishing lifetimes including a burlesque dancer in the 1920s, a womanizing racecar driver in the 70s, a Lilith like happy stomper in the cave man era, Joan of Arc (ironically enough), a slightly snobby princess in the medieval era. The last lifetime I was a humble Indian woman, not physically attractive to God. God was at first heavenly then seemed huge with horns and an eternal voice like lightening. He said "no, you're not entering eternity like that, overly humbled and not that pretty. You should go back into the physical realm one last time and re enter beautiful with glory." Although I completed all lessons and survived the most terrifying of lifetimes with dignity it was decided I could not enter heaven. I lost faith in everything including Christ. Then I met someone who looks like Jesus Christ himself (how shallow of me) and I suddenly wanted him more than heaven or hell. Each moment with him is eternity. That to me is marriage. I love all of you Kitty Maria Angel loves you! You're never alone! :)
I love all my clients! It has been a pleasure and an honor to speak with all of you! Thank you to everyone who has contacted me! You deserve all the love and happiness in the world!
Recently I fell in love He actually reminds me of Jesus, in the way that he looks and the way that he loves I was filled with doubt although I've been on a spiritual path for years The act of having faith in another person and being faithful to that person became even more tremendous than a miracle However it's the simplest thing in the world to remain faithful to him In spite of the miraculous nature of our connection what really brought us together was cats I can sense he is genuinely kind to cats After much anguish and feelings as though the world is beginning and ending and actual miracles as well as near death experiences What struck me is how he chose to defend an innocent otherwise defenseless but very brave kitten I'm not even a Christian, but to me this is the work of Jesus and the eternal inner garden of our hearts He exists eternally there, in truth
Dear Readers, I'm writing in concern to fate. Many ask me about the future. We all have a different perspective on how fate and the future unfolds. In my experience it is like a spiders web. We make decisions that can create channels of fate into the future, different time lines forming intricate patterns. When I predict I try and sense what is the most probable future given the present circumstances. Thinking of a spiders web can feel like a scary thing, but I believe in a benevolent spider goddess. I identify with the spider goddess, as I, like many others, have been perceived without clarity. At times I try and undo the negativity by placing a smiley face on everything. I use a smiley face sometimes when I interact and when I write things out as well :) Yesterday I thought again of connections, the smiley face at Walmart, a store I usually don't patronize, and also the Smiley used by a character named Spider in the graphic novel Transmetropolitan. He claims in this comic that people who use this three eyed smiley are scum (members of the transient movement) easily controlled. Yet he uses this smiley as he on some level feels for them. This is indicative of compassion and consideration. This is a beautiful belief. I believe in those that still care. I wish to not open the graphic novel Transmetropolitan again but rather write a new future based on true love and devotion.
I have walked a long path, as I'm sure many of you have as well, and the question of joy has arisen many times. In this day and age, it's easy to label a person who is experiencing intense sadness as "ill" - in some cases this may be true. In other cases, the catalyst behind a person's joy or sorrow may be a bit more complicated. When I was in high school, I was diagnosed with "major depression." This, no doubt, played into my then-vulnerable love starved ego. I may not be considered an important person, but just the word major can make one feel as though they're playing in the big leagues. Some respond well to medication. I did not. Taking medication and going through therapy sessions made me feel as though my life was being drained from me. For some, this is the answer. For me, personally, it was not my cure. Each person's mental and physical states are different, and what may work for one may not work for another. I began to read self help books around that time to help with my depression and social anxiety. I found some basic skills that did help, but I still wasn't living life to the fullest. In college, I joined a self help group that offered members real techniques that can be used to overcome emotional instability, such as writing down exactly what the problems and emotions are, and listing possible solutions. This focus on taking action was inspiring to me. Talking about inner issues can be cathartic and an important part of healing. What was missing was the action - the sense of self empowerment that comes with consciously deciding yourself to do something about it. I found through experience things that helped me combat depression. Changing my diet was an important element of this. Eating more fresh food, especially fruits and vegetables help immensely. One day I actually found my entire mind, body, and soul skyrocketed in a really positive direction after eating a kale salad with many other vegetables mixed in. The other techniques I found were doing something active (such as dancing or taking a walk) or listening to music that fed into my emotion, then eventually transformed it. The most important technique in all this is choice. We all have free will. I have used affirmations in the past- even just saying them silently in your head throughout the day can be a way of influencing yourself. We are bombarded with concepts that work as affirmations all day, sometimes negatively. Advertisements sometimes play on our insecurities or we may be held to an unfair standard at work or school. We can counter this by choosing a positive statement about ourselves and our mental state to repeat to oneself throughout the day. This is a way of reprogramming our subconscious through self hypnosis. This worked wonders for me. I grew to become an extremely happy person. I walked down the street with a huge smile on my face for no reason other than the fact I was so happy to be alive. I felt grateful to the extreme for every bite of food, for every moment spent with a friend, every restful night's sleep. Even though the circumstances of my life didn't change that drastically, my perspective and my active will and choice to be happy worked, after years of effort. I chose to be happy and felt that joy. However, at a certain point I noticed that some friends started to turn against me. They weren't used to me being a happy person. They must have, on some level, felt thrown off as our dynamic was originally based on my sad personality. This became challenging, as I am emphatic. Even after meditation and using the white light to protect myself, at a certain point, the negativity began to effect me. I continued to choose happiness and take action to make sure I could turn the choice into reality. Many kept insisting that I was depressed and in denial. What is the use of the diagnoses if it doesn't allow for a cure? I am not one to push others away lightly, but I decided to go abroad for awhile to experience a new atmosphere. I became very happy again, in spite of some challenges. This was a lesson to me that happiness is partially a choice, and partially about linking up with others who wish you well. I do not deny people who are struggling nor do I reject those who may suffer from depression or feel sadness. It is merely the will to want to live life to the fullest and work together that will get you in good with me. I know we all deserve that joy - may we all experience that to the fullest!
The nature of emotions is, to me, like the fluid motion of water. We cannot suppress them or let them stagnate, but rather channel the flow in a healthy way. An emotional nature is a strength not a weakness, when mastered. This is a skill that I myself am still learning. Many who request psychic readings are often empathic or psychic themselves. This makes an individual open to the reality of a sixth sense. It's sometimes difficult not to get wrapped up in the emotions of others or detach in an emotionally charged situation. When attempting to re center in an emotionally charged situation, I would advise against the technique referred to as "square breathing." Just focusing on the breath and clearing the mind can be effective. Alternatively, breathe in for a count of six, hold for as long as you feel comfortable, then release for six counts. A creative or physically relieving action when emotional can help alleviate the intensity. Remember your strength! We're all a part of divinity.

I went on a day trip to the beach this past summer and when I arrived, nature passed an unforgiving hand over my being and clouds brought rain upon the ideal day I had planned. The ocean waves beat against the sand, bleeding the coast with continual waters, dragging each grain of sand back into its being. I felt lost.


There was a carousel on the boardwalk. I huddled away from the rain in a solitary chair not knowing what to do next. I stared at the carousel and wondered why I was being punished when I put such sincere effort into helping others. I felt childish compared to the children running by enthusiastically trading tokens for arcade games. What should I do next?


I stared at the carousel turning, the horses with tongues flailing about and wide eyed helpless eyes silently screaming. I stared the the tiger ready to carry a human but chains surrounding his neck, expressing fear of the power contained behind his stripes held him back. And there was a blue dragon - strong, different, a little untouchable. And yet even he was still caught in this endless circle, the music a little manic and frightening but meant to delight.


I stared the the movement, around and around, the circle made again and again, the animals swirling around, the noise, the light - and then the golden ring at top. That goal, that untouchable golden object of attraction that so many children reach for. I never came close to touching that golden ring. Half the time I was scared to reach for it.


I began to notice people as part of this ride, this endless ride going around an unnoticed center. These animals reminded me of every human's physical form, our bodies being static just as these animals. Our skeletal form, muscles, and skin being almost too solid for true expression of our spiritual nature.


How to reach that ring when caught in a circle yourself? A circle reaching for a circle. And then what? Do we simply get back on the ride? I wanted to be not on a horse or mystical creature but rather wanted to find the meaning of this movement. Could I be the one making the miracle turn? Could I be at the center, with arms all about me, turning around in a circle like a child playing for free in an open meadow?


At that moment, a young woman passed by with huge gold hoop earrings. And it clicked. I had the ring. It could be found anywhere. It could be found in places that people usually don't notice. The earrings didn't look expensive or hand made or mystical but it's in that ordinary place that we sometimes ignore that we find a forgotten part of ourselves. In finding endless bliss in the unexpected we can create miracles and free every horse, tiger, and dragon from the endless circle to true eternity.


From the time we are born, we are loved whether we know it or not.

From the time we are born, we are also faced with a constant onslaught of the "idea" of love. We are subjected to programming that says love is about buying your girlfriend chocolate and diamond rings. This programming tells women love is about getting your man to commit, about getting him to pop the question. On the one hand we are given a story book tale about love based on superficial concepts of beauty and worth, while at the same time being fed from a totally different spoon- TV shows, movies, books, even those around us reinforce the idea that love is a power struggle, a status symbol, something we have to do, a box to find, decorate to our liking, and squeeze into.

This is not love.

Experience has taught me the truth: love is alive, love is real, love is something that takes hold of you, takes over, and is beautiful beyond belief. It is bigger than us - it is wild and bursting with life. It cannot be controlled or conditioned. You cannot force love, convince love, or make love happen. It is a gift, it is a living vital force that works through us and produces that which we most yearn for in the depths of our souls. When you feel it, you know it - it is not empty actions, but rather a feeling - a feeling bigger than words, that cannot be contained by concepts. That's why so many resist love - to truly love, you have to give up some control - you have to open your heart to feel. When you open your heart to feel, you receive the whole package - the joy, the sorrow, the elation, the sadness. But this price is well worth it.

So many think of love and emotions as something that is somehow not completely relevant to our problems today; that it is somehow secondary to science, politics, and things of that nature. This is not the case. It is only with love and through love that our modern world can be healed. Only with love can we wield knowledge, technology, and the responsibility of governing others with proper wisdom that will ultimately result in worldwide harmony. We cannot discount the heart - the heart is of utmost important in realization of truth.

Love is strength, love is life - it is indeed very powerful. I encourage everyone who reads these words to open themselves up to this force, feel it pulsing within every atom of their being, feel it moving and existing through them. This is life - this is what it means to live.

Wishing everyone the best on this beautiful Tuesday :) ~~

I've been thinking a lot lately about what life was like as a child. It's strange to believe that little person that existed all those years ago is in someway connected to me. When I read words I wrote when I was around 8 or 10 years old, I am shocked to find I had a depth of wisdom then that I sometimes struggle to align with today.

When I was a child, there was no searching, no grasping, no huge riddle to solve or mountain to climb. I didn't go around in my head wondering what this or that person thinks of me, I didn't get caught up in past memories or future worries or hopes. There was no an issue about "self esteem" or "self improvement." There was just simple perfection in every moment, and I was utterly unaware of it. Had I been aware of it, it probably would have been squelched. That's the irony of it all.

In my childhood mind, there was never a question of whether or should or should not be playing the way that I did. Everything was for pure enjoyment. Everything was all imagination- huge, unedited, bigger than life imagination. The creativity that possessed me was more entertaining and engrossing than any sort of movie or book I have ever experienced. And I did it all purely for the moment - nothing recorded, nothing saved.

Although I was a lonely child, I was content in my solitude. I had worlds upon worlds in my mind, and it was in my inner self that I traveled every day. I was never alone - in fact, I felt as though I had a wealth of friends to share, if only someone would understand that even if they couldn't be seen they were real. I never did anything with an agenda - there was no issue of becoming famous or becoming a saint - everything was done purely for the act itself, and that was more than enough.

Now when I sit down to work on a creative project, I struggle to recapture that essence I once had. Years of life experience has programmed many voices in my head that get in the way of the act of simply doing, completely, holding nothing back, and enjoying every bit of the reward held in each instant. However, I know with time the voices and the programming can fall away and once again I will be able to be like a child again.

I am sure everyone has some element of their childhood that they miss. As we get older and more responsibilities and memories sit upon our plate, it's easy to become disconnected from those simple joys that used to bring smiles to our faces when we were younger. I encourage everyone to reconnect with their inner child. Remember what used to make you bounce with joy when you were a kid, and see if there's any way you can taste that feeling again as an adult. We're only as young as we feel, and I intend to stay childlike and wise as much as possible. :)

Much love,

I have read for many people, and I have to say, the most common questions I get are about relationships. People often want to know when they will find love, if the man or woman they're with now is "the one" if their former lover will return to them. I completely understand why this would be the case - I myself am a very emotional person who falls in love easily and strongly. However, tonight I started dig deeper into this topic - where does this overwhelming desire for love truly stem from?

It is often said that we have to love ourselves before we can love another. While I believe there is some truth to this, in my opinion this statement just touches on something much deeper.

What is so important for all of us is to each find our own inner source. We each have an unending supply of love, of inspiration, of truth contained right inside of us. The answer to our prayers is buried like a treasure chest beneath the outer surface of our conscious personality. We are all born with it - it is our gift, our birthright. When we search inside, we are able to come closer to discovering our Selves, who we truly are - the true Self that is so much more than who we have been taught to believe we are.

It is easy to become disconnected from this source in the society we live in. From the time we are born, we are forced to live in an unnatural world. Most people are not allowed to blossom - instead, they are faced with the issues of their family members, conditioning from school and other institutions, and of course a constant onslaught of advertisement and media designed to make us feel insecure, inferior, scared, and even humiliated. This sounds very dark, but it is the truth as I have known it. But I do believe everything happens for a reason - if we are simply able to open our eyes to the truth, we will be better able to overcome to challenges that are presented to us in the current incarnation.

If we can take some time away from the hustle and bustle, away from the beliefs and opinions of our friends, family, religion, and society at large, then we will be able to once again reconnect to our inner selves, our inner wealth. We will find we are no more dependent on exterior objects or on unhealthy relationship patterns.

Of course this is easier said than done - I still find myself thrown off center at times, grasping for love or attention from others. So much of society is designed to distract us, to make us forget, to keep us blinded. It is difficult world we find ourselves in, but the beautiful part about it, is that in spite of the crosses we bear, the spirit of love, of fellowship, of giving and understanding is still alive and well. The stronger we can stand as individuals, the greater force we will have as a whole. It is time for us to awaken to the truth that exists all around us - feel the fact that we are loved always, and no matter who we are or what we do, we are never forgotten. I can say with my whole heart that we will all be all right in the end. Each has their own process to self-discovery - it is an honor to be able to offer myself to help others along this path.

Indeed, our search for love is a clue to a much deeper mystery. Each must find out on their own what this mystery means to them - however, when it hits you, it is bigger, more wonderful, more powerful and beautiful than you can ever imagine.

Wishing you all health, happiness, and peace! :)