\t\t\t\t\u201cWhen will I meet the ONE?\u201d
\n\u201cIs he the ONE?\u201d
\n\u201cDo I have a soulmate? A twin flame?\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019m not sure my partner is my soulmate \u2026 what should I do?\u201d<\/p>\n
These are probably the most common relationship questions I get. Whether I\u2019m reading cards, doing psychic readings, or performing healing work, clients are very concerned about romantic partnering and this idea of finding the ONE.<\/p>\n
The issue that seems to be at the bottom of all of these questions is whether or not you need a significant other to be happy. If people have partners, often they feel there is someone \u201cbetter\u201d that they should be with. If clients are single, they feel their whole life revolves around the search for that perfect partner, that soulmate<\/a>, or even their twin flame<\/a>.<\/p>\n It is unfortunate that so many people feel they are incomplete without another \u201chalf\u201d of their soul, or that they are convinced there is only one possible mate for them, and if they don\u2019t meet that person for some reason, there is no chance for romantic happiness.<\/p>\n Why do we think so much about this issue? And what is it really about?<\/p>\n The Myth of the One<\/strong><\/p>\n I\u2019m going to make a bold statement here: I believe the concept of the \u201cone true love\u201d to be a myth. The idea of romantic love is actually a fairly recent one in human history, and though sexual attraction and love have no doubt been around as long as we have, this concept that there is only one soul with which we can happily share our lives is a creation of modern society. It is NOT a spiritual truth.<\/p>\n Marriage has long been a contract undertaken for economic or political gain or necessity, one to help us survive and procreate. Even today, in some cultures, marriages are arranged by the parents based on ideas of family suitability, astrology, and dowries, and the actual marriage partners have little to say about the whole process. I\u2019m not saying that marriage isn\u2019t a wonderful tradition, but you only have to look at divorce rates to see that, as a contract, it often isn\u2019t the lifetime, romantic, binding agreement that glossy magazines, Disney, and love songs would have you believe.<\/p>\n I feel strongly about this because I see so many of my clients searching outside themselves for a love that may well not exist as they have envisioned it in their mind. It\u2019s important to recognize our longings for love, and it\u2019s a very natural thing to want to partner and procreate. But, when the idea of becoming whole involves another, then the potential for co-dependency exists.<\/p>\n Recipe for Co-Dependency<\/strong><\/p>\n The most heartbreaking divorces or relationship endings I\u2019ve seen with my clients have been a result of co-dependent relationships. Lana was one such client, and she came to me for a series of healings after a devastating divorce. She and her husband had a really great relationship; they were best friends and had been married for 15 years. They didn\u2019t have children, by choice, and enjoyed a shared life that was truly merged. Until he met another woman. And then, Lana realized that she had wound up her entire identity, lovability, and self-esteem in her marriage.<\/p>\n \u201cI see now that we were totally co-dependent,\u201d she says, two years after the relationship ended. \u201cBut I thought that co-dependency only happened in relationships with addiction, or abuse. You know.\u201d<\/p>\n Lana\u2019s story isn\u2019t uncommon, and her journey to healing involved a lot of work on her self-love and self-esteem. She is in a healthier relationship now and doesn\u2019t have the same identification with her partner that she had with her husband.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re more interdependent. I don\u2019t feel like I need him to survive. I\u2019m glad he\u2019s in my life, and I love him. But I love myself now, too.\u201d<\/p>\n Clients who come desperately searching for information about their soulmate often have a real need to learn to love themselves before they can be healthy in a relationship. But hey\u2014no judgment here! Women especially are still raised to believe they are better with a partner; I certainly was, and as such had to make my own journey with romantic love like any other person.<\/p>\n Is It Possible to Be Happy Without a Partner?<\/strong><\/p>\n Of course it is! Many people have long stretches of time without partnering, and some don\u2019t ever find another person they want to live with for a lifetime. We are the ones choosing whether or not to be happy relative to any life circumstance. Remember, relationships are a lot of work and take energy to sustain\u2014a worthy use of time. And it may be that some people don\u2019t want to invest that time or energy. That\u2019s okay!<\/p>\n I have several clients\u2014men and women\u2014who don\u2019t have a life partner. Some have never really had a relationship and feel fulfilled and satisfied without one. Some are lonely and\u00a0working on their inner beliefs<\/a> and choices to make themselves more receptive to finding partnership.<\/p>\n One client, Damon, was married for 20 years before coming out as gay. He has lovers from time to time but doesn\u2019t have a partner. He sometimes worries about being alone as an old man, but he is very committed to creating community, strong friendships, and good relations with his siblings. This is enough for him.<\/p>\n Amy is another client who has never really had a long-term relationship. She\u2019d like to, but has become okay with not doing so. Like Damon, her community, family, and friends comprise the relationships that are fulfilling for her. \u201cYou can\u2019t wait to be happy for some guy or girl to come along,\u201d she says. \u201cLife is short. I learned long ago to love myself and to find joy in just being alive. There is a lot more to life than being married.\u201d<\/p>\n Winona really wants a partner, and we are working with psychic contracts and blocks that her soul has created over previous lifetimes<\/a> to make her life more open to love. She knows that she has a tendency to merge with the men she meets\u2014she has historically been very co-dependent. Understanding that she needs to learn to love herself first, and stand on her own two feet is crucial in her process. I have no doubt that when she least expects it, she will have the opportunity to healthfully partner with another soul\u2014because of the personal growth work she is doing.<\/p>\n The truth is, none of us really know our soul\u2019s plan. Spiritual work with advisors and on your own can help reveal what is in your soul\u2019s highest good. Some people don\u2019t have a big karmic agenda around relationships. Others do\u2014but that doesn\u2019t necessarily make life easier, better, or happier. We ultimately are responsible for our own happiness.<\/p>\n If you are interested in learning more about your relationship choices or blocks, or want help moving forward on issues, an advisor on Keen can help<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em>\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cWhen will I meet the ONE?\u201d \u201cIs he the ONE?\u201d \u201cDo I have a soulmate? A twin flame?\u201d \u201cI\u2019m not sure my partner is my soulmate \u2026 what should I do?\u201d These are probably the most common relationship questions I get. Whether I\u2019m reading cards, doing psychic readings, or performing healing work, clients are very …<\/p>\n