{"id":1069,"date":"2017-07-14T01:10:06","date_gmt":"2017-07-14T01:10:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.keen.com\/newarticles\/uncategorized\/should-you-forgive-an-unfaithful-partner"},"modified":"2021-05-24T20:05:40","modified_gmt":"2021-05-24T20:05:40","slug":"should-you-forgive-an-unfaithful-partner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wordpress.keen.com\/articles\/love\/should-you-forgive-an-unfaithful-partner","title":{"rendered":"How to Forgive Yourself for Mistakes in A Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

\t\t\t\tJoyce had been with Tony for five years when she found out about his infidelities. She came for a reading after they had separated.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ve got two kids; they\u2019re still so young…I don\u2019t know if I want to be a single mother or to deprive them of their dad. But it wasn\u2019t like it was a one off thing! Should I forgive him?\u201d<\/p>\n

Greg and his wife, Lily, had been having problems for a while. Their one child was out of the nest, and they were trying to redefine themselves as a couple. He called after Lily had confessed to sleeping with a co-worker on a work trip.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think about all the times I could have cheated and didn\u2019t. It seems so weak to forgive her, but I can understand it. Should we work through it or just go our separate ways?\u201d<\/p>\n

Liza and Blair had been together for a few months. Things were getting serious. But then Blair met a woman at a party and started a sexual texting relationship with her. They didn\u2019t actually have a physical affair, and Liza wanted to know if she should forgive and move forward.<\/p>\n

\u201cBlair is a great woman. I love her…and we all have our things, I guess. I just don\u2019t know if it\u2019s crazy for me to forgive her. I feel like I can\u2019t. I don\u2019t want to find someone else, but I want a partner I can trust.\u201d<\/p>\n

These are just three of the literally hundreds of client stories I\u2019ve heard about unfaithful partners. In all of these cases, you\u2019ll notice a \u201cShould I forgive?\u201d theme. However, this is never the underlying question\u2014they are really asking, \u201cWhat should I do? How can I stop hurting?\u201d<\/p>\n

Forgiveness is a choice, but it\u2019s one I always recommend because it frees you from carrying the hurt, and it allows you to move forward whether or not you stay together as a couple. People usually feel very conflicted when they are confronted with infidelity because they don\u2019t know what to do. There is no right answer, but, as a psychic, I try to help my clients find forgiveness and clarity so that they don\u2019t have to stay trapped in the misery of the betrayal.<\/p>\n

Infidelity is a Symptom<\/strong><\/p>\n

In most cases, the infidelity is not the core issue. Instead, it is a symptom of something greater going on in the context of the relationship.<\/p>\n

In Joyce\u2019s case, she and Tony had never really talked about having kids\u2014it \u201cjust happened,\u201d twice<\/em>. In fact, they hadn\u2019t ever really decided the parameters of their commitment at all. The Tarot reading<\/a> we did revealed that Joyce didn\u2019t ever want to feel tied down. She had attracted a partner with the same commitment issues to mirror back to her. Joyce had tried, unconsciously, to counteract this within herself by having two children so that she would have to settle down. Tony\u2019s infidelity was a symptom of the real issue in the relationship, which was denial and irresponsibility. Neither were \u201cbad,\u201d but they had both been in denial about what they were doing with each other. The reading suggested that to stay in the relationship would take great effort and have dubious benefits. I encouraged her to forgive but to move on. She was committed to her children, and that was enough.<\/p>\n

For Greg and Lily, I looked at their composite astrological chart<\/a>. Their relationship was clearly focused on raising a family. Once that was complete, the essence of the union seemed to have no purpose. We talked about how they might redefine their relationship to include the creation of something between them that would require joint commitment and effort, like raising a child. Without that to bond them, it seemed they would likely part ways. Lily\u2019s infidelity was a symptom of the pain and emptiness left in the absence of their child leaving home. Greg was willing to forgive, and they decided to start a business together. The decision radically changed and energized their life together, and now they are closer than ever.<\/p>\n

Blair\u2019s sexting was symptomatic of her ambivalence to move into greater commitment with Liza. When I dug deeper, Liza revealed that Blair had come out as a lesbian only recently and wasn\u2019t sure she was ready to settle down. Liza had been clear that she wasn\u2019t playing around, and Blair had responded by doing just that\u2014in effect, saying, \u201cI\u2019m still playing.\u201d It would have been easier if the two had been able to speak honestly about it, but their relationship just didn\u2019t have that level of communication. We discovered in Liza\u2019s reading that she and Blair were karma mates<\/a>, but the union wasn\u2019t likely to last long-term unless they both consciously chose that path. Liza\u2019s opportunity was to learn forgiveness and to cultivate the self-worth to believe that she deserved what she wanted: a long-term partner.<\/p>\n

Forgiving an unfaithful partner is always the first step to moving forward, either with them or without. Forgiveness is not condoning, and it\u2019s not necessarily forgetting either. Sometimes the transgression can open the door to greater levels of love, and sometimes it\u2019s the green light to go! A psychic, healer, or counselor can help you get to the bottom of what is really going on so that you can forgive and then make an informed choice. There is no one right answer and no \u201cshoulds.\u201d Just keep your heart open and trust you will move forward in the direction that is right for you.<\/p>\n

Do you need guidance navigating the hurt of betrayal? An advisor on Keen may be able to help you understand the deeper issues at play,and assist you in moving forward. Give yourself the support you need, and contact an advisor<\/a> today.<\/em>\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Joyce had been with Tony for five years when she found out about his infidelities. She came for a reading after they had separated. \u201cWe\u2019ve got two kids; they\u2019re still so young…I don\u2019t know if I want to be a single mother or to deprive them of their dad. But it wasn\u2019t like it was …<\/p>\n

How to Forgive Yourself for Mistakes in A Relationship<\/span> Read More \u00bb<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":34,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[94,325,459,460,461,464],"class_list":["post-1069","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love","tag-cheating","tag-lovers","tag-relationship-advice","tag-relationship-problems","tag-relationships","tag-resolutions"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Forgive Yourself for Mistakes in A Relationship | Keen<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The best way to honor the past is to make the best decisions you can make today. 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