{"id":1139,"date":"2017-07-28T19:52:14","date_gmt":"2017-07-28T19:52:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.keen.com\/newarticles\/uncategorized\/crimes-of-the-heart-should-you-compromise-your-moral-code-for-a-relationship"},"modified":"2021-05-24T20:04:42","modified_gmt":"2021-05-24T20:04:42","slug":"crimes-of-the-heart-should-you-compromise-your-moral-code-for-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wordpress.keen.com\/articles\/love\/crimes-of-the-heart-should-you-compromise-your-moral-code-for-a-relationship","title":{"rendered":"Crimes of the Heart: Should You Compromise Your Moral Code for a Relationship?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\t\t\t\t\u201cSo I finally<\/em> met this amazing guy,\u201d Mackenzie told me at the beginning of our reading, \u201cbut there are a couple of red flags…\u201d<\/p>\n

Mackenzie described her misgivings about this man\u2014I\u2019ll call him Andrew. She was very conflicted since she really liked him, and he sounded okay to me, too. But what wasn\u2019t<\/em> okay was that she had crossed a moral boundary for him. She had all kinds of rationalizations and really wanted me to tell her it would be fine if she let her own values slide. But I couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s common for clients to call with these kinds of dating dilemmas. They\u2019ve been in the game awhile, they finally meet someone great, but there is just this little something<\/em> that isn\u2019t right. And I\u2019m not talking about \u201che\u2019s too short\u201d or \u201cshe\u2019s twenty pounds overweight.\u201d Usually, the biggest problems arise when the new love interest asks my client to do something they feel uncomfortable with. This can involve sexual activities, bringing in additional people to the relationship, lying, or even committing crimes!<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve heard it all. And there is almost never a time when you should compromise your own moral code for someone else.<\/p>\n

Lies, Lies, Lies<\/strong><\/p>\n

Mackenzie\u2019s situation was complicated. Andrew was separated from his wife, and he told Mackenzie that they had agreed to see other people. This wasn\u2019t true, however, so when the couple ran into Andrew\u2019s wife unexpectedly, he lied about who she was and asked Mackenzie to go along. She did\u2014no big deal, right? But it didn\u2019t make her feel good. They had a talk about it and moved on.<\/p>\n

The next time Mackenzie had to lie for Andrew was when his wife brought by their daughter\u2014again, unexpectedly\u2014to his apartment. Mackenzie had spent the night and opened the door when they arrived. Andrew lied\u2014probably ineffectively\u2014to his 9-year old, telling her that Mackenzie was a cousin. He made Mackenzie leave\u2014\u201cbye, great to see you after all this time!\u201d\u2014and again asked her to play along with the deception.<\/p>\n

Mackenzie was rationalizing like crazy in our session. \u201cHe\u2019s so great\u2014other than this.\u201d She insisted.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut how do you feel about the lying?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2014obviously, it\u2019s not cool. I mean, I pride myself on honesty. I don\u2019t lie\u2014especially to people I love!\u201d<\/p>\n

But she stayed in the relationship anyway, and when she called a month later, things had gotten worse.<\/p>\n

Crimes of the Heart<\/strong><\/p>\n

Unbelievable as it may sound, by our second call, Mackenzie had stolen money from her sister for Andrew. It shouldn\u2019t have come as a surprise: twice they had been out to dinner and Andrew had engineered ways to leave without paying, and he had also \u201cborrowed\u201d money from her which he had yet to repay.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s having a hard time since the separation,\u201d she said. \u201cI get it. It takes a while to adjust to a single income.\u201d<\/p>\n

So, it made perfect sense for Mackenzie to steal for him<\/em>, didn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n

At this point, Mackenzie was miserable and guilt-stricken. She was furious with herself for crossing her moral code time and again, but she was also in love with Andrew. \u201cHe just needs help. A little forgiveness. It\u2019s a tough time,\u201d she kept repeating.<\/p>\n

In our reading, I saw that Andrew had multiple energetic cords<\/a> with Mackenzie, so I gave her some techniques for removing them and for developing psychic protection<\/a>. I told her that the transgressions would only continue now that he knew she would break the law for him. In addition, I drew two Tarot cards for the situation and wasn\u2019t surprised to find the King of Swords <\/a>reversed, alongside the Devil<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve got to look into your own fears here. Why are you willing to do this for him? Are you codependent with him? Unwilling to say what needs to be said\u2014which is \u2018no?\u2019 How are you going to answer for this money you stole from your sister?\u201d<\/p>\n

I invited her to really take a look at her motivation for being with him.<\/p>\n

Why is Morality Important?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Though many people don\u2019t draw their sense of right and wrong from religion, there is a kind of universal code most of us follow. I have my own sense of morality based on the laws of karma\u2014or cause and effect. If I don\u2019t want to experience being lied to, I shouldn\u2019t lie. If I don\u2019t want to be stolen from, then it\u2019s best I don\u2019t steal.<\/p>\n

Yet often, my clients feel that in order to find love or keep someone around, they have to compromise what they feel is right. They believe that little exceptions won\u2019t matter, but this almost always leads to bigger ones. Mackenzie\u2019s tale is extreme\u2014most of my clients find themselves crossing sexual boundaries for another\u2014but it\u2019s not the only story I\u2019ve heard.<\/p>\n

Mackenzie finally drew the line with Andrew, and he dumped her. She was upset but also relieved and ready to take her power back. She returned her sister\u2019s money and confessed about the situation\u2014a brave and freeing step that was also the right thing to do.<\/p>\n

You have a sense of right and wrong, an innate ability to know what is good for you and what isn\u2019t. When you don\u2019t honor your inner compass, you will create guilt, negative karma, and situations you\u2019d rather not be in. We all make mistakes, but compromising your own values and morals won\u2019t make you happy, and in the end, it won\u2019t secure love.<\/p>\n

Are you unsure about a new love or current relationship? An advisor on Keen<\/a> can help. Call today to get the support you need.<\/em>\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cSo I finally met this amazing guy,\u201d Mackenzie told me at the beginning of our reading, \u201cbut there are a couple of red flags…\u201d Mackenzie described her misgivings about this man\u2014I\u2019ll call him Andrew. She was very conflicted since she really liked him, and he sounded okay to me, too. But what wasn\u2019t okay was …<\/p>\n

Crimes of the Heart: Should You Compromise Your Moral Code for a Relationship?<\/span> Read More 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