{"id":1156,"date":"2017-04-21T17:52:36","date_gmt":"2017-04-21T17:52:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.keen.com\/newarticles\/uncategorized\/how-to-master-love-dealing-with-communication-problems-in-relationships"},"modified":"2021-05-24T20:06:21","modified_gmt":"2021-05-24T20:06:21","slug":"how-to-master-love-dealing-with-communication-problems-in-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wordpress.keen.com\/articles\/love\/how-to-master-love-dealing-with-communication-problems-in-relationships","title":{"rendered":"How To Master Love: Dealing With Communication Problems in Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"

\t\t\t\tRenee and Michael came to my studio for a joint astrology counseling<\/a> session. I wondered how we\u2019d get on, with Mercury retrograde<\/a> and all, but we were all aware of the energy and trying hard to combat it. And then, like a bad TV show, it devolved.<\/p>\n

Eye rolling. Crossed arms. Bad juju body language. He said, she said. Yelling.<\/p>\n

It spiraled out fast\u2014and we only got the whole situation calmed down when Michael stormed out for some fresh air. I wasn\u2019t happy that I hadn\u2019t kept the session under control (I\u2019m still learning too!), but Renee assured me it wasn\u2019t my fault.<\/p>\n

\u201cOur communication sucks, as you can see,\u201d she said. \u201cHe just won\u2019t talk like a civilized person. Everything<\/em> ends in shouting.\u201d<\/p>\n

Communication is THE deal-breaker in relationships\u2014second only to trust, perhaps. Good communication starts with us as individuals, then we need to look at the needs and methods of the other person. If you can\u2019t communicate well, you won\u2019t have healthy relationships. Period. So let\u2019s take a look at ways couples can strengthen communication.<\/p>\n

Astrology and Communication<\/strong><\/p>\n

Astrological knowledge helps couples (or anyone) work with themselves and each other more effectively. First, look at the basic Sun and Moon <\/a>duo. These two planets describe the fundamentals by which you operate, often unconsciously (the Sun), and your emotional and safety needs (the Moon). For example, Renee\u2019s Sun is in Aries and her Moon is in Leo. She is fiery, independent, and fundamentally self-referencing, so she\u2019ll act from her perspective first (unlike Libra or Cancer, who will consider others first). She\u2019s not afraid of being alone, yet deep down, she needs acknowledgment and praise. She has a natural relationship with anger, and her shadow Leo can make a drama out of anything.<\/p>\n

Michael is a Capricorn Sun with an Aquarius Moon, so he\u2019s pretty removed from his emotions. He wants order, practical solutions, and praise for his objective mind. His Moon needs to be alone when threatened (why he walked out during our session), and he doesn\u2019t like dramatic scenes.<\/p>\n

Next, look at Mercury, for this placement governs how you approach communication of all kinds. Renee\u2019s Mercury is in Aries; Michael\u2019s is in Aquarius. While the air\/fire duo can be mutually inspiring, it also can cause disconnect as fire communicates through instinct and air through logic. Aquarius just doesn\u2019t do<\/em> anger, while Aries says, \u201cBring it!\u201d<\/p>\n

You can see how understanding these differences will create a foundation on which to start compromising. So…Michael needs to activate the curious, objective side of his Mercury in Aquarius to engage with Renee\u2019s impulsive and fiery Aries. They have to agree to meet in the middle; Michael needs to not fear Renee\u2019s emotions, and Renee needs to express some of her fire in other ways\u2014not just \u201cat\u201d Michael. Sometimes she\u2019s the one who needs to take a timeout.<\/p>\n

Own Your Flaws<\/strong><\/p>\n

The biggest obstacle to good communication is projection and lack of self-awareness. As I worked with Renee, she reluctantly became aware that she<\/em> was initiating most of the shouting. Michael\u2014as his astrology showed\u2014would go quiet and escape if he could. By blaming him for being argumentative, she didn\u2019t have to own that it was really her<\/em> pattern.<\/p>\n

None of us want to look at how mean, passive-aggressive, or manipulative we can be. But until we own our flaws (with compassion), we will continue to project them onto our relationships. None of us are good, heroic, or selfless all the time\u2014nor are we always mean or evil (can you tell I\u2019ve been watching old episodes of Once Upon A Time<\/em>?). Just accept that we\u2019ve all got flaws. And then work on yours.<\/p>\n

When you find yourself in the midst of an argument and you see your shadow self in action, stop. Own it. That doesn\u2019t mean you are taking responsibility for the whole issue, just that you can be honest about where you are. Renee learned to say, \u201cI\u2019m feeling rage\u201d and to give herself a timeout to beat some pillows. Michael learned to acknowledge that he\u2019d checked out because things were too intense and to ask for a minute to come back to his body. For these two, learning to speak their truth in the moment was a game changer. Which leads me to…<\/p>\n

Be Vulnerable<\/strong><\/p>\n

Okay\u2014you might not want to hear this, but to really excel at communication, you\u2019ve got to be vulnerable. Sometimes it will go badly, but often when you are open, honest, and put your reality out there, the other person will meet you halfway. Maybe not the first time, but eventually they will (and if they don\u2019t\u2014well, they\u2019ve got work to do).<\/p>\n

Renee didn\u2019t know how to be vulnerable. She had four brothers, and her Aries had served her well in this dynamic by making her brave, scrappy, and tenacious. Unfortunately, no one in her family did \u201csoft\u201d very well, let alone vulnerable. She practiced being vulnerable with me, then trusted friends, and finally Michael. She was blown away to find that his Capricorn was honored by her personal integrity and openness, which melted his defensive fear of losing control.<\/p>\n

Communication is a vast and complicated topic which is at the core of many relationship issues. Refining your skills can be a life-long project, but a good place to start is with understanding your patterns (astrology is a great tool), owning your defenses, and taking the risk of being vulnerable. We all<\/em> feel scared, insufficient, and afraid of abandonment or betrayal. Know that the other person is really just like you. Show them what you\u2019d like to experience yourself, and you will be well on your way to real, masterful communication.<\/p>\n

Advisors on Keen<\/a> can guide you through tangled communication issues and help you find common ground. Get the support you need, and call today!<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\n
\"\"<\/div>\n
Zada is a Boston-based intuitive and spiritual blogger, Yogi, and dog mom to two Cocker Spaniels, Demi and Bruce. She specializes in Tarot and Reiki, and uses her intuitive gifts to help individuals reach enlightenment and lead their most authentic lives every day through meditation, visualization, and Jivamukti. Her spirit animal is a Pegasus named Randy.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Article Image Source: Stocksy user Simone Beccheti.\u00a0<\/em><\/h6>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Renee and Michael came to my studio for a joint astrology counseling session. I wondered how we\u2019d get on, with Mercury retrograde and all, but we were all aware of the energy and trying hard to combat it. And then, like a bad TV show, it devolved. Eye rolling. Crossed arms. Bad juju body language. …<\/p>\n

How To Master Love: Dealing With Communication Problems in Relationships<\/span> Read More \u00bb<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":34,"featured_media":3380,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[45,316,460,461,464],"class_list":["post-1156","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love","tag-astrology","tag-love","tag-relationship-problems","tag-relationships","tag-resolutions"],"yoast_head":"\nHow To Master Love: Dealing With Communication Problems in Relationships - 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