{"id":1166,"date":"2017-05-25T02:06:38","date_gmt":"2017-05-25T02:06:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.keen.com\/newarticles\/uncategorized\/reclaiming-personal-power-standing-up-for-yourself-in-relationships"},"modified":"2021-05-24T20:06:18","modified_gmt":"2021-05-24T20:06:18","slug":"reclaiming-personal-power-standing-up-for-yourself-in-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wordpress.keen.com\/articles\/love\/reclaiming-personal-power-standing-up-for-yourself-in-relationships","title":{"rendered":"Reclaiming Personal Power: Standing Up for Yourself in Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"

\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve told you about our women\u2019s group, right? It\u2019s informal and fun, but we also meet with an agenda to work on issues that affect us as Millennial women. We take turns introducing topics or activities. At our last meeting, my friend Shanti brought up the issue of claiming power in her relationship with her mom. It was a great topic, as we all feel we could stand up for ourselves more with someone<\/em> in our lives.<\/p>\n

For me, it\u2019s about working with overpowering clients. For others, it was boyfriends, bosses, or housemates. Whatever the relationship, there are basic guidelines to help claim your own power without disempowering or overpowering the other person.<\/p>\n

Spot the Give-Away<\/strong><\/p>\n

By definition, reclaiming power means you\u2019ve given it away at some point. Learning to spot when you have or are about to give someone else your power is key to nipping these struggles in the bud.<\/p>\n

For example, do you hear yourself saying, \u201cI don\u2019t know\/care; you<\/em> decide.\u201d Or, \u201cWhat do you want me to do?\u201d Especially when accompanied by feelings of regret, resentment, or resignation, statements like these can be a sign you are giving power away.<\/p>\n

Being passive, indecisive, or waiting for someone else to do something for you can be disempowering. Of course, any of these things may be appropriate and legitimate, too, depending on the situation. It\u2019s subtle, so observe the situation carefully.<\/p>\n

State the Facts<\/strong><\/p>\n

In a situation where you feel that you need to (or should have) stood up for yourself, get the facts straight. What actually<\/em> is happening<\/a>? With Shanti\u2019s mom\u2014who she lives with\u2014arguments quickly got overblown with drama from past events. By getting a grip on what was going on in present time, Shanti was able to stay out of old patterns and away from past drama triangles. Both parties should take a time-out to get objective about what is happening.<\/p>\n

Own Your Actions<\/strong><\/p>\n

The key to mastering communication<\/a> and staying empowered is to own what you bring to the table. Spot your own shortcomings (without getting all victimy or judgy on yourself) and tell the other person\u2014honestly. With one client, I have to own that I am triggered by negotiating my rates. I\u2019m able to say, \u201cWhen clients try to negotiate rates, it kicks up some survival issues, so that\u2019s why I may get defensive.\u201d<\/p>\n

If your partner shames, belittles, or tries to \u201cwill-bend\u201d you, staying strong by owning your feelings in the moment can help him see how his actions affect you\u2014without pointing fingers. For example, \u201cWhen I feel like someone is trying to make<\/em> me do something, I get defensive and stubborn.\u201d<\/p>\n

Let Them Own Their Stuff Too<\/strong><\/p>\n

Often, the more aware person in a relationship will end up taking responsibility for a whole challenging situation because they are the ones who can own their stuff. But don\u2019t let this happen! Ask your partner\/mom\/friend what they are feeling, what is going on with them, or what they need. You don\u2019t have to give it to them, condone it, or like it\u2014whatever \u201cit\u201d is. But give them a chance to own what they\u2019re experiencing.<\/p>\n

We aren\u2019t responsible for other people\u2019s feelings (yeah, I know, you\u2019ve learned otherwise). That doesn\u2019t mean you should be mean or don\u2019t have to take responsibility for the consequences of what you say\/do. But if you speak your truth as consciously as you can and someone doesn\u2019t like it\u2014well, ultimately, that is their<\/em> problem.<\/p>\n

In other words, don\u2019t care-take other people\u2019s feelings and reactions. Let them come up with their own \u201cowning.\u201d You<\/em> giving them<\/em> a list of the stuff you\u2019d like them to do feels like finger-pointing and blame.<\/p>\n

Stop Competing<\/strong><\/p>\n

Often owning our power\u2014especially when we are new at it\u2014feels like a battle to win. It can get kinda competitive and aggressive if you don\u2019t watch out. If that happens while you are learning to stand up for yourself, don\u2019t beat yourself up. But do look at why it happened and how you\u2019d like things to go differently. Creating boundaries is essential to feeling empowered, but it\u2019s not necessary to build and defend a fortress.<\/p>\n

Cultivate Compassion and Self-Love<\/strong><\/p>\n

Learning good communication and practicing empowerment come when we love ourselves<\/a> and are compassionate about our weaknesses, foibles, and fears. That love and compassion can be extended to the other people in our lives, and we learn to give and take in ways that feel good for everyone. Understanding that whoever we\u2019re interacting with has similar fears and flaws helps open the door to empathy. If you can model this sort of compassion, others may follow suit.<\/p>\n

Claiming your power in difficult relationships or situations is a practice that takes time. You may feel fine with some people and terrified of others. That\u2019s normal. You can reflect on the relationships where you feel empowered to understand what qualities you can bring to those where you don\u2019t feel that way. And remember, we\u2019re all works in progress. Have patience with yourself as you face fears, develop new skills, and learn ways to consciously and compassionately develop your own personal power.<\/p>\n

Do you have tricky interactions with loved ones? Want to stand up for yourself more? Advisors on Keen<\/a> can help you navigate relationship challenges with more ease. Call to get support today!<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

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\"\"<\/div>\n
Zada is a Boston-based intuitive and spiritual blogger, Yogi, and dog mom to two Cocker Spaniels, Demi and Bruce. She specializes in Tarot and Reiki, and uses her intuitive gifts to help individuals reach enlightenment and lead their most authentic lives every day through meditation, visualization, and Jivamukti. Her spirit animal is a Pegasus named Randy.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve told you about our women\u2019s group, right? It\u2019s informal and fun, but we also meet with an agenda to work on issues that affect us as Millennial women. We take turns introducing topics or activities. At our last meeting, my friend Shanti brought up the issue of claiming power in her relationship with her …<\/p>\n

Reclaiming Personal Power: Standing Up for Yourself in Relationships<\/span> Read More \u00bb<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":34,"featured_media":3370,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[316,459,460,461,464],"class_list":["post-1166","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love","tag-love","tag-relationship-advice","tag-relationship-problems","tag-relationships","tag-resolutions"],"yoast_head":"\nReclaiming Personal Power: Standing Up for Yourself in Relationships - Keen Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It can be challenging to stand up for ourselves in certain difficult circumstances or relationships. 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