{"id":581,"date":"2014-07-28T19:07:43","date_gmt":"2014-07-28T19:07:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.keen.com\/newarticles\/uncategorized\/do-you-want-him-or-need-him"},"modified":"2021-05-24T20:11:58","modified_gmt":"2021-05-24T20:11:58","slug":"do-you-want-him-or-need-him","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wordpress.keen.com\/articles\/love\/do-you-want-him-or-need-him","title":{"rendered":"Do You Want Him or Need Him?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Alone \u2026 can you be alone? Clear your mind and take a minute to think about that word and what it means to you. Do you feel a sense of relief or freedom? Are you fantasizing about what you want to do, what book you’ll read or how late you’ll stay in bed? Or does the word make your chest tight, your heart beat faster and your palms sweat?<\/p>\n

I talk to many people who are so afraid to be alone that they stay in unfulfilling, unhappy or even abusive relationships. They are mistaking need for want. These are women from all walks of life \u2013 those with big careers and great paychecks, those who work 9-5 and barely make ends meet and those who are stay-at-home moms. It doesn’t matter who you are; we all go through times and relationships when the fear of being alone drives us to walk a fine line between want and need.<\/p>\n

Wanting someone is the positive side of the relationship \u2013 you want him because he makes you feel good in some way, he fulfills some desire you have, and he makes your knees weak.<\/p>\n

“Need”, on the other hand, is want gone bad \u2013 need is desperate, lonely and often times leaves you feeling empty when you can’t have him. People in general can quickly pick up on your need; it’s instinctual and puts the person needed in a very powerful position. Your partner feels safe knowing that you are willing to tolerate almost anything in order to have him in your life. The balance slips away from the relationship and you find yourself at the bottom of a hole trying to climb out. You will never give enough or be enough to please the person you need.<\/p>\n

Once you are in a needs-based relationship, it is a struggle to fix it or to get out. “Love” often becomes an addiction, and addicts often can’t break away from a suffocating hold. However, there is hope as long as the person you need isn’t attempting to control you, and isn’t using your need to their advantage or in a malicious way.<\/p>\n

Take the following steps to get back on equal footing:<\/p>\n