{"id":896,"date":"2017-07-15T00:46:03","date_gmt":"2017-07-15T00:46:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.keen.com\/newarticles\/uncategorized\/getting-beyond-the-bad-boy-5-reasons-youre-dating-the-wrong-men"},"modified":"2021-05-24T20:05:15","modified_gmt":"2021-05-24T20:05:15","slug":"getting-beyond-the-bad-boy-5-reasons-youre-dating-the-wrong-men","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wordpress.keen.com\/articles\/love\/getting-beyond-the-bad-boy-5-reasons-youre-dating-the-wrong-men","title":{"rendered":"Getting Beyond the Bad Boy: 5 Reasons You\u2019re Dating the Wrong Men… And What You Can Do to Stop"},"content":{"rendered":"

\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s an old saying that goes, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince,\u201d but as much as that may be true, frogs are actually a step up<\/em> from the snakes some women habitually date. While the \u201cbad boy\u201d mystique is firmly entrenched in popular culture, in real life, rarely do bad men make for good boyfriend or husband material. And yet, women continue to pursue the \u201coutlaw lover,\u201d even when doing so is far from being in their own best interest. If you\u2019re stuck in \u201cthe reptile zone,\u201d chances are, there\u2019s an underlying explanation<\/a> as to why the men you find yourself attracted to are less than stellar romantic choices. Do any of these reasons sound familiar?<\/p>\n

You Think You Can \u201cMake Him a Better Man\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

However you picture yourself in this partnership–romantic heroine, artistic muse, a savior of lost souls–you\u2019re entering into such a relationship based on the belief that there\u2019s something wrong or lacking in your lover. Your plan is to fix him, reform him, or shape him into the man he\u2019s truly meant to be. (In this \u201creverse-Pygmalion\u201d scenario, you\u2019ve cast yourself as Professor Higgins, and your lover as Eliza Doolittle.) But unless your man is onboard from the get-go with your makeover scheme, you\u2019re setting yourself and the relationship up for failure.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s true, some men do turn to a lover with hopes of self-improvement, but for the most part, guys don\u2019t want to be thought of merely as malleable lumps of clay for a woman to mold to her whims. And it\u2019s hard to blame them. Having the need to make a better man of him implies the belief that you\u2019re better than him to begin with. If the shoe were on the other foot, wouldn\u2019t you resent someone who thought you \u201cneeded fixing?\u201d<\/p>\n

What Can You Do?<\/em><\/p>\n

Helping someone realize his or her true potential may be an admirable aspiration, but if you really want to guide someone along this path, you might want to take it out of the context of your personal relationships and apply those talents and instincts elsewhere. Volunteer your time at an adult education center. Become a tutor. Find a way to channel your instinct to do good where it will be truly needed. Start looking for a man you can think of as a partner, rather than a project, and you\u2019re much more likely to find long-term happiness.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re Repeating History With An Aim to Change It<\/strong><\/p>\n

Did you grow up in an atmosphere of abuse or neglect? Was your father cold or overly critical? Did your parents divorce, only you were certain they could have and should have worked things out? Was your mother constantly trying to please, but always falling short, not through lack of effort on her part, but because the man she was married to had unrealistic expectations?<\/p>\n

Growing up with these kinds of role models often instills in women a need to recreate the disappointing environments in which they grew up in order to make things right.<\/p>\n

But unfortunately, by attempting to heal a hurt that happened in the past, these women only recreate it in the present. Re-living a set of circumstances is no guarantee that you will be any better equipped to achieve success than your parents, especially in what is often a no-win situation. Cold, neglectful, abusive men are not going to become warm, forthcoming, and kind. It\u2019s not in their nature.<\/p>\n

What Can You Do?<\/em><\/p>\n

Acknowledge your past. Understand where you came from and how you came to be the person you are. Then forgive and let it go. Yes, it\u2019s easier said than done, but rather than trying to fix something broken that you had absolutely no control over, try to focus instead on building something strong and healthy, in which both partners have an equal say.<\/p>\n

You Secretly Believe You Don\u2019t Deserve to Be Happy<\/strong><\/p>\n

Everywhere you look you see other women who are living productive lives. They\u2019re married to wonderful men, they have the kids they always wanted, and they\u2019re living their dreams. You, on the other hand, are either stuck in a dead-end relationship, or are alone…again.<\/p>\n

But your lack of a fulfilling love life isn\u2019t something that surprises you, because you believe that any man who would really make a decent husband or boyfriend can do better than you. When you do<\/em> date, it\u2019s usually men that others might consider losers, but that\u2019s because you either think it\u2019s the best you can do, or that you\u2019ve done something in your past that you think makes you undesirable or unworthy of true love.<\/p>\n

What Can You Do?<\/em><\/p>\n

The short answer is to get some counseling to discover the source of your lack of self-esteem, and begin to heal it. Loving and being loved isn\u2019t an automatic given in anyone\u2019s life, but thinking of yourself as undeserving is something that, with help, you can likely overcome, and loving yourself is the first step in being able to love and be loved by someone wonderful.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re \u201cGetting Even\u201d With Someone<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dating on the rebound can land you in all kinds of complications, and your romantic radar can take a major hit, especially if you\u2019re the one that\u2019s been dumped. All too often, in an effort to show an ex what they\u2019re missing out on, women plunge into unhealthy relationships that are much easier to get into than get out of. However, \u201cI\u2019ll show him!\u201d is not a healthy rationale for starting any subsequent relationship.<\/p>\n

What Can You Do?<\/em><\/p>\n

When a relationship ends, in many ways, it\u2019s like a death. Give yourself time to mourn the loss. Give yourself space. If someone dumped you, you can either waste your time plotting to either get revenge or get him back, or you can try to learn from your experience. By forgiving your ex, forgiving yourself, and letting go, you\u2019re actually making yourself a better candidate for the next love that comes along.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re In Denial<\/strong><\/p>\n

What do you mean my husband\/boyfriend\/lover isn\u2019t good enough for me? Okay, so he\u2019s cheated on me a few times, and he can\u2019t hold down a job. Maybe he drinks a little too much, and he\u2019s hit me once or twice, but he\u2019s under so much stress, he really couldn\u2019t help it… Really, he\u2019s such a good man!<\/em><\/p>\n

Are your friends, family and co-workers constantly concerned over your well-being, and either hint that something in your relationship is not as it should be, or just come straight out and tell you that your partner is bad news? You might rationalize that they\u2019re just jealous of you, or that they simply don\u2019t understand your situation, but if you find yourself repeatedly having to explain his bad behavior<\/a>, it\u2019s likely that there\u2019s at least some truth to what they\u2019re saying. Men who cheat, beat, or otherwise abuse a woman are not good men at all, and no amount of wishful thinking on your part is going to make a silk purse out of a sow\u2019s ear.<\/p>\n

What Can You Do?<\/em><\/p>\n

In all honesty, this is a tough one. If one person tells you your man isn\u2019t up to par, you should certainly reserve judgment, but if there\u2019s a resounding chorus of concern from everyone who loves and cares for you, it\u2019s time to wake up and smell the coffee. Perhaps in addition to denial, you\u2019re stuck in one of the other scenarios above: You\u2019re trying to heal an old hurt, or just don\u2019t think you\u2019re worthy of a wonderful man. Whatever the case, you must learn to put your emotional and physical health and safety first. Once you admit the truth, if you\u2019re not able to get clear of an abusive relationship, you will in a much better frame of mind to ask for the help you need to extricate yourself.<\/p>\n

If any of these situations sound like your current relationship, it\u2019s probably time to get out. Don\u2019t settle for a bad relationship with the wrong person–know that you\u2019re worth more, and that only by getting yourself out of your current situation can you open yourself up to all of life\u2019s possibilities.<\/p>\n

Are you stuck in a cycle of unfulfilling and unhealthy relationships? Let a KEEN love advisor<\/a> help you find the path to more rewarding romance.<\/em>\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There\u2019s an old saying that goes, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince,\u201d but as much as that may be true, frogs are actually a step up from the snakes some women habitually date. While the \u201cbad boy\u201d mystique is firmly entrenched in popular culture, in real life, rarely …<\/p>\n

Getting Beyond the Bad Boy: 5 Reasons You\u2019re Dating the Wrong Men… And What You Can Do to Stop<\/span> Read More \u00bb<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":34,"featured_media":3263,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[55,123,464],"class_list":["post-896","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love","tag-bad-relationships","tag-dating","tag-resolutions"],"yoast_head":"\nGetting Beyond the Bad Boy: 5 Reasons You\u2019re Dating the Wrong Men... 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