{"id":932,"date":"2016-01-21T19:22:37","date_gmt":"2016-01-21T19:22:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.keen.com\/newarticles\/uncategorized\/is-your-new-partners-quirk-a-dating-red-flag"},"modified":"2021-05-24T20:08:42","modified_gmt":"2021-05-24T20:08:42","slug":"is-your-new-partners-quirk-a-dating-red-flag","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wordpress.keen.com\/articles\/love\/is-your-new-partners-quirk-a-dating-red-flag","title":{"rendered":"Is Your New Partner\u2019s Quirk a Dating Red Flag?"},"content":{"rendered":"<\/p>\n

\"Dating<\/a><\/p>\n

Have you ever discovered something about a new partner that made you pause? When intimacy is just beginning, you\u2019re bound to uncover some quirky facet of your date, like an unusual hobby, questionable history, or bizarre habit. The question is, what\u2019s the difference between a harmless idiosyncrasy and a major dating red flag?<\/p>\n

Green Light<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

If your partner reveals these things to you, you probably don\u2019t have anything to be alarmed about:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0Their favorite hobby is utterly incomprehensible to you.<\/strong> Maybe he spends the weekend painting eyebrows on little figurines of orcs. So what? As long as he spends enough time with you and those half-inch warriors aren\u2019t threatening your relationship, it\u2019s great that he has a creative outlet. Would you really want to date someone with exactly<\/em> the same interests, anyway?\u2022\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0They\u2019ve experimented a lot in previous relationships.<\/strong> She said she was straight and monogamous in her dating profile, but you\u2019ve learned she used to be in a polyamorous relationship with a woman. What does that mean? Nothing, really. It\u2019s normal to try out different partners and dating styles, and experimenting with same-sex encounters doesn\u2019t make someone gay or lesbian. If she says she\u2019s straight and seeking an exclusive relationship, then assume she\u2019s being honest unless you have evidence otherwise.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0They\u2019re still friends with an ex.<\/strong> Plenty of people maintain a friendship with an old ex. This is only a problem if you feel uncomfortable with the boundaries of their friendship\u2014does he cuddle with her, even though you\u2019ve expressed you\u2019re not okay with that kind of behavior? Does he seem obsessed with her, or not over their relationship? If you\u2019re comfortable with the dynamic of their friendship, the fact of its existence is probably nothing to worry about.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Yellow Light<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

You might want to slow down and think things over if you\u2019re seeing these signs:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0They\u2019re super intense about work or a hobby.<\/strong> You\u2019re wondering\u2014is it normal<\/em> to work so many twelve-hour days at the office? No matter how outlandish her career habits, you\u2019re not going to change her lifestyle. The question is, can you deal with her constant busyness? Or do you want a partner who\u2019s more available? A relationship with a workaholic isn\u2019t necessarily doomed, if you find ways to to get your intimacy needs met. That can take some creativity, and some honesty with yourself about your true desires.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0They\u2019re much more or less religious than you.<\/strong> You think he\u2019s a great guy, but you\u2019re getting nervous what his religious lifestyle means for your future. If you\u2019re a different faith (or atheist) and you\u2019re looking to start a family, it\u2019s normal to question the logistics of creating a household of varying beliefs. Plenty of interfaith couples have made it work, but communication about expectations and deal breakers is vital\u2014start asking open questions to gather more information about his perspective, and if you\u2019re getting worried, be frank about your plans for your future family.\u00a0\u2022\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0They cheated in a past relationship.<\/strong> If your new significant other admits to you that they committed infidelity with a previous partner, it\u2019s normal to be curious, and a little on edge. Not every cheater is the same, though. You might feel differently about someone who slipped up years into a sexless marriage versus a guy who deluded his fiancee for months. Find out more before you judge, and then decide if their transgression, and the way they handled it, still makes you uncomfortable.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Red Light<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

The future could be pretty bumpy if you ignore these signs:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0They\u2019re prone to violence.<\/strong> Your first few dates went swimmingly, but inevitably, something happened that ticked him off. The ensuing tantrum left you feeling pretty rattled\u2014or worse, he actually lashed out in a way that threatened your safety. If you\u2019re feeling frightened of angering him again, that\u2019s a major warning.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0They\u2019re battling addiction.<\/strong> Substance abuse is complicated\u2014addiction, in fact, is considered by many scientists and mental health practitioners to be a disease. That doesn\u2019t mean you have to be along for the ride, though. If you\u2019re discovering that your partner can\u2019t function for long without alcohol or a recreational drug, think hard about whether they\u2019re really able to meet your emotional needs and manage a habit simultaneously. Are you okay watching your partner make potentially self-destructive choices? Couples have certainly survived addiction, but it\u2019s not an obstacle to be taken lightly.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0They\u2019re emotionally manipulative.<\/strong> Does she try to isolate you from your friends by putting them down? Does she pressure you with emotional tactics, like threatening to hurt herself, if you don\u2019t oblige her whims? These are signs that she\u2019s seeking control<\/a>, not love. Get out fast!<\/p>\n

When your partner reveals something shocking, it\u2019s normal to want to ask more\u2014and that\u2019s exactly what you should do. Be curious, not judgmental, and learn as much as you can about their quirk. Then, ask yourself how okay you are with this new information. Of course, this list is only a guide, and if something that you think should be a Green Light instead makes your inner alarms go haywire, that\u2019s enough reason consider it a dating red flag and back out. Sometimes, that feeling means you\u2019ve spotted something more pernicious than a strange hobby, even if you can\u2019t articulate it. Whatever you decide, you\u2019ll feel glad you took the time to confront your questions sooner rather than later.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Are you questioning your partner\u2019s unusual habits or history? A gifted advisor at KEEN.com<\/a>\u00a0can help you get to the bottom of murky feelings.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you ever discovered something about a new partner that made you pause? When intimacy is just beginning, you\u2019re bound to uncover some quirky facet of your date, like an unusual hobby, questionable history, or bizarre habit. The question is, what\u2019s the difference between a harmless idiosyncrasy and a major dating red flag? Green Light …<\/p>\n

Is Your New Partner\u2019s Quirk a Dating Red Flag?<\/span> Read More \u00bb<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":34,"featured_media":979,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[55,123,455,461,464],"class_list":["post-932","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love","tag-bad-relationships","tag-dating","tag-red-flags","tag-relationships","tag-resolutions"],"yoast_head":"\nIs Your New Partner\u2019s Quirk a Dating Red Flag? - Keen Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When you're dating a new partner, you learn a lot about them. 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