{"id":942,"date":"2017-07-15T01:03:44","date_gmt":"2017-07-15T01:03:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.keen.com\/newarticles\/uncategorized\/intimacy-vs-oversharing-do-you-overshare-on-dates"},"modified":"2021-05-24T20:05:12","modified_gmt":"2021-05-24T20:05:12","slug":"intimacy-vs-oversharing-do-you-overshare-on-dates","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wordpress.keen.com\/articles\/love\/intimacy-vs-oversharing-do-you-overshare-on-dates","title":{"rendered":"Intimacy vs. Oversharing: Do You Overshare on Dates?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\t\t\t\t\u201cHonesty is the best policy.\u201d Or is it? When you\u2019re falling in love, growing intimacy is all about the well-timed reveal. A natural inclination to overshare can intimidate your new partner, but hesitating to disclose certain things about your past can cause hurt down the road. How will you know when it\u2019s the right time to share your secrets?<\/p>\n

Exes: On a Need-to-Know Basis<\/strong>
\nYour new love interest doesn\u2019t need to know how many exes you have, or who they are. Even if the waiter serving the sushi on your third date once took you ice skating, hold off and dish to your best friend afterwards. Even if your funniest story is about a guy you dated in college who ate a gallon of applesauce a day for its medicinal properties, don\u2019t you dare. It can be tough to refrain from sharing these details\u2014 especially when they\u2019re too weird or hilarious not<\/em> to\u2014 but, for the sake of your newest date, try! If you absolutely can\u2019t resist, try to take as many personal details out (you don\u2019t have to mention that applesauce guy gave killer back rubs). Withholding identifying info about your ex-partners isn\u2019t about creating a mysterious image for yourself; the point is to make your date feel like they\u2019ve taken center stage in your heart. There are two cases when you should bring up exes, though: when you\u2019re still friends with an old flame or recently divorced. If you regularly hang out with or text a former boyfriend or girlfriend who has transitioned to a completely platonic buddy, being upfront about your history with a new beau will inspire more trust than allowing that fact to emerge over time. If you\u2019re in the process of divorcing, still settling things like property and finances with an ex-spouse, or sharing custody of children, your ex is still part of your life, even though the relationship is over. It\u2019s nearly always better to acknowledge this openly than keep it a secret.<\/p>\n

Your Past Lives<\/strong>
\nPerhaps you\u2019re a pretty different person now than you were ten years ago (or even six months ago). Maybe you used to be a hardcore partier, or much heavier, or the voice of a rapping blue dog in a children\u2019s movie before you arrived at your present self. Is it false advertising to withhold details about who you used<\/em> to be? Nope! Everyone changes, and your date probably has his own less-than-flattering phases behind him. Of course, the problem is more complicated if you\u2019re still dealing with the fallout of past actions\u2014 like if you wound up with a criminal record. If a Google search of your name reveals a 2008 news article about your night (or longer) in jail, or that time you embezzled from a preschool, best to bring this up sooner rather than later. Today it\u2019s practically inevitable that your date will search you online, but being the one to break the news lets you control how the story gets presented. What about more intimate details, like that you\u2019ve cheated on a previous partner? That\u2019s up to you, but understandable not to share unless it becomes relevant somehow. If you\u2019re afraid to speak up, you\u2019d be surprised how often other people are willing to accept the things that cause us the greatest shame<\/a>.<\/p>\n

The Worst Thing That Ever Happened to You<\/strong>
\nAt some point in your life, you might have experienced a real low point, like a major trauma, a severe illness, or a premature death in the family. Because of the highly personal and upsetting nature of these terrible events, it\u2019s totally understandable not to disclose them to a new partner until (if ever) you feel comfortable. The only case when it could be essential to share is if the struggle continues to be a major part of your day-to-day living. If you\u2019re frequently visiting a family member in the hospital, involved in a bitter and protracted court case, or managing a difficult health problem, mentioning this to a potential partner\u2014 even if you don\u2019t intend to share your private world with them yet\u2014 is a courtesy after a few dates. There\u2019s a difference between disclosing a tough situation and demanding help, so sharing your pain doesn\u2019t have to mean sharing the burden.<\/p>\n

Religion, politics, and other preferences<\/strong>
\nThey say you shouldn\u2019t discuss religion or politics on your first date\u2014 well, when should you? Because faith and ideology can be quite important to people, putting off that discussion indefinitely could backfire later in the relationship. Only you\u2019ll know when the time is right, but sooner than later (perhaps dates three and later), start throwing in some hints about your political leanings to give your partner a clue. Don\u2019t be shy about things that matter to you! If your partner responds badly to the news that you\u2019re a Libertarian or a Buddhist, aren\u2019t you glad you found out before going official?<\/p>\n

Sharing is, for many people, one of the very best parts of dating\u2014 it\u2019s not just about the act of disclosure, but also receiving acceptance from someone who\u2019s just crazy about you. You can help foster mutual tolerance and acceptance with your potential partner by modeling the kind of listening you want to receive. When they start to share some of their dirty laundry, be careful to monitor your response for subtle (or obvious) judgments. Even if you hear something that makes you uncomfortable (and it\u2019s okay to break things off if you do), making a genuine effort to listen compassionately is the first step towards real intimacy.<\/p>\n

Are you working on opening up to a new partner, or struggling to crack a tough nut? Advisors at KEEN.com<\/a> can help you understand the situation.<\/em>\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cHonesty is the best policy.\u201d Or is it? When you\u2019re falling in love, growing intimacy is all about the well-timed reveal. A natural inclination to overshare can intimidate your new partner, but hesitating to disclose certain things about your past can cause hurt down the road. How will you know when it\u2019s the right time …<\/p>\n

Intimacy vs. Oversharing: Do You Overshare on Dates?<\/span> Read More \u00bb<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":34,"featured_media":3216,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[387,461,464],"class_list":["post-942","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love","tag-oversharing","tag-relationships","tag-resolutions"],"yoast_head":"\nIntimacy vs. Oversharing: Do You Overshare on Dates? - Keen Articles<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"n a new relationship, it's tempting to tell everything to your partner. 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