Best Friend, Love Saboteur

Keen Category: Love Advice

A woman's girlfriend sabotaging the woman's relationship with her boyfriend

When you are single, a best girlfriend and you may form a support system. This creates a deep bond between friends. It is a normal evolution to protect one's self from loneliness and despair with the company of a good friend. You get to know each other, grow together and develop a deep loyalty.

But a year or two later, you might have left behind your single-hood situation. Perhaps you are working on building a strong relationship with a possible soulmate or you have committed to one man and are building a life together. And yet, suddenly, the person who you thought might be happiest for you seems to be anything but. Perhaps she knows something about why he's wrong for you, or maybe she is somehow sabotaging your relationship. The signals might be mixed and the trouble imagined, but when one friend goes through a transformation and another does not, the bonds of intimacy and loyalty are tested.

What type of person is your friend becoming? Read these types of relationship saboteurs to see if your best friend is now pushing her way out of your life for good. Ultimately, you will need to have a conversation with her in order to clear the air, and being armed with the knowledge of the source of the trouble is the best way to prepare. The differences between some types can be subtle, so be careful as incorrectly diagnosing the core problem can result in a needless loss of your friendship.

Attention-starved

She suddenly develops problems that require visits over to her place at odd hours. Making mountains out of her personal molehills, the goal seems to be getting and keeping yours, and possibly his, attention. Her needs slowly start to have no relationship to the more and more dramatic means with which she works to make you her audience.
Best Antidote: Set boundaries on acceptable times to be contacted and limits on spontaneous requests for company.

Relationship Envy

The bitterness begins to appear in looks she shoots you and him, comments that are increasingly negative to the point of being unsupportive.
Best Antidote: Reaffirm the strength of your relationship without rubbing it in her face. Insist that she talk about something positive.

Secretly in Love with Your Man

A number of chance meetings, inviting herself along, casually excluding you from conversations … all of this might be just in your imagination, but if you discover that the two of them went out somewhere "just as friends" it is time to put a stop to this before it starts.
Best Antidote: It is time to bid one or both of them goodbye, and she should be the first consideration.

Alpha Female

The difference between this archetype and a girlfriend who is falling for your man, is that the alpha female is only interested in proving to you and to herself that she can get your man if she chooses. This is a person who is not your friend anymore, as her inherent narcissism was in check when there was not a man coming between you two. But now that there is a man to be had and you have shown that he is yours, she will have to win a competition that you had no idea was even in existence. The best news about this is that she will be obvious at some point, and if your man cannot keep a good offer down, you will lose two losers out of your life instead of just one. Do not take this personal, it would happen to anyone she knew – she has to steal him away to show herself that she is more desirable. It is not that she is programmed to turn on you. She is just built to find validation by creating misery.
Best Antidote: Dump her, defriend her, change your phone number.

Sowing the Seeds of Bad Vibes

After years of being supportive, she suddenly has an oddly bitter comment for everything you say about your relationship; perhaps she is even pointing out little things that "prove" your love relationship is doomed to failure. This is a minor annoyance unless you let it influence you.
Best Antidote: Roll your eyes when she gets negative; learn to talk about things other than your partnership.

She Just Misses You

It might be time take a step back and realize that when you got entwined with your man you got disentangled from someone who really liked you, whose life you were a big part of. She might be feeling abandoned and not really dealing with the sense of loss that is more about you changing than anything inadequate about her. But here may be some emptiness there.
Best Antidote: Be kind and give the relationship between you and your girlfriend some quality time.

Were Her Intentions Romantic?

Was what appeared to be a great friendship to you actually an extended seduction on her part? Has your man swooped in and taken something for which she longed? Look carefully and thoughtfully at this, as there may a friendship to salvage.
Best Antidote: Establish clear boundaries with her.

Does She Just Dislike Men?

Have you noticed her change whenever he is around? Does she get tense and defensive, confrontational and sneering? Many women who befriend women socialize better with their own gender. This is not to say she is a lesbian – many heterosexual women prefer the social company of their gender almost exclusively.
Best Antidote: Get together with her when your man is getting together for a guys night out.

Your Man Doesn't Meet Her Standards

If your friend's happiness for you being in a relationship is wearing off, she may indicate this with slight digs at him. Unlike a friend who is leery of the company of men, is envious or just plain old bitter, a friend may feel that your new man is not high class enough for her liking. An elitist streak may appear. It does not necessarily have to be about him not making enough money. She may shock you with statements about his race or his age, his country of heritage or his appearance – all of these and more are candidates for arbitrary prejudices to be meted out as harsh judgments.
Best Antidote: It is time to create distance between you two and to avoid any hot button topics that will bring out her discrimination. Don't be surprised if she will always try to remind you that she is an open-minded, loving person.

The Networker

If your friend is in the same field as you new partner, watch out if she does not try to manipulate your friendship with her into tagging along to social events centered around career advancement or tries to get you to get him to help her move ahead on her career path.
Best Antidote: You have to draw the line, and he may be forced to explain his limits of helping out a casual acquaintance. She may be your best friend, but she is just one of many career aspirants, albeit one who is close to the girl he loves.

Not Sure?

If there's any question in your mind as to what type of saboteur your girlfriend has become, consider consulting a psychic. Your psychic will be able to not only serve as an impartial resource for you, but will also be able to help you figure out what might be going on in your girlfriend's head and recommend the best way to approach her. Remember, your friendship hangs in the balance.

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