Returning Repeatedly to an Ex: Karma or Weakness?

Keen Category: Love Advice

Concerned-looking woman looking up while held by man

Soulmate. The word evokes many emotions, from excitement and pleasure to disbelief and scorn.

Many spiritual seekers believe in the existence of the soulmate, the one person who will make your life truly complete. The split-soul theory embraced by many experts explains the existence of the soulmate. This theory suggests that at birth or shortly before, each soul is separated into two parts. In life, these two souls will be drawn toward each other, each seeking to rejoin its mate. This rejoining is the ultimate bliss, the coming together of two perfect halves to complete a soul. Finding love is the ultimate goal for most people. Why, then, does the "perfect" love affair often fall to pieces?

The story goes like this: Two people meet; sparks fly. The lovers are convinced that this is The Big One – the love to last a lifetime. For a time, they live in a state of constant bliss. They seem to share each other's deepest thoughts and desires. Sometimes, they can read each other's minds. Gradually, communication breaks down. They find that they are more different than they thought at first. The relationship disintegrates and finally ends in a messy breakup. For a time, the two look elsewhere for love. Loneliness finally pushes them back into familiar territory. They forget their differences and fall into each other's arms again. The cycle repeats itself.

There are three possible causes for this cycle of ill-fated love. First, there are some people who need to be needed. They subconsciously look for a partner with flaws, believing that they can fix those flaws and forge the perfect relationship. These people often find a partner who wants to be "fixed." However, human beings truly change only when they make the effort on their own. These relationships – termed "codependent" by modern psychology – nearly always fail.

The second cause for the breakup/makeup cycle also has to do with the subconscious desires of the couple. Many people look for a partner to fill some missing hole in their life. Thus, a person who had absent parents or a rough childhood will search for a lover who acts in a parental role, rather than as a partner. Another feels obligated to care for others and seeks a lover who will allow them to do so. These relationships eventually break down because the "child" ends up rebelling against the "parent."

In the third, rarest case, the two truly are soulmates. If two people are truly soulmates – one soul split into two – then how can this cycle start? The answer lies with karma. Karma is the mechanism through which the universe and everything in it evolves. Each action we do has consequences, whether positive or negative. The positive energy that we put out rebounds and causes an equal reaction in our own lives. Negative actions reap negative rewards. Positive actions reap positive rewards. Therefore the soul gently, gradually reaches a state of balance, or bliss.

Karma can throw a spiritual monkey wrench into the process of finding one's soulmate. Two souls bound to each other share each other's karmic rewards – positive and negative. The two halves of a soul may have completely different experiences throughout their lives, leaving them at different points of learning and balance when they meet. If one soul is too far behind the other in its spiritual development, the two halves will not mesh properly.

If you find yourself returning again and again to a relationship that consistently ends in failure, you should first do an honest evaluation of your own motives. Are you trying to fix your partner? Are you trying to show him a better way to live or raise him up on a pedestal? Is there some part of yourself you wish to improve that you see reflected in him? These could indicate a parent-child or codependent relationship.

Once you have looked at your own motives honestly, you may wish to consult a reliable psychic. A psychic can sort out the connection between you and your ex and identify which of the three cycles you are caught up in. If you are not dealing with a soulmate, the psychic may suggest ways to break the connection that has formed between you.

If you are dealing with your soulmate, the psychic may be able to advise you on how far apart the two of you are in your spiritual development. If necessary, the psychic can help you to break the connection between you or send you to someone who can.

Finding the right psychic is like finding the right doctor. Some psychics deal with general topics, while others are more specialized. You'll also want to check their ratings and reviews. Trust your instincts. If something just feels wrong, move on to the next one to call. Once you find the right psychic, be prepared to spend some time talking with them. The answers to big problems cannot be solved in five or ten minutes. Be 100% honest. If you lie or hide important details of your problem, you are cheating only yourself.

Happiness is the birthright of each human being. No one should miss out on her own happiness because her partner is at a different level of spiritual development. Reaching true karmic bliss can take many lifetimes. A psychic can light the way, but each soul must draw its own road map. Rejoining with one's soulmate is the final destination of a long journey.

Safe travels!

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