Can Men Smell Desperation?

Keen Category: Love Advice

Couple on dinner date, man shoving himself away from table in disgust as woman focuses on their imagined marriage

It is a universal fact of life that every human being wants to be loved. On a deeper level, we all want someone to call our own, to be that one special person who will forsake all others, stand by us through thick and thin and with whom we have an unbreakable bond filled with trust and respect. This blissful accomplishment would surely make the heavens part and champagne flow.

This parting of the heavens seems to come easy for some. You may even know some of these fortunate souls and wonder how they do it, why they are so lucky, and why men are always tripping over themselves to get to her. A bit of the green-eyed monster may come out and you might openly ask in your frustrated state about one of these women, "What is so special about her?" Honestly, probably nothing at all. She is probably your equal in every way except in her methods or attitudes about dating.

A woman was overheard at a gathering announcing to everyone that she is still single. Everyone soon found out that this was a point of contention for her. After a couple glasses of wine, she rather loudly proclaimed that men are a bunch of scoundrels, that she is tired of dating and tired of putting herself out there only to fall flat on her face. It seems that her foray into the dating world always turns out one of two ways – she is either viciously dumped with no reasonable explanation or she fails to capture the eye of the object of her affection.

Her boisterous proclamation was great bait to draw out the men in the room who were at all relationship stages. Single, married and divorced men were all too willing to help, or rather – set her straight. As one man said, "If I smell desperation – a big turn off, I run as fast as I can in the opposite direction."

Below, you will find a list of the types of women that these men described as desperate and their advice to them. If you find yourself in the same situation as our dear friend mentioned above, and want to see where you fall on the "desperation meter," read on. Be honest with yourself and remember to laugh when you can say, "Oh no, that's me" or "I've done that."

The Huntress

The huntress has one thing on her mind and that is securing a husband. She treats every potential relationship as The One. She wastes no time in inquiring if her prey is open to matrimony. Time is of the essence with the huntress. Securing verbal declarations of love and commitment within a very short period is very important to her, as this reveals if she is "wasting her time." The prey has a good nose for smelling out the huntress and avoids being snared.

Prey's Advice: Show some reasonable patience with us, relax and go with the flow and enjoy getting to know us. Three to six weeks or even three months may not be quite long enough to have "like" turn into "love" and to know if we are marriage material. Pushing or ultimatums will produce the opposite of the desired outcome.

The Stalker

The stalker is the equivalent of a human GPS. She uses all available methods and technology that are at her disposal to let the object of her affection know she is there for him 24/7. Cell phone calls, texting and online social networks are all wonderful for tracking and making sure he does not forget her. The social pages are also an excellent way to alert her to another female's presence. There are even some stalkers that believe they are not doing a thorough job without the old fashioned drive-by multiple times a week.

Stalkee's Advice: It is really scary that you have so much time on your hands to devote to us. We have to work, eat, sleep and maintain friends and family just like you. Your constant attention towards us gives us no time to miss you and makes us wonder if you are completely needy, simply do not trust us, or are possibly even a danger to us or yourself.

The Emoticon

The emoticon is wonderful at always sharing heartfelt emotions. She strives to assure the guy she is seeing of how very wonderful he and their relationship are to her. This is more than just the nice ego strokes we all deserve. There are constant calls, letters, messages and gifts assuring him of her undying sweetness. She recounts in detail about how absolutely great every waking second you spend together is. There is no love stronger than the one they share and certainly no one could adore him more than her.

Adored One's Advice: We think you are wonderful also, and appreciate how you recognize our good qualities, but we want a girlfriend – not a smothering mother. If I'm not sure about breaking up, these behaviors plus trying to get me to repeatedly express my feelings about the relationship will make me shut the door completely.

The Princess

The princess is entitled and therefore obligations and protocol must be followed if one is to date within the royal court. A suitor must acknowledge that said princess comes first and all outside activities must be pre-approved. If it is deemed he is a friend with someone she finds unsavory, he must relinquish said person. Calls must be made on an hourly basis and the suitor must be available 24/7. Any plans must be made days, if not weeks, in advance. Trinkets of affection are highly encouraged. If there is failure to comply it will be noted that he is obviously flawed, lacking in judgment and simply does not care about her needs. He will be warned that he is in serious danger of being cast aside and turned into a toad.

Toad-To-Be's Advice: Even if we do adore you, if you constantly beat us down, continue to be high maintenance and smothering, diminished calls and contact will be the result – in fact, you probably won't be the one doing the casting aside.

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