What Is a Twin Flame/Twin Soul and How Should I Understand That Relationship Dynamic?

Lilliana is a colleague of mine who I’ve worked with for years. We’ve traded many sessions of energy healing and psychic work. When I first met her, she was trying to clear relationship cords and lingering trauma around a break-up.

Lilli and Tony had met in college, and continued seeing each other despite careers taking them to different cities and countries after graduation. Tony was in the military, and his work took him on assignments that he couldn’t share with Lilli because of their classified nature. She dated him for years, seeing him when she could, and never actually knowing what he did for his work.

Finally the stress of his life began to affect him negatively, and she couldn’t take the strain of the relationship anymore. They broke up with deep sadness.

“It’s like he’s family. He always was, from the moment I met him. Not familiar, but family. It’s hard to describe,” Lilli told me. “I will always love him so deeply, and want the best for him, even if I never see him again. But I want to be free to move on.”

Tony married another woman, and dropped out of Lilli’s life for a couple of years.

But when Lilli finally started dating again, Tony magically reappeared in her life. Texts out of the blue or phone calls made in the middle of the night before he was to leave on a months-long assignment. Lilli felt such a soul love for him that she would allow him back into her life, though the reconnection would always pull her back into a relationship dynamic that she didn’t want.

Rethinking Twin Souls

With the romanticization of the twin soul connection, people obsess over finding the “one,” or their “other half” to a destructive end. Many suggest that our soul splits in half when we first incarnate, and we spend the rest of our lifetimes trying to reconnect. The idea that we have another half, without whom we are incomplete, is popularized by media and our culture. I see many, many clients who are so stuck in this pursuit that they become co-dependent, looking to be completed by another. Yet to be anything less than whole is self-defeating and won’t end in a satisfying relationship.

A twin soul is our mirror and shares a similar soul destiny. Like physical twins, there are sometimes uncanny similarities, but also significant differences. Each soul has its own path to walk, its own karma, its own desire nature. Yet, also like twins, there is a connection and context that comes from sharing the intimate environment of the womb–though in this case the “womb” of twin souls is a connected thread of Divinity.

It became apparent to me that Lilliana and Tony were twin souls. There was to be no “extricating” herself from the connection, though she could learn from it and choose how she wanted to show up in the relationship.

The Truth About Twin Soul Relationships

Lilli and Tony’s relationship had the hallmarks of a twin soul connection: feeling united and inseparable, sharing a bond deeper than either had ever felt. Yet like many twin souls, they also had obstacles to being together. The relationship was intense, challenging, and inexplicable.

Lilli honestly felt that no matter what Tony did, she would love him unconditionally. Tony was less self-aware than she, and had chosen a challenging path. His career in the military ended and he suffered from PTSD. He divorced his wife. With Lilli’s ongoing love and support, he began to see a therapist and other professionals to help heal the trauma from his work. Yet the two were across the country from each other and didn’t meet.

Eventually they decided to try a romantic relationship again; the attempt failed, and Lilli came for another session after a traumatic week together. Ultimately she decided that she couldn’t wait for him anymore, and would continue to love him, as family, but that she wanted a partner who was ready to be her equal.

This is not the case for everyone. One couple I know was ready for each other when they met. Each had struggled for years with gender identity and had done deep personal work to find self-love and acceptance.Their paths originated in different countries and cultures, but were almost identical in every way. When they met, the recognition was startling, intense, and absolutely already known. They had met their twin. Their union not only created growth for them, but together they have done tremendous work for others dealing with gender issues. Their relationship serves them and a larger community.

They prepared themselves to meet their twin souls, not by seeking “completion” but by becoming whole and loving themselves.

You will only be able to make the most of a rare sighting of your twin if you love yourself, and are able to be in a relationship without the insatiable need that many have for the “other.” Each deep relationship you have is leading you further on your evolutionary path, whether you have a twin or not. The point of our human experience is to grow, learn, play, and fall in love with ourselves.

In the end we may find that the twin we seek is within us!

Feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or confused about a relationship? Call a Keen advisor for help!

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