If you’ve gone through a break-up, you know how hard it can be to feel like yourself again. Whether you’ve been ghosted by a lover with no explanation or ending a long marriage, everybody’s unique circumstance moves at its own pace. This article isn’t a catch-all cure, but will help you relearn how to self soothe and choose yourself to begin your journey to healing.
What Does Choose Yourself Even Mean?
You should always choose yourself. This means giving love to yourself fully so that you are able to love others healthily. This also means putting your basic needs before the basic needs of others.
Being calm and content on your own and not needing others to soothe or validate you means that you won’t enter a codependent relationship where you give too much or take too much and lose yourself in the process.
A partner should never be your source of joy rather an amplification of your own inner being. When two people embody this serenity within, all expectations dissolve, and should they both be willing, they can enter a partnership from a more open-hearted space.
Don’t confuse choosing yourself with selfishness. Choosing yourself with little regard for how it impacts your partner can be seen as selfish. When you’re in a relationship, there will be times when you have to make compromises. A healthy relationship is one free from anxiety where you choose yourself but always consider your partner; you express your boundaries clearly and you respect their boundaries. True love wants nothing more than to see your partner happy (but not at an expense of your own happiness).
Whether you’re in your sweats eating a pint of ice-cream, obsessively stalking their social media for new followers, or channeling your energy into work, we all process breakups differently. First and foremost, do not beat yourself up, especially if you are experiencing overwhelming anxiety or depression and are struggling to find self-soothing techniques that work for you.
Look at this period of despair differently. What lesson did this person teach you and how can you integrate this into your life to manifest a more suitable partner? If it helps, write down the list of qualities you liked about them and the qualities you felt were lacking. This will give you a clearer picture of what you value in a relationship.
Here are some self-soothing techniques to help you practice self-love and self-care every day:
- Take a yoga class: this is great for building your mind-body connection and getting you to a state of calm.
- Meditate daily: find a calm, quiet space where you can sit in silence and meditate or follow a guided meditation.
- Take a salt bath: a soothing lavender salt bath can help cleanse your energy and recenter yourself.
- Journal: create a list of things you are grateful for.
- Socialize: discuss your feelings with a close friend. This will help you process your emotions.
- Start a new hobby: begin a new activity such as learning a language, starting a new sport, or taking up an art class to channel your emotions and shift your focus onto self-improvement.
- Book a trip: this could be a vacation or a yoga retreat but booking a trip will give you something to look forward to and plan for.
- Spoil yourself: take yourself out on dates, buy yourself flowers, get a soothing massage, and treat yourself to healthy activities you enjoy.
- Don’t beat yourself up for being anxious, upset, guilty, ashamed, or frustrated.
The best thing you can do after a breakup is to pull all your energy back into yourself and try to determine the lesson and the pattern of this past relationship, so you don’t repeat it. Remember, no one else is The One. You are The One and in embodying that you create a safe, loving space for a healthy relationship to blossom.