What If Our Signs Don’t Match? Astrology, Compatibility, & Unlikely Love

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Psychologists know that in love, similarity is the key to longevity. You don’t have to be your partner’s twin, but having a strong feeling that you two share certain lifestyle and personality traits is undeniably important. According to the ancient wisdom of astrology, compatibility boils down to this same idea. Sensitive Cancer plus brash Aries equals broken hearts. But a stubborn Taurus and another stubborn Taurus? Far from bringing out the worst in one another, like-meets-like and it works! The predictions of the horoscope favor pairings that naturally share values and priorities. It’s not about cancelling your strongest personality quirks with an equal and opposite partner—that’s why fire signs and water signs are rarely recommended for love. It’s about finding someone who’s already “on your wavelength”. 

When you find yourself veering away from your sign’s natural matches, it might just be a sign of curiosity, but it could indicate a deeper, more primal urge. A passionate, magnetic Scorpio with the hots for goody-two-shoes Libra could be craving some adventure. There’s the thrill of corruption, of molding someone into your likeness, and there’s the complementary joy of losing yourself temporarily in someone else. You might think they could even “save” your from your darkest tendencies. It’s perfectly normal to feel drawn to your polar opposite. The question is, will it work out?

What’s at the Bottom of Your Attraction?
As antithetical to the very notion of “head-over-heels-in-love” as an analysis may be, it really does pay to be somewhat critical of your attractions. If you’re a practical Capricorn daydreaming about free-spirited, imaginative (and probably not very good at paying rent on time) Pisces, do a little digging before making a move. Are you infatuated with the exoticism of an artist’s life? Does part of you really want to be the one to “tame” the Pisces and teach them to use an Excel spreadsheet? Is the attraction mostly physical? If these reasons sound familiar, you might not have enough kindling to stoke the relationship fire for more than a short while. Best to enjoy the butterflies without taking it too seriously. 

But could you really feel a connection of seismic strength? It’s possible that there is a hidden astrological explanation for a seemingly ill-matched couple. The horoscope is a complicated system (that’s why there are professional, lifelong practitioners), and everyone is more intricate than a single sun sign lets on. You could be born on the cusp of your sign (meaning, in the first or last few days), in which case you’ll share some qualities with the neighboring sign. If you or the object of your affection is on the cusp, check the compatibility for both signs to get a clearer picture. Then there’s the moon signs—although less famous among amateur astrologers, they’re no less as important! Determined by the location of the moon at the exact time of your birth, this sign will also factor into your rules of attraction. Traditional wisdom holds that the lunar cycle is especially influential for women. Whoever you are, though, it takes a complete astrological profile to get a nuanced understanding of your relationship style and needs.

Love-Hate in the Horoscope
Some signs have a powerful attraction but no staying power in a committed relationship. Like a true Cancer and an Aquarius—even when the initial attraction is to die for, eventually party-loving Aquarius will threaten to walk out on Cancer, who wants another Friday night on the couch with Netflix. If they make up, it’s only a matter of time before their true personalities resurface. This scenario can occasionally work out, when the pair have something solid in common and a boatload of determination to work out a compromise. But more often than not, they wind up in an on-again-off-again deal with no end in sight. It’s not a harmonious way to be, and no astrologer would recommend it. Yo-yo relationships sap the energies of both parties, and make them unavailable to meet truly compatible matches. 

Of course, it’s possible to have a disastrous relationship with someone who ought to be a good match. This happens for a few reasons: first, the compatibility may be only superficial (even if the sun signs are in agreement, moon signs could be at odds). Second, planetary forces like Mercury in retrograde can make normally easy partnerships tumultuous—that said, if your problems go longer than a few months, you probably can’t blame it on celestial bodies. Third, some people are just not in the right place for a relationship. Even Geminis, who are normally flexible and communicative, go through rough patches where their patience for others is compromised. 

The bottom line is, matchmaking is complicated, and there are a number of reasons–both astrological and earthly—why you might be drawn to a seemingly incompatible sign. When this happens, look closely and non-judgmentally at your feelings. Just as matching signs aren’t a shoe-in for happiness, opposite signs aren’t necessarily a sure warning of impending doom. 

Do you wish you could know more about a relationship before committing? Advisors at, including astrologers, can help. 

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