Keen Category: Spiritual Advice
Much of your self-image is based on your appearance and you are constantly being given messages about this very subject. It is inevitable over time that one develops fixations on one's body, creating a constant struggle to "fix it." Many women, though, adjust to the pressures of conformity, or find a happy medium of presenting themselves as nature made them in as pleasant a package as possible. When you aim to fix some perceived inadequacy, you never really get there. The desire to fix does not come from being overweight or having breasts that are not bigger than balloons. The desire to fix comes from a sense of inadequacy in your self that needs to be confronted. Here are eight tips to fixing your body fixations that can lead you to a more peaceful and happy existence. It all starts with loving yourself and accepting that the ideals of perfection in appearance are an illusion. Once you have understood this, try these simple approaches to enjoying the way nature made you.
You need to hang out with normal women who are happy with themselves and their bodies. Sure, we all complain about the little things from time to time, but a friend who is always fixated on her body is no friend when it comes to reinforcing criticism of your appearance. Many women seek the comfort of company to complain to. This is a trap that many of us fall into; a supposed friend seems open and supportive, but suddenly is just in a monologue filled with contagious self-hatred. Healthy friends with realistic self-images treat others kindly and reinforce self-love. Choose your friends wisely.
It is almost impossible to escape the media's fixation on certain body types, be it anorexic supermodels, pubescent pop stars or balloon breast harlots. Even when you are aware that these body types are emphasized simply to sell products you can still be made to feel less than adequate for not having the same type of body as the media keeps showing. You just might have to avoid some types of media altogether – you could be making your own videos of how fabulous you are instead of watching a skinny actress on television pretend to be glamorous.
When you receive a compliment about how you look, always accept and believe what this person is saying. When a friend or lover tells you that you look good, many times you might defensively insist that you look or feel fat, or use the occasion to crush the compliment with a reminder of what you hate about your body. This negativity is really just your ego wanting to keep the subject of your own self-hatred as the number one subject. Learning to love yourself starts with believing the good things that people tell you. Accept compliments with polite thanks and move forward knowing the kind words to be the truth – you do look good.
Engage in affirmations that acknowledge your inner and outer beauty every day. Look in the mirror and smile. Make your living space beautiful to be in. Listen to beautiful music. Become beautiful by believing you are beautiful.
Some body fixations depend on you to sit around and do nothing while your body gets fat, and to stay alone in a room unappreciated by anyone else. Use your body to physically be out and about – be a part of the world – and live! Many of the most common body fixations disappear when a woman is more integrated with everyday life and ordinary activities. Your body is the vehicle with which you enjoy life. Treating it with respect instead of contempt shifts the foundation. Taking care of it and getting it into the best shape possible can only happen with this fundamental respect. And such respect is the opposite approach from fixating on what you feel to be inadequacies of your body.
As proof that your body fixation is more neurosis than fact: Nobody else fixates on the feature that is causing you anguish like you fixate on it. When you go out into the world and meet people, understand that a possible partner is looking at the whole of who you are and what all of that offers. You might notice that you often have to bring up your body fixation, as others would never dream that your depressed moments in life are spent obsessing over something they would all miss unless you announced it. If you can pull out of a monologue that builds a case of rejection over one or two minor flaws, you might observe how people interact with you. You are the only person who views yourself in such a harsh light and if you believe that this builds up a good defense in case you meet a picky man, think again: A man who is worth your while would never produce a list of what needed to be improved about your body.
Imagine a group of women who are all working in the same profession attending a conference. Because they share the same career goals and have many values in common, it is likely that they dress alike and present themselves in the same manner. If two guys are at the same conference and meet a few of the women, later on they might discuss which of them they liked. One says your name to the other; this second guy is not good at recalling names, so he asks for a description. Chances are that the first guy will mention a physical flaw of yours. Hold your impulse to go crawl under a rock and die if all he remembered about you was your lazy eye, the scar on your chin, the birthmark on your neck or some other natural flaw. Your flaw is actually your flair. It announces that you are not so desperate for affection that you would ever deny who you are as nature made you. A small natural flaw makes you stand out in a crowd and makes it easy to remember you. And a lot of guys find it sexy and none of them mind it at all.
Most people would rather be around an overweight woman who dresses up and is upbeat and fun to be around than they would a stuck up thin woman who is a downer to be around. Your attitude is the first thing you can fix that will go the furthest in making you understand the world is an accepting place and will appreciate the beauty that you put into it.