Admit it. If you’re a Keen member, we’re going to guess that you’ve placed a call or chat with a psychic advisor to ask about why your romantic interest is commenting on their ex’s Facebook post. Or how about, “What did it mean when they ‘Liked’ that picture?” As harmless as the intent of our usage of social media may be, it’s not surprising that sites like Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram—oh, and how could we possibly leave out Snapchat—are causing conflicts in romantic relationships.
Not long ago, most of us remember writing our phone numbers down on a piece of paper we found nearby and waiting anxiously for a phone call. If you go back even further, some of us used to wait for letters in the mail. Now, with just a name or an email address, you can delve into someone’s life almost instantly—peeking into their social circles, finding information about their background and career, and with most social media sites, being able to view their interactions with other people online.
With all of this information, and view into the interactions of your beau-to-be or significant other, social media is causing more insecurities than ever. We scrutinize every text, every pixel, and every emoji. What does it mean? He used a period, or she texted back two hours later. We’ve lost patience with the process of dating, with the effort necessary to engage with people in a real and intimate way, and with the standard flow of relationships in general. Social media and the exploding use of technology are becoming the number one cause of problems and arguments in relationships.
If you find yourself dwelling on what your crush is doing on Instagram instead of texting you back, you need to take a step back and recognize the foolishness in the overly anxious, attached, and dependent behavior. Yes, dating and relationships have shifted in this new technological era, but to focus on real connections, you have to try to maintain some semblance of the past. Don’t let social media take the driver’s seat. YOU are still in control, and you have the ability to allow yourself to engage in a relationship naturally, letting go of insecurities, irrational worry, and jealousy.
Keep your social media—as well as your lurking habits—in check. This way, you can maintain some intimacy in your relationships. You want to go out with someone? Pick up the phone and give them a call. Your partner liked some fitness model’s Instagram picture? Great—they’re still a red-blooded human. You should accept that as normal and natural. Instead, focus on yourself, and focus on being the best version of you. Know that when you’re happy, strong, proud, and confident within yourself, you’re more desirable than any fitness model online.
Don’t add friction to your own path by over-analyzing every little move on social media. Relationships should be about building trust, rapport, anticipation, and excitement. Letting go of this constant monitoring and focus on social media allows these things to grow organically in your romantic relationships. Express appreciation for people in real life, communicate with each other, maintain boundaries between your real life and cyber life, and don’t let it take over. Keeping your relationship healthy online—and offline—doesn’t take a lot of effort, but it does require a certain amount of letting go. It’ll make the relationship that much more likely to last. And you know what else? You’ll feel much happier. We promise!